Touch, it's our- as humans -first form of communication and god does it mean a lot. With touch comes safety and security, whether it's a kiss or a high five. Touch connects us when we're happy, gets used when we're scared or sad, in times of great intimacy it excites us because we don't know the future or how it'll happen, we just know that the one we love is there. We need that touch from the one we love, almost as much as we need air to breathe. But I never understood the importance of his love, his aura and his safety. His touch. Until I couldn't have it anymore. 

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"I brought pizza!" I swing my head to the now open door. "Don't look at us like that, Zeph."

I fold my arms and furrow my brows, "Like what? Like this?" They nod and I do it harder. Longer. "You should learn how to knock, for all you know I could've been getting off right now and you just walked into a scene you didn't want or need to see." We all burst into laughter, by 'we all', I mean myself, and my two best friends.

"C'mon Zephyr don't make us eat this pizza alone." Chyanne mirrored my look, furrowed brows and folded arms, leaving Lexi to hold the pizza. Chyanne's eyes sparkled into the sunlight blaring through my window, they glowed like honey and yellow glitter. She was gorgeous, everything about her was perfect. Her eyes were golden brown, sunkissed in every way. Her skin was the definition of melanin, absolutely gorgeous. Her smile said warmth and home, and her voice was as soft as clean sheets. "Anyways-" They sauntered over to me, smiling wildly. I'm not able to see them often, because I get sick, like last time. "That vacation you planned? It's gonna be awesome! But we're gonna miss you mamas, it just won't be the same without our baby Zephyr." 

I picked up a pizza slice, frowning. "You gotta enjoy it for me, okay? I'm really sorry I got sick and now I'm stuck here but-"  Lexi grabbed my face, squashing my cheeks. Her eyes were blue, they looked like crystals when the sun hit them and gosh they were beautiful. Her skin was pale and her hair was dyed pink, the iconic best friend everyone wanted.

"Shut up with your damn apologies, we love you for you and we don't give a shit what comes with you." She smiled at me, letting go of my face. "Now eat your pizza, and tell us about the cute trainee nurse outside." The what? There's a new nurse. New nurses mean new training, new training means explaining my situation and oh no. "Don't look so anxious, Zeph. It'll be alright!"

Chyanne nodded in agreement, "He seems like the understanding person, and I think he's British." A British nurse. A British trainee nurse? I wonder how Darling picked out that one.

"Enough about this new nurse, tell me everything I missed." And so they did, they filled me in on every crush, every test, every boring piece of homework, the lot of it. We finished our pizza and they left smiling, once the door was closed I coughed into my arm. I hooked myself up to the oxygen tank and sighed, thinking about the new nurse outside probably working with Darling. Darling was the head of our facility, and by 'our' I mean everyone else on this floor. Darling works alongside with CPS too, making sure that those who are admitted here are safe at home. If she's recruited a new nurse, then I trust her judgement, I'm just not sure that I trust the said new nurse.

But everything that comes with being admitted into hospital, every procedure, every surgery, every nurse. It's hard to trust them. It's hard to trust anyone no matter what. "New babes in the NICU, Zeph!" Darling called out to me through the door, I smiled. I loved seeing the babies in the NICU, they're all so small and so cute. I hooked myself up to my portable tank and put on my mask before leaving my room. Time to go visit the tiny ones, I thought, smiling to myself under my mask. The mask keeps my germs in and other CFers germs out, I'm not allowed within six feet of another CFer but germs can travel.

I caught a look of the new nurse who was said to be British, Chyanne was right, his accent was clean and crisp, cutting the air smoothly. His hair was shaved on the sides and mint green on top, it was certainly bright but it suited him well. His eyes were like Chyanne's, if not the same and his smile was gorgeous. Boys cause issues, turn around. He looked at me and stumbled over his words, his eyes met mine and I turned around. Boys cause all issues, keep walking. I turned a left and made my way over to the elevator, this specific one goes straight to the NICU. Perfect. Darling finally trusted me to come alone when I was thirteen, I'm seventeen now. Darling has seen me grow up, face issues I never thought I'd face. She really is amazing. I walk out the elavator and open the next set of doors, watching all the small babies wriggling around in their little chambers. The doors I closed, opened again. 

I looked, it was the nurse. I looked away. "I uh, I saw the full boxes in your room, after you left." His accent was clear, it was crisp. But boys cause issues. "You gonna be here for a long time?" I ignored his question, although he is a new nurse, he shouldn't ask so unprofessionally about my case and why I'm here, along with my unpacked boxes and unsorted tray cart which were all situated in my room. "Hello?" I made the decision to not answer his question. He sighs, you could hear his accent through his sigh, I wonder how that works. "You're deaf."

Staying silent in a one sided conversation was rude, that was what my mother had taught me. He had asked too many questions to ignore now, so starting a conversation was inevitable. "Shouldn't you be doing some other nurse stuff? Or doing your job?" I asked, not looking at him, no matter how much he stared at me. "You stutter in all your sentences or what?"

The new nurse fully turned to me and I bit the inside of my cheek, "So it was you lurking in the hall."

"I don't lurk, and you actually followed me here."

"I wanted to introduce myself, so if-"

I turned to face him, I didn't want an introduction, I wanted him to leave. This was my space, for my thoughts. I don't want him here. "Let me guess, you're the nurse that lands a job abroad and away from your country with hopes you can set your eyes on a beautiful american chick because it makes you feel like a movie star, am I correct?" He smiles and folds his arms.

"You're not wrong." I roll my eyes.

"Do you think that's cute?"

"Do you think it's cute?" He smirked, looking me up and down. I shift my stance, suddenly uncomfortable due to the way his eyes ran across my body.

I turn back to the sleeping babies, "Moving away from a country to make new friends and have sex, is extremely stereotypical. Not cute." He chuckles, still smirking.

"You don't like sex?" The tension grew awkward, my face went red. Leave it to the boy in the room dressed in dark blue scrubs to make awkward tension get worse. Of course.

Now I stutter, "N-No, I like- I like sex. I guess. Sex is fine."

The nurse smiled, his teeth were perfectly straight and very clean. But leave that to me to pick up on, hygiene is important. "'Fine' isn't exactly a ringing endorsement but y'know what, I'll take some common ground where I can get it." This nurse is a tease, a player. I don't like him, I don't trust him. At all.

"We have nothing in common." I smile angrily.

"Damn, that's cold." The doors open behind him and Darling walks in. Saved by the beautiful lady. She smiles at me but then notices the nurse, who I assume, was supposed to be doing work.

"What are- What are you doing up here?" The nurse takes a step back, "I assigned a job to you, there is no reason why you should be in the NICU. Toby, get back to your job." He smirks once again and I glare at him. He puts a hand on his heart and frowns, acting as if I'd just shot him.

"There ya go, a little name for that psychological profile you got there. I'm Tobias Smith, most call me Toby." I shrug, not caring what his damn name is. "And you are?"

"Deaf." I put my mask back on and turn to the babies, feeling much more relieved as one turns to smile at me. Or that's what I'll tell myself. Tobias turns to leave.

Darling rubbed my shoulder, "Zephyr, thank you for putting your mask back on. I know we're nurses but it's always worth being cautious." Tobias turns around, smiling. This boy is a player, a cheat, he's got secrets and I don't want to find them. They all play out through his smile, every single one.

"Zephyr..." Both Darling and I turn to look at him, I glare. "You need to lighten up, it's just life. It'll be over before you know it." He walks out the NICU doors and this time doesn't stop to turn around and taunt me once more. I sigh. So does Darling.

"So he's your new nurse? What's his life speech about?" I question, curious as to why he's so carefree about all of this. About me.

"He works here, yes. But Zephyr, he's also here on a new drug trial." She sighs, leaning against the glass. I turn to her. Drug trial?

"For what?"

"Cancer." My heart drops. He's dying. Like me. "He has a tumour on his spinal cord, his cancer it's- it's terminal. His playful and perhaps stupid smile is through a lot of immense pain but Zeph- He works with Burkholderia Cepacia kids. That bacteria is not something we can fight, if you contract that, you can kiss the possibility of new lungs goodbye." The new British nurse with a spine tumour, a cancerious tumour, working with the CFers that have contracted B. Cepacia. It'll be over before you know it.

I wonder, did he say that for me, or for him.

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Hello, I'm back due to recent motivation to actually write something. New followers, new readers, new everything: Do enjoy.

I hope I can make an impact again, I missed it here.