19

Day 18/29

I walked into the school with my hands shoved into my skirt pockets and my scarf tightly wrapped around my neck. The only good thing about the school uniforms here were that they had pockets in their skirts and I sincerely thanked the school for them because the winter gust was unbelievable bitter today and I had lost my mittens last Christmas while shopping for my brother's gift. I sank deeply into my seat once I reached my class and just closed my eyes for a minute to regather myself from the harsh, cold wind. Once I felt my fingers defrost, I took off my scarf and unpacked my backpack. As I did so, I saw Jungkook sludge into the classroom with his ears bright red from the cold. His hands were shoved into his pockets, his shoulders were slumped, and his head was bowed low with a scowl on his face. He was an entirely different person from Friday night and I hated it. I hated seeing his head always hung low and I wanted nothing more than for him to be happy. I opened my mouth to grab his attention, but my voice wouldn't come out.

'Babysitter. For Jaeyoung.'

'Well, he's not really mine, he's just convenient, I guess.'

I shut my mouth and clenched my jaw at the returning events of Saturday morning. It was ridiculous. She blatantly admitted that she was only using Jungkook right in front of him, yet he didn't do anything. Did he not care? Or was he just ignoring the fact that she was using him?

I heavily sighed and turned my head away to face the windows. It was my mistake for getting involved with him in a personal way. I never

signed up to think about him everyday and I never planned to care about him this much. I was only assigned to stop him from suicide. Was this how attached someone had to become to do so?

The day went on like always. The other students were as fidgety as ever, whispering, texting, passing notes, and obnoxiously kicking the chairs of the people in front of them. When the lunch bell rang, everyone groaned in relief as the teacher left the room after handing out the homework assignment for today. They gathered with their friends to eat lunch as I sat alone in my seat by the window. I pulled out my lunch box to eat when I saw Jungkook approach me. His head still hung low as he glanced up at me slightly as he walked down the isle of desks and chairs. My grip tighten on my lunch box as he came closer and closer until he finally stopped by the desk behind me. I stood up and took my lunch with me as I started my way towards the classroom door.

"Jimin, wait. Please, I know you're mad, but just let me explaー"

"No, Jungkook. I don't want to hear it, not right now."

I quickened my pace towards the classroom door to escape, but he continued to beg me to listen to him. My grip on the doorknob tightened as I heard the desperation in his voice.

"Then at least stay with me, Jimin, I need yoー"

"Please, Jungkook. Not now."

I pushed open the door and left him standing alone in the classroom. I didn't want to hear it, the sudden desperation and sadness that soaked his voice. It only made it harder for me to listen to him.

I spent the

rest of lunch in one of the private practice rooms in the music hall of the school. As I stared at my half eaten lunch, I suddenly wished for Jimin to come jumping out of nowhere. It was too quiet. I could hear the ringing of my ears and I could feel it slowly starting to drive me insane. I tried to play Jimin's arrogant laugh in my head, but I couldn't recall what his voice sounded like.

In lost of hope, I tried to play the piece my younger brother had tried to teach me until the lunch bell rang. I quietly returned to the classroom and pulled out my notebooks for the next class.

Even before the last bell rang, my bag was packed and I was ready to go home. The moment the teacher dismissed the class, I was up and out of my chair, heading straight towards the front doors of the school.

"Jimin! Jimin, wait!"

I shoved open the doors as I heard Jungkook's desperate yelling from behind. It was either I get out now, or face him. I pulled the pocket watch out from my pocket and opened it up to check the time for a bus, but I stopped at the school gates as I noticed a small crack from the edge of the crystal clear glass. The hands of the watch still spun, but the crack was evident as it went from the edge, towards the middle.

When did this happened? I never dropped it, so how did it crack? Shoot, I might've cracked it when I bumped into something. Ah, shit. Taehyung is going to kill me if he ever comes back.

 Without a second thought, I snapped the watch shut and shoved it in my pocket. I started walking

again to catch the bus to avoid walking with Jungkook when I felt a familiar strong grip on my wrist. I turned my head back to see Jungkook holding on tightly to my wrist while bending over with his other hand on his knee, trying to catch his breath from running.

"I... I need to talk to you... Please, Jimin. Just listen to me.."

I looked into his pleading eyes before heavily sighing.

"Fine. You've got ten minutes, Jungkook. Now explain."

I walked away from the school gates and Jungkook followed as he began to explain.

"I'm sorry. I told her you were a babysitter because I-I just panicked. AhYeon. She... I was afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

I waited for Jungkook's reply as I kept walking. He paused for a moment before speaking again.

"Losing her. I was afraid she'd leave me."

I stopped.

That's what he was afraid of? Losing her? She was using him as a rebound and he was afraid of losing her?

"You were afraid to lose her? Jungkook, she's using you. Did you not realize that? She admitted it right in front of us!"

"I know. I know I'm just a rebound..."

I spun on my heel and faced him with my fists clenched tightly by my sides.

"Then why? You're nothing but a toy to her! Wake up, Jungkook!"

"I know, Jimin! I know I'm just a mere rebound, I know she's just using me, I know she doesn't love me, and I know what I'm doing is messed up, but what am I supposed to do?!"

"Let her leave! Why are you so afraid to lose her when she treats you like that?!"

"Goddammit, because I love her!"

I

stared at him in utter shock.

He loved her?

Of course.

What did I expect?

I stared at his broken face as he stared angrily at the pavement below our feet.

"I.. No. I don't love her. I justー"

"Your ten minutes are over, Jungkook. I don't want to hear anymore. But before I leave you, let me just ask you one question.If you love her, if you're so afraid to lose her, then what am I to you? Am I less than a girl who only uses you? Do I mean less to you than a girl who sees you as nothing more than a rebound?"

"No, Jimin! That's not what I meant! I-I'm not finished yet, just hear me ouー"

"Jungkook? Is that you?"

It was her. Kwon AhYeon. She pranced over to Jungkook and hugged his arm as she smiled at him. Jungkook was speechless. His mouth was open, but his voice refused to come out.

"Oh? It's Jaeyoung's babysitter, isn't it? Hi, I didn't know you went to the same school as Jungkook! Are you guys close friends?"

AhYeon gave me a friendly wave as she smiled brightly with her teeth showing. She wore a navy blue duffle coat over her school uniform along with a red scarf around her neck and her hands were clad in white mittens. I stared at Jungkook long and hard before averting my eyes back to AhYeon.

"No. We aren't. I don't know who he is anymore."

I gave a forced smile to AhYeon before curtly turning on my heel and walking away. I kept my head down and my arms drawn close to myself for warmth as I felt the teardrops spill from my eyes and freeze on my cheeks.

What was this feeling? Why did my heart hurt so much? And why was I crying?

I reached the intersection where Jungkook and I always parted ways, but instead of turning like I always did, I kept walking. I clutched my heart as my pace quickened, my walking turning to running.

It hurt like hell. It hurt more than when I saw both my parents falling to their knees and breaking down in front of my brother's casket in tears. It was unbearable. It was a familiar wrenching pain that I had experienced more than I had ever wanted to. It was the pain of losing someone I loved. The same pain I felt when I saw my brother resting in his casket in his death suit with a white lily placed in between his two hands.

My feet pounded against the cold pavement as I ran past the several houses and shops with the image of my brother in his death suit still wondering my mind. My lungs screamed for air, but I pushed on. Tears left my eyes as I kept running and running, the pain still burning my chest.

What had I done to myself?

At the end of the curb, I felt my knees weaken and before I knew it, they gave out. I shut my eyes tightly and waited for the pain of the fall but it never came. Instead, I felt someone take hold of my arm and I found myself in their arms. Out of breath and still crying, I opened my eyes and looked up to see a pair of cocoa brown eyes staring down at me with a curious look. He smiled at my surprised expression before speaking in his cheeky tone of voice.

"Why are you crying, Princess?"