December 15th 2019, 12 days after Louis' death.

Dear Louis,

I missed you a lot today. The pain was almost unbearable, I got drunk by 2pm and Liam came round and helped me. He stayed and called the boys over for a movie night. We watched Grease. I kept thinking what you would say to me throughout the film, and for a moment I thought I heard you, but it was just the wind.

I think I'm losing my mind Lou, I keep seeing you around, you're smiling and you don't look as tired as you used to. I keep hearing you talk, laugh and I can almost hear you say 'I love you'.

I'm mad at myself, Sunshine. Now you're gone and I see pictures of you from the last two years, I can see how upset you were. Your eyes only ever crinkled in a few pictures with me, you had bags under your eyes, you looked skinny, You looked sad. Why didn't I notice Lou? I should have noticed.

I'm sorry I didn't.

Love H.