December 12th 2019, 9 days after Louis' death.

Dear Louis,

No one was here to steal my toast this morning, not that you would've liked it, I had avocado. Maybe I thought you would come back to ask me why I'm eating that 'shit'. You didn't though. You're still gone.

I still remember the 3rd of December when you called me. You were crying. I asked you what was wrong, but you just kept saying you loved me. Then right before you hung up you said goodbye and told me you would always love me. I tried calling you back but you never answered, I texted you and you texted back twice before not answering. I drove home as fast as I could.

I ran into our room and I don't think I can ever forget seeing you like that. You were so pale, but yet so peaceful. You had an empty pill bottle in your hand, your arms were bleeding. I held you and cried. I kept kissing you, praying you still had a pulse. The prince was able to kiss sleeping beauty awake, but it didn't work for you, you never woke up. Why didn't it work Lou? Why didn't you wake up?

I put your dainty hand in my and held it there, you were so cold. The paramedics came and they took you, But I never let go. They had to pry my hand away from yours when they finally pronounced you dead. Sometimes I think I can still feel your hand in mine.

~Flashback~

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket just after I finished the last line of my song I wrote for Louis. I took it out of my pocket and looked at the name before answering.

"Hey Sunshine." I said as I brought the phone up to my ear, Louis didn't say anything but I heard a sniffle on the other side of the line. It sounded like he was crying. "Lou?" I said getting worried.

"I-I love you, H-Harry" I heard him whisper through crying. I Immediately picked up my notebook and put it into my bag, Mitch looked at me with a confused face as I put a finger up at him telling him to wait.

"I know, and I love you too. But why are you crying?" I asked running a hand through my hair at the sound of a loud sob from Louis, I hated hearing him cry.

"I just need you to know that I really do love you." He said quietly. I breathed in heavily as I put my shoes on.

"Lou, lovely, you're scaring me. What's wrong?" I could hear the panic in my voice and Mitch clearly heard it too as he stood up and walked over to me.

"I love you, You've given me everything. And even if the w-world only saw our love openly for a year, I'm glad we had that. But know that I have loved you ever since I met you." I could hear his voice breaking.

"Louis, what are you talking about? We've got many more years for the world to see us." Louis didn't answer me he just kept talking.

"I'm sorry that we could only come out a year ago, and that we had to hide for so long." He whispered. I picked up my car keys and looked at mitch worryingly.

"Sunshine, that's not your fault, but it doesn't matter anyway, we're free now. We can spend the rest of our lives together." I said, I heard Louis whimper from the other side of the line.

"Haz?" Louis faintly said, I heard something clicking in the background.

"Yes Lou?"

"I love you." He said for what felt like the millionth time, but this time it felt wrong, like he wasn't planning on ever saying it again.

"I love you too Sunshine. I'm coming home okay?" I rushed out when I heard Louis sob after I spoke.

"No" He choked out.

"Louis I'm coming okay? I will be there soon."

"I love you Harry, Goodbye." He whispered, I heard him moving in the background.

"No, Louis stop, don't say goodbye, I will be there soon. Please."

"Goodbye Harry Tomlinson-Styles." He murmured, it sounded like he had something in his mouth. I went to talk but he hung up. I had tears falling down my cheeks. I was in shock that I didn't move for a second until Mitch spoke.

"Harry?" He said walking closer snapping me out of my shocked state.

"Mitch, call an ambulance and send it to my house!" I rushed out as I ran towards the door, he pulled out his phone.

"Okay. Wait Harry, why?" He said just as fast as I spoke earlier. I stopped by the door and took a deep breath.

"I think Louis is trying to kill himself." I said before running out the door when Mitch's eyes widened.

I jumped into my car and started driving while trying to call Louis. He wasn't answering. "C'mon Lou, C'mon." I murmured as I tried his number once more. "Fuck!" I yelled when it went to voicemail again. I started texting him when I stopped behind a line of cars.

Harry: Lou please answer me.

Harry: Let me know you're okay.

Harry: Please Lou I cant lose you.

Harry: Louis please answer me!

Louis is typing. I took a breath of relief.

Louis: I cant do it Haz, I'm so sorry, I love you so much. Don't ruin your life because of me, get married to someone who deserves you, have kids, be happy.

Harry: Louis no, listen to me, I love you. I married you because I love you, and you do deserve me Sunshine, you deserve the world. And I want kids with you, Lou. You make me happy.

Louis: Always in my heart Harry styles, yours sincerely Louis.

Harry: Louis stop.

Harry: answer me.

Harry: Let me know your okay.

I was looking through the tears in my eyes, when a text popped up, I thought it was Louis but it wasn't.

Mitch: Harry the ambulance is delayed because of major traffic and storm, they're trying to get there as fast as they can.

I looked at Mitch's text before looking up and seeing I still hadn't moved, there was a whole load of cars in front of me. "DAMMIT!" I yelled as I threw my phone to the floor. I put my head on the steering wheel as I started to sob.

After 20 long minutes I was finally pulling into the driveway, I still couldn't see an ambulance yet. "Please be okay Lou." I whispered to myself as I got out the car. I opened the front door and ran into the house not bothering to close it behind me as I ran towards the stairs. "Lou! Louis!" I yelled.

I ran up the stairs and ran into our bedroom. I looked around frantically but I couldn't see him, all I saw was a notepad and a pen on the bed. I ran out of our bedroom and into the bathroom. My breath hitched when I opened the door.

"No, no, no." I murmured as I ran over to his lifeless body and dropped down beside him, I picked up his light frame and laid him in my arms. "No, no, no, please" I cried into his hair. His arms were bleeding immensely and his cheeks were stained with tears. He had a bottle of empty pills in his hand, I took it out of his grip and looked at it. "Why?" I cried as I looked down at him. I noticed he had something else in his hand, a piece of paper. I took it out and looked at it.

TO HARRY.

I shut my eyes tight and let the tears roll down my cheeks as I rocked Louis' body in my arms, I put the note next to me on the sink as I kissed his temple. "Please come back to me." I whispered as I kept kissing him. I took his hand and placed it in mine, I held it tight.

He looked so pale, yet so peaceful. "Please, Sunshine." I said quietly as I heard footsteps and voices coming up the stairs. I looked towards the door to see paramedics rushing over to me.

The rest is mostly a blur, they took him to the ambulance after they found a weak pulse. They let me keep his hand in mine as we rode to the hospital. We were almost at the hospital when his heart stopped, they did CPR as I continued to hold his hand. After a few minutes I heard a male voice.

"Time of death" He paused. "17:26."

"No!" I yelled turning to the voice, my grip on Louis' hand still tight. "You can't just leave him! Do something! You're supposed to save him! Do something!" More tears fell down my cheeks as the paramedics just looked at me sadly.

"I'm sorry, sir. His heart has stopped, we can't do anymore for him. I'm sorry." The male voice spoke.

"No, no you have to." I mumbled turning back to Louis, pressing my lips to his hand. "Please, help him, help him. Please. I can't do it without him." I begged them.

"I'm sorry, sir. We've done all we can."

"No. God, no, no, no, no." I mumbled into Louis' cold hand as I pressed kisses to every inch of his hand. "Come back to me, Louis. Please."

I started to sob more when they covered his body with a sheet as the paramedics continued the drive to the hospital. They had to pull his hand out of mine. We were supposed to be together for the rest of our lives Lou.

~Flashback over~

I hope you're happier now Lou, I want you to be happy even if I'm the furthest from happiness I could ever be.

I love you Sunshine.

Love H.