December 14th 2019, 11 days after Louis' death.

Dear Louis,

I read your note today. I wish you told me how you felt, maybe then I would still be in this bed holding you and tickling you as you tried to struggle out of my arms giggling with that sunshine smile.

I miss that sunshine smile. I miss my sunshine. I miss you.

Love H.

Louis' note:

Dear Harry,

It's 4:48pm on December the 3rd 2019. You're at work writing a new song you said you cant wait to show me, and I'm at home on our bed writing this. If you have this note then you know I'm no longer with you. I didn't write this to make you more sad or feel guilty, it's quiet the opposite actually. I'm writing this to tell you why I did what I did and that it's not your fault.

For a while now I've been battling the thoughts in my head. I hear voices Harry. They tell me all kinds of things. They say I'm not good enough for you or my fans, and they point out my flaws that I have been trying to hide for 9 years. And I can't do it anymore. I love you, Harry, but whatever I try to do to stop them doesn't work and I just cannot stay. The voices are just too loud to ignore anymore.

But do you know what the weird thing is. My whole life I've been afraid to die but now... I'm not afraid. I'm not anxious or worried. I'm calm. I'm not afraid that in the next few minutes I am going to die, I should be afraid. Why aren't I afraid Harry? Maybe my head knows that when I'm gone the voices will stop, It will be quiet. They will leave me alone. I'm sorry it has to be this way but I was too ashamed to tell you, I just didn't want you to leave me because I'm too difficult to handle, like you did in my nightmares. I didn't want you to have to watch me loose myself, And I didn't want to be a burden.

I'm really going to miss you. But maybe you will be happier without me. But please whatever you do, stay for me. Look after the boys and my family. And most importantly look after yourself Haz, I love you more than I could ever say, and I wish there was another way but it's too hard to pretend I'm okay anymore, I need to go. I can't stay. You may think that I'm leaving you so easily but this is the hardest thing I have ever done.

I have been thinking about this for a long time, but never doing anything because I love you too much to leave, and I still love you too much but I want you too be happy and how can you be happy if you're in a relationship with someone who's not, I would only bring you down, and I don't want to do that to you. You're too perfect for that. Please don't stop loving me the minute I'm gone, because I don't think I could ever stop loving you, even when I'm gone.

Maybe in another universe, or another time things would be different, and I would still be with you. We would have 3 kids, two boys and a girl. The boys would be older so they could protect their sister. We would buy a bigger house and we would get a puppy and call him Eddie, then you would persuade me to buy you two kittens who I would pretend to hate but every time you left for work I would cuddle and play with them. I would try to make dinner but fail so you would take over but let me help so I can say I cooked it if anyone asked. And I would cuddle you every morning before you leave to take the kids to school. But sadly we're not in that universe, but maybe one day I will see you again, your hair will be shoulder length and your eyes still as green as the day I left, and then you can show me your song. I love you Harry, please never forget about me.

All the love for one last time,

Louis Tomlinson-Styles.