Chapter Twenty-Two: December 20th

The words and numbers are spilling off the pages of Makoto's calculus midterm as he struggles to finish the questions under the time constraint. With an apprehensive look at the clock hanging on the wall, he sees he has only six minutes to finish another four questions.

Damn it, damn it, damn it! He mentally curses, feeling his body threaten to go into a violent panic. Oh, not now!

His vision going blurry, Makoto feels his breath hitch in his throat and he suddenly finds it very difficult to breathe. He desperately wishes for a glass of water but the more sensible side of him reminds him he doesn't have time for a break.

You can last another six minutes, he tells himself, forcing himself to breathe steadily. Just... Stay calm.

Funnily enough, Makoto's entire experience the past forty-eight hours has been trying to stay calm. With winter break being just a few days away, Makoto just has to get through his personal hell, also commonly known as midterm week, before he's free. Each day is spent taking two exams, with one on Thursday, where they are released early from school for the two-week break.

Because he's been so hell-bent on focusing about Haruka and his own problems the past few weeks, he hasn't had the time to consider his studies. In fact, his grades have proved this; he's dropped a letter grade in three of his classes and needless to say, his father is not pleased. (Makoto supposes at least his father was actually paying attention to him when he yelled at him about not focusing on his studies instead of holing away in his office of all hours of the day.)

Today's exam is calculus, by far the hardest class Makoto is taking this year. It is a two hour exam with sixty questions. Makoto's mind has been so focused on partial derivatives and indefinite integrals for the little time he had to study, he hasn't been able to think of Haruka or what happened that Saturday night.

Okay, so maybe that's a lie, considering throughout the test his mind kept blanking out and wandering to the way Haruka looked when he was sitting in his bed, or his messy bedhead, or the way it felt like he was melting when Haruka kissed him.

"Two minutes left!"

Fuck. It happened again.

Makoto feels himself blush in anger - and maybe a hint of embarrassment - as he decides he should finish this last problem and then blindly guess on the last ones. Any attempt at keeping his handwriting decent is out the window as he derives the equation and plugs in coordinates, praying he gets the right answer. His eyes light up when he finds a matching one, hopes for the best, and hastily circles it, followed by random circling of the last three. He spends the remaining time checking his bubbling and erasing any stray marks. When time is called, a breath he doesn't realize he is holding exhales out of his body.

After the testing materials are collected by their test proctor, he announces there is a thirty minute lunch break before the next exam begins. Makoto is the first one out of the class, clutching onto his number two pencils and calculator like they are his lifelines.

When he enters the cafeteria, he is glad he doesn't spot Haruka in his usual spot for once. It puts him at ease - even though his anxious side subconsciously worries about his whereabouts. Probably finishing testing, he thinks.

Rei and Nagisa are already at their table, childishly bantering as per usual. Makoto didn't see them yesterday; he was too busy preparing for his literature exam. When Nagisa spots him, he rises to his feet and rushes towards the brunette, eyes lit up excitedly.

"Nice job!" He proudly slaps Makoto on the back in greeting.

"What do you mean?" Makoto asks in confusion, rubbing the tender spot where Nagisa whacked him.

"Don't act like you don't remember, Mako-chan!" Nagisa giggles, covering his mouth with his hand. Makoto doesn't fail to see the knowing grin on his face, however. "I'm glad you had fun Saturday night! And here I thought you were going to hate it!"

"Right, about that," Makoto decides it's not a bad idea to ask Nagisa about what he knows of the night's events, even if Nagisa is a very unreliable source. Not only is he a ditz with his head in the clouds, when alcohol is in his system he's even more observant. Too bad Makoto doesn't have the luxury of being picky. "What exactly happened that night?"

"Wait, you seriously don't remember anything?" Nagisa gasps, all playing aside. He sends an amused look at Rei, who looks extremely nervous. Shaking his head, Nagisa pulls Makoto down into his seat and plops down next to him, resting his cheek on his hand and watching him curiously. "Perhaps I should give you a refresher on last night, then."

Makoto's heart drops to his stomach when he sees the shit-eating grin spreading on Nagisa's face. "Oh, no," He groans.

"Oh, yes."

Makoto's head falls into his hands. He can feel the embarrassment before Nagisa even speaks.

"Well, you were quite boring at first. You were just wandering around, looking for Nanase-kun, looking totally miserable. I guess at one point you grabbed a spiked drink or two, but by then it was already too late. Who knew you were such a lightweight, Mako-chan?"

"This," Makoto ushers to Nagisa as he gives Rei a pointed look, "Is why I don't go to parties."

"Oh shush, Mako-chan, I'm just getting started!" Nagisa giggles, clearly amused at his humiliated state. "Anyway, after you started getting tipsy on bottles of strawberry vodka, you became a totally different person. For once, you were actually having fun and letting loose, not worrying about stuff all the time!"

Makoto rolls his eyes. "Okay. So what exactly did I do?"

Nagisa starts chuckling under his breath. "What didn't you do," He jokes to himself quietly, earning a glare from Rei. "Fine! Sheesh, you guys are so boring. Once you were drunk, you were just joining in on the fun. Dancing, playing games, you even joined me for a round of karaoke! You singing My Heart Will Go On by Céline Dion, ah! Now that was something I wish I had gotten on film!"

"Really? From the Titanic movie?" Makoto cringes. His English is terrible; he doesn't even want to imagine singing that while shit-faced drunk in front of a bunch of teenagers he hardly knows.

"I'm pretty sure you even ripped your shirt off at some point and threw it at-"

"Oh, God!" Makoto shouts hysterically, hiding behind his hands. This could be counted as low-grade torture. His face is on fire now, and his fingers curl into fists from his anger at his own drunk stupidity. "I can't believe myself."

"I can," Nagisa laughs. "It was great!"

"Okay, but all that aside, what about Haruka?" Makoto asks quizzically.

"Nanase-kun?" Nagisa echoes. "What about him?"

"I was there to hang out with him, but I can't remember a single detail of that night," Makoto explains. "Come on, did you see me with him at any time throughout the night?"

"Ummm," Nagisa strokes his jaw as he thinks. "Come to think of it, I think I saw you and Nanase-kun outside, on one of the balconies of the second floor. Though, I was pretty drunk myself. I could've been seeing things."

"What about you, Rei?" Makoto is desperate now. His hands are gripping the sides of the cafeteria table so hard his knuckles are turning white. "Did you see anything?"

"That house was quite dark, loud, and crowded with dozens of people, Makoto-senpai," Rei tells him level-headedly, frowning. "I hardly even saw you last night."

"Maybe you should try talking to Nanase-kun, Mako-chan," Nagisa suggests with a light-hearted shrug.

Great advice, Makoto thinks with disdain, his eyebrows furrowing with frustration. I would if I could successfully be within ten feet of him without shaking.

"Or not," Nagisa says when he sees Makoto's disgruntled expression. "Whatever. I have to get to my next exam. See you guys after school!" He takes his lunch box and leaves the cafeteria with a wave, before bounding off around the corner with a couple of other classmates.

"Okay, I didn't want to say this in front of Nagisa-kun, but," Rei leans in closely as if he is sharing a big secret, which, Makoto supposes he is. "I did actually see something. It was something small, but Nagisa and I were walking towards one of the bedrooms... Oh, don't give me that look, Makoto-senpai," Rei tells him crossly. "Anyway, we passed by one and saw you going out onto a balcony later on in the night, when the party was starting to die down. And I thought I heard you say something like, 'you haven't changed a bit, Haru-chan.' At the time, I didn't think much of it, but if you think about what he told you-"

"That I used to call him Haru," Makoto finishes his sentence for him.

"Exactly," Rei snaps his fingers when he catches on. "A bit strange, don't you think?"

Makoto sighs, rubbing his temples. This is only making things more confusing; he's never called Haruka anything besides Haruka, but clearly the drunk version of himself knew something his sober self didn't. "Thanks," Makoto says, eyes screwing shut.

"You know, sometimes there is a way to retrieve repressed or subconscious memories," Rei tells him. "You go straight to the scene to try to relieve it."

"Are you telling me I should go to Sousuke's house and sneak up on his balcony?" Makoto questions, shuddering at the thought of having to socialize with that asshole, or worse, making it seem like he was breaking and entering his home.

"No," Rei draws out. "I'm saying you should see if you can get on his good side and try to convince him to have a round two of his party."

Makoto sees the daunting task in front of him as quite possibly his only way to uncover this mystery once and for all, considering neither Haruka nor his mother wants to admit what they know to him. His eyes close, and he sees the daunting, but important task in front of him. Taking a careful breath in, he finds himself nodding. If it is truly the only way he can get the information he needs, he figures it's worth his while.

- - - -

After school, Makoto heads around Samezuka Academy's school building to the practice field, already hearing the shouting of the coach before he rounds the corner. He walks down the path, heading down a small hill to get to the field. He sees the lacrosse team jogging around the perimeter, decked out in practice uniforms and cleats.

Unnoticed to everyone, Makoto scans the area for Sousuke, but instead notices his friend Rin sitting on a small set of stairs adjacent to the field. He is hunched over a notepad, scribbling recklessly on it and gnawing on his pencil eraser. Next to him is an orange, gigantic, probably twenty-gallon water dispenser.

Rin must've sensed Makoto's presence, because just before Makoto is about to say something he looks up and cheerfully greets him. "Makoto!" He grins, showing off a set of strangely sharp teeth that have always reminded Makoto of a shark. "How's it going, man? You've been well?"

"I'm alright," Makoto scratches the back of his neck nervously, taking a seat on the step next to Rin. "I'm feeling pretty good about my midterms, except math. I'm not looking forward to seeing that grade."

"Aw yeah! I swear, they give you less and less time every year," Rin shakes his head.

"How about you? How are you doing?" Makoto asks kindly. He's glad to see the boy smiling; Makoto doesn't remember much of Rin, except how the past two years he had a serious asshole streak going on. Turns out he was just sexually frustrated and in the closet, so after coming out and finding a boyfriend, he became a lot nicer and more enjoyable to be around. For his final year, Rin had decided to transfer to Iwatobi's sister school, Samezuka Academy, to focus on swimming. He's often training or working out as well, so they didn't see each other as much.

"I'm doing pretty great myself! Samezuka's swim team is going to be up and running again, and soon enough we'll be able to use the outdoor pool!" Rin starts to chatter on about swimming. Somehow, he had managed to be nominated as captain even though it was technically his first year at the school; it is a 24/7 job that takes all his motivation and concentration.

Rin babbles on for a few minutes more - his chatterbox nature almost rivals that of Nagisa's, but not quite - and Makoto hums or nods in all the right places, until eventually he turns the conversation back to him. "Hey, are you on the swim team this year?"

"Nah," Makoto shakes his head with a modest smile, feeling slightly guilty that he doesn't share the same passion for swimming as Rin. "I haven't been on one since middle school. I'm sure I've lost all my skills since then."

"Totally not true!" Rin gives him a light, playful shove. "You know, I've never seen a backstroke as powerful as yours. You should consider giving it another try. You're phenomenal."

"Not as good as you," Makoto laughs, humbly avoiding the compliment. "You're practically a shoe-in for Australia's Olympic team."

"Man, that's been my dream of mine since forever," Rin grins, bouncing in his seat. "Oh, I can't wait for spring! The gym's tiny indoor pool just doesn't cut it anymore!"

"Well, at least you're keeping yourself busy," Makoto gestures to Rin's clipboard, which is scattered with X's, O's, and various squiggly arrows on the lined paper.

Sighing, Rin looks at his clipboard. "I've been helping manage Sousuke's lacrosse team. You know, strategy, water, cleanup, all that. It's kind of boring at times, but it gives me extra time to hang out with him, plus I get volunteer hours, so win-win!"

"That's great, Rin," Makoto is genuinely happy for him. "I'm glad to see you're so happy."

"Well, that's enough about me and me relationship. How about you, then?" Rin raises an eyebrow curiously. "You got anyone on your mind?"

"Possibly," Makoto blushes, thinking immediately of Haruka.

"Is the person on your mind the same one you were with at Sousuke's party?" Rin asks innocently, but Makoto sees his sly smile. His face grows even warmer and he looks at his shoes shyly.

He doesn't get to answer, however, because as if on cue, Sousuke comes over to the sidelines to get some water. When Rin sees him approaching, he grabs one of the paper water cones and fills it up with the icy-cold liquid. He hands it to Sousuke with a timid smile, a smile that is reserved solely for him.

"Thanks, Rin," Sousuke returns the gesture with a small smile of his own, almost invisible but easy enough to see if you really looked. "Tachibana," Sousuke regards him gruffly. "What brings you to our lovely, private campus?"

So clearly Sousuke doesn't want him there. Whatever. Makoto has to do this, no mater what. The only way to get what he wants is to be nice, as annoying as it may be to be nice to Sousuke Yamazaki.

"Just dropping in," Makoto responds with a forced cheeriness. "Thought I could catch up with Rin."

"That's nice," Sousuke looks like he's resisting the urge to roll his eyes, and his voice is just as forced. Rin, however, doesn't seem to pick up on the tension between them, and he turns back to his clipboard. "Well, he's working, so perhaps it's time you get on your way. Thanks for stopping by."

"Don't be rude, Sousuke!" Rin glares at him. "Makoto was just talking about your party, actually."

"Is that so?" Sousuke twirls his finger in his water absentmindedly. He looks at Makoto, smirking when their eyes meet. "I gotta say, I'm surprised in you, Tachibana. I didn't think that was your scene."

"Contrary to what your preconceived notion of me is, I actually had a lot of fun at your party, Yamazaki!" Makoto gushes with a sappy tone that makes him want to be sick. "I'm looking forward to another round."

"Hmm," Sousuke muses. "Well, perhaps that could be arranged. My parents are leaving for another business trip before Christmas, but they're leaving me behind because we have a tournament on Thursday afternoon. I was thinking of throwing a celebration when we win."

When they win, Makoto notices his word choice. How cocky.

"Just let me know," Makoto agrees. "I'm sure you guys will nail the tournament."

"Oh, we will. Thanks." They share an almost challenging grin. Sousuke takes one last swig of his water cup before crunching the disposable cone into his fist. "Hmm," Sousuke muses after some thought. "Perhaps I was wrong about you. See you around, Tachibana."

The moment Sousuke turns around and jogs back to the practice, Makoto scowls on instinct. What a prick.

"Sooo," Rin draws out the sound, poking him in the arm with his eraser. Makoto flinches away from his touch. "You're that eager to get lucky again, aren't you?"

Makoto must look confused by Rin's comment, which seems to annoy him. "Oh, don't play dumb, Makoto," He rolls his eyes. "I saw you dancing with that one guy. You and I both know we made eye contact right as you were leaving him."

"Wait, what guy?" Makoto's eyes widen in shock, thinking he already knows. Makoto hasn't mentioned anything about his own sexuality to Rin - hell, he doesn't even know himself - but there was something unsettling about everyone knowing what Makoto did at that damn party except him. "Describe him to me."

"I dunno, man. It was dark, and I already downed three peach coolers," Rin taps his pencil to his chin. "He was shorter than you, I believe. I actually thought he was a girl at first. Dark hair, with these bright blue eyes. Seemed kinda quiet and mysterious- sounds like we have similar types, Makoto," The flirtiness in his tone shows he knows what's up, and there's no use in lying.

Makoto, oblivious to his terrible lying issue, still tries to deny Rin's statement, but the only response that comes out of his mouth is a nervous stutter. He clamps his mouth shut and sighs, deciding it wasn't worth trying to hide.

"No worries, dude," Rin pats his shoulder reassuringly. "Looks like I'll be seeing you again soon, yeah?"

"Definitely," Makoto smiles timidly, rising to his feet. "I really have to get going. I have more studying to do, or I'm going to fail my physics exam," He explains with a small laugh. "I'll see you around, Rin. Nice talking to you."

"You too!" Rin agrees. As Makoto walks away, Rin calls back for him, making Makoto whirl around. "Hey! Good luck!" There is a knowing grin on his face. "You know. On your exam," He says with a wink. Makoto knows that's not what he's really wishing Makoto luck on, but he takes it anyway.

Makoto knows he's going to need more than luck, however. He will need nothing short of a miracle to make it through the next few days unscathed.

- - - -

A/N: good thing i have up to chapter 26 written out already because ya girl has no idea how to end her story lmao *whispers* help me