Chapter Twenty-Four

Dedicated to @Sasyacchedaka for being a super great and supportive reader. Thanks dude. :)

Makoto, still stewing in his own anger and seemingly unsolvable problems, arrives home later that afternoon to see a surprising amount of commotion going on in the house.

He has to sidestep his way into the living room due to the amount of boxes stacked in the house, and when he makes his way around the corner, his eyes immediately go to the gigantic fir tree that sits in the center of their den.

"Isn't it beautiful, Onii-chan?" His sister, Ran, squeals excitedly.

"Papa got it for us!" Ren chips in with a cheerful grin on his face as he looks between the tree and Makoto.

Makoto's jaw clenches at the mention of his father, especially after talking about his hatred for his father only mere minutes ago. "Well, why isn't he here to help us decorate it, then?" He mutters under his breath, his cheerful façade around his siblings breaking momentarily. From his peripheral vision, he sees his mother narrow her eyes at him. "Did he now?" He tries again, louder, all too sweetly. The twins are all smiles, practically salivating at the boxes of ornaments and fairy lights that would soon make the tree gorgeous.

His mother is by his side now. "He's trying his best to do good, Makoto," She whispers to him, quiet enough so the kids don't hear. When he refuses to respond, she sighs quietly. "Come on, help me unpack these boxes," She tells him. "It's about time we got this house looking more festive."

She crosses the room and removes the lid off of a giant Tupperware bin with the word Christmas written on the top. Inside is a neatly folded, velvety tree skirt, multi-colored LED lights, and a giant spool of sparkly silver garland.

Ren and Ran insist that they will do the ornaments and oversee Makoto's work on the lights to make sure he "does them correctly". Makoto is quickly reminded of his younger sister's perfectionist tendencies as she keeps telling him to adjust the lights.

"Onii-chan, you have to thread the lights in and out! Otherwise there will be dark holes when it's dark," Ran complains. "Here, do it like this."

Makoto holds up his hands passively, allowing her to work the cord through one of the branches to fill up the dark spaces closer to the trunk. Eventually, she just takes control of the lights - Makoto doesn't expect anything different - but as the tallest member of the family, Makoto is recruited to decorate the top.

When the hanging of the lights is complete, Makoto is already tired, but the fun has just started. Next comes the garland, where he and Ren loop them in evenly-spaced swags across the perimeter of the tree while Ran gives them guidance. While they work, the twins banter endlessly about the tree; whereas Ren wants to have fun, Ran wants it to look perfect. Makoto just wants to crawl into his bed and sleep.

Finally, about an hour later, the tree is decked from base to top in beautiful twinkling lights, sparkling garland, and ornaments of all colors and shapes. They also have personal ornaments on the tree, old art projects and crafts made in school during the holiday season; one of which is a felt snowman shaped ornament with a second-grade Makoto's face plastered on the stomach. (Makoto wanted to throw it out, deeming it embarrassing, but Ran insisted they kept it. "It's a memory, Onii-chan!" She had said. "We have to keep it forever!")

When it's finished, the twins are arguing about who gets to put the star on the top. Eventually, to shut them up, Makoto offers to pick them up at the same time and they both scramble into his arms, each having a hand on the star as they situate it at the top of the tree.

After the tree is finished, they hang up their stockings and decorate the mantle with the extra silver tinsel and ornaments they have left over. Various Christmas-themed trinkets are placed here and there, and Ren and Ran busy themselves with safety scissors and a stack of printing paper, cutting out paper snowflakes. As they stick them to the windows and walls with scotch tape, Makoto watches contently until he hears his mother.

"Psst," She whispers. Makoto looks down the hall, seeing her standing there just out of sight. When they lock eyes, she ushers with her hand for him to follow her. Makoto takes one last look at his siblings before getting off the couch and tiptoeing down the hall. She leads him into the master bedroom and quietly shuts the door behind them.

"I have some presents I need to finish wrapping," She explains in a normal voice. Makoto notices on their bedroom floor is rolls of wrapping paper, a roll of tape, and various toys and books. "Will you help me out?"

Makoto recognizes the toys from the first time he lived through this year's christmas, but last time he wasn't asked to help wrap. A shift in time's events doesn't bode well, but he finds himself smiling warmly anyway.

"Sure, Mom," Makoto nods. "Santa's helper, at your service."

They sit across from each other on the floor, wrapping up the presents. Makoto's actually quite terrible at wrapping presents, but he tries to wrap them without the wrapping paper ripping or creasing; he wants Christmas to be perfect for his siblings. His mother, however, is a natural, and even curls matching ribbon with the scissor blade to tie around the boxes.

"So, how did your midterms go this week?" She asks as she ties a magnificent bow around a new set of race cars for Ren.

"Um, okay, I guess," Makoto says quietly. "Most of them went fine, I'm just worried about math. That calculus exam was really hard," He explains. "We'll be getting our results back after the break."

"Well, I'm sure you don't have much to worry about. You got a lot of studying done with Nagisa and Rei, I imagine," His mother smiles.

Makoto returns it, smiling wearily. He can practically feel his exhaustion and his lies weighing him down. "Speaking of," He wonders aloud, trying to act casually, "What exactly did you want to talk to me about on Saturday? I rushed out of the house before you could finish."

Guilt flickers through her eyes, but she bites her lip and composes herself. "Right, she says slowly. "I have been thinking about our conversation about Haruka, and well, I believe I was wrong. I won't stop you from being friends with him, and I have a feeling I couldn't even if I tried."

Makoto's interest piques when she mentions his name. "Why the sudden change?" He asks curiously, stopping what he's doing to look at her directly.

"I just..." She sighs shakily. "I just feel like I didn't give him a chance. I've heard quite a few things about that family. But your happiness is more important, and if you want to be friends with him, then as your mother, I should support that."

A genuine smile spreads across his visage and hope swells in his stomach. "Thanks, Mom," He grins. She smiles back weakly.

"There's actually another thing I've been meaning to talk to you about," She continues, and as Makoto focuses on her words, he notices how pale her skin looks. When she sees his quizzical look, she sighs.

"Do you remember how I told you that Dad and I were going out on a date that night?" She asks. Makoto nods hesitantly, eyebrows raised, unsure of where she was going with this question. Based on the guilty expression coming back on her face, it wasn't going to be good.

"Well, that's not actually true. We were at the hospital."

Makoto's heart drops to his stomach when he hears the word hospital. Faint sounds and images - electronic beeping, the scratching of doctor's notes, muffled weeping - flash through his mind and he blinks to push them away. "The hospital?" He repeats. "F-for like, a checkup or something?" He asks, stupidly hopeful, knowing no sane person would have a regular checkup all throughout the night.

"Well, yes-" His mother mumbles, frowning. "I have been-" Her words are cut off by a fit of ragged coughs, dry and wheezing.

"Mom!" Makoto gets to his feet and rushes to her side, grabbing a water bottle off of her nightstand and giving it to her. His hand rests on her shoulder as she guzzles the water, wiping her mouth and clearing her throat. "Are you okay?" He asks, eyes wide in fright.

"I'm okay, honey-" She coughs again. "I've been getting some routine procedures each month to see how I'm healing after my chemotherapy," She explains in a raspy voice, like she has a cold. "However, the doctors noticed something Saturday night, and kept me there overnight to run more tests. And they found- they found-"

Makoto's breath hitches, the unspoken words hanging in the air like Christmas lights, winding around his throat and choking him when she drops the five words that turn his life upside down. "The cancer," She whispers, so quietly Makoto wouldn't have heard if he wasn't hooked on every syllable. "It's coming back."

The words seep into his blood and paralyze his brain, and now the silence lies on his skin like a poison.

"No..." He whispers, crumpling to the ground. His eyes close shut, forcing back the tears threatening to spill over. No, no, no.

His mother's voice is far away as she cradles him close, guiding his head into the crook of her neck and shoulder. "I'm so sorry, baby," She pulls him into a tight hug. "I wasn't sure how to tell you, but I wanted you to know."

"It's just not fair!" Makoto cries. He gives up on holding back his tears because he's just so damn tired of caring - they pool in his eyes, blurring his vision and dropping on his mother's cardigan. "Why do you have to be the one to suffer?" She shushes him gently, like soothing that of a child, rubbing small circles in his back to calm him down. "It's his fault. You don't deserve any of this. Not again."

"Dad feels bad too, honey. He already feels guilty enough, so do you think you could try to remain positive for me?" She asks, and he can hear the smile in her voice. "If not for me, then for Ren and Ran?"

Makoto doesn't want to remain positive. He doesn't want to give up that easily. He wants to fight. He wants to kick and scream at the world for being so cruel to his mother, who doesn't deserve half the crap given to her, but he finds himself nodding into her shoulder anyway, sniffing.

"Come on," She pats his back. "I know how I can make you feel better. How about I whip up two cups of peppermint hot chocolate and we can watch a movie?" She suggests.

His mother just told him she has cancer, and yet she still is thinking of him and his needs. Makoto decides in that moment that his mother must be the most selfless woman in the world. He laughs a bit at her silly suggestion, knowing it's exactly the thing to cheer him up.

"With whipped cream?" He mumbles hopefully.

"Of course," She grins, helping him to his feet. "Let's go take these presents in, I'm sure the twins will be excited. Then we can pop in a movie," She kneels over and grabs half of the presents, and Makoto takes the rest in his arms. "It's about time you relaxed. You've been working so hard, you know."

"It's nothing," Makoto shoos her off. Simple things like calculus exams and boy troubles seem so simple and meaningless in comparison to whether or not his mother will make it through more treatments of chemotherapy alive.

"It is!" She disagrees, taking his hand and squeezing it. "I'm so proud of you, baby. I just know you're going to make something great out of yourself. You're going to change the world, Makoto."

Makoto can't help but smile; it's small, but it's there. "Hopefully my studying paid off, then," He jokes as they carry the presents into the living room. The twins, when they see the packages in their hands, squeal and rip them out of their grasps, shaking them excitedly.

"Hey, hey! No hints! Put them under the tree!" His mom scolds them, but there is an amused look on her face. "Mommy and Papa don't have as much money this year, kids, but maybe Santa will bring you some extra goodies if you've been good this year."

"We have been good!" The kids insist, hands on their hips. They go and sit by the tree, shaking their gifts and loudly theorizing what they could be while Makoto and his mother go into the kitchen and prepare the hot chocolates. When they're made, his mom brings them back into the den on a tray and they all sit on the couch. While his mom throws a fuzzy blanket over the kids, Makoto pops in a CD and turns off the lights.

They cautiously sip their hot chocolates to avoid burning their tongues and cuddle under the blankets. As Makoto rests his head on his mother's shoulder, comforted by her warmth, he feels a small sense of peace wash over him.

Makoto would almost call it normal.

- - - -

The knock at his door much later that night is so quiet, Makoto thinks he's imagining things at first.

He's sitting in the den, reading by the lights from the sparkling Christmas tree. It's a novel he picked up from the bookstore, a mystery thriller that he's been meaning to finish but hasn't had the time or energy. Now that he's on break, he can take a break from the stress of school for a while and escape into papery dystopias and characters that somehow always know the right thing to do - he wishes he could learn a thing or two from them.

The second time he hears the knock he knows it's no figment of his imagination, and he bookmarks the page before setting it on the side table. Getting out of the easy chair, he wraps his blanket around his body like a cape and plods towards the front door.

Who could be coming to his house at this hour? He thinks in mild annoyance at the person interrupting his silent reading time. Everyone else in the house is already asleep, and he is ready to go to bed himself. Cautiously moving towards the door, he looks through the window and sees the one person he's both dreading and needing desperately to see.

Makoto cracks the door open as quietly as he can, greatful his family doesn't have an alarm sound system. Haruka is about to say something when Makoto silently shushes him with a finger to his lips and steps outside.

"What are you doing here?" He whispers when the door shuts, unsure of why he's being quiet even though they're outside.

"I wanted to talk to you," Haruka responds simply with a shrug of his shoulder.

"It's nearly midnight," Makoto reminds him. "Can't it wait until the morning?"

"No," Haruka is firm. "I have something I need to say."

"Well, what is it?" Makoto's still immensely annoyed at Haruka's insensitivity earlier that day, but he manages to swallow it down for a few moments. He wraps his blanket tighter around his body to block out the harsh December night winds and notices Haruka doesn't have a coat; he's shivering slightly. They sit on the front porch steps and Makoto takes the chance of wrapping his blanket around both of their shoulders. Haruka clutches onto his half and looks up at Makoto in a silent thank you. The way he looks, some of his anger just melts away on its own.

"I... I wanted to apologize," Haruka begins with a sigh after a moment of silence. "For my behavior earlier today. I- I didn't know..." He loses the words he wants to say, but Makoto doesn't need them to know.

"It's alright, Haruka," Makoto shakes his head. "You couldn't have known. It was my fault for blowing up at you so suddenly."

An unreadable emotion crosses across Haruka's face, and he hesitates before speaking. "Right..." He mutters. "Uh, well, if you ever want to talk... Um, God, I'm terrible at this whole friendship thing, aren't I?" He says with a shake of his head.

"Nah," Makoto laughs. "You're trying, and that's what matters."

A smile, genuine and radiant and oh so beautiful, blossoms on Haruka's face. Makoto can't help but notice that by sharing the blanket, they've scooted closer together. Their hands are touching now, skin just barely grazing skin, but it's enough.

"She told me that her cancer is coming back tonight," Makoto says quietly, the comfortable silence turning desolate. He's not positive, but he thinks Haruka stops breathing for a moment.

"Makoto..." Is all he manages to say. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," Makoto promises him. The last thing he wants is for someone to worry about his problems; he just feels like he needs someone to vent this to, to know there's someone out there who cares enough to listen. "She's strong. She fought it before, she can fight it again. I know she can."

Haruka's hand is on top of his now, hesitantly, as if to test the waters, but Makoto doesn't move his hand away. "She sounds like a wonderful woman," He comments kindly.

"She is," Makoto agrees. "The first time I heard she had cancer, I couldn't believe it. It was like, I couldn't imagine something like that happening to me. It was all so surreal, you know?" Haruka nods along, engrossed in every word. "I don't actually remember much of it. I was too young, I think, or maybe it was just too traumatic for me," He finishes with a sigh.

Haruka is silent, but his gaze never averts from Makoto.

"But Haruka, whatever I'm not remembering with you, with us," Makoto is scared to continue his sentence, but his mouth is already moving before he can think twice. "You should know I want to remember. I'm going to figure it out, I promise."

"You're trying," Haruka says softly, the faintest of smiles playing on his lips as he quotes Makoto from just moments earlier. "And that's what matters."

Makoto doesn't know what comes over him, but suddenly he's laughing, and he and Haruka share a smile. A comofortable silence washes over them, and they're quite for a minute or so, content with each other's solitude.

"Did you really mean what you said?" Haruka suddenly asks. "About how my life is precious?"

"Absolutely," Makoto's voice drops to a whisper, but he says it immediately, because it's the truth. Maybe it's just the darkness messing with his vision, but Makoto swears he sees Haruka blush out of the corner of his eye.

They sit in silence after that, staring at the stars, and Makoto decides not to comment on the fact that they're holding hands now. No words need to be said anyway. Holding hands with Haruka is a faint reminder that life doesn't go one way or another. There isn't ever a hesitation or questioning, it just is.

And in this moment, that is good enough for him.

- - - -

A/N: sorry for the lack of update!! I have been experiencing one travelling nightmare after another the past forty-eight hours, it's been aboslute hell. I'm so tired, omg... Hopefully you enjoyed the update - be sure to leave a vote or comment if you did!