Chapter Forty: December 31st

A/N: I'm really sorry I haven't updated in forever. I'm really busy with senior year and college applications (which are due in less than a month) and I'm super stressed ;-; Also this chapter was super difficult to write so it totally demotivated me. I'm really ready for this story to be over with (it's been nearly a year) so I can move on and write something new :) Thanks for sticking with me for so long! Hope you enjoy! 

Makoto stares down into his flute of champagne, feeling slightly dizzy and regretting the previous two glasses he downed half an hour ago.

Surrounding him is utter chaos, and no, not the trickster (thank goodness) and having a swimming head isn't helping him make sense of it all. The Amakata parents and the Nanases are gathered around in the living room, the television on full blast. They're watching a countdown for the New Year, which, according to the giant clock in bottom corner of the screen, is in a little less than an hour.

Makoto wasn't expecting a party like this. Of course, he's always enjoyed staying up until midnight with his family, clutching onto his siblings' hands and screaming at the clock as it ticks closer and closer to midnight. He relished in those moments, where they blew onto noise makers, gave each other hugs and sloppy kisses, crashed on the couch only minutes later. It was only in the more recent years his mother allowed him to taste champagne, but never like this.

This was going full-on haywire.

"Dance with me, Robert~," A completely-smashed Lucinda Nanase croons as she stumbles over to her brother. She sets down her fifth glass of champagne and grabs his wrists, pulling him to his feet. "Miho, turn up the music!"

Miss Amakata complies, a tipsy smile on her lips as she twists the knob on the stereo, playing an old 80's dance song that makes her whoop with joy. She undoes the knot at the nape of her neck and allows her jet-black hair to bounce on her shoulders, spinning around with her brother in her arms.

Makoto sits on the couch, watching the scene unfold before his eyes. Every part of him feels like cringing, watching the woman make such a fool of herself amidst her wasted stupor. The other adults seem to be having fun too, all dancing together like drunk toddlers to the too-loud music.

He sneaks a side look at Haruka, who seems to be thinking the same thing as him. Sat on the opposite side of the couch, he watches his mother with widened, horrified eyes as she practically grinds on her husband, looking like a twenty-something stripper.

Makoto scoots closer, close enough to whisper in his ear. "You want to get out of here?" He asks, not intending for it to sound sexual, but judging by the way Haruka's eyes light up with an unknown flame, the message he intended does not come across.

Haruka's fingers brush against his not-so-subtly. "After midnight," He whispers back, his warm breath fanning the skin under Makoto's ear. "I have something I want to do first."

"What?" Makoto asks, suddenly dizzy, but Haruka seems distracted, his eyes on his parents. He watches them for a moment, the smirk on his lips dropping to a worried frown. "Haru? Are you okay?"

"Wha-? Oh, I'm fine, Makoto," Haruka says quickly. "Come on, let's dance."

Makoto pushes away the worry and hops to his feet, glad to see Haruka's more inspired to continue practicing his dance skills. His hand fits perfectly around the small of Haruka's back, but after a moment of waltzing around, the song shifts, now playing a party song that they twist and shout to.

The statement "If you can't beat them, join them" makes sense to Makoto now as he feels himself melt into the insanity. He doesn't feel as weirded out by the parents dancing when he's in on the fun - maybe all it takes is to not care so much and just feel free.

To Makoto, listening to the music allows him to turn back the clock, traveling through the vacuum of time and disappearing onto a previous world when things were okay. He embraces the music, and in turn, the music takes its hold on him.

And then, when he locks eyes on Haruka, whose celestial eyes shine with an unexplainable radiance, he thinks - no, he knows he's feeling the same thing.

Another round of drinks are passed around the room at ten minutes to midnight. Makoto decides he's going to settle with sparkling cider for the rest of the night - he dreads a repeat of Sousuke's party - and waits with a jittery hand as the clock counts down.

With five minutes to go, tension is buzzing through the air. Everyone is gathered around the television, watching the livestream from the Eiffel Tower. A man on the television is speaking rapid-fire French, but Makoto's eyes are too focused on the countdown clock to care. Everyone seems to be waiting with bated breath as the numbers tick down, down, closer to zero, and Makoto can't help but feel the number 3 on his wrist tingle in anticipation.

"Have you ever been there?" Makoto asks Haruka under his breath, nodding his chin towards the television. 3:43 minutes to go.

"Where, Paris?" Haruka guesses, eyes flickering to the TV screen. 3:38. "Yeah, when I was really young. Have you?"

Makoto shakes his head. "Nah. This is the only time I've ever been out of the country."

"I'll take you there sometime," Haruka promises, taking his hand and squeezing it. "Just you and me."

"I'd like that," Makoto smiles, feeling his throat close up from guilt. He swallows the forming lump in his throat and pushes back the hot tears prickling at his eyes. Not now, he thinks. Don't ruin the moment for everyone.

Everyone chatters excitedly, on the edge of their seats. The parents are still drunkenly discussing New Year's resolutions. Their speech is slurred, in half Japanese and half French, so Makoto only catches a few words here and there. The grandparents had tucked into bed hours ago, too old for late-night festivities. Suzuka's asleep, curled up on the corner of the couch, a spill-proof cup with apple juice still in her clutches. Asuka sits further away from Makoto than usual, focused on the countdown. Makoto wonders if he's done anything to bother her - she's avoided him all day, and she looks sad.

With one minute to go, he doesn't have time to think about that, because the shouting in the household is too loud for him to think.

The family is counting down the numbers so loudly Makoto feels like his head is going to explode, or the walls are going to come crumbling down.

"Fifty seven! Fifty six! Fifty five--"

Every second that is counted down is another second towards the dreaded morning of January third.

"Thirty two! Thirty one! Thirty! Twenty nine--"

And by this point, Makoto can't pretend it's not going to happen.

The voices grow louder. "Eighteen! Seventeen! Sixteen--"

Maybe he should stop ignoring the inevitable.

They're on their feet now, screaming. "Five! Four! Three! Two! O--"

Maybe-

But Makoto doesn't get to finish that thought, and the countdown never reaches zero, because suddenly the voices go very quiet and the world is still. Makoto blinks incredulously, feeling reality warp a little, looking around for who he assumes to be Death.

However, when he spots the fashionably-dressed woman leaning against the doorframe, the unexpected surprise goes sour and he frowns.

"Chaos," The name hisses out of his mouth like venom.

"Makoto, sweetie, it's really been too long," She croons, tossing him a flirty wink as she crosses her arms under her bust.

"Not long enough," Makoto mutters under his breath quickly. "Does Death know you're here?" He demands.

"I think we know each other well enough for you to know I don't really concern myself with Death's, um, 'concerns' for my whereabouts," She rolls her eyes. "Right. Anyway, I have business to attend to."

"What business-" Makoto asks, watching as she strides across the living room rug, next to where Lucinda Nanase is frozen in place, shouting excitedly at the screen, her champagne sloshing around in her glass. Chaos leans in, tilting her head closer to her with her long nails. She whispers something in Lucinda's ear, looking up at Makoto through sultry half-lidded eyes.

"What are you-"

"You sure have a cute boyfriend," Chaos grins, moving towards where Makoto is sitting next to Haruka, whose hand feels cold against his. She traces her finger lightly down his cheek, tilting his chin up, as if she can see through him. "Such a shame he has to die."

"He isn't-"

Makoto's sentence is interrupted by the sudden renewal of time.

"One! Zero!" Everyone shrieks. "Happy New Year!" They pop their confetti favors, throw their arms around each other, laughing and whooping joyously. Makoto blinks in shock, so much to stimuli to take in at once, but before he can even move or think he feels Haruka's lips on his own.

Makoto's eyes close reflexively and his hand curls around Haruka's tighter. He forgets who he is and where he is as Haruka's mouth moves in sync with his and his worries of Chaos' plans temporarily wash away.

He's so caught up in the kiss, however, that he fails to realize the rest of the family has gone silent within moments of seeing them. It is the shattering of a champagne glass that brings him back to reality and Haruka pulls away quickly, looking at him with wide eyes.

"I- I don't know why I did that..." He says so softly, directed more to himself than at Makoto.

"What the hell?" Lucinda shrieks, and the world comes to a screeching halt once again. Makoto wishes it would, anyway - he'd give anything for time to freeze so he could get the hell out of there before inevitable hell rains down.

Haruka looks up at her, suddenly unfazed. His stoic expression is one of challenge, daring her to say something.

And she does. She stomps forward, grabbing the cuff of his shirt and pulling him to his feet. She starts screaming something in French, her cheeks turning red from rage.

Haruka yanks away from her grasp, shouting back in Japanese. "It was just a New Year's kiss, Mother!" He cries hysterically. "Nothing else!"

"Just a New Year's kiss? Do you take me for a fool?" She demands, her face flushing darker with alcohol-induced anger. "How long did you think you were going to keep this up, sneaking around in your sweet grandmother's home?"

"I was sneaking around because I knew you wouldn't approve," Haruka shouts back. "That you wouldn't even give me one moment to explain myself, because you don't care!"

"Erika would never do something so inappropriate--"

"It's always about Erika, isn't it?" Haruka interrupts angrily, taking a step closer. "It's always been about how perfect Erika is and how Haruka is just a fuck-up in comparison. You don't have to keep lying to me, I know you wish I had died instead of her!"

The silence in the room follows the ringing sound of a slap echoing against the walls.

Haruka holds his cheek, biting back tears.

"Lucinda!" Miss Amakata shouts. "How dare you!"

"That's not true," Lucinda ignores her, narrowing her eyes at her son. "I just don't understand why you've turned out like this," She makes a twisting hand movement in Makoto's general direction. Makoto looks on, his face ghostly pale. "This is not the way your father and I raised you."

"Because the way you raised me was totally fine the way it was," Haruka starts to cry, blubbering each word. "Never being home, and when you are, you're either drinking, yelling at me for screwing up everything, or both. But you go out into the world and act completely normal. Why do you hate me so much, Mother? What did I possibly do for you to look at me like you are right now?"

"I don't hate you, Haruka," She says quietly. "I just hate what you've become. You were happier before, when Erika was alive. And then you shut everyone else out of your life. And now you want to participate in this kind of lifestyle, going completely against everything we believe in--"

"Everything you believe in," Haruka corrects quickly. "You. Not me. And I love Makoto, okay? I'm opening up to him, isn't that what you want? I've finally found someone who I can actually trust and want to be around, unlike you," He practically spits out the word, "Who never wanted to deal with me in the first place."

"If you care about him so much more than your own family, then you can get out of ours," Lucinda threatens. "Make your choice, Haruka. Think about who's going to stay with you forever; your parents, or some random boy."

Makoto's eyes widen when Lucinda's words dance throughout the air.

Haruka can't choose his parents, because he'll continue to suffer each day. But he can't choose Makoto either, because he--

This was Chaos' plan, wasn't it? He realizes. Whatever he did to Haruka's mother, it was on purpose to make her react this way.

His fists clench at his sides as he bites back his anger. How dare she. How dare she.

Haruka staggers backwards, his eye twitching in contempt "I pick Makoto," He says. "He's loved me more than you ever have."

"Fine," Lucinda hisses. "Be selfish and unappreciative. See if we care. But don't come running home to us when Makoto leaves you, just like everyone else has."

Makoto can practically feel the stake go through Haruka's heart as he holds on to him.

"Now, Lucinda, that's a bit extreme," Mr. Amakata says cautiously, holding his hand out. "Maybe you should go to sleep, rethink this, and we can all talk calmly in the morning when your head is clear."

"I'm thinking perfectly fine," She insists, her head whipping around to look at him. When she sees his scared expression, she laughs dryly. "Clearly I've overstayed my visit. Fine. We'll be out of here by morning," She announces, stepping over the broken glass on the floor. "Remember your choice, Haruka. And you," She looks to Makoto. "I'll never forgive you for what you did to my son."

And with a flick of her raven hair, she storms out of the room and into her guest room. Her husband follows suit, following behind her like a lost puppy. Makoto expected him to say something, anything to his son, but he kept quiet. Makoto wondered if the silence was better or even worse.

"Wha- what just happened," Mr. Amakata says in shock, looking around at the state of chaos around the house.

Miss Amakata rushes towards Haruka. "Haruka-kun, are you alright? I'm so sorry," She pulls him into a hug. "She's drunk. She probably didn't mean all that."

"Drunken words are sober thoughts," Haruka mumbles into her shoulder. "I knew it was simply a matter of time before she found out, anyway."

"You mean she didn't know about you and Makoto?" Miss Amakata pulls away to look at him, shocked. Haruka's face is filled with just as much surprise.

"You mean, you did?" He asks.

"Well, of course," She laughs nervously. "I know you, honey. I'm around high schoolers all the time, I can tell when they have feelings for another. I could tell before you knew yourself."

Haruka blushes in embarrassment. "Oh," Is all he can say. "And you're not mad? You're not going to hit me like my mother did?"

"Haruka-kun, of course not!" She gasps incredulously, pulling him in for another hug. "I love you so much. There isn't anything in the world you could do to change that. I want you to be happy, baby. And Makoto gives you that, so I'm very grateful for that." Her eyes lift to meet Makoto's, and he smiles sheepishly, his cheeks flushing pink.

"Amakata-chan," Haruka sniffles, unable to hold his tears for a moment longer. "Can I stay with you guys for a little bit? I'm too scared to go home."

"You're always welcome with us, Haruka," Mr. Amakata promises, coming in to put a hand on his shoulder. "We love you, kiddo."

"Yeah, Haruka!" Asuka chips in. "We all could tell you were gay. But we love you anyway."

Haruka snorts. "Wow. Okay."

"But if Makoto makes you happy, then we're happy too!" She quickly corrects herself after seeing a side glare from her mother. "We wouldn't want anything less for you, especially after everything you've been through."

That's it. Haruka can't take a moment more, and the floodgates open. He crumples into his aunt's arms, sobbing into her shoulder. His uncle and cousin cradle him from all angles, comforting him and whispering things Makoto can't hear.

He stands awkwardly, watching the whole scene unfold. He's not sure if he should say something, do something, but he remembers this doesn't truly involve him. This is a moment when one family breaks and, eventually, heals.

It's a new day, a new year, and in this moment, it's one step closer to Haruka finding peace.

Finally.