Dylan tapped me on the shoulder as I raised the trombone to my lips. "Hey," he said. "come with me."

"Why?" I questioned.

He shrugged. "Don't worry about it. Just come on."

I raised an eyebrow. "Okay then..." I followed him out the door at the right corner of the band room. "So...what am I doing?"

Dylan pointed to the end of the hall. "Stand over there at attention."

I knit my eyebrows. "What?"

"Initiation," he said. "Stand over there at attention."

"...you're serious?" He had often joked when we did something wrong that he would make us do a fifteen minute initiation. They had talked about doing it in the chat, but I had missed the last sectionals, so I wasn't sure if they were joking or not.

"Yes," he answered., annoyed. "Stand over there at attention with your back turned for 15 minutes. If you put your arm down, move, cough, sneeze, or laugh, I'm going to add on another minute."

I giggled. "You do know that's impossible for me, right?" I asked.

Dylan gave me a look. "Then you're going to be here for a while." He nodded his head towards the hallway. I shrugged. Alright, then. I held the trombone up in front of my chest and positioned my arm in a right angle, parallel to the floor.

The first thing you want to know about initiation: it isn't fun. Being completely honest, I was never mad that I had to do initiation - I do see why they had me do it - but I can't say that I enjoyed it, either. If you asked me to do it again, I would probably say no, but I did not hold a grudge on Dylan afterwards.

Initiation, if you take a glance at it, looks really simple. It's not. It's really not. It's easy for the first two or three minutes, but after that, you start to wish your arm would drop off so you'd have an excuse to put it down. Although the trombone is really light, holding it at attention is like holding your hand up in the air for forever waiting for the teacher to call on you. If you think that's exhausting, initiation is worse. At least in that situation you can switch hands, prop it up with your other arm on your desk, or just flat out give up and wait until the next period to go to the bathroom. In this situation, moving is just going to give you even more time standing there with your arm up.

So there I was, standing in the middle of the hallway holding a trombone. After about four minutes, Aaron walked up to the door I was standing in front of and raised his eyebrows. I gave him a look that said "don't ask," and he just shrugged and slipped past me.

Luckily for me, I was the only one doing initiation at the time, and Dylan was the only one watching. The rest of the section (that I could hear) was working on On Wisconsin back in the band room. Whenever I was absolutely sure that Dylan was not in the hallway (he was playing his trombone so when it sounded more muffled, I knew he wasn't watching), I brought my arm down for about ten seconds before putting it up again. He never found out, and I didn't get extra time. I was about to, since Dylan came in to tell me that I had two more minutes left, and I thought it was over, so I broke attention. He didn't give me extra time, though. He should have since I was cheating, but he didn't. To be fair, though I did survive for a very long time, I can't keep my arm up for fifteen minutes straight for the life of me.

I'm such a rebel.

For most of this time, I tried to keep my mind off what I was doing as much as possible. Survival tip: put most of the weight of the instrument on your right hand instead of your left. Otherwise, you're just giving your left arm more work while your right isn't doing anything. Come to think of it, I was kind of coaxing myself as if I were dying. It sure did feel like it after ten minutes.

"Times up," I finally heard him say. I dropped my arms and groaned loudly, shaking off my arms. I went back into the band room and everyone kind of cheered...but not really. It was more like "ha ha you just had to stand still for fifteen minutes." I just plopped down the floor, propped my trombone against a chair, and let my arm hang loose on the stool next to me.

"Don't sit down, you got to play with us," said Jessica.

"I can't feel my arm!" I complained.

Jessica laughed. "Yeah, we had to do, like, five extra minutes."

I sat there and watched as they played through On Wisconsin a few times. After about five minutes, Andrea asked, "So, what else do you guys need help with?"

"Everything," I blurted out.

Andrea shook her head. "Which one do you need help with the most?"

I shrugged. "Probably On Wisconsin or Don't Stop Believing," I said

"What? Don't Stop Believing is easy! It's just the same thing over and over again," she explained.

"Really?" I asked.

"We don't play by the music," she said.

"That makes sense," I replied. I had noticed that Dylan's positions were a little off.

I stood up - finally - shook the feeling back into my arm (it was sore for the rest of the day), and grabbed the trombone from the chair. "First, it goes-" she started, after which she played the first five notes. "Three, one, three, one, three," she sang, showing me the positions on her slide.

I put the trombone to my lips and tried it. The notes were pretty high, and it took me a while to reach the first one. I probably would have rage quit at some point if it were not for Andrea standing next to me and inducing me to keep trying. When I was finally able to get the first part down, she then went over the repetitive portion of the song.

It was really simple. Basically, we would just repeat a series of four sections of the part, each consisting of three different notes. She was able to finish explaining, but I didn't have very long to practice because the marching rehearsal was starting.

Looking back, that was the first time that I had really come to want to know Andrea.

.

I got a text from Andrea around 9 o'clock that night.

andrea: Hey guys you still alive after today?

After my little initiation, we practiced the parade a few times and then went over the field show four times in a row. I was so glad I had finished my homework before sectionals.

RainOnAStarryNight: No
My dad yelled at me when I got home and claimed that I hadn't done anything all day

andrea: Dang

Zoe: That sucks

RainOnAStarryNight: Yeah...
*sigh* he's always saying stuff like that after a long day

Zoe: Do you need a hug?

I was kind of shocked by this question. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those anti-huggers, but I never really did it at school because I never really knew anyone that I could talk to.

RainOnAStarryNight: Yes

andrea: Hugs before the parade tomorrow guys!

RainOnAStarryNight: Lol you know I'm going to hold you to that right

andrea: Haha go ahead I'll probably forget tomorrow anyway
Don't forget - you need long black socks for the parade

21jes: And a hair tie

andrea: Yeah that too

RainOnAStarryNight: I don't have black socks

I paused. Would Dad have any? I asked myself.

andrea: Shoot
Does anyone have an extra pair of socks?

I stopped. That's really okay... I thought. I don't want someone going out of their way for me...

Nevertheless, Zoe then texted:

Zoe: I might have a pair

andrea: Yay!
Yeah just borrow Zoe's tomorrow then

RainOnAStarryNight: kk
thx

Zoe: np

I pulled up the menu on my phone, turned on the Do Not Disturb setting, and went to sleep.

.

The parade was for a fair that was located about two hours away from the school. We left the school half an hour after it had ended with our shoes, our instruments, and the uniforms inside the garment bags. I pretty much sat in the same general area as I had on the bus to and from band camp.

When we got to the fair and started to get into our uniforms, I felt so weird actually pulling it out and putting it on. I had been to a lot of other parades for the band (Ms. Blue invited me), and I felt a bit surprised that this time, it was me putting on the uniform, and not just me watching and helping everyone else put on the uniform.

I retrieved my instrument and a bottle of water from the band truck and began to put the trombone together. Next on the list was to grab a pair of white gloves (they looked like Mickey Mouse), put on the shako, and get a plume. Another tip: don't touch the plume. Just don't.

As we were lining up, I was so nervous, but however, surprisingly calm. I was scared to mess up, but I felt like I was ready and maybe even a little excited.

Andrea, keeping to her word, gave us all a hug before the parade. Except for Jayden, of course, who was not a hugger. I still have yet to see the day when Jayden will actually let Andrea or anyone else, for that matter, give him a hug. Caiden needed help to tie his shoes, so I had to take off the gloves to help him - they are a bit too big, so they kind of stick out at the fingertips. He then made a joke about how my plume's shadow made me look like I was doing something inappropriate.

One of the band moms walked around taking pictures as we began to march to the starting position. David called us into parade rest once we got there.

"When we reach the competition portion of the parade," David announced. "We're going to stop wherever we are in the sequence and play Fight Song and On Wisconsin. The judges love the fight songs."

"What is the order?" Kayla asked.

"Don't Stop Believing, 25 or 6 to 4, Fight Song, On Wisconsin!" the band shouted back.

"Band atten-hut!" David shouted. We all snapped into attention.

I quickly realized exactly why Dylan had us do initiation: standing at attention in the uniform for even two minutes was torture. The shoulders of the uniform were really solid - very hard to keep your arm up straight. It got easier as I wore it more often, but that first parade was just miserable standing at attention. I couldn't wait to switch into the attention for the visuals.

The other thing I noticed at the parade: our band is really small. Seventy may seem like a big number at first, but compared to the other bands that consisted of 100 plus members, it really wasn't very large.

"Mark time hut!" David commanded. Where are we going now? I thought. I had not yet realized that the parade was starting until the drum majors blew the whistle for us to put our horns up. Wait, we're going now? I was immediately overcome by a flush of butterflies in my stomach, causing me to miss the first few notes of Don't Stop Believing.

I don't remember much of what happened that first parade, except maybe how tired, out of breath, or insecure I felt. However, I do remember I few things I had learned from that first experience. One, never wear jeans under the uniform. You sweat a lot under that thing (I know, gross, but it's true), and the jeans rub against your legs as you walk, giving you a rash that doesn't go away for a few days. Second, never doubt yourself. If you know how to march, if you know how to keep a tempo and maybe have had prior experience, don't question your sense of rhythm. I was off-step almost the entire parade until I later realized that I was worrying too much about if I was on step or not, confusing my feet and causing me to stumble.

After the parade was over, we were given the opportunity to walk around the fair for a few hours. I was going to ask Jessica, Zoe, or maybe Andrea if I could walk around with them, but I thought I would just be an irritation to them. I later learned that going with another freshman was probably not the best idea.

.

"Let's go look over there!" Staci exclaimed. She pointed over to a stand with a bunch of anime and video game keychains, hats, and plushies at the front of it.

"Totally!" I said, following her as she ran to it.

Unfortunately, I had no money on me, so all that the stand did was give me a major fangirl attack. Zoe walked in at some point and saw me completely fall apart.

"I'm dying, Zoe," I said.

"Why?" she asked.

"She wants to buy something, but she has no money," Staci explained.

Zoe grinned and shook her head, giving me a look. "Staci, let's go before I die."

We left eventually, and by this time it was about 7 o'clock. "Let's start heading back after looking over here," Staci said when I told her. We did...but not in the way we intended.

Long story short, we attempted to find our way back at around 7:20, but we ended up wandering around for 50 minutes trying to find the entrance. We finally found it ten minutes after the bus was supposed to leave.

The next morning, I woke up in tears, the same state that I had fallen asleep in. I had never been so embarrassed in my entire life. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

In middle school, there were quite a few times when I would mess up. Not a big surprise - it happens to everyone. But when I was being reminded about that mistake every single day on a loop, I felt horrible and so angry because I was not the first to make that mistake. More on that later.

I walked into the band room early that morning like I usually did, and I was met by Andrew in the locker room, who said, "So how did your eight hours of detention go?" Apparently, one of the color guard girls was joking that Ms. Blue was going to give me an hour of detention for every minute I was late. I just looked at Andrew and shook my head. It was not a good time for jokes.

I thought that I would never be able to forget what happened, but everyone else did about three days later. I would still have someone mentioning it after that, but I quickly learned that it really was just a joke. Nothing ever changed between any of the band members and I. It really made me question every thing I thought I knew.

Was it possible that I actually had friends in the band?