July 1990

The past few months have been rather eerie. I've seen more death than I ever thought possible, I feared for my life multiple times, and I learned that my best friend is leaving me forever.

I have the weight of the entire world on my shoulders. I feel like I'm just going through the motions at this point. I'm dragging my feet with everything that I do. My passion for almost everything I have ever loved is gone. I don't feel like I'm here anymore.

I felt empty as I sauntered down the dairy isle at the grocery store. It was almost as if a grey storm cloud was looming over my head. I just wanted to be at home and in bed, I could feel it in my bones. My muscles were literally aching to be back home, but I had things to do. I can't just wallow in sadness. But it was like weights were attached to my ankles that I had to drag through the store. The sound of my own footsteps were distant, and I had a blank stare on my face.

Tom has noticed that something has been wrong, he's mentioned it a few times but I don't want to talk about it. If I talk about it, then I'll get upset and cry. I don't want to do that, because it'll make Tom sad and not want to follow his dream. I'd never be able to live with myself if I kept him from achieving that. I love him too much to do that.

I haven't really felt like me in a while. I'm lethargic, I don't want to eat, and I just don't feel like myself. I'm constantly in a state of fear every time I go to work. Am I doing to die today? Am I going to see a kid OD? Am I going to witness my coworkers last breath? Will Tom come home from work safe tonight?

I glanced over at the shelves of milk and my heart literally stopped. My palms got clammy and all the blood drained from my face. I saw a milk carton with Maariyah's face printed on it, including all of her information.

HAVE YOU SEEN ME?

Maariyah Hafeez
Date Missing: May 11, 1990
From: Metropolis, Evergreen State
Last Seen: Metropolis, Evergreen State
DOB: August 3, 1973
Eyes: Brown
Height: 5'7
Weight: 138 LBS
Hair: Brown

If you can identify this youth or have any information regarding any other missing child, report any information you have to:

The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children
1-800-843-5678

Provided as a public service in cooperation with National Child Safety Council

The moment I saw her face, my heart broke into a million pieces. I felt everything all at once. I felt the fear that she had, I felt the terror she experienced, I felt the betrayal of trust that Zain had in me, and I felt the regret and disappointment in myself for not being able to help her. She trusted me, and I failed her.

It took everything in me not to collapse at my feet. I gripped the shopping cart tighter and I could feel my heart trying to burst out of my chest. I wanted to throw up. It felt hard for me to breathe, and my hands started trembling as my eyes well up with tears. I immediately left my cart, half full of groceries we needed, and promised myself that I would go shopping again later when this panic attack subsided.

I covered my mouth with my hand as I found the back door and briskly walked out to my car. My lips flexed into a frown as I fought back the tears that slowly streamed down my face. My shoulders were shaking as my lungs struggled to breathe but I was holding my breath.

I got into my car and finally let myself cry. I sobbed so hard, my chest was cramping and I was hyperventilating as I tried to catch my breath. I leaned against my car door and sobbed into my hand, now getting covered in snot and tears. That weight of the world that I felt on my shoulders was crushing me down, and I couldn't take it anymore.

It took a while, but I finally began to settle down. My cheeks were hot against my hands as I wiped my tears away and I blew my nose with a napkin I found in my cupholder. I leaned back against my chair and pulled the sun visor down and slid open the mirror.

My eyes were still glistening, but I couldn't stop looking at how red and puffy they were. My skin was hot and blotchy, with shiny marks of where my tears traveled down my cheeks. I quickly pulled the visor back up and rubbed my eyes with my fingers. Once I was ready, I drove back home.

I know that crying doesn't fix anything, but it felt good to let it all out. I really should talk to someone about this because I know it's not good to keep it bottled up inside. I did that for years, and all it did was cause more issues. I just don't want anyone to think that this job is too hard on me. I know I can handle it, but sometimes it can be a little too much.

I decided not to go back in for the groceries. There was no way I'd be able to walk past the milk again like it was nothing. Hopefully Tom won't be too tired after work and he'd be willing to go back tonight. I know that he will understand why I had to leave.

I spent the rest of the morning anxiously cleaning the entire apartment. I got into a groove, so I cleaned our bathroom, the bedroom, living room, and got started on the kitchen. The only break I took was to take Swayze on a little walk so he could burn some energy. It helped keep my mind occupied so I didn't spiral again. Swayze has become such a great emotional support for me, and he is just the cutest little guy. He is my little ball of sunshine and I tell him every day.

I was in the middle of washing the dishes when I heard keys jingle outside the door. My eyebrows stitched together as I glanced at the clock and saw that it was just after three in the afternoon, so I was surprised that Tom was home from work already. I glanced over my shoulder to see the door open and Tom was getting dragged in by Doug.

I wiped my hands with a towel and asked, "hey, what's going on?"

"Tom got into a bit of a pickle over at West Jefferson High School," Doug answered and carried Tom to the couch. Tom's arm was over his shoulders, and Doug dropped him at the couch. Doug continued, "someone over there rattled his brain. I think he has a concussion."

I threw the damp towel on the counter and turned off the faucet. I walked up to Tom and Doug and noticed cotton was shoved up his bleeding nose. Tom was staring at the wall, as if he was looking through it. He blinked slowly, and breathed out his open mouth. Tom is a tough guy, and can throw a strong punch. He must have been taken by surprise, because I have never seen him like this after a fight before.

"Did he get a nose bleed?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's not broken though. I checked," Doug said.

"That's good. Hey, Tom, are you okay?" I asked and gently rubbed his shoulder.

"My head hurts," he said bluntly and allowed his heavy eyes to close.

"He said earlier that his ears were ringing. He's been dazed all afternoon, and I think his vision is a little wonky," Doug said and shoved his hands in his pockets. "He wouldn't let me take him to the hospital, but I'm sure he will be fine. We just have to make sure that he doesn't fall asleep."

"Okay," I said, mentally writing down everything he said. I quickly tip toed to the bedroom where I saw little Swayze laying down on the bed, but his head shot up and his fluffy eyes ears perked up when he heard me. I carefully shut the door so he did not run out and bother Tom.

I headed back to the couch and Tom's eyes were open again and he said, "it feels like I have a million bricks on my head... pulsing, womp womp womp womp. It feels like my head is exploding." Tom closed his eyes again.

"No sleeping," Doug scolded as I walked to the kitchen to get Tom a cold washcloth. I ran it under cold water and twisted the fabric so the water dripped off.

"I'm not," Tom answered. I walked back over to the couch and set the washcloth on Tom's forehead and he thanked me.

Doug turned to me and asked, "is there anything I can do?"

"No, I don't think so," I said as I looked at Tom, wondering what I'm going to do with him. "Did he lose consciousness?"

"No, but he did throw up," Doug answered.

"I did?" Tom asked.

"Yeah, man," Doug said.

"What the hell happened to him?" I asked. I noticed Tom begin to nod off so I grabbed a spray bottle that I use to water our little plants around the apartment and I sprayed him a couple times and he jolted awake. I got the idea after spraying Sydney Goodman while she was flirting with Tom. It is pretty effective.

"I was teaching him how to hit his head with a hammer," Doug said sarcastically. "Some kid thought it would be funny to smash his head into the sidewalk."

My lip flexed at the visual of Tom getting thrown to the ground. This was just another thing that I'm going to overthink about until I spiral. I shook the image out of my head and I said, "okay. I'll keep an eye on him."

I began to walk with Doug to the front door and he said, "let Tom know that he doesn't have to come out with us tonight."

I began to open the door and I asked, "he was supposed to go out with you tonight?"

"Yeah, he was supposed to go out for drinks with me and Ioki for a boys night. You are okay with boys nights, right?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"I dunno. Some girls aren't fine with it, for some reason. Dorothy hated it when I went out with my friends. I think Jackie did too."

"Dorothy wasn't exactly the best person," I chuckled. Dorothy was nice and all, but she just got jealous really easily. Their relationship was not very healthy. And of course I have my issues with Jackie.

"Yeah, I know."

"Thanks for bringing him home," I said.

"Any time," Doug said and stepped into me for a friendly hug and he quickly pecked at my cheek.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I said when we released.

"See you," he said and walked out of my apartment and down the hall.

I closed the door and made my way back to the couch. I looked down at Tom, who had his eyes closed. I refused to let him sleep so I grabbed the spray bottle again and sprayed him.

"What was that for?" He asked and sat up straight while wiping the water droplets from his eyes.

"You have a concussion, you aren't allowed to sleep," I told him.

"No, I don't," he said.

"Yes, you do," I said back.

"What?" He asked while looking up at me with squinting eyes. I figured that the living room light was too bright, so I walked to the light switch and flipped the light off. There was still plenty of natural light filling the room from the window.

"Were you listening?" I asked as I walked back up to him.

"Yes," he said and the washcloth fell from his forehead and onto his lap. His face was pale and I saw the egg shaped lump on his forehead.

"Then what did I say?" I asked.

"I—um... you are pretty even if you're a little blurry," he said as he grabbed the washcloth again and leaned his head back and placed it back on his forehead.

"Flattery will not get you out of this. Can you remember three things for me?" I used my knowledge of concussions from my short amount of time studying in medical school and sports to try to confirm my suspicions.

"Yes."

"Fire truck, tooth brush, and a square."

"Okay," he said confidently.

"Are you hungry?" I asked him.

"No."

"What did I tell you to remember?"

"What did you tell me to remember?" He asked. His speech was very slightly slurred.

"Tom, you have a concussion," I said frankly, hoping he remembered enough that this proved it.

"I'm sleepy."

"Does your head hurt?" I asked.

"Yeah." He winced when he touched his forehead.

"Let me find you some Tylenol, it should help with your headache."

I snuck into the bedroom to get to our bathroom and searched through our medicine cabinet for the Tylenol. I finally found the bottle but noticed that it didn't rattle when I picked it up. I opened the lid and saw that it was empty. I blew air out from between my lips in frustration, but then I found a container of children's aspirin that was completely full.

I let Swayze wonder free around the apartment as I got back to Tom and sprayed him once more with a spray bottle. He shot up and shook his head gently. I handed him eight tablets after calculating how much medicine was in one children's aspirin and how much an adult should take. I gave him some water, and handed him the pills which he took without hesitation.

"I'm going to finish with the dishes. Do you want me to turn on the television for you?" I asked him. He grunted, which I knew meant yes. I walked to the television set and pressed the power button, and used the buttons to change the channel to something that Tom would enjoy. Once I found a rerun of Hawaii Five-O, I lowered the volume so it wouldn't bother him and then I walked to the kitchen.

I periodically quietly walked to the couch with soap dripping off my hands to check on him, but he was always awake. Once I was done with the dishes, I dried off my hands and quickly cleaned the floor before I sat next to him on the couch.

"How are you feeling?" I asked him. It's been nearly a half hour, so the aspirin should have kicked in by now.

"Actually, my head does not hurt at all. What did you give me?" He asked. He seemed a little perkier, but still a bit dazed.

"I pumped you full of children's aspirin," I told him.

"You know, it's funny. I remember, um, getting to the school. And then, uh, I was walking, I guess. I-I just... I cannot picture it. Then I was on the ground, and now I'm home."

"That's pretty common. It's just short-term memory loss from the bump on your head," I told him. I was afraid that he might get anxious from his memory-loss. I know I would. "Let's get you comfortable."

I grabbed a pillow and rested it against the arm of the couch and told Tom to lay across the couch. He looked at me, but it felt like he was looking through me. His eyes were trying to focus, but I stopped watching when I went into the bedroom to grab him a blanket.

When I came back, I draped the gray blanket over him and he asked, "I can't sleep?"

I shook my head, "no, but you need to rest. I can keep the boob tube on, or I can turn on the radio."

Tom thought for just a moment before he said, "TV."

"Fine, but try not to look at the screen. Turn your brain off."

"Don't need to tell me twice," he said and relaxed into his pillow. Then he sighed and said, "I'm beginning to really hate this job. I'm not as young as I used to be, I can't keep up with the kids anymore."

"That's okay," I said to him softly. I sat down by his feet and realized his shoes were still on. I carefully slipped off his brown shoes and placed them on the ground with a soft thud. He already told me that he was leaving Jump Street, so I assumed that events like this was a major part in his decision to leave. If this happened to me, I would probably want to leave too.

He lifted his head up to look at me and he said, "I think I want to marry you today."

"I think you hit your head a little harder than we thought," I joked with him.

"No, I'm serious. I want to have kids with you. I want to have those lazy Sundays where we eat breakfast in bed together. I want to watch Looney Toons and cuddle with our kids while the sun is shining brightly outside. When we turn old and gray, I want to be glad for the life I've lived with you."

I sighed softly and gave him a pleasant smile. I would jump at the opportunity to marry him if we could. But if he is going to be leaving for five years, there is no way he would agree to it. He won't let us get married, because he wants me to be happy and he thinks that I'll only be happy if I let him go and find someone else. I don't think that will ever happen.

"We will talk about it later," I promised him.

Tom let it go and tapped his chest with his hand. He looked at me and did it multiple times, like I was supposed to know what that means.

"What are you doing?" I chuckled.

"Come 'ere," he said.

I hesitated because I didn't want to hurt him, but I finally got on my hands and knees and carefully crawled over him. I gently lowered myself down and rested my head on his chest, and I faced the television screen. I felt Tom put his heavy hands on my back and he rubbed his fingers up and down the length of my back, scratching softly. His heavy breathing made my brain melt. I scratched the fabric of his shirt gently, and I could feel him relax. I soon drifted off to sleep.

I may not have known what was going to happen with us, but there was one thing I knew for sure. I was crazy and stupid in love with him.

Hope you enjoyed 💕
Next chapter is the last assignment that Tom and Mickey have together 😢😢