I curse.

I am gripping the wheel so tightly that, if I looked at them, I would probably find that my knuckles were white. I'm thirteen, what am I doing?

Why did I agree to get the car? Why did I have to cause all of this in the first place?

No one would say it, but I know most of them are probably thinking it. If I hadn't joined those soldiers, there is a decent chance that Petrovich would have gone looking someplace else for Superiors, found another unlucky group to drain blood from and run tests on.

But I was dying to be a war hero, wasn't I?

That girl, Brynn, I never knew her, but she died because of me.

It is strange how guilt works sometimes. When I thought I had killed Jason and Shemik, and I thought Rosalie was gone too, I let myself feel bad about it all. I let myself be the coward I knew I was, let myself drown in self-pity and allowed myself to focus on how much Lilian, Emilio, and Theo most likely hated me.

Now, I can't bring myself to do anything of the sort. It is as though I've resorted to my old coping strategies, pushing everything aside the way I did when my cousin, my parents, and my uncle each met their deaths. I keep moving, stop thinking, and get things done in an attempt to distract myself for long enough to get over some of what has happened.

I'm not sure if it will work, but this strategy has gotten me through the darker days in my past, so right now it is the only option I have.

One of my hands moves off the wheel as I take a deep breath, turning the small dial that controls the radio.

Static.

More static.

And then a news broadcaster's voice.

I sigh, relieved that the silence will no longer be driving me mad as I make the five-minute trip back to the building where I left the others. I listen to the man speaking as I make the turns. He is talking again about a treaty, something everyone on the news always used to talk about. Everyone is looking for a treaty, some meaningless document to put a stop to the fighting long enough to work out a better resolution.

No one can find a solution, though, and no one has come up with any acceptable treaty.

I end up tuning out the broadcaster's words, letting them drone on as background noise as I make the last turn. I pull the car onto the pavement in front of the dull brick building where I left the others, deciding to leave it running as I open my door and climb out. It is beginning to rain, and I am unable to stop the combination of English and Russian curses that slip from my mouth at the drops of water.

I hate rain.

Walking around the corner of the building, I brace myself to deal with Emilio. No matter what I do, I highly doubt that he plans on trusting me any time in the near or distant future.

I don't blame him, don't blame any of them, at all for it.

It's acceptable, and I deserve to be treated like the traitor I was.

Emilio is nowhere to be found on this side of the building, and it only takes a moment for me to realize the same can be said for Shemik. Lilian, Jason, Rose, and Theo are sitting as close together as they can get, so quiet I fittingly feel like I am at a funeral. Rose is on Theo's lap, the British boy rubbing the small girl's back and murmuring "shh" over and over. I notice now that she is crying silently, her shoulder's shaking ever so often. Jason is staring vacantly into space, as though he may be in shock from it all. Lilian looks like my best chance for answers.

"Lilian?"

She flinches slightly at my voice, looking at me after a few hesitant seconds. She looks slightly more alive, and I notice the empty packet on her knee. Someone must have gotten her something to eat, I realize.

"Dimitri?" Her tone is neutral, though the look that crosses her face is an apprehensive one.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing. Don't worry."

I wasn't necessarily worried before, just a bit puzzled. Now, though, I find myself more and more concerned with each second.

"Someone tell me what is going on." I sound more menacing than I meant to, and I grimace, "Emilio and Shemik do not usually disappear without a good reason."

"What's it to you?" Theo snaps, looking at me with a wary expression.

I sigh, deciding that my best and only option is to sit down and wait for the older two to get back from wherever they've gone off to. I've barely made up my mind when two figures make their way around the back corner of the building, walking slowly toward us.

I recognize Shemik and Emilio pretty quickly, and I have to admit I am incredibly relieved.

Emilio, I notice, is gripping Shemik's wrist as though he is afraid of letting go. His gaze lands on me straight away, and I watch him take a deep breath.

"At least you came back."

I snort, fighting to avoid rolling my eyes.

"The car?" Emilio presses, still looking at me. I find myself shifting from one foot to the other, his continuous stare making me unexplainably nervous.

"It is in the front. It's ready when you are, unless you are going to disappear again." I don't know what comes over me, but the stress and emotion of the day is catching up with me in a hurry, and I am unbelievably annoyed that the two of them would leave the younger children alone in a time like this.

Emilio narrows his eyes at me.

"I don't know what you're accusing me of, but it's not smart to talk about things you don't understand." he snarls.

Shemik lifts her head slightly to meet his gaze, and I get a decent glimpse of her face. It takes me less than a second to realize that she looks terrible, as though she has been crying equally as much as Rose. Even though I could, I decide not to ask any more questions for the time being.

No one speaks. For a minute, no one moves. Then Lilian stumbles to her feet, still a bit shaky but seeming to manage well enough on her own. Theo and Rosalie move to follow her, Jason becoming the last to stand.

"Please," Lilian murmurs, "I want to get out of this place."

I think all of us do, and as quickly as possible.

We start walking, moving toward the front of the building and reaching the waiting car.

Emilio looks us over, expression calculating as he counts us.

"Rose and Jason, you'll be sitting on someone's lap."

The two youngest nod, heads moving up and down mechanically. I can't stop pitying them. Kids their age shouldn't be dealing with real life nightmares like this.

I move to the right rear door of the car as Shemik trails behind me. She has escaped Emilio's grip, but I can still feel him staring at the both of us. I ignore him, pulling open the door and situating myself in the middle of the backseat. Shemik sits next to me, Closing the door as Lilian and Theo contemplate which of them is going to sit on my other side. Emilio hasn't gotten around to the driver's door yet, and the temporary silence in the vehicle is threatening to drive me mad.

"I'm sorry."

I don't realize I've spoken at first, though it doesn't seem to matter that I did. Shemik keeps her gaze on the others, watching them through the window as I try to figure out which of my actions I am apologizing for.

"I get it," I ramble on, "I tried to kill you. You deserve to hate me, and I'm not going to s-"

"No." She speaks so quietly that at first I am not sure I heard correctly. She pulls her gaze from the window to look at me.

I stare at her, trying to make sense of her reasoning or lack thereof.

"You don't hate me?"

Shemik shakes her head.

"Well, you should. Brynn is dead because of me. If I hadn't run off to fight, the commander would have looked someplace else for Superiors. He probably wouldn't have captured Emilio, Lilian, or Theo. You wouldn't have had to come here. Brynn would still be ..."

Shemik raises a hand.

"Don't blame yourself."

I roll my eyes at this, knowing her well enough to see that she's already convinced herself who is at fault for it all.

"You shouldn't either." I sigh.

Theo opens the door on my left, sitting down next to me and giving me another one of his looks.

"Leave her alone, will you?" Theo orders.

I don't say another word as Rose climbs across Theo and me, curling up on Shemik's lap and gripping one of the older girl's hands as though her life depends on it. Rose keeps looking between Shemik and me, as though she might be afraid I am going to cause some sort of harm.

Jason is next, sitting on Theo's lap as he accidentally slams the door. The backseat is only supposed to seat two people comfortably, and in the current arrangement I seem to be the one in the most undesirable position. I can scarcely move, afraid of elbowing Shemik or Theo in an attempt to get somewhat comfortable.

Rose is still wearing her pack, while Theo's has found its way under my feet.

We may not know where we're going, but at least we won't starve on the way there.

Emilio climbs into the driver's seat, Lilian sitting up front next to him. He begins to maneuver the vehicle down the street, muttering constantly under his breath in Italian.

I let myself wonder what he is saying before closing my eyes. Who knows how long we will be in this car, and it can't hurt to try for some sleep.

Whether or not I will get any is another question entirely.