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chapter twenty-five ━ i hear the voices screaming

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THOMAS COULD SENSE that she needed space. Every single morning he would find himself being the first one of them to wake up and make breakfast, his mate still curled up in the bed, suffocated by blankets, soft snores leaving her slightly parted lips. It would give him the chance to finish up a song, jot down lyrics, or come up with a concept, all while flipping pancakes and putting bread in the toaster. And by the time Athena woke up, trudging over in an oversized sweatshirt of his that covered the shorts she wore to bed, yawning while rubbing her fists to her eyes like a baby would, his notebook would be safely tucked away from her curious eyes. It wasn't that he was secretive but it was embarrassing since most of his songs were about her. The point was, he was the first one awake, always, no question about it. And yet, the morning after Haley came to them, he found his bed empty and cold.

She was gone, her pajamas neatly folded on his dresser, an empty blood bag in the trash by the island counter. He felt his heart sink when he could not seem to find a note or any indication that she would be returning. She hadn't sent a text or anything either, making him worry that she was upset with him about something. Then, after sitting at the bar in his kitchen, staring at his lock screen, waiting for her to call him or send a message, he realized just why she had gone. Haley. After yesterday she was tense, clearly in distress over the fact that there was another Gilbert in their midst. Sure, she was extremely capable of killing her or doing worse, but what would be the consequence? The Mystic Falls gang reigning hell on them, bringing more pain and tragedy to the Mikaelson family. As angry as Athena was, she wouldn't risk it, he knew that.

He told himself she needed space and that he couldn't be next to her all the time even if he wanted to be. He couldn't be clingy every second of the day, all couples needed some form of distance. But sitting there alone in his apartment, his leg bouncing up and down, a clear sign that he was anxious for her return, he found it difficult. A thousand years they stayed together, side by side, wandering around the Other Side together, best friends. He looked after her, took care of her. They were hardly ever apart, not even when they got into arguments and she was left crying or pouting somewhere near him. God. Seeing her cry was torture in it of itself. The way her eyes would water, turning red as tears would fall down her cheeks. She'd sniffle and wipe her face with her arm, turning away from him so he couldn't see. Seeing her upset, was hell.

Pathetic, a voice in his head sneered, the tone disgusted, revolted, furious. She'd be better off without you, boy. Look at you, desperate to have her by your side. You can barely survive without her.

Thomas couldn't, he really couldn't. The idea of being separated from her, from being apart ever again hurt so much that he rather live with a knife stuck in his chest, piercing through his heart, for the rest of his life. He'd lose his mind without her, he'd lose the battle that raged inside of him every moment she was away from him. The voice in his head would win and he'd give over to the abuse, he knew he would. It was humorous how he was taught growing up that women were meant to bow to men, how their only purpose was to spread their legs and nine months later bear a child. And still, despite those lessons, he had the firm belief that he was meant to bow, that he was meant to do anything his lover wanted him to do, that he must put her needs, wants, and pleasure before his own.

You always were too soft, it's why I had to make you stronger. What a disappointment you turned out to be. The voice scoffed at him, making him hang his head, shutting his eyes tightly. Look at you, you're weak. And to think you were meant to be a king. You put shame on our family.

The glass of water in his hand shattered, snapping him out of his trace. Thomas put his head in hands, his body trembling, his breath becoming erratic. He could feel the imaginary whip meeting his back, could hear his screams echoing, could taste the blood pooling in his mouth from previous punch to his face. It was hard to bite back a sob, his eyes burning with the tears that threatened to spill over and race down his cheeks. And there was no one around, no one to make the flashback stop. He couldn't call her, he wouldn't. She needed time, he could suffer on his own. At least the voice stopped.

I'm not gone, son, I never am.

"Get out of my head," he choked, gripping each side of his head, yanking on his ginger hair, the glass shards digging into his palms, blood dripping onto the counter, getting on his scalp. "Get out, get out." It had been so long since his trauma had plagued him and he truly thought that after a thousand years he was finally moving past it and would be able to move on. He did move on. So if that was the case, why wouldn't the nightmare leave him alone? What was happening to him?

You're weak, you don't deserve a crown, a pack, a mate, a family, nothing. You deserve nothing. What have you done? How have you proven yourself? Those wolves don't want to follow you because they know you are nothing but a broken mess. Give up.

And he did. He almost did.

———

The smell of the hot chocolate brought warmth and comfort to her when there was no one around to back her up or calm her down if something went wrong. Athena never realized just how angry she could get sometimes. It was hereditary she supposed, seeing as every one of her siblings had a rage that went unmatched by anyone else on the face of the Earth. So it was extremely hard for her to hold herself back, to keep herself calm. Her hand was shaking lightly but her grip on her cup eased her anxiety. She was really, really trying not to lash out and slap the woman across the face. Maybe she wasn't like Elena but she did want to take that risk?

Haley said nothing, sipping her own drink as her eyes went anywhere but the Queen. Her heartbeat was not steady, going between rapid and slightly normal though it never fully reached a human speed. Good, she should be afraid of her. There was a clear power difference between them because all it took was one quick snap for Athena to break her neck, killing her for good. Haley knew that. She was not stupid nor was she suicidal. She sat there patiently, unable to sit still, swallowing thickly as she tried to enjoy her drink. And she honestly did not expect the older girl to be the first one to say something, even though she herself hadn't spoken a word since they sat down.

"Are you going to keep avoiding looking at me or are you going to explain what the hell you were talking about earlier?" The tense atmosphere dimmed when she spoke up, making Haley silently thank her for being brave enough to do so. "You can't exactly come waltzing in here declaring that you are mine and Thomas's so-called 'knight' and not elaborate on it."

"It's all I know," she replied honestly, looking up at her finally, meeting her eyes to see her already looking back at her. "This witch kidnapped me, told me I'm the Knight for the Nyxs, and then left it at that. I know nothing else, I swear." She took a deep breath and slouched back in her seat with a loud sigh. "I just wanted to tell you before you found out on your own and assumed I was keeping secrets."

"How kind," Athena hummed, clenching her jaw, forcing the words through her teeth. "Even if you are telling the truth, I find it hilarious that some force from the great beyond decided that a Gilbert was worthy enough for the title, considering your niece is responsible for the death of two of my siblings and for tearing my family apart."

"I didn't choose this! You can't blame this on me."

The Queen narrowed her eyes and then scoffed, shaking her head. "And can't expect me to trust you or anything that comes out of your mouth. If you are as considerate as you are trying to come across as, maybe, put yourself in my shoes. Think about how difficult it was for me right now. All I can think about is tearing your vocal cords out and yet I'm holding back because I want to believe you're a good person."

Haley fell quiet and Athena knew she was thinking about what she had said. She closed her eyes and let go of her cup, pressing a hand to her forehead, reigning herself in before she said something she would regret. Once again they were drowning in silence, the obvious distrust between them the product of something that was out of both of their controls. And even if she wanted to hate Haley, she couldn't because there was no reason to yet. Still, she could not bring herself to trust her. She needed proof before she could make a choice of whether she was good or not.

"I wish I knew more," Haley admitted, shrugging her shoulders, her voice quiet, soft. "But I don't, the witch was vague, didn't even give me her name. If I'm being entirely honest, she gave me the creeps."

"Most witches have that effect. Unfortunately for you, you're human, vulnerable to their attacks. You're lucky to have gotten out without being cursed or something." The girl took a sip of her hot chocolate, getting some whipped cream on the tip of her nose. She huffed, rolling her eyes to herself once she realized it, tilting her head back with her tongue out of her mouth, trying to reach it. "Ugh!"

Haley felt every ounce of fear she felt, vanish within an instant. Athena looked so incredibly human at that moment. She would go as far as to say she looked innocent. It was such a mundane thing to do and it was cute watching her get frustrated over the fact that she could not reach that one dot of creamy goodness. She relaxed as she watched her, letting her do what she needed to do. Maybe she was wrong to be afraid of her or to even entertain the idea that Athena Mikaelson was anything but a good person. If anything showed that the girl still had something human inside of her, it was this.

"Need help?"

"No! I got it, I'll get it," she told her, sticking her tongue back out again, wiggling it around until she finally, finally got it, scooping it off her nose and then devoured the speck of whipped cream. She gave a cheer, throwing her hands up in the air. "Hell yeah!"

"Good job," Haley chuckled, holding her cup to her lips before taking another drink. Athena laughed happily, clearly still pumped about what she had just accomplished. She found herself smiling as the girl went back to drinking her hot chocolate, careful not to tip the cup far enough to where she'd get more of her favorite dessert on her nose. And she didn't say anything either, letting her enjoy her moment of happiness and pride, knowing it was probably one of the few times she got to show the kid side of herself, the side that had been forced down over a thousand years ago.

If there was anything that she learned while sitting across from the person she was meant to fear, it was that Athena Mikaelson was not the monster some members of the Mystic Falls gang made her out to be.

———

Nathan did not think that walking down an alleyway, after stopping by the bar to get himself a couple of drinks, would be a problem. He was a wolf for crying out loud, he was perfectly capable of taking down any human that tried coming at him. Maybe he couldn't take on a vampire that well or a witch but otherwise, he was perfectly fine and content. He had gone to a small bar on the other side of town to get himself a few glasses of bourbon, needing to clear his head a bit after what happened with Jackson and Oliver the day previous. Nothing positive had come of his attempt to get Athena and Thomas to become their alphas and he just needed a break from it all.

He was by no means drunk, not even tipsy. He had three glasses and called it a day, knowing it would be irresponsible of him to drink his sorrows away and then throw up in a gutter or pass out in the middle of the sidewalk. In his defense, alcohol wasn't even that great. He couldn't bring himself to have more than five glasses before finding himself revolted by the taste, unable to have anymore. So, because he was still very much sober, he could sense the presence of a fellow wolf. At first, he didn't put too much thought to it, but then the presence multiplied and got closer. He picked up the pace, hands in his pockets.

Turning the corner which would put him on the sidewalk of the main street, he was shoved back by a quick force, causing him to stumble back into someone else's chest. Nathan was quick to steady himself, coming face to face with the one person he would expect to do this sort of thing to someone. It was why he laughed bitterly, shaking his head.

"Really, Oliver? What do you want?"

"What do I want?" came the response, sounding amused because they had Nathan outnumbered. There were at least six wolves surrounding him, leaving him powerless. He was by no means powerful enough to take them all on. "What I want is for you to stop bitching to Jackson about making a child and her caretaker our alphas. You're kinda ruining my chances of winning the pack over and I can't have that, can I?"

"Oh, my sincere apologies, let me go get you some flowers and a card to make it up to you," Nathan sarcastically replied which got him a punched to his side, dangerously close to his ribs. It almost knocked the wind out of him, but it drew no sound. He wasn't weak, he could try to fight, though he would inevitably fail.

Oliver grabbed him roughly by the collar of his shirt, shoving him against the brick wall. He raised a fist, ready to punch him, but then suddenly changed his mind, lowering his weapon. "You know what? I'll give you one more chance, buddy." The wolf let him go and then patted him on the shoulder as if they were best pals, together forever, loyal to one another. He even went as far as to give him a smile that was so forced that it looked as if his face would break if he kept it up any longer. "You promise me that you'll drop this sad little attempt and I'll make sure you're left alone. So what do you say?"

Nathan looked at him, staring him dead in the eye. "And leave the pack at your mercy? No thanks." He shrugged off his hand, glaring at him. "I'm not loyal to you, because you're nothing but lowlife scum. I'm loyal to Athena and Thomas. And even if you do somehow manage to become an alpha one day, it won't matter because they are the King and Queen, they own all of us without even trying. And unlike you, they don't abuse their power."

A sigh was his answer for a moment as Oliver took a few steps away from him, rubbing his jaw. The other wolves around them waited for his signal, ready to attack whenever he was ready for them to. He turned around to face him again and shook his head.

"It's a shame, you had potential."

Then he raised his hand and the wolves pounced. Nathan ducked out of the way but there was one of them already in front of him, punching him so hard that it caused him to stumble. Another one kicked the back of his legs, making him fall to the ground. Someone else rose their fist, intending to hit his face again but he managed to be faster, grabbing their wrist and snapping it. The wolf howled.

Oliver growled and stepped forward, giving him a brutal kick to his stomach, making Nathan double-over, groaning in pain. He spat out blood right as someone punched his left eye, sending him fully onto the ground. He butted heads with someone who stupidly crouched down, breaking their nose. A cry echoed through the alleyway. No one came to help him and he honestly didn't expect anyone to. Hell, any human that came to his rescue wouldn't stand a chance.

Someone hit him on the back of his head and that's when his vision went blurry. He laid their limp, weak as they all started kicking him, his bones breaking, blood flowing out of his nose, staining his lips. The pain started to bleed together to the point where he couldn't tell what part of him hurt the most. He truly thought that he was going to die at that moment. He told himself that this was it, this is when he died.

The last thing he saw was Oliver looming over him with a dark smile before the lights went out.

———

Athena wasn't sure what to make of the frantic call she got from Thomas when she and Haley were leaving the cafè. The females had intended to part ways but after she heard her boyfriend's distress, she decided to take the Gilbert aunt along with her as a sort of test. She truly hoped she wouldn't regret it and her instincts told her she wouldn't which was odd. There was no time to think about it more because the situation at hand was much, much more important. She followed his directions, grabbing onto Haley's arm and used her heightened speed to get there faster but he was all the way on the other side of town so it took longer than she would have liked.

Upon arriving, she saw Thomas crouched down next to an extremely bloody and bruised Nathan, though the man was conscious, being supported against the brick wall. The girls hurried over, their eyes wide once they got closer and saw just how bad the situation was. He looked terrible, dry blood pooling around his nostrils, going all the way down to his cupid's bow, nasty bruises already forming on his cheeks and around his eye. There were obvious signs of broken bones, his right leg twisted at an odd angle and his left arm limply hanging at his side. His clothes were dirty, dirt and blood all over them.

"Wow, took quite the beating," Athena whispered, hearing the pained grunt that came from him, acknowledging what she had said. "Oliver is such an asshole." She pressed a hand to her temple, seeing Haley walk closer to the boys out of the corner of her eye. She looked horrified, her eyes full of pain when she saw the extent of his injuries.

"That's an understatement," Thomas growled under his breath, trying his best not to get angry and go after the group of rogue wolves himself. "I'm sorry, man."

Nathan shrugged but even that looked painful. "It's fine, knew what I was getting myself into." He looked up, his vision still hazy so he couldn't quite make out the faces of the girls but he knew fairly well which one was Athena because she was wearing a casual dress like she always does. After staring for a bit longer, he realized who the other female was and if it wasn't for his beaten up face, the blush would have been obvious. "Hey, stranger." He tried to smile but winced.

Both Athena and Thomas frowned in confusion, hearing the familiarity in his tone. They looked to Haley who was still looking at Nathan. There was a softness in her eyes and she smiled sadly at him. "Hi." She glanced at Athena who was still looking at her, not understanding what she was missing. "I have a degree in nursing. If you want I can take him back to my apartment and patch him up as best as I can. I know wolves don't heal as quickly so I can look after him until he's back in shape. This Oliver guy wouldn't expect him to be at my place if he decides to come looking for him."

Thomas did not trust her words, studying her, trying to see if he could find an ulterior-motive. He suspicious because his mate was still, sensing that she still did not believe Haley. So he opened his mouth, ready to decline the offer as politely as he could, when Athena spoke up suddenly, speaking before he could.

"Okay," she nodded, agreeing to the terms. "But if anything happens to him, it's on you."

He stood up, waving his hands, not comprehending why she was making this decision. "What wait?" They all looked at him. "You are going to let her take care of him. I thought you didn't like her, now you're changing your mind?" It wasn't often that he argued with her and now that Atena thought about it, he never actually had. He usually just followed what she said without putting up a fight. She was at loss for a second, not sure what to say to him.

"We'll talk about it later," she told gently, giving him a look, hoping that he understood. Thomas did, letting it go, and nodded. She was doing all of this as a test. She knew that there was a part of Haley that may know what she was doing but it honestly didn't matter. Maybe it was better if she knew that Athena wanted proof and would put her up to certain tasks in order to figure out if she was true.

"Alright, we'll talk later."

"Look, you guys are great but can someone please get me into a nice, comfy bed because I feel like I'm dying," Nathan muttered, closing his eyes. The King rolled his eyes playfully at his friend's dramatic behavior while Athena smiled and laughed a bit, nodding her head. He reached out his good arm even though it hurt to do so, looking up at his future alpha. "Pick me up."

Thomas sighed. "You're a piece of work." He was only teasing and it brought a bit of humor which was needed and greatly appreciated by all parties. He walked forward, reaching down and picked the younger guy up, hoisting him over his shoulder, getting several pained sounds in return. "Hold on, man." As casually as a person could do this, he walked out of the alleyway, going to his car, the weight of the wolf on his shoulder barely fazing him.

Haley followed behind him without a problem, not reacting to the action one bit. Athena, on the other hand, watched him with a blush coating her cheeks. It was the most inappropriate time to find herself turned on. He was strong that's for a damn sure. She looked around her to make sure no one noticed and then hurried to the car, getting in the backseat with Haley, listening to Nathan moan in pain.

"Shut up, you big baby," Thomas said, patting his shoulder.

"Screw you, man."

"You can't screw me, I don't swing that way."

———

Thomas dropped off Haley and Nathan at her apartment, leaving the wounded wolf laying on the couch on top of towels so he didn't get blood anywhere. Athena moved into the passenger seat by the time he came back, driving them back to his place. The car ride was silent and she was secretly thankful because it gave her time to think over what had happened. What did Oliver gain from beating Nathan up and leaving him alive? Didn't it ruin his reputation? If the rest of the Crescent wolves found out, they wouldn't support him, and it would ensure that he would lose his chance to become alpha. So what was the goal? She couldn't come up with an answer and it pissed her off.

After she let her fury and worry fade away, sending a silent prayer to the werewolf ancestors that Nathan would come out of this safe and healed, she let herself think back to Haley. Was it a good idea to leave the two of them alone? She was human yes, but with Nathan injured badly, she did have a significant advantage over him with him bedridden and all. Though this would be a perfect choice for a test, it still made her worry because Haley could mislead them, make them think she wasn't against them and then the moment she got a weapon to harm them, she'd show her true colors.

Letting that horrible thought go, she was reminded of the embarrassing moment she had when Thomas was carrying Nathan to the car, the way his muscles flexed and moved, the way he so effortlessly walked like there wasn't a heavyset body on one, one shoulder. It shouldn't have been a surprise because he was stronger than she was so, of course, he could carry him no problem. Still. It was just such a turn on and she didn't know why she couldn't stop thinking about it. He was amazing in every aspect. He had a brilliant personality, mind, and body, even if she was too shy to look at him shirtless which was so silly to her. He seemed confident in himself. He knew what he was doing all the time, he knew so much.

Suddenly, Athena got a sinking feeling in her chest. She didn't feel confident in herself, it wavered at best. She went through moments of neutrality, insecurity, and pride. She could never seem to settle on one for long before something happened that changed her mind. Her innocence was strong and though everyone around her was adamant about keeping it that way, she couldn't help but see it was a burden. She was learning slowly, the books in his apartment providing her with new words, phrases, and expressions she would shove into her head. He taught her so much because he seemed to know everything. Now that she thought about it, she couldn't recall anything she learned on her own, without help from Thomas directly or indirectly.

How far did his knowledge stretch? Did he know enough about a subject to rival a professor of any major? What did he know? Did he know about every author in existence? Did he know about every type of food or animal or plant known to man? Did he know about sex?

That particular thought was an intriguing one. Did he know? Or was he waiting for her? Athena sunk in her seat a little, looking out the window. Why couldn't she know what a normal person knew? Why was she stuck with a pathetic mindset of a child? Sure, she wasn't a child, not anymore. But because she was forced out of her own childhood, there were moments where she would relapse, it was only normal. Did Thomas think she was mature? He had to right? So maybe he did know about sex, knew about how it actually worked because she knew now that it wasn't what Rebekah told her it was. Babies didn't come from storks. Thomas had to know. And she didn't.

"You okay?"

Athena glanced over, coming to the realization that they were back at his apartment already. The car was parked and off and they were sitting in the parking lot. She blushed, sinking down a bit more. "Yeah, I'm fine." She got so lost in thought that she hadn't even realized they had arrived. He sighed and took out his key, getting out of the car.

When they got inside, she wandered over to the fridge, grabbing a blood bag from inside. She got ready to suck it from the straw but then changed her mind. It wasn't mature. Vampires drank the blood in glasses, not through a straw, like a child. As she popped open the top, pouring it into one of his whiskey glasses, Thomas walked over, putting his elbows on the counter diagonal from where she was standing.

"So, now that we're alone. What were you talking about earlier?"

"Haley got kidnapped by some random Quarter witch who told her she's our Knight. She came to tell me earlier today but apparently that's all she knows. So, I figured, test her, see if she's worthy and all that jazz." She made a gesture with her hand and took a sip of the blood. It felt unnatural and yet she forced herself to do it. "And it occurred to me that we don't know much about this Nyx legend after all. I was thinking we could maybe go find a witch who does."

Thomas nodded, liking that plan from the look on his face. He unexpectedly moved further into the kitchen, pulling a drawer open and grabbed a baby blue colored straw out of it before shutting it closed with his hip. She noticed it once he got closer and tried to push his hand away, not wanting it since it betrayed what she was trying to do.

"No."

"Athena come on. You don't think I know what you're trying to do?" She lowered her hand and looked away. He was quiet for a moment, thinking about what to say. "Do you want it?"

She really was about to say no, she swears on everything she was. But the way he said it made her feel bad. "Fine." She grabbed it from him, dropping it into the glass, sucking some blood through the straw. It felt natural, better than pressing her lips to the rim of the glass. He knew it too because he kissed her temple, returning to his same place, smiling at her in an attempt to cheer her up.

"I think it's a good idea. I'll try finding a witch tomorrow, for now, we're going to relax and spend the rest of the day on the couch, watching movies. Or did you have another plan in mind?"

She didn't reply, staring down at her cup. She felt so stupid, so weak. What the hell was wrong with her? Being so childish all the time, making herself look like a kid. No wonder the wolves didn't want to follow them. Who would want such a naive, pathetic Queen leading them when she's done nothing but proved to them that she can't fight back or stand up to anyone. She didn't even notice she was crying until his hand came up to her cheek, wiping it away.

"Ena? What's wrong? If this about Haley—"

"It's not about her. It's about me." Athena wiped her cheeks, sniffling, looking up at him. "I can't even remember the moment I met you. Do you realize how messed up that is? I'm a child, Thomas. I know nothing but what I've learned from my siblings and you. I'm a nuisance." Then she laughed humorlessly. "I learned that word from you, did you know that?" She shook her head and looked away, not able to stare back at him. He looked upset, hurt because she was hurting. "You deserve better than me."

She walked away, leaving her glass of blood on the counter. He didn't follow her and she didn't want him to. The door closed behind her as she went over to the bed and cried into the pillow, curling up into a ball, letting all of her emotions out. Not even a few minutes later, she stopped, calming herself down. This was ridiculous. Why was she crying? She should be fixing this, she should be fixing the problem. Crying wasn't going to solve a damn thing.

Athena rolled onto her back, getting up and locked the door before returning to the bed, getting out her phone. No more tears. No more feeling guilty about how she acted. She wanted to mature, she wanted to be confident, she wanted to grow stronger. She wanted to be a powerful and respected Queen. But first, she had to learn some things on her own, things that she would keep to herself. In order to gain the boldness she wanted to display to others, she had to learn to love herself.

If only she knew that in the kitchen, the love of her life was suffering silently, listening to the voice of his father telling him how he wasn't worth it and how she was in pain because of him. 

And Thomas believed every single word.

———

And to think I cut out a scene in the hopes of making this chapter shorter, lmao. This chapter ended up being over 5,500 words and I'm in shock. The chapters keep getting longer and longer. Anyways, this chapter is extremely important for a number of reasons and it is an incredibly crucial part of the main plot for this first "season" and some side plots.

The first sexual scene happens in the next chapter ;)

Also, you may have noticed I put a thing at the beginning of the chapter. If we can get to the designated limit for each chapter by the time I post the chapter after it, I would be beyond happy. I spend hours writing for this story and the chapters now are going over 4,000 words each. So if you guys can get us to each limit, I can promise updates will come faster. I really want you guys to show your support on this story, which I am extremely proud of.

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( credit : @pepperronys )