(Joshua's POV - Tue. 15 July 2014)

"Fuck! It's a six-month contract I should have gotten him in the forest..." I seethe through my teeth and my heart suddenly beats so fast in my chest that I feel like my rib cage might break from the pressure.

Fuck!! I just fucked up big time again.

Only twenty minutes ago, we were enjoying a nice and relaxed evening. We left the office at a decent time for once and apart from a report that I need to read tonight, I was expecting a pleasant moment in the playroom, especially after the stressful and boring evening yesterday. Liam was in a great mood, happy and eager to resume a normal rhythm at work. Everything was going well, foreseeing a delightful night, until Liam mentioned Shannon. No, Shannon is not the problem. Liam could have told he was going out with anybody else, that wouldn't have changed a thing.

Ever since I realized my love for him, but even worse, ever since the incident in May, I have felt this horrible fear to lose him. The collar with the GPS device is great and it certainly saved his life, but even with that, he managed to risk his life and I was close to losing him. Now I just can't stand to have him out of my sight. Whenever, he is away from me or at least not watched by someone I trust, I just can't breathe properly. I don't know what I could do more to soothe my fear and it is driving me nuts. I have either Tony or Jeff driving him when he stays at his place, but I just can't ask them to stay out in front of his building for the whole night, right? That might sound stupid, but I just can't help it. Those nights he spends away from me have become like torture to me. So, talk about spending the night out, and my blood takes a sprint through my veins. I absolutely do trust him, I know he won't cheat on me, and I also believe that he would be reasonable enough not to drink too much. I am just scared about his safety! Hence my brief panic-attack when he mentioned the club, but this is not what brought up my anger.

I was a bit upset that Liam forgot about our plans for the week-end, but what exasperated me the most was his insolence and the way he immediately talked back to me when I was about to try and find some compromise with him. I mean, we could have calmly talked it through and found some solutions, but his outburst just ruined everything. He knows that he cannot talk like that and he has become very talented at getting his way through things with me. He has learned to coax me and he usually succeeds pretty well, but he also knows that tackling me operates the other way around. Talking back only results in my anger and this is just what happened. And I lost my control. Again. My words exceeded my thoughts. They were out before I could think twice, barely comprehensible, but still there, freezing me right on the spot.

Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!!! Now I see realization seeping through Liam's eyes and I understand that he easily got what I just said. He just found out that I was responsible for sending Shannon away for two months and he will probably hate me for this. I really fucked up big time. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today. This has always been one of my mottos, and yet, this is one I haven't followed very well as far as this Shannon-thing is concerned. Every fucking day I have been telling myself that I must speak with Liam about it and let him know that I was involved in his friend's latest job. And every fucking day I have been putting this off, taking this or that as an excuse, promising myself that I would do it the following day. So that had to happen and I can only blame myself now.

"How could you this to me? How could you do this to him?" Liam whispers and there's so much contempt, so much disappointment and so much bitterness in his tone that it could kill me right here and right then.

"Liam, please let me explain..." I beg him.

"Explain what?? That you pulled some strings and plotted in my back to have me to yourself? That's fucking sick, Joshua! You sent my best friend away for two whole months and at one of the worst moments of my life! Damn! Did you think I was going to get back to you just because I was feeling alone at home?" Liam screams, glaring at me.

"That was before our separation and it wasn't supposed to be for that long!" I shout back at him, closing the distance between us and trying to wrap my arms around him. "Please, let me explain..."

"No!! You don't touch me!" he screams, pushing me away from him and I am suddenly thrown back to the day he left me. I won't let that happen again! I can't let him leave again without an explanation, but at the same time, I am getting pissed that he won't let me explain the reasons why I did this. When stubborn meets stubborn, it becomes hard for either party to pull out.

"Liam..." I growl, willing myself to calm down and to recover my full self-control. I try to catch him again but he just spins on his heels and heads out of the kitchen.

"Just leave me the fuck alone!" he yells as I follow him in the corridor and toward the entrance hall. I am scared that he is going to leave again, but he is just getting to the staircase. I watch him leap up the stairs and turn left before I hear a door slam shut less than two seconds later. He just went to the guest room. I stay at the bottom of the staircase for a good fifteen minutes, pricking my ears for sounds that he might be packing up or something, but only silence echoes in the house. When I finally move again, I feel like I have been holding my breath for so long and I am almost panting as I go to pull down all the electric shutters and lock all the doors, removing the keys and securing them in a drawer of my study.

I eventually slump down on the couch in my study and close my eyes for a few minutes. I think we both need to calm down before we can resume our conversation. I am so angry at myself for letting those words slip out, especially as I didn't mean them. I just should have told Liam much earlier. I don't have any regret for having sent Shannon away somehow. Even if I felt guilty in the beginning, knowing that Liam was on his own at that time and would have needed his friend, I still don't feel sorry for doing this. It allowed us to mend the pieces of our couple and to develop a steady and strong relationship. The big mistake was to keep it secret from Liam though, and I will definitely need to apologize for that because I can't ask him to be honest to me if I am not honest to him.

After a little while, I fish out my phone from the pocket of my trousers and start fumbling through my favorited contact list. The one person I would like to talk to is currently in New Jersey, visiting his parents and I don't want to disturb him. I'm afraid Cam wouldn't be of much help since he has never been in a serious relationship and he would probably send me to hell. In the end, I hit Aaron's name, thinking that his past stableness will do. I don't really need advice or anything because I know what I have to do; but I feel like talking about it to someone and take it off my chest. For the past few years, Aaron has been a strong shoulder to cry on for all of us; someone we easily turn to because he can quietly listen without judging and provides the best advice when necessary. I just hope that I won't disturb him during the preparation of the club before it opens, but he actually answers after the second tone. I explain him what happened and as expected, he patiently listens to me.

"The good thing is that you have already realized how much of a fool you are..." he says bitterly once I have finished explaining the situation. So much for his not being judgmental. "You need to work on your jealousy, Josh... and I'm not only talking about the fact that you sent that Shannon-guy away from Liam to have him to yourself. For fuck's sake, he is Liam's best friend and you can't break that!"

"Ron, I never meant to break their friendship!" I reply, truly offended by his reasoning. "I swear this is not what I want! I just... Fuck! I'm just scared for him all the time. I hate it when he's away from me. I don't hold any grudge against Liam's friend, but..." I linger hesitantly.

"But you don't fully accept him either," Aaron finishes off for me.

"It's not that I don't accept him, Aaron. He's Liam's friend; his best friend!" I argue.

"But you don't do much to include him in Liam's life, and that's what I don't understand, Josh. Every time I heard Liam speak about his friend, it was always with high esteem. The guy sounds like a kind person and he never meant any offense to Liam. Say whatever you want, Josh, but I still think that you have bias on him because he's kind of... a bit crazy. Maybe you should try and learn to know him?"

"You might be right, but the thing is that Liam always does his best to avoid us to meet. I have told him several times already that he should tell about us to his friend, but he is scared that his friend will reject him. But don't say I'm not trying to include him. I had even suggested to Liam to invite him over at the barbecue party but he refused," I argue.

"And don't you think that another reason for Liam to keep is friend aside could be that he is scared of what you may think about him? Maybe he feels like you are reluctant to accept him?" Aaron suggests.

"I hadn't really thought about that... but he knows that I wouldn't break their friendship! I told him already..."

"Tell him again. And then... Josh, you need to release the pressure on Liam. You are suffocating him and it won't work if you go on like this," Aaron adds with a sigh.

"I know that, but I just don't know how to do this. All these feelings I have for him are just... so overwhelming!"

"That's called love, Josh. Just accept it!" he chuckles, lightening the mood a little.

"I have!"

"Yeah, but now you need to find a happy medium between your dominance over him and giving some slack..."

"But part of our role as Dominants includes that controlling."

"I'm not saying the contrary! You just need to be more subtle about it. Liam wants to go out, then let him go out at some reasonable conditions. Impose your rules without making him feel oppressed. Propose the worst and then compromise to reach what sounds acceptable to you. Be firm on certain things, and let go on others so that he feels like he won some battles. You see what I mean?" Aaron explains and I can totally picture the mischief in his eyes.

"Yeah, I think I do... Thanks Ron!"

After a few minutes of talking about the club, I hang up and decide to call it a day. I feel tired but I already know that my night will be filled with more doubts and worries. I grab the report that I was supposed to read tonight and head upstairs. As I stop by the guest room, I see that Liam is sound asleep, hugging a pillow and curled up on his right side. I cautiously unbuckle his belt and unbutton his trousers before I pull them down and remove his shoes. I retrieve a thin blanket from the closet and pull it over him so that he doesn't get cold through the night, then lie down beside him, only leaving the bedside light on. Concentrating on the document helps me to shove all my thoughts aside for a while, but when I turn off the light at nearly one in the morning, they all get back. The night is long and I see almost every freaking minute change on the alarm clock while I try and decide on what I should do about the things Aaron told me.

At five o'clock, I have had more than enough and eventually get up, giving a soft kiss to Liam's head. I quickly stop by my bedroom to change into my sports clothes and shoes before I head to gym in the basement. Working out is what eventually calms me down and when Liam meets me at breakfast, I feel a little better. He looks a bit calmer too but I can tell that he is not ready to talk. He gives Liz a hug but he barely replies to my good morning, so I decide to postpone the conversation that we need to have to later today. Liz must have felt the tension because as soon as she has served his breakfast, she scurries out of the kitchen and I soon hear her walk upstairs to start doing up the rooms. During our ride to the office, Liam sulks on his side of the back seat, playing some games on his Iphone, and the tension is still obviously high when we part ways in front of the elevators. I do wish him a nice day, but I only get a huff in answer. Hmm this is promising. I guess I deserved it, but I have my limits and he had better change his attitude at some point.

Today is another very busy day for me and the hours pass rather quickly between meetings and calls as usual. I just take a minute in the early afternoon to send a text to Liam. Can we talk it through tonight? ILY. Josh. His answer comes a few seconds later, plain and simple. Okay. Love you too. Liam. Well, I wasn't expecting more anyway, but I really need to sort this out as soon as possible. I will apologize for having kept a secret from him and then, I'm going to follow Aaron's advice and give him some slack. Though not that much. And now, I know how I will do this.

* * *

I finally cut the conference call I started just before we left the office and toss my iPhone on the couch. Damn, this was a long and tricky one but I am glad I asked Liam to meet me at the car at 5:00, even that meant being on the phone during the ride home, because now we can have that conversation. While I was finishing providing a good argumentation to this potential new customer about the seriousness and efficiency of Pierce Construction, Liam disappeared upstairs for a few minutes before he came back down in his swimming trunks and headed for the pool. And this is exactly where I find him, lying on a deckchair after he obviously swam for a while. Droplets are running down his now nicely chiseled chest and his eyes are shut, but I can tell that he is not sleeping from the little smile that slightly tugs at his lips when he hears my bare footsteps on the tiled floor.

"How was your day?" I ask as I lean down to kiss the top of his wet head.

"Busy... you?" he replies, not opening his eyes. Pulling on my tie and undoing the first two buttons of my shirt, I sit down on the side of another deckchair beside him and look at the luscious body which shelters the beautiful soul I have fallen in love with.

"Busy too..." We remain silent for a couple of minutes. I know that he is waiting for me to talk and I just try to find out where I should begin. I guess that some excuses would be in order. Take a deep breath, Josh, and just say it! "Liam, I apologize for... plotting behind your back to separate you from Shannon. It was awfully childish and selfish; and I am sorry; but if I want to be totally honest, I can't really say that I have many regrets about it after all," I say softly. Liam opens an eye and looks like he is about to argue. "Please, let me finish this time," I ask, raising a hand in pleading. His eye closes again and he just sighs in answer. "When the idea popped in my mind, my objective was just to send him away for two or three weeks. I just wanted a little time with you without having to share your evenings with him; I know that it sounds stupid, but that's just what it was. But then, there was that argument between us and I didn't really follow up on what was happening with Shannon, but I sincerely felt guilty when I learned that he would be absent for two entire months, and especially while you would be all alone at your place. Please don't hate me, but I was there when... that Sunday afternoon when Shannon left. Seeing you so sad was... really hard."

"Were you? Why didn't you come to me then if it was that hard?" he asks bitterly.

"How could I? How would I have explained my presence there? How could I be sure that you wouldn't start another scene? The situation was too tricky at the time..." I explain before I pause for a long minute. "I'm sorry, Baby. I know that what I did was wrong, but I just..."

"How were you able to get him a job?" Liam asks dryly.

"Is it that important?" I ask pathetically. He thinks it over for a moment and finally shakes his head. "Liam, when I say that I don't have regrets in the end, I just mean that, Shannon being away allowed us to rebuild our relationship and consolidate it. It also allowed me to have you by my side or at least under Liz's watch at all times while you were recovering and healing from what happened in May. Honestly, I wouldn't have been able to put up with your absence after that. And to be fully honest with you, I don't regret it because I really enjoyed every single night you spent here in Shannon's absence."

"Does that mean that you're going to do it again?" he scoffs, shaking his head with disdain. "Because if you do, you should know that Shan swore that he would never accept a job out of Chicago again, so you'd better play your cards well..." he adds bitterly.

"I said I don't regret it, Liam, but that doesn't mean I would do it again. What I do sincerely regret though, is that I didn't tell you sooner. Once you had healed, I should have admitted that I was somehow behind Shannon's absence and I'm sure that you would have eventually understood why I did this. Maybe. For that, I'm truly sorry, Baby, because I wasn't fully honest to you and I know that it wasn't fair," I explain, the lump in my throat denying me the usual confidence of my voice. There is a long silence and I wait for Liam to react before I go any further. His eyes finally open and he slightly tilts his head to the right to look at me.

"I forgive you, Joshua, but you'd better never do that again... ever. I may be the weak one in our couple, but if you ever play again with my best friend, I swear that I won't forgive you so easily..." he warns me dryly, kind of reversing the usual roles. Anger suddenly fills my veins again and it has nothing to do with Liam's attitude or the fact that he's one to give me lessons when he himself aces at lying. No, this is not what exasperates me. The weak word does. And I thought that after almost nine months in the lifestyle, Liam would have understood how things work!

"YOU.ARE.NOT.THE.WEAK.ONE.LIAM!" I growl in frustration and disappointment, making him startle on his deckchair and all traces of vehemence suddenly fleeing the expression on his face. "Your submissive position doesn't make you weak at all! Haven't you understood that yet? I may appear as the strong one because I give most of the orders and boss you around, but you know that you can always say no, Baby. And that makes you even stronger. You are the one holding most of the power, so you're not weak! Of course, the goal is not for you to say no all the time, because in my role to guide you and to help you to find out what is best for you, I need you to accept most of my rules and propositions, but you always have a say in the decisions..."

"I know! I know that, Josh!" Liam exclaims as he sits up and swings his legs to the side of the deckchair to face me. "I already know all this, and weak was probably not the most appropriate word, but I like to think of you as the strong one. To me, you are the strong one and I need this to trust you. I... I'd just like you to understand that you're not always... easy, but I still need your dominance. And I also want you to understand I need Shannon... and that he needs me too..."

"I do understand that, Baby, and I never intended to break your friendship with Shannon. I admit that I much prefer to have you here with me all the time, but I know how important he is to you; just like Mark, Camden and Aaron are to me."

"I wish I could see Shan as much as I see your friends," Liam mutters.

"Don't get me there, Liam. You know my thoughts on the subject! This is all up to you!" I argue as my right hand reaches for his face to caress his cheek. Liam just sighs in answer, lowering his head and staring at the tiled floor, so I continue with the next part of our conversation. "About this week-end... I'd really like us to go to the Black Diamond on Saturday, so maybe you could go out with Shannon on Friday evening?" I propose, causing him to snap his head up with a small smile.

"Sounds great!" he cheers.

"There will be a few conditions though," I add firmly enough as I stand up and walk toward the end of my deckchair before I turn around to face him again.

"What kind of conditions?" Liam asks warily.

"If you and Shannon are going out clubbing, that's the Black Moon and nowhere else," I first state.

"Why...? We could go to the Lost Paradise... or just anywhere else?" Liam complains.

"The Black Moon, Liam, and I'm not getting back on that," I reaffirm resolutely. He may sigh in annoyance, but I know he will get over. "Then, either Tony or Jeff will drive you there."

"No... no... I... I don't want them on my back!" Liam exclaims.

"Liam, I don't want you guys to take the bus or the train. You know that your safety matters a lot to me!" I insist, slowly leading him where I want him to be.

"If that reassures you, we will take a taxi, but I don't want one of your drivers!" he suggests pleadingly and I realize that Aaron's advice is proving right. I would definitely prefer to have him driven around by one security guy, but a taxi is perfectly fine to me as long as it is booked in advance through a serious company. Offering Tony's services was just a way to show him that we can easily compromise; which in the end is what we are doing. The one important thing to me is that he goes to the Black Moon, so that I can have someone keep an eye on him and this is what I am going to get. I know! This is evil! But compromising to meet my lowest expectations is part of our lifestyle and I just love him too much to take any risk of losing him.

"Fine with the taxi, but please use one of the serious companies we work with at the company. And there's one last condition... or rather recommendation. Be on your best behavior, understood? No abuse of alcohol. You know that the limits are less strict at the Black Moon, so I count on you to remain serious..."

"Yes, yes, yes, I know!!!" he cheers, rising to his feet and throwing himself at me for a kiss. His hands roam all over my chest and then my back as I cup his face and deepen the kiss. I feel them run down and cup my backside before they slowly move to my front. Mmh... I like his eagerness!

"I guess we're all good?" I breathe out, breaking our kiss for the briefest second.

"Nghh... yeah... almost..." Liam moans as his fingers slip between my shirt and the waistband of my pants. Before I can figure out the real motives behind all these caresses, I am suddenly pulled toward him, and because I wasn't expecting this at all, he manages to drag me in his fall as he leans backward into the swimming pool. I hear him burst out laughing before we hit the surface of the water and sink into the depths of the pool. Damn boy!!! I suddenly realize that all these caresses did feel like a body search, like a certain someone was making sure that I wasn't carrying my wallet or phone with me. And here I am, almost fully dressed in the swimming-pool as Liam scurries away from me.

That little minx! I am so going to have his ass for that! And before dinner at that! This boy is really going to drive me nuts before I get old...

Published on 28 Dec 2016

Hahahhaaa I can picture the chase around the pool... I know some of you were expecting a huge argument between them, but I didn't have the heart to do that...

In the next chapter, you'll get to see that night when Shan and Liam go to the Black Moon together, but I also need to edit chapter 3 of the first story before I start working on this one. By the way, I am still not familiar with how Wattpad works on certain things, and especially how it works when we edit an already-published chapter. I don't know if it updates automatically in the readers' libraries or not, but since a few persons asked me, note that when a chapter is fully edited in IWSFTMIHTS (What a freaking long title I chose for that book... pft...), I add "Edited" in parenthesis at the end of the title of the chapter. If you can't see this on chapters 1 and 2, just try and refresh your library ;)

With that, I'm out! Been up since 4am this morning and it's past midnight here, so... time to get some sleep.