(Joshua's POV - Thur. 17 April 2014)

My hand is hitching. My hand is hitching like it rarely has. Liam has no idea about how he should enjoy a painless butt while he can because it won't be the same tune tomorrow. I will definitely make sure that he remembers his lesson well. Ever since Tony called me on Wednesday evening to let me know about what was going on with Liam, I have been racking my brain to understand why he would act so childishly and choose defiance over compromise. If he really wanted to go out with his friend, we could have found a solution and he knows that he should have asked me. I am no tyrant and I would have proposed something - he damn knows it! - , but instead he decided on his own and even ignored my calls and texts, making me worry beyond measure.

Thank God, I have enough self-control as to not let my emotions perspire and I was able to keep my anger within all day long while I was with Allan and Jeff, one of Tony's guys who has served as our driver since I left Tony in Chicago to watch over Liam. We spent this last day in Dallas and it was just as intense as the two previous days in Houston, which allowed me to focus on my work rather than on my little minx at home. Once the jet has landed in Chicago, Jeff gets his car back and drives Allan home and I meet Tony who has come to pick me up despite the very late arrival. Seeing that it is already way past midnight, I could have taken a taxi for once, but he insisted on coming himself.

"How did today go?" I ask now that we are on our way to my place.

"As good as possible," he replies. "Nothing special happened. Mr. Reed looked like a zombie this morning, so I guess he didn't have much sleep last night and we were home by 6:30 tonight."

"Okay, thanks again Tony. I have a very early business breakfast tomorrow morning so I already asked Jeff to pick me up at six so that you can drive Liam a bit later," I inform him.

"No problem."

"Any news on the investigations?" I then ask.

"On the internal one, Spencer is still combing through the telecommunications invoices, the use of data and the flow of emails but he hasn't noticed anything out of normality. And on the other affair, there hasn't been anything new I'm afraid. This Jeremy seems to have vanished into thin air which is not encouraging. If he had really left on his own accord, between the detective's work and our research, we should have found something already..."

"That really sucks..." I comment.

"We are now in contact with his parents and they have also hired a detective since the Police said they couldn't do anything. So we're all working together but we don't have much. Whatever happened to him, it was well organized and prepared."

I can only agree with Tony and it also revives my anger toward Liam. He may find me overprotective or exaggerating but I really care and worry for him. Of course the serial killer that rages in Chicago at the moment operates in darker areas than where he lives or in the Loop; of course the chances that something ever happens to are maybe one out of a million. But what do I care? The one day that something does happen to him, I'll only have to live with it, but it will be too late so prevention is better than cure. So yes, I might be a little excessive, but I am not taking any risks.

As soon as I get home, I drop my luggage in the entrance hall and begin to remove my jacket and tie as I leap up the stairs, too eager to see Liam. I find him curled up on the bed, wearing his pajama pants and an old sweatshirt of mine that I must have left lying around in the bathroom, and peacefully sleeping while hugging my pillow. His blond strands are covering his eyes - and I make a mental note of taking an appointment at the hairdresser for him - and his mouth is forming a cute little pout. I can't say if his intention was to touch me but it works so, without even taking the time to undress, I lie down next to him, remove my pillow from his arms and pull him into my chest, smelling the perfume of his hair. Fuck... I only have three hours before I need to get up again. Liam doesn't wake up but he starts mumbling in his sleep as he unconsciously wraps his right arm around my waist.

And that's when I hear him say the words I have been dreading to hear... Those three little words that I am not ready to hear, and much less repeat. Even if he pronounced them in his sleep, they just freeze me and I already know that I will find it hard to sleep now.

As expected, my eyes remain wide open throughout the whole night and just before my alarm goes off at 5:00, I reset it at 6.30 for Liam and get up cautiously so as not to wake him up. Once I am ready to go downstairs, I write him a quick note to say that I had to leave early and that I shall see him tonight, before I go downstairs to gulp a light breakfast in a hurry and meet Jeff outside just when Liz arrives.

"Good morning Joshua, will you have dinner at home tonight or are you going to the club?" she asks as I drop a kiss on her temple.

"Morning Liz. We'll be home, but I'll manage..." I tell her meaningfully and she perfectly understands that she shouldn't be here when we get back.

"Leave this boy alone, Joshua. You two had better catch up than fight tonight. You look awfully tired. I believe that a relaxing evening and a good night of sleep would be more suitable..." she warns me with that severe expression of hers that she used to take when I was a kid.

"Mind your business, Nanny..." I whisper playfully in her ear, leaning down over her small frame, before I drop another kiss on her cheek and run off to the car, ignoring her comments. I definitely don't need her to give me some advice right now.

My breakfast with one of our biggest customers who happened to be visiting Chicago for his business goes pretty well. It doesn't lead to another project of any sort but it is just a cordial and brief meeting to maintain our relations. My first real meeting is at ten in my office with Allan and we have a debriefing on our trip to Texas that goes pretty quickly.

"What have you done to your little guy last night?" he suddenly asks as he is about to leave.

"What do you mean?"

"Just wondering if you kept him up all night because you both look tired and in a fucking mood..." he replies, chuckling.

"I'm not in a bad mood!" I argue. "And I haven't done anything since he was sleeping when I got home and same when I left this morning. Why do you say he's in a bad mood? Has he talked back to you?"

"No, of course not... But twice I caught him working himself up and taking it against his laptop," Allan explains which a chuckle. "However, he's doing a great job. He and Edna have prepared the documentation for next week and it's perfect!"

"I told you he was great!" I let out with a wink.

"This is such a biased opinion... Have a good week-end and I'll see you on Monday," he says as he turns around and waves at me.

In the mid-afternoon, I realize that I need a break and go to talk for a while with Ally. She shows me recent pictures of her little Sun and I have to admit that the little baby is really cute.

"You should go home, Joshua. You look really tired and you don't have any calls for the rest of the day," she says after a while. "There must be some kind of exhaustion epidemic here..."

"I'm fine and I still have a huge backlog of emails that I need to check. And by the way, exhaustion is not viral, but if you're tired, you should go home, Ally."

"Oh no, I'm not... but Liam has looked very tired for the last couple days and, hadn't you been on a business trip, I would have wondered if you two had been partying up together or something..." she smirks, returning her attention to her screen.

"I'd rather not expand on that kind of innuendos, Ally, so let's just say that if Liam if tired, that's good for him that the week-end is coming then," I reply, watching her little mocking smile spread on her face.

Had it been another employee saying such things, they would probably have been fired right away, but coming from Ally, I just ignore her comment. I am so used to her snarky self and she just can't help it. Allan used to call us the old couple. However, Ally is seriously getting nosy about our relationship and I guess I should discuss this with Liam over the week-end. I believe that she could be in the confidence because she will find out at some point anyway. I thought that I could keep this from her for a longer time, but this woman has a sixth sense for that sort of things and it is getting pointless. I just want to make sure that she is not going to act differently with Liam or me. She knows about my lifestyle as well as how often I usually change Subs, but even if things are slightly different with him, I wouldn't be surprised that Ally sides up with him and wants to protect him should anything happen, which shouldn't be a problem in itself as long as it doesn't affect my professional relationship with her.

It is almost six when I meet Tony downstairs. Liam is already in the car, looking definitely nervous, and apart from a quick kiss and a hello, the ride remains silent and tense until we reach home. When he is about to start apologizing, I shut him up, saying that we will talk soon, and similarly to that Friday a few weeks ago when I announced him that Jeremy had left, I lead him upstairs for a shower. Without much of a word, I undress us, meticulously clean him, and myself, wipe us dry and dress us back into comfortable sweat pants and tee-shirts, before I lead him back down, though I choose the smaller living-room this time rather than the family-room. I gesture for him to sit on one of the brown and cream lounge couches while I go to sit on the other one opposite to him.

"May I speak now?" Liam asks in a small voice after a minute of silence during which I just stared at him fumbling with the lace of his sweat pants.

"Yes, you may. I'm all ears."

"I... I've had time to think about... what happened... and I'm sorry... I'm totally aware of what I have done wrong and I already know what you're going to say..."

"Do you?" I reply, resting my ankle over my knee and folding my arms across my chest.

"Yes... I think I do..." he whispers.

"Care to tell me?"

"I know that you are disappointed... and angry... I know that you worried... and that Tony and Liz worried too... I guess that I must have upset your agenda and Tony's too. I must have made you waste some time worrying for me... and that you must have been even more stressed... I know that it must have impacted several persons' occupations... I'm sincerely sorry..." he says, finally looking up at me for a second.

"I'm glad to see that you have already figured out most of the problem. And you're right. Tony had to cut short his meeting when Markus called him to let him know that you had slipped out of the building; not mentioning how unpleasant it was for him to call his boss and let him know that he had failed on his task to watch over you. He spent two fucking hours looking for you because you were hiding in shops and moving all the time. Then he spent another two hours waiting for you in front of a bar because he didn't want to go inside and pull up a scene in front of your friends. More important than losing their quiet evening together, Tony and Liz sincerely worried for you. Almost as much as I did! Because I worried too Liam! I spent the first two hours pacing in circles like a cat in a bag, worrying about what could happen to you!" I pause for a minute, watching him shrink on the sofa before I go on.

"If you had any doubts, I do care about you and about what could happen, Liam. If I say that I worry when I'm not around you, I mean it. And If I ask Tony to watch over you, I have good reasons to do it. Is it that complicated to understand? Can't you understand that I really worry? I had told you that as long as they haven't caught that guy, I wanted you to avoid going out. I do understand that you need some freewill and to spend some time out with your friend; and if that's what you really needed on Wednesday, you should have told me. We could have found a solution. Even if you think that I overreact, I would have asked Tony to drive you and Shannon wherever you wanted to go.

"He would still have lost his evening..." Liam mutters.

"But at least it would have been planned, he would have been able to organize himself and I wouldn't have had to worry!" I argue. "Liam... what you have to understand is that you need to talk... it's all a question of communication and compromising," I add in a softer tone and he nods.

"Are you going to punish me?"

"Yes, I am. I was going to give you twenty spanks for disturbing several persons' schedules and twenty for making me worry and disobeying to an order; but I'm glad that you've figured out most of the reasoning by yourself, so I'll go for ten and ten." Liam softly sighs in relief and nods his agreement to my decision. "Let's have dinner first."

After a rather quiet dinner, Liam follows me to the playroom and before I can ask him to, he strips off his clothes and goes to kneel and bend over on the spanking bench, his beautiful and pale butt jutting out and ready to turn pink. Once I have strapped his ankles and wrists in the restraints, I go to his backside and warm up the skin of his bottom through a massage, reminding him of why he is being punished and that he should count out loud each slap. Standing by his left side, I distribute the first ten spanks with my hand, alternating between the left and the right buttocks and increasing the intensity little by little. Liam takes it pretty well as his bum slightly turns pink.

The next ten spanks go with the paddle and it gets a little harder for him as his skin turns to a brighter pink with each slap. Punishing a Submissive has never been a picnic for me. Spanking can be extremely arousing both for the Sub and the Dom when it is for pleasure, but in the case of a punishment - even if I know that Liam often gets aroused by it - it is no fun for me because while I perform his punishment, I always keep in mind the mistake he is being punished for and how this mistake affected me. In that precise case, I remember the two hours of torture I endured while Tony was looking for him, the signal of his Iphone changing of location all the time, and since I already reduced the number of spanks by half, I don't refrain too much on my strength.

By the twentieth slap, Liam is squealing and a few tears have escaped from his eyes. As usual, I praise him and don't miss to lavish the aftercare and soothing lotion on his sensitive bottom before I free him from his restraints. His butt is not that red, but I think he will remember that one.

"Come here, Baby," I gently tell him, wrapping him into my arms.

"I'm so sorry..." he mumbles against my chest as we stand next to the bench.

"You're forgiven now," I reassure him, cupping his face and wiping the few tears with my thumbs before I start a long and passionate kiss while he grips his small fists at the back of my tee-shirt. As our tongues entwine and our saliva mix with each other, I feel both our members harden.

"Please let me ride you..." he whispers as I break the kiss to recover from our heavy breathing. His hands are already working on the lace at the waistband of my pants and pulling them down. Looking straight into his eyes, I can read the lust, but there is definitely something else. "Please... I... I lo..." I don't let him finish and reattach my lips to his. I shake my legs free of the sweatpants and walk backward to sit on the edge of the bed, pulling Liam with me and letting him straddle me.

"Let me prepare you..." I tell him between two kisses, but he grabs my erection and impales himself on it in one go, both of us gasping and hissing at the sensations for different reasons; him because of the lack of preparation, though I am grateful to myself that I largely applied the greasy lotion not only over his buttock but also around his entrance so at least he got lubricated a little; and me because I wasn't expecting him to go so roughly and he is fucking tight.

After a couple of minutes adjusting himself to me, Liam begins to ride me while I rub my hands all over his back, holding him tight. Never breaking our kiss, Liam keeps rocking his hips, thrusting up and down and being cautious not to hit his bottom against my thighs. Feeling myself on the edge of exploding, I slip a hand between our chests and stroke his hard member. We both climax at the same time with loud moans of pleasure and while I fill up his butt with my essence, he shoots long spurts of cum on our stomachs.

Liam slumps on me, completely spent and almost ready to fall asleep. As I myself begin to feel the after-effects of the tension and exhaustion of this stressful week, I carry him back to my bathroom for a quick shower, careful not to touch his painful backside more than necessary and soon after, we are lying in bed and cuddling, close to fall into slumber.

"Joshua...?" Liam whispers with a sleepy voice.

"Hmm...?" Liam seems to be hesitating and I can already feel my heartbeat speeding up at the thought of what he might be about to say, but he remains silent for a long while.

"Good night..." he finally says, to my relief.

"Good night, Baby..."

* * *

Once again the week-end has flown by. After this crazy week, I still had to work a lot on Saturday in my study while Liam busied himself in the garden with planting flowers (I do have a gardener coming once a week but Liam thought there should be more flowers...) and going to the hairdresser to shorten his long blond strands a little. Anyway, he was ready to do anything that didn't imply sitting on a chair, his bottom still being a bit sensitive, but the hair cut was really necessary.

We then had a great evening at the club and while Liam enjoyed himself on the dance floor, I caught up with the guys, keeping an eye on my sweet boy. It was the first evening that Andrei was back after his ban from the club due to what happened with Chris about a month ago. Aaron and Camden had let him choose between a one-month ban plus a whipping or a three-month ban, both including public apologies to his Submissive and Andrei went for the first option. Aaron took care himself of the whipping earlier on Saturday in his private room and I was quite astounded to see that the guy still showed up that evening despite the pain he must have been in because I doubt that my friend refrained on his strength.

Andrei publicly apologized to Chris just before they performed a scene on the second dais and the guy acted as if he hadn't been punished a few hours and even proudly showed off the recent red marks on his bare back throughout the whole evening. I wondered to myself if a part of him wasn't a masochist while the larger part was clearly a sadist. Anyway, Chris, who has totally recovered from what happened, had apparently already forgiven him and we even learned that they continued meeting each other out of the club over the last month, just fulfilling their current contract. These sado-maso guys are sometimes hard to understand, and yet one of my best friends is one of them... However Cam is a bit different; his sadism is only the result of a difficult past and I am pretty sure that he would manage to tame it at some point; if he met the right person.

We briefly discussed Andrei's case but that didn't prevent us from having a good evening with the guys and as usual we made fun of each other although Mark and I were the main targets. My cook of a friend is about is starting a new concept of restaurant that will serve only sub-sandwiches with French cheese and French wines. The idea is original as it aims at a rather selective clientele in business areas and I am pretty sure that it will enjoy a great success; it was so easy to tease Mark with calling his new establishment a fast-food, since the refined man plainly hates the expression.

On my side, I told them about Liam's little act of the week and the guys burst out laughing. They couldn't believe that he would be capable of such a behavior. As I already said, Liam always appears as the perfect Sub, extremely respectful and quiet in other people's presence and they often have a hard time believing me when I tell them how bold and cheeky he can get at times. Unfortunately, Aaron had to bring up the collaring subject again and I first asked him to mind his own business, but when he insisted by saying that it would be high time that I open my eyes on my feelings, I simply flipped him off and joined Liam on the dance floor until it was time to watch the show, which he seemed to greatly appreciate.

Since we got back home quite late, I let Liam sleep in this morning while I got more work done in my study, but once he was awake, I devoted the rest of my Sunday to my little creep who happened to be quite playful today. It started with a battle of flour in the kitchen while I was preparing the pancake batter and it took us a good hour to clean everything in order to avoid Liz's wrath. It was followed by two hours playing in the swimming pool with the advantage of not needing bathing suits and a light lunch on the terrace in the backyard.

The sun is definitely out but not yet very warm since we are still comfortable in jeans and long-sleeved tee-shirts. However it is agreeable enough to relax outside and spend the rest of the afternoon there on the long garden swing-seat. The property is fully surrounded by very high thujas, as is Tony and Liz's little house at the farback of my garden, and the first neighbor houses are distant enough to give us some privacy. I am sat cross-legged at the left extremity of the swing-seat and reading a book that I hold in my left hand while the other one alternates between flipping the pages and running in Liam's hair. He is lying on his back and almost dozing off, his head resting on my thigh while his bare feet are resting on the arm of the seat.

I am really enjoying this quiet moment, like I have throughout the whole week-end, relieving of all the stress and tensions. It feels good to purely relax in a comfortable silence that only Liam's occasional questions break once in a while. This morning, he had a hard time deciding on whether he would stay here tonight or go home, feeling a bit guilty to leave his friend on his own so much, but he eventually sent him a text that he would see him on Monday evening, which suited me perfectly. Call it possessiveness or jealousy, but I was more than happy that he chose to stay here in the end. I don't hold any grudge against Shannon, but I just don't like how Liam always feels guilty for not spending enough time with him when he actually often gets more evenings with him than I do. Anyway, soon enough that shouldn't be too much of a problem, since I have put my plan into action and the cute brown-haired little twink should be out of my way for at least two weeks.

Liam suddenly starts chuckling for no apparent reasons and when I look down at him, I realize that it is about to turn into giggles.

"What's so funny?" I ask him, arching my eyebrows.

"You..." he manages at some point of his laughter.

"Me...?"

"You have been stuck on the same page for at least ten minutes and your face keeps going through various expressions... That was funny..." he says, calming down. I realize that he might be right since I absolutely don't remember anything about what I have been reading.

"Are you making fun of me?" I ask him with mock offense.

"I wouldn't dare..." he smirks before he closes his eyes again and sighs. I flip back a few pages to reread what I missed but after another quarter of an hour, I can't seem to concentrate on the words. Liam is now looking in the far distance, obviously lost in his thoughts.

"What are you thinking about?" I finally ask him, closing my book and tossing it on the tiled floor.

"The future..." he whispers, his eyes still locked on the blue sky.

"And...?" I ask after a long minute of hesitation, making him smile and sigh through his nose at the same time.

"I was wondering..." he begins, looking back in my direction before his eyes avert back to the sky. "Have you ever... considered starting a family... like you know... adopting kids and... you know... all that stuff..."

"I don't know," I reply after a long sigh. "Where does that question come from?" Liam shrugs his shoulders before he replies.

"Not sure... Might be because I saw Ally's pictures of her family this week... and they look so happy..." he finally says.

"Are you not happy?" I ask him, now wondering where he is headed in this conversation. He shifts on the seat and moves to straddle my lap, resting his hands on my chest.

"Of course I'm happy," he admits with a little smile before he pecks my lips.

"Then if you're happy, I'm happy..." I whisper against his lips, hoping to put an end to this discussion.

"Josh..." Liam pants, breaking another long kiss and resting his forehead against mine. Please no... I don't want to hear this... "Joshua, I think... I think that I lov..."

"Shhhh..." I half-groan, attacking his mouth with mine, but he pulls away, pushing himself back with his hands on my chest. For a long minute he just stares at me, narrowing his eyes.

"I love you!" he finally says and I close my eyes as my heart skips a beat.

"Don't say that..." I growl, wincing at the harshness of my own words.

"Wh... what...? Why...?" Liam asks, clearly astounded.

"I can't hear this, Liam..." I say and when I open my eyes, I immediately see the anger and pain on his face.

"You can't hear it or you can't say it?" he accuses, folding his arms across his chest. I just can't think of anything to answer. "Neither, nor... apparently..."

"Liam, let me expl..." I begin, wanting to tell him about my past and to explain that I need more time, but he interrupts me, yanking my hands from his hips and getting up. I am shocked by the pain on his face as some kind of epiphany seems to barge into his head.

"You don't love me, that's right? You never loved me and you will never love me... I... I thought I was different from the others but in fact, I'm just another Sub for you and nothing more than that... just a sex toy!" he accuses harshly and o' so wrongly.

"I forbid you to say that!" I shout at him, rising on my own two feet.

"You forbid me? But who do you think you are? Controlling my life is not enough for you? Do you think you can also control my feelings? Do you really think that I'm gonna let you control each and every fucking word I say?" he shouts back.

"Stop that, Liam!" I yell even louder.

"I'll stop when I want to!" he screams, his eyes brimming with tears of rage. That's a new Liam I had never seen before... "I'm not gonna let you rule my life or my feelings when you're unable to return the same! I... I do love you... but I can't let that happen if you're unable to return the feeling! All this lifestyle is great but I need more than that... At least I need to know that you love me, but obviously the guys were right... that's not something you seem to be capable of!"

"What the fuck are you talking about," I growl, now really pissed off. I close the distance between us and try to get a hold of him but his little hand slaps me in the face with a loud smack and he pushes me away. The adrenaline seems to be flooding through his veins and has rendered him much stronger than I would have ever thought.

"Don't fucking touch me!" he shouts again, tears running freely on his cheeks now. I am completely flabbergasted by his reaction and can't even move a finger.

"Liam..." That's the only growl I can utter it seems.

"Don't you Liam me! Just leave me alone! And have fun finding a new toy!!"

With that, he turns on his heels and gets back inside the house, leaving me dumbfounded and unable to move. Fuck... What just happened? Weren't we just enjoying a quiet and peaceful afternoon a few minutes ago? What happened to my usually quiet and respectful boy? What got into him all of a sudden? I had never seen him like this before and I would stake my life on the bet that it simply never ever happened to him, even before I met him. I don't really know how long I stay there standing on the terrace and I am only vaguely aware of a slamming door and a while later I think I hear a car too, but all of a sudden, a deep rage builds inside me, like a ball of fire that needs to burst out.

Various painful memories assault my mind in a ridiculously disorganized mess; memories that don't relate one to another; Julian writhing and moaning underneath that big guy; my mother sucking on a man who is not my father; the awful words my father uttered when he learned about my homosexuality; the tears of pain and anger I shed with my three best friends years ago; and finally the disillusion in Liam's eyes. Within only a few seconds, the whole terrace looks like a heap of ruins made of broken chairs and table that I more or less consciously throw around before I rush back in. As if a tornado passed over my house.

This is so fucked up!

Published on 3 Nov 2016

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Captain Snape speaking. I hope you are enjoying your time on Flight Black Moon 02 to Endless Love. We are only about thirty chapters away from the end of our journey, but we are now entering an area of turbulence, so please fasten your seat belts and keep calm. Trust our Dominant pilot to take us to a happy ending!

Side note to Cara: remember that comment you posted on chapter 36 about people walking away in real life when they don't get their feelings in return? You know how this story was written before your comment, so I hope you find it realistic enough, Hun : )