II || to be loved

LOCATION UNKNOWN
Day 4

━━━━━━━━━━

I overheard the medical officer who stood outside the door a moment ago, mentioning that four days had passed since I was held captive here. They limited every moment of mine within this confined space of the ward and I knew that I was constantly being watched by someone from behind the wide one-way glass in front of me. 

The enclosed space unsettled me and I found myself pacing the room back and forth, trying to keep myself sane from all the nerves and paranoia. I was claustrophobic and being trapped in this enclosed ward did nothing except make me more anxious than they wanted me to be. 

Honestly, if this was Pelleas' way of trying to break me, he was already there for my mental state. I felt antsy and wrecked by the fact that every movement of mine was kept tabs on. I couldn't eat without the nauseating feeling settling in my stomach with all my anxieties running wild and I couldn't sleep because the slightest sound from anywhere always caused me to jolt. 

I kept myself occupied but my thoughts kept drifting towards my worries for Vivienne and Seth. My heart clenched painfully at the reality that I had broken my promises to everyone, including Jax and Thea. I promised to return with everyone. Hugging my legs close to my chest, I felt a rush of hot, stupid tears surfacing and a lump of emotions formed at the back of my throat as it choked me. It's so cold in here and the loneliness was freezing me up. I longed to go back to everyone and be in their loving warmth again. 

I hated being alone, so much.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I felt exceptionally empty when I rubbed my hand around my left wrist. Out of reflex, I raised my hand to touch my neck, feeling even emptier and angrier. I kept wondering if they kept my belongings because it would drive me crazy if I knew that they disposed of my locket necklace and my bracelet. Those were the two things in my life I saw more important than every other tangible possession I owned — all because they were given by people who genuinely loved and cared for me.

My brain was doing its usual thing to overthink and overload my conscious with senseless thoughts until a knock on my door jarred me out immediately. From outside, a familiar voice sounded, "Iva."

I remained silent, as usual. In the past five years, I always thought I would be the happiest if Sebastian could still be alive. Yet, the moment I woke up in this place and learned about his betrayal, it smashed every faith and love I had for him. I couldn't bring myself to continue feeling for a person who let go of my hand when I was falling into my own depths of grief. He betrayed me and everyone else only to sell his loyalty to the most sinister beings that belonged to the depths of Tartarus. All that happened only left me wondering was what the Titans offered to trap him here.

When I decided to break the silence after the cold treatment I gave him for days, I went towards the door and laughed dryly, "You know what, Sebastian? Ever since meeting you again, I only wished to rip out every single bone in your body and send it back to Styx to celebrate with Harod."

"Isabel."

"Don't call me by that name. You don't have the right to call me that," I incensed, my anger rising dangerously fast.

"I want to talk to you."

"I don't want to know any of your choices," I spoke through gritted teeth. "I only want to know how many of you are here?"

"Six."

I stilled, an unknowing fear crept into my heart. I felt my voice shuddering but I had to ask, "Where did the other two go?"

"Xavier and Roman refused to cooperate," Sebastian admitted and continued, "We had no choice."

Despair darted right through my heart and I crumpled the thin material of my gown, digging my fingers into my chest as I tried to breathe through all the ache. I fell to the ground, my knees thudding painfully on the cold, hard ground. I stuttered, "Y-You k-killed Xavier and Roman?"

"Isabel," he sighed.

I struck my fist hard to the door and the ridges scraped deep into my knuckles, tearing the skin and stained the glossy metal surface with streaks of crimson. 

"Don't call me by that name!" I screamed, dropping my head low as tears fell. "Xavier and Roman were your closest friends, they were there for you through everything! How could you even live with yourself?"

"You don't understand!" Sebastian groaned in exasperation.

"Of course I don't!" I retorted, with all the complicated emotions pumping through my veins. "You're fucking despicable!"

"And you're fucking foolish, Iva." Sebastian's voice hardened, speaking to me in a manner that he had never once done before, "You have never stopped to think of what Elysium did to all of us, haven't you? I'm done sacrificing myself for those useless mundane people. All we did was to die in silence while those ungrateful beings sit in the comfort of their own space enjoying life at the cost of ours!"

"If it's part of my fate that I have to die for the sake of our kind, then so be it," I argued. "At least I die in honour, knowing that despite how small I belonged to this entire universe, I tried my best."

"Elysium brainwashed you to think that you're a hero?" Sebastian scoffed.

"No, Sebastian." My tone quietened and I was amazed by my own ability to communicate so calmly with him when the hurt in my chest was ripping my insides. I said, "I did everything because I wanted to be loved."

My thoughts went to Vivienne and Seth and I said, "I stayed in Elysium, so that I could have a family to call my own." 

Then, they drifted to Jax. "I stayed in Elysium, so that I could have someone who would love me without explanations." 

As I spoke, Thea's honey-brown eyes and cheeky smile appeared in my mind and I strained through a surfacing cry, "I stayed in Elysium, so that I could protect the smile of someone who always brought sunshine to my rain."

Sebastian didn't say anything in return, so I continued, "I think I've never asked for more than I should because all I wanted was to be loved and you didn't. You didn't love me, Sebastian."

"Iva—"

"I'm done," I said icily. "Please leave now."

"Listen—"

"Leave!" I bellowed and following a moment of tense silence, footsteps sounded and faded in a distance. I dragged my hands along the cold surface of the metal door and pounded on it a few times in failed attempts to release all the pain I felt pressing against my chest.

Nothing struck me harder than to know that Sebastian was no longer the person I knew in my memories. He was no longer the boy with sweaty palms and a nervous crack in his voice whenever he called my name. He was no longer the person I remembered loving with earnestness, with the whole of my heart. He became someone entirely — someone that I no longer recognise.

I lowered my whole self onto the piercing cold ground, curling like a child. Hiding my face, I shed all the tears that I was too ashamed to show the world and this was the moment when I finally decided to push the boy who resided in the hidden corner of my heart out.

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I wasn't sure how much time passed but I felt a weird heaviness in my head. My eyes went straight to the vent on the bottom right corner of my room and realised that they were pumping something into the air. I pushed myself to stand, but my body didn't have the strength to hold myself. I fell forward, landing straight into the ground again. My conscious was hanging and in a blur, I saw the silhouette of Pelleas as I contempted, "Fucking Titan."

"That's very unladylike, darling," Pelleas laughed, tauntingly.

With an arm around my waist and the other behind my knees, he lifted me up from the ground and frantic grew like a monstrous tide within me. I wanted to move but the inhaled sedatives coursed through my body and rendered my muscles weak. I couldn't even life a finger, let alone try to squirm out of his hold.

Pelleas threw me on the bed and demanded to the two people standing behind him, "Draw her blood."

They pressed me down and cuffed my wrists to the bed as though I was going to be a fucking threat in my pathetic state. Everything happened in a frenzy and before I could process or even struggle, a large needle was plunged right into my arm. I winced, as my eyes stared towards the red that flowed through the tube and my body trembled uncontrollably. Emptiness ran through me and darkness loomed the moment I started to feel like I was on the verge of collapsing.

"We can't draw any more than this," one of them stated.

"Not enough," Pelleas stated, obviously without care.

"Not possible," the same lady replied as she pulled the needle off so suddenly that my back arched in reflex when I felt the pierce of pain jolting up my arm. She ordered the other person, "Recline the bed."

I couldn't feel anything except for the suddenness when they toppled me over and the heaviness in my head grew while my eyelids l forced themselves close. I heard a distant voice, commanding, "Faye, draw the damn blood."

"If you want her still alive and breathing, fucking feed her and let her sleep, then we'll talk about blood!" Faye argued as she pressed a cotton ball painfully into the place where the needle was jabbed in.

A pushed out an air of humourless laugh and closed my eyes, too tired to try catching up with their argument. The moment I invited the darkness was also the moment I plummeted straight into it.

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