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"We know that we fear to win, and so we end before we begin."

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I ALWAYS THOUGHT   the worst day anyone can have is the day they lose someone, but it seems I'm entirely wrong. Sure losing someone hurst like hell, but the worst day in someone's life is when you have to say goodbye to a single person who you thought would be there for the rest of your life. I mean, how do you even find the words to say to a person who meant the world to you, who changed you from the inside out and flipped your world around for the better? It's impossible, which is exactly the reason I didn't want to attend the funeral in the first place.

As promised, I kept up my end of the deal to attend James's funeral, but not for me but rather everyone else. If I kept hiding and pretending everything was going to be okay, nobody would ever stop nagging me or worrying about me. I figured the best thing for people to leave me alone was to do what they wanted me to do, and if going to a funeral would make them believe I was okay, than so be it.

We all gather at the cemetery around noon, taking our seats and waiting for it to get started. It's a small funeral, with only close friends attending. Those attendees include Joel, Elijah, Rebekah, Caroline, Tyler, Elena, Jeremy and my brothers and I. I sit in between both my brothers, sandwiched between them with Joel on the other side of Stefan. Both Joel and I have declined to speak at the funeral, leaving everyone else to run it. I don't know who volunteered to write the eulogy, but I just pray to god nobody volunteered me to speak.

"May I have everybody's attention please," Elijah begins, standing in the front of the group.

Soon after all the chatter quiets down as everybody turns their attention to the original at the front. "Thank you," he smiles, before glancing down at his page. 

Apparently the person who volunteered to write the eulogy was none other than Elijah Mikaelson. He reads over the lines, his hands shaking as he tries to think of the best thing to say. Suddenly, he folds the paper up into four perfect squares and slips it into the pocket of his black tailored suit.

I sit here with stray tears sliding down my cheek, my hands placed together in my lap as I watch Elijah, his eyes locking with mine. It's at this moment that I know whatever he's about to say is going to be directed to me and Joel, as we are the ones who are feeling the most grief.

"James's sudden death came to a shock to all of us, me especially. I spent one thousand years with him and never did I expect I would live a day without him. We went through hell and back, side by side yet we always made it out alive. However, it seems like things have changed, as only one of us remains. He was my best friend, but more importantly he was a good man. He spent his life protecting his family, one of his siblings he didn't even knew existed. Yet, when time came around he embraced his brother and loved him like they had never been a day apart. And that Joel, is a very special kind of relationship, one I only wish I possessed with my own family," Elijah says, staring at Joel. 

Joel nods as he lets a few tears escape before lowering his head, taken back by Elijah's powerful words. Soon after Elijah turns to me.

"James had spent most of his life running, always on the move and never got a chance to really live his life due to various complications," Elijah says, clearing his throat. "Out of his thousand years I never once saw him truly fall in love the way he did with you Blair. You were his saviour, his hope for the future that he could actually live instead of just exist. You brought meaning to his life instead of the petty revenge that consumed the both of us. You lightened up his eyes, opened up his world, and loved him the way he deserved to be loved, the way you deserved to be loved," Elijah says, staring at me. I keep my eyes locked on him, holding down the lump in my throat.

"You changed each other's worlds, and it physically hurts me to see my friend's love story come to a close so soon. But Blair, everyone knows that when one story ends, another one begins. I promise you Blair, that your and James's story is a special one that will never be forgotten, and will always exist within your memory," Elijah finishes, pursing his lips in a smile to hold back his own tears.

"Thank you," I mouth the words, as Elijah sends me a gracious nod.

He leaves the front and sits back down, leaving the stage empty for anyone else who wants to speak. Caroline who organized this whole thing, sits at the side, waiting patiently for anyone else to say a few words, but when no one else does she begins to stand up. Only now do I realize I don't want to live past this day without saying goodbye. In my heart I've said goodbye to James, but I feel as if saying things aloud, in front of people and in front of Joel will bring me further closure.

"Wait!" I say, standing up. Caroline nods and sits back down, everyone's eyes on me. 

"Blair, you don't have to," Damon says, grabbing my arm gently.

"I know," I sigh, forcing a smile before making my way to the front.

I stand in front of everyone, my feet placed inches away from the hole in the ground that contains James's casket. It's a shiny and delicate wooden casket, but for some reason I can't believe any casket will ever be good enough for my James.

I clear my throat and wipe away tears before opening my mouth, because in all honesty I haven't prepared anything. "James was ahead of me by a thousand years. He had seen every edge of the Earth, roamed every inch of it's flaws yet he still managed to remain the kind and gentle man I had grown to love," I say, using every ounce of strength left in me not to choke on my tears.

"I've been on this earth for 162 years, yet when I met him I felt like I had lived those thousand years along side with him. He met me in a time when I didn't even know much about myself. He showed and guided me through every obstacle I faced, and never failed to prove to me he was there. I knew as soon as I met him we had something special, even without my memories. Everyday I could feel myself falling in love with him, and god did it scare me. I was so scared to love, but he made the fear disappear and that's something I will never get to thank him for," I say, loosing control over myself. So I quickly finish my speech before I burst into tears, because once I start, I know I won't be able to stop.

"The worst part of it all, was that I had just gotten my memories back. I had just started to scratch the surface of all the memories we shared, and I had hoped to experience them all over again with him. Since now that's not possible, I realize time is a very delicate thing. Everyday, every minute, every second spent with James was time well spent and I will never forget him. I mean, how can I forget such a wonderful person when he gave me so much to remember?" I question, smiling down at James's casket. 

"But now I guess it's time to say goodbye," I whisper. 

I stand there silently, not knowing what else to do or say, or whether or not I did a good job. I had no idea where I was going, yet somehow I managed to say the words that were floating around in my mind.

"Here," Caroline says, walking up to me. She passes me a fancy wooden box, custom made with James's name on it. I nod and walk back to my chair, not looking up as I begin to cry harder. I try my best not to draw attention to myself, but with Damon's help I'm able to calm down. He wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me close as Caroline concludes the funeral.

As she says some final words, I open the wooden box revealing James's daylight ring and a folded up letter I refuse to read at the moment. I purse my lips as my shoulders begin to violently shake, the whole commitment of coming to this funeral suddenly coming off as a bad idea.

I close the box just as Caroline concludes the funeral, everyone paying their last respects before leaving the large field. I take one last glance at the grave before turning my head and following Damon back to his car.

∆ ∆ ∆

The house is quiet, too quiet for my liking. The best part is that everybody has seem to have left me alone, not bothering to talk to me. After the funeral everyone shook my hand and gave Joel and I a hug saying their best condolences. Elena had warned me prior to the funeral how much today was going to suck, especially when you heard the same five words over and over. "I'm sorry for your loss."  It turned out she had actually been right.

As soon as we arrive home I go to my room and begin packing. I don't really know what I'm packing for, but all that I know is I have to get out of here. I want a fresh start and if somehow moving can give me that, than so be it. I pack three bags in total full of all my belongings and pile them into the car Damon had gotten for me, knowing using James's car was going to be too hard. 

I walk down the stairs and out to my new car, placing all my bags in the back seat since they all won't fit in the trunk. I packed all of Theo's things too seeing as I am now officially his guardian.

"Where you off to?" a male British voice asks from behind me.

I spin around fast on my hells, making my black dress twirl. "Klaus?" I gape, not expecting to see him around any time soon. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to say I'm sorry," he says, but he couldn't be any more vague.

"Sorry for what exactly?" I ask, crossing my arms across my chest. Honestly I'm in no mood for chit chat right now, especially with Klaus.

"I'm sorry for everything. For taking away precious time you and James could have spent together, from taking your memories in the first place," he says, making me raise a brow. "In all those years of fighting, never did I ever imagine any one of us falling. Now that he has, it all seems so surreal, as it probably does to you." 

My breath catches in my throat as I'm not sure exactly what to say. Thankfully he speaks for me. "I want you to know Blair, that I never wanted this for you. I never wanted you to be stripped from the one you love. He used to be my friend, and although I never thought I would admit it, there was a time I considered him my brother," Klaus says genuinely.

I open my mouth wide, frozen in shock. "Th-that's really nice of you to say, Klaus. Really," I say quietly.

"Now, where is it you are heading off to?" he asks, sliding his finger across my new white car.

I shrug. "Wherever feels right," I say.

"Well, if you ever find yourself in the area of New Orleans, don't be afraid to pay a visit," he says, smiling kindly. I think this is the first time Klaus has actually smiled a genuine smile, not one with devious intentions or petty meaning. 

I smile back, shaking my head. "I wish you all the best with your baby, Klaus. I really do. I hope you can give it the life it deserves, and I hope you can be the parent you wish you had," I say sincerely, pursing my lips.

"Thank you, Blair," he says, stepping forwards and giving me a hug. His sudden gesture surprises me at first, but I quickly give into it knowing he means all the best. We've both had our differences and a nasty past, but I know deep down we've changed, and I can only hope this baby will help him become a better man, a man James always strived for him to be long ago when they were friends.

Klaus releases me and places a hand on my shoulder. "Good luck to you, Blair Salvatore," he says, before hopping into his Range Rover and driving away.

I sigh and turn back to my car, packing everything in as Damon walks through the door, carrying Theo in his arms. "Where's Stefan?" I ask, closing the trunk of my car.

"He went to go drop of Silas's body somewhere," Damon replies, passing Theo to me.

"And Joel?" I question.

"He left, right after the funeral. Didn't say where he was going though," Damon says, worry hidden within his voice. "Speaking of, where exactly are you going?" He glances over at my Audi, his brows raised. 

"Away from here," I say as I buckle Theo into his car seat.

"And where exactly is that?" Damon questions, trying not to sound too nosy. I know he's only trying to look out for me. 

"Anywhere that feels right," I answer, closing the door and turning to him.

"And you're sure you'll be okay?" he asks. The tone of his voice suggests he's not quite fond of my plan of moving away. Truth is I've never really lived on my own before. I've always had my brothers, but now I'm going to try and leave this all behind. 

"I'm sure Damon," I say, rolling my eyes. "This is what I need, this is what we need," I say, glancing back at Theo.

Damon nods and leans in for a hug. He wraps his arms around my back and squeezes me tight, and for some reason this feels like a goodbye. I know it is, but it seems like I've had too many goodbyes lately.

"Keep in touch Blair, I mean it," Damon warns, sending me a hard glare.

"Yeah, yeah," I say jokingly.

"And text me if you find Joel. As much as I hate the bastard I would like to know where he is. Maybe you two can look out for each other," Damon suggests and I hop into the driver's side, and close the door. The window stays rolled down, Damon leaning into the car to glance at Theo who gives him a cheeky smile. Damon waves his fingers at him before looking to me. 

"I'm quite capable of taking care of myself," I say, starting up the engine.

Damon rolls his eyes. "You know what I mean," he says, backing away from the window.

"Do me a favour and let Stefan know not to worry. I'll call him on the road," I tell him. 

Damon nods, his arms crossed across his chest as he stares at me for what might be the last time in a while. 

I smile and give him a wink. "See ya big brother." 

"Take care of yourself Blair, I mean it. I love you," he says.

"Love you too," I say before shifting the car into drive, and speeding down the road.

As I turn the corner and exit the driveway, I take one last glance at the house I use to call home. Now it only reminds me of what used to be there, what my life could have looked like. That is the exact reason I need to get out of here, the exact reason why I need to find Theo and I a new home.

As I speed down the road I glance back at Theo who is nuzzled asleep in his seat, the sound of the car putting him to sleep. The engine roars loud, and for some reason I find myself remembering the time James helped me pick our my first car.

I know from now on every single thing will remind me of him, because he was my one true love. He will forever be engraved within my heart and within my memories. And I know that every time I close my eyes I will see his face, and I know the image of him will haunt me for weeks, months, maybe even years. But I know every single moment of this pain will be worth it, because he was worth loving.

As I drive down the road, I pull our the letter crumpled in my pocket, the same letter from the funeral found in James's hand made box. The same letter I read a thousand times over and over. The same letter that encouraged me to get out of town. 

"Blair, 

I know you are most likely incredibly furious with me right now, but if you're mad that means you haven't turned off your switch. If you're reading this right now with your humanity still on, then Blair Salvatore that makes you one of the strongest people I have ever known. It takes a lot of strength to suffer from pain knowing there's an easy way out, but my hope for you Blair is that you choose to stay strong, not just for me, but for Theo. 

As I write to you all I can think about is what you said one morning, about how one day you had hoped we would have our own home, living our own life away from all the drama and violence. Since I can't be with you now, I want you to make sure you give both yourself and Theo the life you both deserve. I believe that if you can survive 145 years in a tomb alone and afraid then you can do anything. 

I want you to find a place that makes you happy. I want you to fulfill your passions. I want you to live a normal life, whatever normal means to you. Hell, I want everything for you Blair, but my greatest wish is to be there with you. However, as you already know that is not possible. It pains me deeply to leave you love, and I would never leave you willingly. 

I waited a thousand years for you Blair, and I'm proud to say you've changed my life forever. However, I want you to make me a promise. I want you to promise me that you will never get lost in what could have been. I want you to promise me you will follow your dreams and not hold back, not even from loving again. 

You deserve love Blair, and I am grateful of having the honour of being your first true love. If you ever can't sleep, just look to the stars. I'll be there. 

I love you Blair Salvatore, more than you can ever imagine. 

With great love, 

James"

Every time I read those words in my head, I feel a sickening pain in my chest that I know will never truly go away. Those words ring around and around in my head, as I know he must have written those words after he knew he had died. I remember that morning perfectly in my mind, as it was our last morning together. I can only hope that by moving away and starting a fresh new life, I am doing everything James had hoped I would do. 

So I'm willing to suffer this everlasting nightmare, as long as I get to have a fresh start. 

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END OF BOOK TWO

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