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"You put a fever inside me, and I've been cold since you left."

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BLAIR POV

By now I've lost track of time in means of how long I've been sitting here alone in the dark, nothing but James's corpse laying beside me. After Caroline left I found myself finally getting over all the tears, leaving my cheeks stained dry with black trails patched along my skin.

I lay here alone beside James, his shoulder touching mine like it usually would whenever we fell asleep together. In this moment, it feels like he's only sleeping, so I decided to join him by closing my eyes and enjoying the feeling of his body against mine. It's just like how it use to be, however the only difference this time is that only one of us will be waking up.

It's awfully quiet in this dark place, the only source of light being a few candles. These caves are identical to the tomb, yet I find myself completely fine within these walls. I know now that I have finally overcome my fear of dark places, the memories of the tomb no longer haunting me. Deep down I know the only reason I'm over my fear is because of James.

Yet again I'm left with my thoughts, the same way I was in the very beginning when I sat in that dark tomb, my thoughts running on a continuous loop over and over, making me believe things that weren't real.

I want to believe that Silas is playing one last trick. I want to believe that Bonnie is on the other side with him, working up a spell to bring them both back.

I think now as I lay here I've finally accepted that none of that is going to come true. My mind drifts to the switch in my brain, the one that will make everything feel better by feeling nothing at all. I crave the relief from all this pain and grief, however I know James wouldn't be happy with me if I turned it off. I also know he deserves better than to be brushed aside like that. He deserves to be remembered.

I know I can't stay in this cave forever, and I know if I don't move soon my brothers will come and force me out of here, and I don't want that especially when I haven't said a proper goodbye.

I sit up and turn to James who still lays still, not that I expected him to do anything different. I take his hand in mine and bring it up to my lips, pressing a gentle yet firm kiss on the top of his hand before lowering it to speak. "You didn't deserve this," I say, already feeling the tears forming in my eyes. I didn't think it was ever possible to cry this much in such a short amount of time.

"You didn't deserve this ending. Neither of us did," I croak, squeezing his hand in mine.

"But, I guess this is the best goodbye we're ever going to get. I hate that you lied to me, but I'm thankful our last day was spent in happiness," I say, wiping a tear from my eye.

"I want to thank you, James Branson. I want to thank you for seeing the good in me when everyone else wouldn't even try. I want to thank you for sticking by my side even when I could be a bitch," I laugh, and at this moment I can almost hear his laugh ringing inside my mind. "I want to thank you for never giving up on me, from looking for me for 145 years, to pushing me to turn my humanity back on. I owe you the world James, and I can't tell you how grateful I am that you came into my life in a time I needed you most. It pains me, in ways unimaginable that you can't be here with me anymore. But this pain of grief is nothing compared to the pain of never risking love, to never risking us," I say, closing my eyes tightly as more tears slide down my cheeks.

"I love you, James," I whisper, bringing his hand up to my lips one last time before I set it down and exit the cave. I don't bother looking back because I know what's there. I've spent that last thirty six hours beside him, and I'm well enough to know that he's not coming back.

∆ ∆ ∆

As I walk up to the boarding house and open the door, I feel like a complete zombie. Nothing feels real right now and even though I've accepted what's happened, I can't seem to wake myself up from this numbness plaguing my body. It feels like there's weights on the bottom of my feet making each step all the more painful. I don't even know what I'm doing until I do it, my feet walking robotically, not even thinking of where they're going.

I just walk , straight to the bourbon table where I know I'll find myself some comfort. But bourbon doesn't seem all the appealing to me at the moment. No, I need something stronger, something much grosser to help snap me out of this trance. Instead I walk over to the cupboard and take out a new bottle of vodka.

I can practically feel everyone watching me, as I see all of them through my peripheral vision. I don't dare make eye contact and they don't dare say anything. I know they see me as a ticking time bomb right now, and in some ways I am. I'm very unstable, and even though I've accepted the truth of James's death, I know that reality will soon punch me again.

I screw the cap off the vodka bottle and throw it to the ground before raising the large bottle to my lips. I lift it effortlessly and chug down a decent amount, soon realizing it tastes funny. I lower the bottle and lick my lips, taking another quick sip and realizing this doesn't taste like vodka at all, but rather water. It tastes just like plain water.

Perplexed, I reach into the cupboard and pull out another bottle of vodka and test it, soon lowering it from my mouth as it tastes just the same. I try another bottle, and another, coming to the conclusion that all these bottles are filled with water, not vodka. There is absolutely no vodka in this house. "Okay, what bastard poured out all the vodka and replaced it with water?" I ask, turning around and facing everyone.

Stefan, Joel, Damon, Caroline and Elena all stand there with confused glances, not having a damn clue what I'm talking about. "Well are one of you going to confess?" I ask.

If none of them did it, then that only leaves one other person who could have pulled this stupid prank, one person who isn't here. It must have been James. "Oh." I whisper, dropping the bottle to the ground. It smashes everywhere as water sprays across the floor. Maybe it was just part of the prank war we had going on here, or maybe he did it when he knew he had died. Maybe this was all part of his plan for me.

"It was him, wasn't it?" I whisper, my eyes glassy as I stare at everyone.

I look over at Joel and he nods slowly, biting his lower lip as he smiles. "He had helped me with the prank war," he says.

The image of him putting in all that effort just to play a prank on me on behalf of Joel sends a sharp pain through my chest as I know I'll never get the chance to confront him about it. I'll never get to hear him tease me again.

I push my hands up my face and rest them just above my forehead as I stare at the floor. "Did he replace the bourbon too?" I ask, my voice awfully weak. I can only imagine how horrible I must look right now with makeup stained under my eyes and my hair all matted.

"Hell no. Do you really think I would let him do that?" Damon says, forcing a kind smile as he passes me his bottle of bourbon.

"Damon, she doesn't need the full bottle," Stefan scolds him.

"Brother, I'd say she does," Damon says, defending me. "Look at her."

Caroline smacks Damon on the arm while I ignore all of them, letting the bourbon slide down my throat. The burning feeling is all I need to feel to know this is in fact real alcohol, not just some prank.

"Blair, just so you know we've scheduled a funeral tomorrow," Caroline says gently as I continue drinking the alcohol.

Finally after I've had a good amount, I lower the bottle and turn to Caroline. "I'm not going," I mutter, walking towards the stairs. Everyone begins following me, rushing to keep me in safe distance before I try and do something stupid. Luckily for them, I don't have anything stupid planned.

"What? Blair why not?" Caroline gasps.

"Because I already said goodbye. I don't need to say it again," I say nonchalantly.

"Blair, trust me, you may not want to go now, but if you don't you'll regret it. Remember me at mom's funeral? I didn't want to go either, and now I realize that was the biggest mistake of my life because I never got to say a proper goodbye," Damon says, looking at me with pleading eyes.

"I'll think about it." I sigh, before walking up to James's room and closing the door.

As soon as I enter his room, his smell hits me. It's like he never left as this room is screaming of him, everything possessing his name on it. I walk over to his bed and lay down on top of the sheets like we did many times before, breathing in his familiar scent from his pillow. His room is quite messy actually, and it makes me laugh. Just as I'm about to close my eyes, there's a knock on the door. Before I can answer, Elena walks through anyways, knowing that I was just going to refuse company.

"Hey Blair," she smiles politely.

"What do you want? Did my brothers send you or something?" I ask, narrowing my eyes.

"No, nothing like that. It's just, I wanted to say how sorry I am-"

"Please Elena, I really don't want to hear it. I'm sure I'll be hearing more than enough 'sorry's' tomorrow at this funeral, so why don't you save it until then?" I snap, not realizing how harsh my tone sounds, but never the less I don't regret a single word.

"Okay," she exhales nervously. "I just wanted to inform you that yesterday I ran into Katherine," she begins, immediately catching my attention. "And, as she tried to kill me I jammed the cure down her throat," she says proudly, surprising me a little.

I laugh a little before responding. "Why are you telling me this exactly?" I ask.

"I just thought it might cheer you up given the history you and Katherine have," she says.

I smile, feeling slightly better knowing the famous Kitty Kat won't be so fierce any more. Vampirism meant everything to her, and now that it's gone I find myself being able to breathe a little bit better- not by a lot, but a little better, at least for a moment.

"Thanks Elena," I say, queuing her to leave but she stays standing by the door.

"Oh and there's someone here to see you," she says quickly before leaving.

I don't have time to register what she's saying as suddenly Elijah walks through the door, a faint somber smile on his face as he walks closer to the bed I lay on. "Elijah?" I question, surprised to see him here.

"Hello, Blair," he greets.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, sitting up. He comes and sits down by my feet on the edge of the bed, placing one hand on my leg gently as he talks.

"I came to see how you were doing," he says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

I clear my throat awkwardly. "I'm um, I'm doing okay," I lie.

"Are you? Because I'm not," Elijah states, making me raise a brow. "I just learned a few hours ago that my friend of a thousand years has come to pass, murdered, and the worst part was I didn't even get to say goodbye. I heard what happened, how he refused to tell you the truth about his death, and just hearing that makes my heart break in two. So tell me Blair in all honesty, are you really okay? Because I can't imagine you are," he says grimly, his eyes shining with tears.

"No," I croak, feeling the waterworks starting up again. "I'm not okay. I just lost the love of my life," I say, as Elijah moves closer and embraces me in a hug.

"I know Blair, trust me. I know it feels worse now, but it'll only get worse from here. I'm sorry but it's the truth. Right now I know you feel as if you've finally gotten over the pain of his death, like you've accepted it. But soon reality will hit you all over again, and just when you think you're over it, you'll fall deep again." Elijah says, speaking confidently.

"What in gods name are you telling me this?" I ask, slightly angered.

"I'm telling you this Blair, because I want you to know that it's okay to feel this pain. It's all part of grief, it's all part of humanity. You're going to handle this grief like you handle everything else you've been thrown into- with strength. I want you to understand this pain, so you know this is real. I hope you won't turn it off, because you have people who care about you Blair. You have Joel who needs you too, you have your brothers, Caroline, and me. You'll get through this, I promise you," Elijah explains, and I find myself hanging onto his every word.

"Thank you Elijah," I say, releasing him from the hug just as the doorbell sounds from down stairs. I hear one of my brothers open it, then jump as they shout my name.

"Excuse me," I say, heading down the stairs to the front door, finding a middle-aged woman dressed in a suit standing outside, her hand gripping a bulky briefcase. "Can I help you?" I ask.

"Are you Blair Salvatore?" the woman asks.

"Yes," I say, as Elijah stands beside me.

"What would this be about?" he asks, as everyone else gathers behind us.

"I would like to inform you that we have found a new home for Theodore Bridges, a family that would be willing to raise him. This way he'll be settled for good," the woman says excitedly, but I couldn't be any devastated. Out of everything I have forgotten that I don't officially have custody of Theo; I was only temporary adopting him, fostering him.

"Oh, okay," I say, turning around to quickly rush up the stairs and grab Theo along with his things. With trembling hands I pick up all his belongings and place them in his travel bag, before taking him in my arms and walking down the stairs.

I reach the front door and pass the travel bad off to the woman while keeping Theo in my arms to say goodbye. As I look into his baby blue eyes, all I can see is all the memories we shared together. How we helped each other cope, how he made me feel normal. I was there for his first steps, his first words and his first use of magic. As I stand here with him in my arms I suddenly don't want to let him go.

But then I remember what has happened here. How Jeremy almost killed him, how people threatened him, how James died. James was becoming more and more of a father figure to Theo every day, and now that he is gone I can't imagine myself raising Theo without him. I nod to myself as I pass Theo off, almost letting to when suddenly Theo decides to speak.

"B-bames," he says, his words not resembling any English. But to me, I know exactly what he's trying to say. He's trying to say James.

As much as my mind warns me this is the wrong thing, I take his words as a sign. As quickly as I hand him off do I snatch him again, holding him in my arms.

"I'm not giving him away," I state firmly. "I'll do whatever paper work you have in that bag, but I'm not letting him leave here," I say, making the woman raise her brow.

To my surprise, the woman nods and pulls out some papers and hands them to me. I take them and smile, turning to Elijah who nods, telling me this is the right thing to do.

As much as I would've loved to have James raise Theo with me, I know that I have to finish what we started together, if not for him than for me. If not for me than for Theo.

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[completed & edited: 09/13/2021]