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"Sometimes I just feel it's only me who can't stand the reflection that they see."

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THE fear of myself suddenly vanishes as I fall asleep in James's arms. I sleep without nightmares, without tossing and turning, and without worrying. I understand now that I had been poisoned by fear.

Even now as I open my eyes can I feel the affect the poison is having on me, making me to believe I am a monster when in reality I am better than that. I can't erase what I've done, especially how I have hurt Bonnie by killing her mother, but all I can do is make myself better here on out. I know that as long as James is at my side as he is now, I can get through it. All I need is family, and James is my family whether I remember the details or not.

"Oh god- did you guys finally do it?" Joel suddenly asks, appearing in the doorway of James's room. At the sound of his voice both of us jump awake, James releasing his hold on my body.

"Do what?" I ask groggily, rubbing my eyes and adjusting to the bright light.

"You know....do it? Are you really going to make me say the words?" Joel questions in a childish way.

"Joel, we have our bloody clothes on, the door is wide open, and we've slept on top of the covers," James says agitated, getting up.

I scowl and squint my eyes at Joel as I feel my cheeks blush, but this only causes him to laugh. He walks away, as James enters his closet, slipping off his shirt and replacing it with a new one.

Silently I gaze at him from afar with a small admiring smile on my face, trying not to seem creepy as his muscles in his back move with his every movement, his tan skin soon covered by a black t- shirt. Just as he goes to turn around, I spin around and pretend to be tying up my shoes, the same goofy smile still on my face.

"Come on, let's see what other problems we can conquer today," James smiles, reaching for my hand.

I smile and take it, letting him pull me downstairs. We approach the kitchen just as Damon and Stefan walk in.

"So is this the part where you tell us that you guys have been sleeping together?" Damon instigates, his brow raised. I immediately glare at Joel who has a look of pure amusement on his face. I take this as a part of our prank war.

"If by sleeping together you mean literally sleeping, then yes," I say with a glare.

"Oh come one. Don't pull that bull-crap. James? Do you and I need to have the talk, man to man?" Damon questions seriously in a protective way. Suddenly his protective reaction angers me.

"Really Damon? Now you pull the protective card? You don't get to do that after all you've done, you don't get to play brother until you deserve it. Clearly you've made a point of not caring, scolding Stefan and I of doing things that you've done yourself," I snap aggressively.

He furrows his brows in confusion before scoffing, letting it drop. Satisfied, I glance at James who shrugs and passes me a coffee mug, filled a quarter way with blood.

"What is this?" I ask.

"Rationing. To control yourselves, you and Stefan need to go easy on the blood. Pace yourselves. This is the first step," James explains.

I turn to Stefan. "You told him too?" I ask.

Stefan shrugs. "He's my friend, I trust him," he smiles. I return the gesture but soon let it fade as Elena walks in the door, Bonnie behind her. As soon as they enter the kitchen, they illuminate a presence of great tension and I push my mug of blood away.

"So, now that most of us are here, I would like to discuss how we are going to go about Klaus now that we know the whole bloodline thing," Damon begins.

"What do you mean? What would you like to discuss?" I blurt out.

"Yeah, I know you guys don't know where you sired from, but James and I are 100% part of Klaus's bloodline, therefore we would like Klaus alive," Joel points out.

"I'm confident you guys are part of Klaus's sire too, so I hate to say it but we need Klaus alive," James says.

"There's no question about it Damon. Klaus lives," I argue, disgusted that those words came out of my mouth. I never thought I'd see the day where I'd want Klaus alive.

"I know," Damon defends. "I would at least like to know what line I'm from. At least you know you're from Elijah's," he says.

"I think the bigger problem is how Alairc's alter ego has hidden a white oak stake," Stefan speaks up, moving the argument to a different topic.

As they continue discussing back and forth how to deal with Alaric, Bonnie walks away and I follow after her.

"Bonnie!" I call as she walks out the door. At her name she stops and turns around.

"How's your mother?" I ask politely.

"Why do you care?" Bonnie sneers.

"Because I....," I trail off, struggling to find the words.

"I know why you did it. You saved Elijah, you saved your brothers, but only I had to pay. But don't worry, Bonnie Bennett can handle anything," she says sarcastically.

"Bonnie I'm sorry, I truly am. I hate myself everyday for what I did to you, from the moment your grams died, to your mother. You don't deserve any of it, I know that. I also know that I've brought you nothing but pain and grief," I say, taking in a deep breath. "I don't like what I did, and I see it every night. I see your moms eyes as she begs me not to kill her. I feel the guilt everyday, knowing your grams should be walking around instead of me," I say. By now I have her attention.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness, and I know we've never been friends, but in order for me to move on and prevent myself from the monster I fear of being, I beg you Bonnie. Please forgive me," I plead desperately.

She purses her lips and lifts her head up to keep in the tears. "I'll forgive you Blair," she says. "But you can't fear being a monster when you already are one." 

I clench my jaw as her words sink deeper. "I have to go help Caroline set up the 20's decade dance tonight,"  she says before walking away.

I sigh and bite my lip, about to turn around and head back inside when I hear my name.

"Blair," a male calls out.

I spin around, coming face to face with none other than Elijah, his face covered with a large grin.

"Elijah?" I gape in content.

He smiles and goes to hug me, but I'm already on it as I wrap my arms around his neck. "Jesus, you scared the shit out of us. We thought you were dead," I sigh into his shoulder before releasing him.

"I'm alive and well, apart from my brother," he says.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that," I apologize on Damon's behalf. 

He smiles, before changing the topic. "I heard about Alaric's condition, and I know there's a stake missing. Since the vampire race is at stake - pun intended- I figured I could lend a hand in finding the stake before Alaric's alter ego does," he says.

"Come on in." I grin.

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By nightfall everyone has scattered to the Roaring Twenties dance leaving those of us who are either too old for school or not interested at home. We still have not found the remaining white oak stake missing from our collection, so we can only suspect it was Alaric's alter ego that took it. What makes everything worse, is that Alaric is no where to be seen.

Just as I've settled in on the couch reading an old Johnathan Gilbert journal, I hear numerous amounts of buzzing going off from all around the house coming from our cell phones, mine included. Mine starts ringing, so I pick it up.

"What do you want Damon?" I snap, uninterested in anything he has to say.

"Blair, I know you don't owe me anything but Stefan, Klaus, Caroline, Tyler and I are all stuck at the school dance. Esther's put on some sort of boundary spell, and I can't find Elena. I think Esther has her, and maybe Alaric. Can you find them while Bonnie gets us out of here?" he asks, panicked. 

"And why would I do that?" I ask nonchalantly, flipping a page in the journal.

"Please Blair, this is Alaric, and Elena," he pleads.

"And somehow it always lands back on Elena," I murmur.

"Give me the damn phone," I hear Stefan say in the background. "Blair," he speaks into the phone. "We have reason to believe Esther has the remaining stake, and plans to use Alaric to be the ultimate weapon," he explains.

"Alrightly," I say, slapping the journal shut now that it concerns more people than just Elena. "James, Joel, Elijah and I are on our way. Where exactly?"

"Bonnie did a locater spell on Elena, and found her at the cemetery," Stefan says, just as James, Joel and Elijah meet me in the living room.

"Gotcha," I say.

"Be careful," Stefan warns.

"Always am." I smirk before hanging up. I turn to the three gentlemen in front of me. "Get that?" I ask.

"Yeah, Damon only sent about a million texts," Joel jokes.

"Let's roll," I say, pointing to the door.

We get to the cemetery about ten minutes later- apparently ten minutes late-, trudging through the thick forest in the dark, stumbling our way to the Salvatore tomb.

When we finally reach it we find everyone already standing outside it, even Stefan and Damon along with a dead Esther. The boundary spell must have broke when she died.

"What's going on?" I ask.

"Alaric, he's in transition. Esther tried to make him into a weapon, and she failed," Stefan explains.

"I don't understand what the problem is," I slowly say. James places his hand on my shoulder.

"He doesn't want to complete the transition," Stefan says.

I scoff. "Like hell he's not," I snap, sprinting into the tomb as James calls after me. I enter, stopping when I see Damon sitting beside him.

"Alaric?" I ask, staring into his tired blue eyes. "Why?" is all I say.

"I don't want my other self to hurt anyone. It did terrible things as a human, I can't hurt anyone else," he whispers.

"But, we can help you, we can-"

"Blair, it's a risk I can't take. It's my choice," Alaric explains.

I sigh in frustration, but I let it go. I understand what he's saying. I understand the value of choice. So I sit down beside him, Damon on the other side as we pass back a bottle of bourbon.

After everyone comes and says their goodbyes to the vampire hunter slash history teacher, Damon and I are the only ones left.

"You know Alaric, I know I never really knew you that well, but I'll never forget how we epically met. You were one of the first people I saw after coming out of the tomb, and even though you tried to kill me, I grew to like you," I say, taking a sip of the bourbon.

"I'm also happy that I got to meet you, Blair. You've made my life a lot more interesting. I'm happy to say I'm thankful I didn't kill you that day," Alaric laughs.

"I did kill you- twice," Damon snickers as I pass the bottle to him.

"That you did," Alaric chuckles weakly, the talking soon turning to silence as we all think.

"It shouldn't have to be like this. Innocent people don't need to die. You don't deserve to die, Rick," I whisper quietly.

"I chose this life, and I'm choosing to end it now," he says. "I just need you two to promise me one thing," Alaric proposes.

"Shoot," Damon encourages.

"I need you two to forgive each other, if not now than later. When I first met you two, you were the closest siblings I have ever met. Maybe it's because you were reunited, but I know it goes deeper than that. A bond like that doesn't just fade away, it needs to be fixed. You've both done wrong, maybe one more than the other but at one point you're going to have to realize that you're spending precious time fighting when you could be loving. You never know how much time you have, so please promise me," Alaric says, his voice hoarse and weak as he struggles for breath. 

I don't even look at Damon, because this is for Alaric, not him. "Of course, Alaric."

"For sure, brother," Damon tells him. 

"Good," Alaric says, couching hoarsely. "It was starting to get annoying listening to you two bicker all the time. At least I won't have to endure that anymore." 

I can't help but smile as Damon chuckles. Alaric tries to laugh but his body is too weak, his lungs spasming. 

I take his hand as he looks at Damon and I one last time. We watch as he lets out one last breath, but doesn't take another one.

I sigh and close my eyes that burn with tears, as I release his limp hand. Damon sets the bottle down and I exit the tomb, hearing him following behind.

"Did you really mean that promise?" Damon asks me.

"He didn't say I had to do it right now," I snap, walking through the forest. "For once I think I'll do what's best for me instead of everybody else."

"Come on, are you still mad?" he questions.

I stop and turn to face him. "Wow, so you can take a hint," I growl sarcastically.

"Blair, I don't want to fight. I want to go back to the way things use to be, when we use to team up against Stefan, or tease one another, or have prank wars. It appears Joel has taken my place on that one," Damon says seriously, sadness in his tone.

"Yeah, because Joel unlike you actually listens to me, reasons with me and allows me to explain myself before judging me for what I do or what I've done," I point out.

He sighs deeply before slowly approaching me. "I'll admit that I was wrong for judging you. I'm sorry for blaming you for not killing Klaus, because I know you ended up saving my life. I'm so sorry for not being there for you, for not trying hard enough to get you and Stefan back, or trying to turn your humanity back on," he admits. Although it shouldn't, his apology angers me more, and I explode with rage.

"Why were you not there? I needed you Damon, you are my brother!" I shout, a tear sliding down my face. "I needed my brother! So why weren't you there!" I bellow, stepping forwards to shove him hard in the chest.

"Because I'm not the type of person you need in your life!" he shouts back.

"I'm a bad person Blair, a monster. I thought when you left with Klaus you were going to turn into a monster like me, but you didn't! You came back strong and then everything fell apart because of him! Because of Klaus! And I thought I could fix that for you by eliminating him! I was mad because my chance for getting my sister back was gone!" he explains loudly, his voice trailing off. Hearing his side of things angers me slightly that he never talked to me, but at the same time I'm devastated by how much Klaus destroyed him by destroying me.

"I'm trying to do the right thing, I am," he says with a sigh. "I'm always caught in the middle of trying to look out for you, Stefan, and Elena, and sometimes I don't always choose the best course of action but that's who I am. You should believe all those rumours about me being a terrible person, because it's true." 

He backs up and sits down on a random tombstone, leaning his head back as he looks up at the stars. I sigh before taking a seat beside him, our shoulders touching as we stare up at the sky together. 

"Damon, you can't stop the inevitable. We were always monsters, all of us. It's just a matter of how we choose to conceal it." 

"I can't conceal it. It's just the way I am," he whispers.

"I think that's the way I am too," I admit.

"No Blair,-"

"I'm not noble like Elijah, respectful like Stefan or selfless like James. I mean sure I can be kind, approachable and selfless at times, but I've come to a point where I don't know when to be what anymore," I say quietly, thinking of all the things I've done wrong with good intentions.

"It's just the life we live, Blair," Damon sighs.

It stays quiet for a moment as Damon and I sit side by side, closer than we have in a couple of months.

"Can you be forgiving?" he asks hopefully.

I let out a small smile and turn towards him. "I forgive you, Damon," I say, remembering Alaric's request. 

He smiles and wraps an arm around me. "Thank you," he whispers, pressing his lips to my temple before roughing up my hair. I swat his hand away before standing up, pulling him along with me. 

"I don't want to hang around this cemetery any more than we have to. Should we bury Alaric's body?" I ask, but Damon is distracted by something behind me. 

He points and I turn, following his gaze to see Bonnie walking into the tomb where Alaric's body lays. 

"What is she doing?" I whisper.

"Let's find out," Damon suggests as we creep towards her. 

We try to stay quiet incase Bonnie is giving her condolences to Alaric. I suddenly have a feeling that something bad is about to happen just as I get a whiff of fresh blood in the air. 

"Damon," I say as we approach the tomb. "I smell blood."

He turns to me with wide eyes but we don't reach the tomb in time to stop Bonnie who has her hand held to Alaric's mouth, feeding him her blood.

"BONNIE NO!" Damon roars, but it's too late.

Alaric springs back to life and feeds on Bonnie's neck before shoving her to the floor. With veins under his eyes and blood dripping from his mouth, Alaric makes his way towards us with a mysterious looking stake in hand. The stake looks like white oak although this one is covered in melted lead that has dripped down the stick, making a vine pattern.

"Alaric?" I gape, but we soon realize it's not him, but rather his subconscious.

"Blair," Damon warns, grabbing my wrist to pull me back.

Alaric being created by the original witch, and now being a original vampire uses one shove to fly Damon and I backwards into the brick wall of the tomb, instantly sending us falling on our backs.

I instinctively reach for the back of my head where blood begins to seep and watch with blurry eyes as Alaric marches his towards us, dragging Damon and I away effortlessly until darkness overflows my mind, forcing my eyes shut.

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[completed & edited: 08/29/2021]