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"There's nothing here in this heart left to borrow. There's nothing in this soul left to save."

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"No, no, no," I gape, still staring at my empty hand. "No, this isn't happening. This can't be real." 

I sprint to the other room where I saw James's body earlier and run to the corner where Silas's body bag lays, James's body still beside it.

I angrily throw Silas's bag out of the way and drag James's body out from the corner where I can examine it with my own eyes.

I kneel down beside him, dragging my hands delicately across the grey veins covering his face, looking for any explanation as to if this is real or not. He lays there still, too still with a gaping hole in his chest where his heart should be, but instead I find it all the way across the room.

I gasp, and place a hand over my mouth as I scramble away from James's body. In my eyes, that James lying in front of me is not the real James, but rather an imposter. None of this is real, it can't be and I can't allow myself to believe other wise.

"Blair," Stefan says gently, Damon and Joel quietly walking behind him.

My breaths become shallow as I hug my knees up to my chest, sitting against the cold stone wall. "This isn't real," I say quietly. "Silas, he's playing another trick." 

"Blair, this isn't Silas okay? Silas is dead," Damon says quietly, pointing to the body bag behind James.

"But James, he's- he's not dead," I say, shaking my head as tears escape my eyes. 

Stefan's face contorts with sadness as he only stares at me, not knowing what else to say. Damon turns away, not able to look at me any more while Joel stands there with tears streaming down his face much like mine. Just by the look on Joel's face do I come to realization that this is in fact real. His sadness is all too real, much like mine.

"Joel," I say, my voice cracking. "Please tell me this isn't real."

Joel only frowns as he shakes his head, his eyes puffy and red from all the tears that spill from them. His reaction only causes me to cry harder, so much that I can't breathe any longer. I just sit  there across from James's body, gasping for breath as the walls feel like they're closing in on me. 

"I-I just got my memories back," I cry. "There was so much more I wanted to do, that I wanted to say to him-." I'm cut off as I'm no longer able to speak, my brain overwhelmed with emotion. 

Stefan kneels beside me and places a hand on my shoulder. "Blair, he's gone," he says gently. 

For some reason his words make me angry. I become furious, enraged with hatred that I know isn't true. This is nobody's fault except for Silas'. 

"You all lied to me!" I shout, looking up at Damon, Joel and Stefan. "You all knew he was dead, didn't you? And you didn't tell me?" 

"Blair-," Damon begins but I cut him off. 

"I wasted so much time in the beginning without my memories and you guys had the audacity to let me waste more time knowing his minutes were numbered?" I say, my eyes no longer filled with tears as I focus on anger. 

"It wasn't our choice, Blair," Joel speaks up. "It was his last wish. He told us not to tell you. He wanted to do it himself. He wanted your last day to be happy, not sad." 

I can't help but laugh. "That turned out great, didn't it?" I say as I wipe my wet eyes dry. They stay quiet at my words, taken back and uncertain of what to say or do. 

Stefan puts a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it gently in a way that is supposed to be comforting. "It's going to be okay, Blair," he says. 

I shake his hand off my shoulder, taking him off guard. "I would like you all to leave now, please," I say coldly, staring at James's body in front of me. 

"Blair, I think you should come home with us, okay?" Damon says gently. 

"Home is where James is," I say. "I'm staying here with him." 

Damon and Stefan exchange glances. "We're your home too, Blair. We want you to come home with us, please." 

"While you two were busy braiding Elena's hair and ruining her life, James was there for me. He's been there for me more than you two ever have been," I say. "I'm staying here." 

I know what I said and I don't regret saying it. I don't bother looking at either of my brothers as I know it will only make me feel bad. I choose to focus on only a few emotions at a time; it's all my brain is capable of doing at the moment. 

Damon walks over to Stefan who still kneels beside me, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Let's go, brother," he says. 

Hesitantly, Stefan gets up. He glances back at me before leaving with Damon, Joel slowly trailing behind. 

"I really am sorry, Blair," Joel says, before turning the corner and leaving the caves. 

It takes a while for things to go completely silent, my vamp hearing their footsteps all the way up to the school hallways before eventually it disappears. All I'm left with is a deep emptiness in the pit of my stomach, turning it inside out. I want to throw up. I want to cry more. I want to shake and punch something. Instead I just sit here, across from James. 

Eventually I make my way over to him, sitting beside his body. I put his hand in mine, squeezing it. Maybe if I squeeze hard enough he will come to life. Maybe Bonnie's spell might pull through. 

It's only then do I realize Bonnie has also died. She didn't deserve that. She sacrificed herself to save us all, yet again. She delayed putting the vail back up because she knew James was going to have to find a way to say goodbye. 

Only now do I realize that's what he was trying to do this morning; he was trying to say goodbye. 

I'm suddenly hit with a flood of realizations. 

I will never see his hazel blue eyes again. I will never feel his fingers wrap around my hand. I will never kiss him again. I will never feel his warmth, his safety again. 

I will never feel alive again. 

∆ ∆ ∆

CAROLINE POV

By the time I heard what had happened, I rushed to the Salvatore house, eager to find out more. All I had heard was that Jeremy was brought back from the dead, Bonnie had left early for her summer holidays without even saying goodbye, and apparently something tragic had happened. The whole tragic part was what was really putting me on edge, which is why I plan on wasting no time on figuring out the problem as soon as I walk into the house.

"Stefan?" I call, my voice seeming to echo through the empty house. Just as I'm about to call again, Stefan appears around the corner with Damon glued to his side. "What happened?" I ask immediately. "Where's Blair?" 

"She's in the caves, lying with James," Damon says.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because he's dead Caroline, he died the night we killed Silas," Stefan explains, making my stomach drop and my heart beat out of my chest. As soon as the words leave his mouth my immediate thoughts are of Blair.

"Oh my god," I gasp. "How is she? How is Blair?"

"I think she's past the denial now, but she seemed pretty angry before we left," Stefan says quietly, the pain of his sister's grief clearly written on his face.  "Blair has been there all night, and she won't come out. We were wondering if you could possible talk to her," Stefan asks politely.

"Of course." I nod anxiously, still trying to grasp the fact that James is gone. I can't imagine how devastated Joel and Blair are right now, but judging by the lack of their presence, I'm guessing it's not good.

"Here, if you're going you should take this." Damon says, passing me her cell phone. "The adoption agency has been calling. It's probably about Theo," he says. I nod and take the phone, stuffing it into my purse.

"Thank you," Stefan says, giving me a quick hug before I turn around back to my car. 

In ten minutes I reach the school, sprinting vamp speed through the deserted hallways and down to the caves where I follow the sound of light sniffles. "Blair?" I ask, rounding the corner.

"Go away," she says weakly, refusing to use any strength, not that she would likely have any left.

I ignore her and walk beside her anyways, kneeling a safe distance beside her. "He didn't deserve this," I say, trying to peak her attention on me instead of the rotting corpse in front of her. 

The sight of James's body makes me weak and nauseous, but I force myself to stay strong for Blair, because only god knows how she's feeling right now. 

"You didn't deserve this. He was supposed to be there for you, make you happy, and keep you safe. You two were perfect together, and deep down I envied you. You two were the closest and most realist couple I've ever seen. Your love was so pure and organic, you didn't even really need to talk in order to have a good time. Your love with him was special Blair, it really was," I say, earning her attention.

She turns her head and glares at me, here eye make-up smudged all the way down her face, making her red, puffy eyes appear more concealed. "What are you doing? Why are you telling me this?" she asks.

"Because Blair, I'm telling you that even though his death is final, your love will always be eternal, because that's just the kind of love you had. It will always be with you," I say softly.

She doesn't say anything, keeping her attention on James with his hand clenched within hers. I clear my throat and pull out her phone from my purse. "The adoption agency called. I think they want to talk to you about Theo," I say, but she doesn't respond. "You still have Theo, Blair and he needs a home."

"No," she whispers.

"What?" I ask.

"I said no. I don't want to give him a home where only bad things happen. I thought I could do it before because before I had James. Now that he's gone, I don't want to do it. So whatever they have to say, just tell them I don't want him anymore," she says, still staring at James.

Her tone surprises me and I find myself wanting to get as far away from her as possible. She's in a dangerous position right now, and I know she's in the bargaining stage of grief. She's in the position where she'll do anything to get him back, and that's a dangerous state to be in. Her love for him goes so deep, his absence is driving her insane. As her friend I can't bare the thought of her like this any longer, and I fear that if we don't do something soon, we're going to loose Blair all over again.

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[completed & edited: 09/12/2021]