˙ ˙ ˙

"You're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece and now you're tearing through the pages and the ink."

˙ ˙ ˙

WHILE James explains everything that's happened the past twenty four hours, I admire the dusty coffins, letting the curiosity of who's inside them entertain me.

The light discussion from the two old vampires turns heated a couple of times, particulary when James mentions how Elijah was excluded on the plan to kill Klaus, and where James failed to mention Mikael was part of their plan.

I leave it to James to explain how Mikael ended up with a stake to the heart rather than Klaus, and I cringe every time he mentions my name. As he explains what happened, I can't help but picture everything in my mind as it replays over and over. If I'd only just picked up the stake and thrown it at Klaus, I wouldn't be dragging around this feeling of emptiness and guilt.

Just as James finishes explaining everything, the coffins suddenly disappear from sight as the witches cloak them, the sound of approaching footsteps following from upstairs.

The three of us exchange nervous glances as Stefan appears, leaning against the doorway.

"Okay witches, it's just me. You can show the coffins now," Stefan says aloud. Suddenly the four coffins come into view, glued in the exact same place as before.

Stefan's presence only adds to the tension in the room, especially since we're the two people responsible for betraying the plan.

"Really Blair? You turned it back on?" Stefan scoffs. I glare at him and turn to James.

"Can I borrow your truck? I need a break. Call me when you wanna be picked up," I say. He nods and tosses me the keys. I walk out, brushing past Stefan who follows me on my heels leaving Elijah and James to their conversation.

"Go away Stefan," I say apathetically, walking out the front door.

"Blair," he begins.

"No, Stefan. What ever you want to tell me, tell me when you have your humanity back on," I snap.

He harshly grabs my arm and pulls me back, almost tripping me in the process. "Blair, listen to me. There's something you have to know," he says seriously. I rip my arm from his grasp and cross them across my chest instead, motioning for him to continue.

"The other night when I told you not to kill Klaus, it was because I was trying to save Damon," he says, making my brows scrunch together.

"I'm not following." I say.

"Klaus had all his sired hybrids compelled to kill Damon if the night resulted in Klaus's death. I wanted you to know that so you wouldn't feel all the guilt. We did the right thing," he says.

His words send a rush of relief through me, washing some of the guilt away, but I'm still stained with regret; nothing can take away the regret. But for now, his words will do.

"Careful Stefan, your humanity is showing," I say, before walking away.

∆ ∆ ∆

Seven shots later I find myself sitting alone at the Mystic Grill Bar, the bartender compelled to keep refilling my glass when it gets empty.

The alcohol offers a temporary release from all the mixed emotions floating around my head, as I've taken no time to sort any of them out yet. I don't even want to begin to phantom what it would feel like, nor do I want to think about everything I did.

So instead I chug down my eight shot, my mind already beginning to turn foggy.

Just as the bartender finished filling up my ninth shot, I hear a presence behind me, the chair beside me being filled with a familiar blonde.

"Caroline," I greet, feeling slightly estranged.

"Hey Blair," she says.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"Well, I was supposed to meet Elena and Bonnie here but Bonnie's working on a spell to open the coffins, and Jeremy was compelled to run into traffic resulting in Alaric to get hit, so Elena's got her hands full," Caroline spits out, out of breath.

"Is Alaric okay?" I ask immediately.

"Yeah, he was wearing the ring. I would go and help Elena, but Damon's got that covered." Caroline mutters, disapprovingly.

I sigh, and take my ninth shot before shoving it to the bartender who pours my tenth. "So you turned it back on then, huh?" Caroline asks.

"Yup," I say evasively, popping the 'p'.

"Blair, I can't begin to imagine what you're feeling, but I know what happened, and I know you didn't mean to kill Mikael," she says.

"Have you ever flipped the switch?" I ask, but she shakes her head. "Then you don't understand. You were drugged by your boyfriend of a dog that night, so you don't even know what happened," I spit.

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I regret it. Caroline doesn't derseve to hear any of it. "I'm sorry," I sigh, drowning in the tenth shot. "My emotions are all over the place right now." I apologize.

She nods and sighs, but I can feel her blue eyes staring at me, trying to read my mind. "That night when Fredrick attacked you, I felt completely lost. I didn't even know what I was doing, and then he was about to kill you and it was if suddenly something in myself clicked into place. I almost turned it on that night Care, because of you," I gulp. "I'm so sorry Care, you didn't deserve anything that I did to you, and I would take it all back if I could. I hate myself every minute for hurting you," I say before reaching for my tenth shot.

"Oh Blair," Caroline says. She wraps her arm around me and pulls me close, casually sliding the shot glass away from my grasp.

"This is only the start of the journey on your way back to who you were, or who you need to be, but you're not alone. You have Damon and me and James. You don't know how devastating and tedious the last two months have been for him. I think you should talk to him. You don't even have to talk, just let him know you're really there," Caroline suggests, releasing me from her hug.

I purse my lips and nod, finally turning to look her in the eyes. I suddenly don't feel as weak once I notice her blue eyes are shining with tears, resembling my own.

I move to get up, but freeze instantly as a familiar male towers above us.

"Sorry to interrupt your reunion ladies, but I need some questions answered," Klaus pronounces, his hand placed on my shoulder.

Caroline glares at him, and I find the strength to look him in the eye. Only now do I realize I forgot to take my daily vervain this morning. "Why would we do that?" Caroline asks.

"Because it's occurred to me that my hero Blair here never got any of her memories back. I'll give you one memory in exchange for answers," Klaus offers, making my heart skip a beat.

"Deal," I spit out, making Caroline scoff in shock.

"Where's my sister, and where is Stefan? He stole some very valuable coffins from me, and I want them back," Klaus demands.

"Stefan I haven't seen," I lie, "And Rebekah is daggered somewhere. You'll have to speak to Elena about that," I say.

Klaus laughs. "Very well. Now Blair, I'll offer you two memories since you gave me two answers," he says. My eyes suddenly go wide and my heart rate elevates. 

He places his hands on my shoulders and looks to the ceiling as if thinking of what memories to share. "Oh, I've got one. "You remember how you and James first met," he compels me. As soon as he says it, a flashback begins to emerge in my mind.

˙ ˙ ˙

"Father! Your guest the apprentice is here," I yell from my bedroom window as I watch the man hop off the carriage and make his way to our house.

My brothers immediately exit their rooms and run down to meet the new guest, but I couldn't care less. I've never liked the idea of guests saying in our house ever since Katherine arrived. Frankly, my brothers and I've lost our connection since she's arrived as she always has my brothers drooling over her.

I spend the next hour in my room doing what I always do; draw. I have a collection of drawings all stuffed in boxes around the house since I have no where to put them anymore. Before my mother died I always use to give them to her. Now boxes are the only place I can hide them, unless I want my father to burn them.

Just as I am about to apply the finishing touches on my rose, a shout from the room adjacent to mine alerts my attention.

I scramble up and run to the next room afraid that one of my brothers have hurt themselves to find that it's the new guest.

He lies on the floor along with a box of smashed jarred black ink, the kind I use for my drawings scattered on the hard floor, along with several splatters all over his face and a box full of my drawings dispersed on the floor. He looks as if an octopus has attacked him, and I can't help but crack a smile.

"Sir, are you alright?" I ask whilst holding in a laugh.

He looks over at me, startled. "Y-yes I'm quite fine, thank you ma'am."

"What happened?" I chuckle.

"I was going through these beautiful drawings, and then this box fell on top of me. I didn't realize it was Ink, I apologize," he says, slightly embarrassed.

"No worries....," I trail off, asking for a name. 

"James, James Branson." He says with a smile.

"Don't worry Mr. Branson, I placed the box in a hurry yesterday. I mustn't have stored it well enough," I say.

He only smiles making me blush slightly, my heart beating ever so fast. 

"Oh, and my name's Blair," I say before closing the door.

˙ ˙ ˙

Before I can properly register what happened, he compels another memory to my mind. "You remember who turned you," he says, sending me into another trance.

˙ ˙ ˙

"It's awfully late for a young lad like yourself to be out in the dark," a young British man says.

"Yes, well I have places to be," I reply, gasping for breath. I've been lost in the woods for over an hour, my curiosity getting the best of me as I followed Katherine Pierce out into the night. I had planned on spying on her for the sake of protecting my brothers, but my whole plan has backfired.

"Perhaps I could offer some assistance...."

"Blair," I reply. "And you are?"

"Klaus. It's nice to meet you Blair, but I'm afraid I have little time to chat. Let's get this over with," the man, Klaus, says.

At first I'm confused and then frightened as he forms fangs in his teeth and veins under his eyes resembling the very vampires my father's warned me about. Before I can do anything another man appears, and I recognize him as James's friend, Elijah.

"Niklaus, leave the innocent out of this," Elijah warns.

"She's hardly innocent Elijah as long as she's friends with you two," Klaus sneers, still holding me within his grasp.

"Please," Elijah begs, holding out a hand. "For James. This will destroy him."

"That's the plan. But what would be even worse was if it were you that destroyed him," Klaus smirks.

After that it all unfolds too quickly, as Klaus shoves me hard into Elijah's outstretched hand, so hard that Elijah's hand accidentally pierces my skin, his hand around my heart. I gasp and cry but I'm frozen as I feel myself fading away. Klaus only snickers and runs away leaving a shocked Elijah supporting me as I fall to the ground.

"No, no, no!" he shouts. He bites into his wrist and feeds me his blood, but it's too late.

I close my eyes and fade away just as the vampire blood tickles down my throat.

˙ ˙ ˙

"Oh my god," I say once my sight becomes clear. "Elijah turned me?" I gape, but before I can question any further, Klaus vanishes.

"Blair?" Caroline asks, concerned.

"I have to go," I say before grabbing the keys and making my way to the truck.

∆ ∆ ∆

After picking James up I decide to call it a night, still greatly overwhelmed with the memories Klaus threw at me. I haven't talked to James about them, nor do I want to at the moment.

I lay in bed for a good while before deciding my mind is too awake for sleep. So I decide to climb out my window and walk to my favourite thinking spot against a rock over looking a small pond in the deep forest to give me some time to think. After awaking from the tomb when the flashes and nightmares became too much I would come here in the middle of the night to offer myself some peace and mind.

I've been sitting here for over half an hour, and yet I still can't fit any of my emotions into place. Just as I'm about to get up and grab some more alcohol, James appears and sits down against the rock beside me.

"How'd you know I was here?" I ask, slightly confused and startled by his presence. I think back to what Caroline said, of how I can talk to James honestly.

"Our telepathic communication link allows me to track you like a GPS," he says with a teasing smirk.

I smack him on the shoulder and laugh. "No it doesn't. You're an idiot." I laugh as he laughs along with me.

It grows quiet before either one of us decides to speak again.

"I wasn't compelled, James. I didn't save Klaus because I was compelled," I finally admit, feeling a great amount of pressure lift off me as I do so.

"I know," he whispers. "Joel told me. He also told me you killed Mikael because he reminded you of your father."

"Wow, so much for keeping a secrete Joel," I mutter. "It was a stupid impulse, and before I knew it, it became the biggest mistake of my life," I admit.

"I understand, it all happened very quick. That still doesn't explain why you turned it back on," James points out.

"It doesn't matter," I sigh, ripping a handful of grass out of the ground, letting it fall through my fingers.

"I need to know. Why did you turn it back on?" he asks gently. I look at him, and know that I shouldn't have. As soon as I look into his gaze I'm bound to let myself go.

"Because I realized the mistake I made, and I realized I just threw away my memories like they were nothing. I couldn't handle it. It was if everything, sadness, anger, guilt, regret- all of it came crashing at me at once, and I couldn't hold it back. I let it in," I conclude.

James nods and places his hand on top of mine, making me more relaxed.

"In the end it was the memories that made you turn it back on?" James questions with hope.

"Yeah, I believe so," I say, smiling to myself, and I can see James smiling from beside me.

"You know, after what I've learned about the aftermath of the off switch, it helps to focus on one emotion," James suggests.

I purse my lips and think of the first emotion that comes to mind. Surprisingly it's happiness.

"Klaus came by today," I begin, and I immediately feel James tense up beside me. "And he gave me back some memories in exchange for information about Rebekah and Stefan," I say.

James's head perks up in interest and joy. "What did he tell you?" he urges.

"He allowed me to remember the time we first met," I say before bursting into a fit of laughter, remembering his structured face painted with my smashed jars of ink.

"Oh bloody hell," James laughs, dragging his hand down his face. "Not one of my best moments, I'll give you that." He smiles.

"Why the hell were you going through the boxes?" I ask.

"Because one of your drawings was sticking out, and I wanted to see more. Next thing I knew I pulled out the wrong box, and ink fell and exploded everywhere," he explains while laughing.

"Real classy Branson." I laugh. James pulls me in close as we both remember that day. For a while it had been only James who could smile and laugh at remembering our shared memories like this, but now we can laugh together, and it was a feeling I could get use to.

I rest my head on his shoulder as he wraps an arm around my body, pulling me closer. I still don't know where we stand, and I'm sure neither does he but for now all that matters is that we're together. All I need is his presence to make me feel like I'm home.

All I need is his presence to let me know that we're okay.

James places a gentle kiss on the side of my forehead sending shivers through my body, something I've been longing for for a long time. "What else did he tell you?" he asks.

I frown as I remember what he showed me. Emotions come flooding into my brain, but I focus on one of them like James told me to: shock.

"He allowed me to know who really turned me," I say quietly.

James notices my tone and turns towards me with utter confusion. "Who?"

"Elijah was the one to turn me James, not Klaus, not Katherine, but Elijah."

___________________

Please vote, share, and comment!

[completed & edited: 08/17/2021]