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"It came out like a river once I let it out when I thought I wouldn't know how."

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"Are you looking for something?" Katherine asked rudely, making me jump from where I was standing in her room.

I turned to face her, holding the jar of black ink behind my back. All I wanted was a jar of ink, and she was the only one in the house that hadn't touched her own.

"No Miss Katherine. I was just leaving," I said, moving to walk out when suddenly she grabbed me by my arm, her hand placed harshly and painfully under my chin.

"Not yet you're not," she snarled, tipping my neck to the side while hovering her mouth above my flesh. I stood frozen as there was no use in fighting against her grasp.

"Katherine!" a male voice suddenly asked from behind us. Immediately Katherine released me from her hold, turning to face the man only to find it was my father's new apprentice, James Branson.

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As a whole bunch of memories slap me in the face, that one is the only one that stands out. I stand there in shock only to find Klaus has left, leaving me standing on the porch with Joel who still holds Theo. "Blair?" Joel questions. "Are you alright? Did they come back?" he asks me.

I turn to face him, still questioning the last memory that flashed vibrantly in my mind. I want to know more. I want to know when I first found out about vampires. Then suddenly, as if my question was heard by my mind, I'm sent back into another memory flashback.

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Out of boredom and curiosity to get to know my father's new apprentice more, James and I found ourselves wandering the forest in the early morning. Since Katherine's arrival my brothers had never been there for me as they were always drooling over Miss Katherine. Then when James showed up I found a particular liking in him.

"And that way is to the market," I said, pointing left. "And that way is to the industrial buildings like the factory and school," I said, pointing right. I decided to give James a tour of Mystic Falls since he hadn't really left the house grounds in the three months he'd been here.

"I see. Perhaps you could draw me a map later with your exquisite art skills," he smiled, making me blush.

We walked in silence when suddenly the cracking of tree branches and the shuffling of autumn leaves breaks out attention off one another to two men in the distance. James suddenly grabs me and forces the two of us down so we're hiding behind an old log. I'm confused at first, but as I watch more closely I notice that one of those men is my father, and he's holding a wooden stake.

All I can do is watch as my father stabs the man in the chest with the stake, killing him right in front of my eyes. I gasped and sunk lower behind the log, turning to James for clarification.

"Oh my god. Why did my father just kill that man?" I gaped.

James sighed and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Blair, there's something you should know about me. About your father's job."

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I open up my eyes again, only this time I'm sitting in the back of James's truck with Theo while Joel drives in the front seat. "Blair! What did you remember?" he questions, but I'm still in a haze, still intrigued by the memories that flow into my mind. I'm free to pick them now, free to choose which ones I want to remember. As I ask myself more about James, memories pop up to answer my questions. I know now that we've kissed before back then, but I want to know more. I want to know what happened, and that's when my mind takes me into another memory.

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I had grown closer to my father's apprentice, closer than I ever thought I would- closer than I intended to. I never wanted to get close to someone out of fear I would become my brothers who seemed to worship Miss Katherine. They were obsessed, and I feared it would tear them apart, and I did not want the same thing to happen to me. But James was different. He told me everything my father never did. He told me the truth about himself, and the crazy world we live in, and for that I cannot let myself back down out of fear for love, because that is what I believe I am beginning to feel.

But once again, I found myself spending yet another day with the apprentice although this time it was night. We laid next to each other under the stars in the middle of the night while everyone else was sleeping.

"That one, is called the big dipper," James said, pointing to a bunch of stars in the sky that seemed to align in some sort of spoon shape.

"Because it's a giant spoon?" I questioned with a laugh.

He laughed from beside me, his shoulder shaking against mine. "Precisely." 

"Maybe we should come up with our own constellation," I suggested, staring up at the crystal clear sky, exploding with thousands of tiny lights. It amazed me, and I was mesmerized.

"Okay. You pick," James agreed.

"How about that one over there, it kind of looks like a very rectangular heart," I laughed.

"Alright Miss Salvatore. And what would you like to name this constellation?" he asked me, turning over on his side to glance at me. I could feel his eyes on me, but I stayed still.

"Balvatore. It combines both of our names into one," I say, finally finding the courage to turn on my side to look him in the eye.

"That sounds like a marvellous constellation. Sounds like it was meant to be," James says, leaning in closer.

"Yes, yes it does," I whisper as my breath catches in my throat. The gap between us closes as we kiss, both our lips moving together in a musical pattern. I never wanted to fall for him, but it appears it's too late. I've allowed myself to experience the fear of love, and I realize now with James it's anything but fear. It's meant to be.

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I gasp again, my eyes shooting open as Joel looks worriedly back at me from the front seat. "Joel!" I exclaim in excitement. "They're back! All of them! I remember everything!" 

My whole body is exploding with excitement and happiness that I fear that none of this is real. But it is real. This is the moment I have been waiting for. My memories were what got me through surviving with Klaus, they got me through all the struggles of the new world, and now that they're back I don't know what to do with myself.

"I want to see James," I spit out, realizing what I want. I want to share this news with James, and I want to feel the happiness all over again when I tell him I remember everything about our past.

"I'm driving as fast as I can Blair-Bear," Joel says, rolling his eyes.

As Joel drives, I sit in the back seat with a goofy smile on my face, running through all the new memories that have been restored in my mind. We arrive to the house quicker than I thought we would, and I scramble out of the minute Joel parks the car.

"Blair! I'm going to go check on Caroline with Theo, so I'll talk to you later!" he yells from the car window. I know he's only going to give James and I space, and for that I am extremely thankful. It appears that everything that's happened tonight is nothing but background noise in the back of my mind. I've forgotten that Tyler has now gone on the run. I've forgotten all about the cure. I've forgotten all about my brothers and Elena, and I've forgotten all about Klaus.

I nod to Joel as he drives off, wasting no time to sprint inside the house once he leaves. It's empty in here, no one but James and I, and for the first time in a while I feel completely free to talk about anything. It just so happens that we have so much to talk about too.

"Blair?" James asks, rounding the corner into the living room where I stand.

"James." I breath out, slowly walking towards him.

"Is everything alright?" he asks slowly, approaching me until we meet half way, standing about a metre apart from one another.

"Balvatore." I spit out, saying the first thing that came to my mind.

James's eyes light up at the familiar word, the word he hasn't heard in 150 years. "W-what?" he questions, not sure if he heard me right.

"I remember the constellation, our cheesy constellation. I remember when we first kissed, when you told me you were a vampire, when you saved me from Katherine, when you introduced me to Elijah, when you invited Lexi to stay with us, when you helped me during my transition. I remember it all James, every single second of it," I say, almost in a whisper. It feels like I'm hardly breathing as I'm still in shock.

"How- h-," James stutters, struggling for words just as much as I am. "Oh my god. He gave them back to you?" 

I nod as a huge grin spreads across my face. We both stand there with grins on our faces that seem to stretch for miles, both of us shocked and happy at the same time. It's an unusual mix of feelings, and it clouds our words that we fail to say, so instead we choose to show how we're feeling instead of the words our minds fail to make up.

We close the gap between us and press our lips together in a much needed kiss to celebrate my memories return. However, as soon as he presses his lips to mine, I remember yesterday how Klaus kissed me. I abruptly break apart from James, reminded of what happened yesterday. I feel as if I owe it to James to tell him the truth. I don't want any more lies, any more secretes.

"What is it?" James asks, his hand still cupped to my cheek.

"I- There's something you should know, James," I begin, forcing myself to look him in the eye. "Klaus yesterday, he ah, kissed me," I finally say.

James suddenly steps back, taking away his hand from my cheek as my words sink in. He stares as me as he processes what I've just announced, about how his enemy kissed the girl he loves. "He kissed you?" he asks.

"Yes James, but Klaus, he kissed me for himself. I-" I try to explain in ways that will make it easier for James to understand. I didn't kiss Klaus- he kissed me. I didn't feel anything, and I admitted that to him face to face right after it happened.

"Do you love him?" James asks suddenly.

I exhale and close my eyes, walking up to James and placing my small hands on either side of his face. "No," I state firmly, making James's eyes grow watery. He relaxes and goes to say something, but I push on. Everything inside me that feels for James is pushing me to express it, and for once in my life I know the right words to say.

"You accepted me, James, for who I was even without my memories. You accepted the fact that I didn't remember you, but that only caused you to try harder to get back the girl you loved. You didn't force me to love you, you didn't get mad when I didn't remember you, you only loved me and showed me kindness. And that James Branson, is why I love you," I say, my eyes watering with tears of happiness.

His lips form upwards in a small smile at my words. I've been scared of love for as long as I can remember. I was scared of the commitment, the feeling, and the chance that I would only end up getting hurt. But as I stand here with a goofy grin on my face and tears threatening to spill out of my eyes because of the man in front of me, I realize now that I was scared of the idea of love, because I had never been in love.

Not able to stand the distance between us any longer, I step closer and wrap my arms around his neck and kiss James firmly on the lips, loosing myself in the kiss. He responds by cupping my cheeks with his hands, his lips moving with mine like two puzzle pieces. Our lips move like clock work, moving in sync to work with one another, but it's not enough. 

Frustrated that I can't get any closer, I push James harshly against the wall in one quick movement, forgetting my vampire strength. He smiles against my lips at my sudden use of force, and I swear in this moment every single part of me has come to life. I feel like a different person, and in some ways I am with my memories returned.

With his lips still pressed on mine, he lifts me up and I wrap my legs around his waist as he supports me with his hands underneath my thighs.

With our lips still pressed together he carries me that way up the stairs and into his room, placing me gently on his bed after closing the door. We break apart as I flick off my shoes, pulling him on the bed with me by the collar of his shirt. After we enter a more private space even though we're alone in the house, everything seems to speed up and intensify as we crave each other. 

His hands grip my waist and mine slide underneath his shirt, pulling it over his head leaving his muscular chest bare. Everything about him is beautiful. His smile, his personality full of loyalty and kindness, his selflessness and his cute British accent. I'm silently cursing myself in this moment of how I didn't allow all of this to happen sooner. I realize now there wasn't anything to be afraid of. It's James and I trust him, and I know that everything I'm feeling is real.

He place soft kisses on the side of my neck, sparking electricity that radiates through my body like his touch is magic.  He breaks apart and slowly slides my shirt up, staring into my eyes as if asking permission.

"Is this what you want?" he asks.

"Yes," I whisper, lifting my head up to kiss him again.

I've never wanted something in my life so badly. I suddenly feel as if all the pain and torture I've been through has been worth it. I would spend another 145 years in the tomb if it meant I could feel what I am feeling now. For once I am not racing to protect Elena, to look out for my brothers or fix their problems. For once I am focusing on myself. 

For once in my life I feel completely comfortable with someone, and I'm willing to expose myself in ways I've never done before.

He smiles down as he hovers above me, his eyes staring deep into mine in both admiration and love. Soon after we find ourselves completely lost with one another, and soon getting lost beneath the sheets.

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[completed & edited: 09/08/2021]