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"Cause I've done some things that I can't speak, and I've tried to wash you away but you just won't leave."

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WE ALL LEFT the hospital at the same time, since James and I had no other vehicle to drive in. James had been interviewed by police, and after explaining everything it was deemed an accident, as it truly was in the first place. It was just a stupid accident caused by a deer in the middle of the night that we had the misfortune of hitting. Sure we had a lot on our minds and were rushing to return home and we knew that was probably part of the reason James didn't see the deer ahead of time, but even if he had seen the deer in time, it wouldn't have stopped the other car from swerving, nor would we have been able to stop fast enough.

The doctors had informed us that the baby needed to stay with them for another twenty-four hours just to make sure everything was okay, and that they would call us when he would could be released from the hospital. With no one to take care of the little guy, and no orphanage around in Mystic Falls, I volunteered to watch him until they could find him a new family- a family that hadn't crashed into his parent's car.

We had all spent the night together, drinking, not knowing if these were our last moments together. It was if we were all waiting for something to happen, savouring every single second. But nothing happened. James was fine, and so was Joel. It didn't make any sense.

The next morning the house was fairly quiet, as Damon and Stefan had gone to help Elena ease into the transition of a vampire. Bonnie was working on a cure to reverse it although we all knew it was pointless. There was no reversing vampirism, only destroying it.

As I walk down to the living room I breathe out in relief once I see James and Joel standing outside, watching something. I hardly slept last night as I feared for their lives. I didn't know when they were going to die, if they were going to die so I refused to close my eyes.

"What are you guys doing?" I ask, stepping outside to join them.

"Waiting for the tow truck to bring my truck back," James replies.

I raise my brow. "I don't think there's anything left to bring back," I say gently.

"It's like his baby," Joel jokes. "He wants some closure, to see the body," he says, nudging my arm.

I force a smile, knowing Joel doesn't know a damn thing of what happened last night. All he knows is that we hit a deer, not that we had killed two people. I don't know why this crash is bothering me so much given I'm a vampire and have killed innocent people for their blood before. Maybe it's because this time it was unintentional and unavoidable and I truly felt helpless. I thought I had forced myself onto a new path, straying away from monstrous activity, but yet again I've found myself surrounded with death.

We turn to the sound of a truck coming in, the tow truck rounding the corner and dropping the truck- or what use to be a truck- in the front yard.

"Holy shit," Joel mutters, eyeing the damage on his brother's truck. He looks over at me and I only purse my lips as James slowly approaches the truck after tipping the tow truck driver.

"If it makes you feel any better, Blair's car blew up," Joel snickers.

"Shut up," I growl.

"So, what did you guys even do? I mean, cuz there's crashing and then there's smashing. This is clearly smashing," Joel says.

I clear my throat. "Joel," I warn.

He looks over at me in confusion before looking at James, who stares at the piece of smashed metal in front of him, staring ghostly at if as if he's replaying last night in his mind.

"You okay?" I ask him telepathically, but he doesn't respond.

"Am I missing something?" Joel asks, confused as to why everyone is so depressed.

"We hit another car, Joel, not just the deer," I explain.

"And? What happened?" he presses.

"There was a family in the other vehicle, a mother and father with their almost two year old baby. The parents didn't survive," I say.

"Oh," Joel says, not knowing what more to say.

James stands before us, running his finger over the crushed metal. "James, talk to me," I plead, but once again he doesn't respond.

Instead he turns around and marches inside. "I need a drink," he says.

Once he is far enough away inside, Joel turns to me with a questioning and concerned look. "Why is he like that? It's not his fault, it was the deer," Joel says.

"I know that, but he doesn't. He feels responsible," I say.

"He's a vampire. It's not like he hasn't killed people before," Joel says, reiterating what I was thinking earlier.

"I know but there's something different about it this time around. Maybe because there was a kid involved? I'm not sure," I say honestly. "I think maybe he just needs some time alone."

"So what do you want to do?" Joel asks.

"Well, I would like to know why you and him aren't dead. I mean, I'm glad he's not dead," I tease earning a scowl from Joel. "So maybe we should go visit the Mikaelson compound," I suggest.

"Great idea Blair, let's just go hop in our non existence cars seeing as apparently we're not important enough to be given them," Joel says.

"Stop being so freaking dramatic. No one is stopping you from compelling yourself one. I'll call Caroline, get us to drop us off at the truck dealership, get James a new truck and we'll be golden," I say, rolling my eyes.

∆ ∆ ∆

An hour later Caroline picks Joel and I up and drops us off at the dealership. She seems rather panicky, but that's understandable seeing as her best friend just died and came back a vampire. She knows all to well that Bonnie isn't going to find a cure, and I can see it tears her apart knowing her friend is suffering. So I don't make her stay too long, letting her get back to Elena who is no doubt by Damon and Stefan's sides.

Instead Joel and I roam the dealership, walking down all the different rows of cars looking for the right one. They're all trucks because I doubt James would want anything different, but Joel and I have agreed to get him a different model of truck, knowing the same would remind him of the crash that was already haunting him.

After exploring our options we end up buying a black truck that honestly to me looks like every other truck but Joel says it's a little different from what James use to have, but similar enough that it would still please him. After compelling ourselves a deal, we drive out of there quickly, eager to get to the Mikaelson compound for some answers.

Frankly I still fear Joel and James could drop dead any minute, but with my memories still gone and the amount of time that's passed since Klaus's death I know it's highly unlikely they'll die, although I still can't shake the fear.

We arrive at the Mikaelson's home and enter it without bothering to knock. It's quite empty with objects scattered about, our footsteps echoing throughout the giant mansion. All I can picture here is the night of the ballroom party where I danced with James, Elijah and Klaus.

As if right on queue, Elijah appears around the corner, a smile on his face as he approaches us. "It appears we're past the knocking stage?" he teases lightly.

"We passed that a long time ago buddy," I say, embracing him in a friendly hug. He releases me shortly after, turning to Joel to shake his hand.

"Why are you guys shaking hands? Haven't you heard, Joel likes to hug men," I say with a laugh earning a hard glare from Joel.

"You're such a dick," he growls.

"I think the word you're looking for is bitch," I correct him, still laughing at my joke. Sometimes I feel as if I amuse myself more than I amuse others.

I turn back to Elijah who stares at Joel and I with an unsure smile on his face as if he doesn't know whether to laugh or walk away. Mine and Joel's humour sometimes can be confusing to others, and sometimes it even confuses me.

"How are you coping?" I ask seriously, referring to how he lost his brother.

"Sorry?" he asks in confusion.

I scrunch my brows together in confusion. I know Elijah wasn't fond of his brother, but they were still brothers none the less. "Klaus? How are you doing now that he's gone?" I rephrase.

Elijah's eyes go slightly wider as his mouth forms in an 'O' shape, but I still do not understand. "You don't know," he says, talking to himself.

"Know what?" I question.

"That I'm alive darling," a familiar voice says. I turn to the direction of the voice, my eyes landing on Klaus walking down the giant staircase.

"What the bloody fu-"

"Language, Branson," Elijah warns.

"Sorry," Joel apologizes. "What the fuck?" he continues. I would've normally let out a small smile, but I can't find the power to turn my lips upwards.

"I was expecting a better response than this love. Come on! I'm alive!" Klaus cheers, standing in front of us.

"Y-you were dead. I saw it happen," I stutter.

"I almost was yes, but thanks to your friend- pardon me- your nemesis Bonnie, I survived," Klaus says with a smile.

"Great explanation, makes total sense. Care to elaborate for us that don't understand a bloody word that come out of your goddamn mouth?" Joel asks sarcastically before turning to Elijah. "Sorry for my extremely rude language," he teases.

"Bonnie did a spell that placed my mind in Tyler's body, thus preserving my body making it look like I died. But, behold, I am not dead," Klaus beams.

"I don't know whether to be happy, or disappointed," I admit.

"Why wouldn't you be happy?" Klaus asks arrogantly, a devious smirk on his face.

"Because if you did die, then I would've gotten my memories back which was the reason I assumed you hadn't died. But if you did die, James and Joel here would have died too," I explain.

"Niklaus, don't you think it's time you give Ms. Salvatore here her memories back?" Elijah asks.

"The time will come," Klaus assures us, but that only angers me.

"When will it ever be a good time? There never will be a convenient time! There was no good time to take them away either!" I say with my voice raised, anger consuming me for the memories I long for.

Elijah steps back, excusing himself from the conversation while Joel slowly steps back towards the front door. "I'll be in the truck," he says before walking out.

"You've had all this time to give them back to me, but yet you still haven't! What's stopping you? What are you gaining keeping them from me, because we all know Klaus only does what's best for Klaus."

"That's not true," he scowls, disappointed.

"You sure haven't proved other wise," I snap. "So tell me Klaus, what's stopping you from giving me back my memories?" I ask.

"Blai-"

'Tell me!" I yell, shoving him in the chest. For some reason I feel a sudden rush of anger burst out of me, relating to the fact that James almost died last night, and the fact that he could've died when I still don't know the whole story between us is what scares and angers me the most. I can't understand why he is keeping them from me. I'm unsure how I feel about him still roaming the Earth, but if he died and then I finally got my memories back, I would never forgive myself, nor would I ever forgive Klaus if it meant losing James and Joel.

"Let me ask you something, Blair. When you first came out of the tomb and James showed up at your doorstep, did you immediately start having feelings for him naturally, or because he claimed to have a past with you? Because it seems to me like it's some sort of arranged marriage, with you being told you're supposed to be with him because of the past you don't know about," Klaus questions angrily.

"Yeah, the past you refuse to give back to me!" I say lowly. "What are you afraid of?"

"That you'll think differently of me. With no memory of the past you and him share, it gives me an opportunity to prove myself to you," Klaus explains quietly.

It suddenly all clicks in, and I feel incredibly stupid. "Oh my god," I whisper. "You think I could ever feel something for you? Especially after all you've done?" I ask incredulously.

"Blair, please hear me out," Klaus pleads.

"How dare you," I whisper, tears welling up in my eyes. "You selfish monster," I say angrily, slapping him across the face.

He stands there silently, a pained expression his face as Elijah suddenly appears around the corner, no doubt he had heard the whole argument.

"Blair, ple-"

"No," I snap, turning around and walking to the door.

"Blair wait!" Klaus begs, speeding in front of me, but I push him out of the way.

"Niklaus, let her go," Elijah warns, causing Klaus to step down.

I glare at Klaus one last time, still trying tounderstand what exactly just happened. Some part of me always knew he felt something for me, but I always pushed it aside, thinking I was imagining things. There was no way I could ever love Klaus Mikaelson, not after all he did to me. But no matter how hard I try to hate him, there's still some small piece of hope inside me that I can't seem to understand.

With teary eyes I hop into the truck with Joel in the drivers seat.

"What th-"

"Just drive," I say.  

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[completed & edited: 08/29/2021]