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RAESUN'S POV

"JEONGGUK, CAN I please come in?" raesun asked firmly from outside the spare–bedroom door, knuckles tired from knocking so much. she had been timid to even approach the damn wood, but after the aching seconds that had passed were only filled with his silent suffering, she had grown determined to stay there.

but maybe, that last time, she had finally become impatient: she took in a deep breath, staring down as her hand clamped onto the door handle. it had immediately grown hot under her hand's grip, a blazing heat conjured up from her paranoid imagination.

she knows that no matter how irritated or sad jeongguk was, he wouldn't hurt her. not physically. or intentionally, anyway.

so despite the lack of response, raesun took her timid steps forward into the room whilst slowly opening the door. jeongguk was standing by the window, staring out into the breezy day, with his fists balled up by his sides and his shoulders slightly slouched. when the door closed behind her, raesun bit at her cheek as his whole body seemed to tense up at her appearance.

"i'm here to clean your cut. jin wants me... to... check your other wounds too..." she spoke quietly, almost as if the tension in the room had her by the throat with a strong hand.

and his silence didn't exactly help either.

raesun huffed, a pout unconsciously tugging at her bottom lip, "please don't ignore me. i'm here to help."

fortunately he turned around before she got really annoyed, yet the sight of a broken boy hurt her even more: he was nibbling at his thumbnail with red–raw lips, a sunken look to his face as if he were ill. raesun swallowed back a gasp whilst he avoided her stare, the words barely slipping past her teeth, "let me clean it."

he gave a nod, and yet jeongguk still said nothing; raesun sighed, blindly reaching for the first aid kit from under the bed. "sit down," she ordered, and he complied, cupping his cheek all the while.

she stood in front of his frigid figure, carefully removing his hand from his face before sighing yet again. the awkward silence was hard enough to handle, but seeing him so... weak? it tore her in two, wanting to fix him up like the nurse of the soul she was. so there she was applying the cleaning solution to a cotton ball, and shushing him when he hissed.

"i know," her mumble seemed to soothe him, even if it was only a little, "i know jeongguk."

jeongguk grunted, only to wince again when she dabbled more — his hand came up to grip at her wrist, surprise flooding the scene at how his fingers almost burned when touching her skin. as they both froze for a mere second, he slowly took his hand away, but not without leaving her cold once more.

raesun gulped, before finally speaking her true thoughts. "how do you think i feel when i see you like this? hey?" she tapped his chin so he'd finally look at her in the eyes, but when their stares met, he cowered away and dropped the hold. that only made her straighten her lips and furrow her brows, "it's far from nice jeongguk. seeing you bleeding a–and hurt..."

"well get used to it," he mumbled "you'll be seeing it more often."

"you wanna be like that?" her words were spat from an irritated tongue and she was surprised he didn't react like he usually did when someone would speak in such a cruel way, "well what do you think i'm gonna do when you die from being so reckless?"

jeongguk didn't say anything, just looked down and waited for her to continue cleaning the cut; raesun sighed and did just that, not quite surprised that she wasn't reluctant in helping him still.

she knew right off the bat, when she first started to delve into the obscure mystery that was him, that pretty boys were trouble — never mind the ones with a dark past tattooed on their sun–kissed skin, the ones with garnet skies on their minds, the ones with constellations of corruption behind bloodshot eyes. but, she never thought that he'd be so intent on loving her yet pulling her deeper into chaos.

raesun was on the brink of his destruction and the small cuts and bruises were only the beginning.

"you never told me that the gang hana's in was the one who sabotaged your parents car," she said as she dabbled the cotton ball, "and you never told me that hana had feelings for you either. it's funny how i had to figure shit out on my own 'cause i always seem to now. and you know what the funniest part about all this is? i'm not even mad at you. i can't bring myself to be mad at you."

"hana was apart of something i tried so hard to forget," he began, licking his lips and trying not to wince at the sting, "she was my friend. i... i didn't think much about letting her in. when she started changing i didn't care, 'cause who could predict she'd turn into what she is now? when we found out she was in a gang, jin looked into it and a couple months down the line, i discovered the truth about my parents death. i didn't want to accept that someone else killed them, 'cause that'd mean i'd turn into some... some monster hell bent on getting revenge. you didn't know me and you didn't know the extent of my history, so i... i told you what i wanted to believe myself. i wanted to believe it was all just an accident. kinda back fired, didn't it? look at me now," his laugh was so sardonic of his past self that raesun couldn't help but choke up, "i'm what i never wanted to be, and for some reason, i can't change it. i can't change who i am."

"well sometimes, the truth hurts. but covering it up will always hurt more in the end." she mumbled.

"i'm sorry, babe, i..." the nickname was too soon after the whole ordeal; he noticed how raesun raised a brow at it, and quickly started over, "i'm sorry. i'm trying to... to move past it, i am."

"moving past awful memories doesn't mean you have to cover it up by making worse ones. none of this," she gestured to their surroundings, to the pistol left on the bedside table to the cut on his cheek, "is bettering yourself, or putting what happened to rest."

jeongguk sighed, "but that's all i seem to do. i know. i'm..." he met her eyes, finally, and she swore the whole sadistic universe bled through his destructive stare, "i'm so sorry raesun."

it was hard, really fucking hard, to accept that apology of his when raesun knew that he'd carry on making mistakes in both his general life and their relationship — yet there was that large selfish part of her heart that was compliant to forgiving him this time. and she also knew it wouldn't be the first time where she'd forgive him either.

"alright. yeah, okay." she whispered, focusing once more on the cut, "i think we both know that i forgive you, but that doesn't mean i'm going to like everything you do. from now on, just... be honest with me. please."

his stare hadn't dropped and she was thankful, because it meant that those words were going to stick: he'll be reminded of those words the next time he even thinks to dance around the truth with her again. "i will be. but... if you really want the truth... then there's something you need to know about taehyung."

raesun was ready to roll her eyes and ignore him — she didn't like taehyung after their arguments and rebuttals, but she had it in her head that jeongguk simply didn't like him. "if it's something silly, i—"

"no. he didn't even do anything to me, but he hurt yoongi. pretty bad to be honest, even though yoongi said it wasn't as deep as it seemed." jeongguk shook his head slightly to not disturb his girlfriend's medical care; she gave him a look for him to continue, so he does just that, "it was two years ago. yoongi was friends—with—benefits with this girl named jisu — i thought she was alright, nothing weird or dodgy about her. but one night she got drunk and slept with taehyung after he confessed some feelings for her, feelings that i think were full of shit but everyone else believes was just puppy love. taehyung didn't take kindly to us all confronting him about it. we were only pissed because yoongi was our best mate, you know? he gave us all this attitude, especially yoongi. if it were someone else who jisu slept with we wouldn't have been so concerned, but taehyung was best friends with hana at the time: he knew everything because she told him everything. he was a slimy prick, and we all acknowledged that."

you'll get hurt — and yet he was the one who had caused pain in their past.

taehyung was the one causing pain in that very moment, because the guilt... oh god did the guilt hurt.

"i..." raesun rubbed at her forehead as she shuffled back a step. the news of taehyung really being the meddling bastard she had grown to know, was a surprising shock — she had thought the boys were just antisocial when it came to people outside their circle, and probably just a petty hate to those better off than them. but it was deeper than that, and she felt pretty stupid. "i... well shit."

jeongguk hums, fiddling with his rings, "yoongi's over it now, but that don't mean he likes the guy. namjoon was the only one who ever really got on with him because they lived in the same neighbourhood and had the same classes."

"i d–didn't even know," she mumbled, "i just... assumed none of you liked him just because."

with a shrug, jeongguk leaves the topic at that, not without adding: "i didn't really got on with him when i knew him anyway. he probably didn't like the fact i was friends with hana and she preferred me over him. but like i said, yoongi's over it anyway so i suppose i should be too."

raesun nods, yet can't help but still think about that goddamn boy with silver hair and tanned skin — he looked innocent, how could she know he'd be one of the most conniving people she'd come to meet?

i suppose we all keep secrets, she pushed the culpability to the back of her mind all the while applying a plaster to jeongguk's cheek.

some more than others.

— 雨 —

I TOLD YOU 2020 WOULD BE THE YEAR

HERE I AM, BACK FROM THE DEAD!!!

i can't say when the next will be, but this should quench your dehydration slightly.

love,
starr

(that pic tho? yum)