Please excuse ANY errors.

December 12, 1998

~Courtney's P.O.V~

After laying in the bed for a few hours, I finally got up off the table, cleaned myself up of everything that came out of me during the process, then put my clothes back on, all with tears streaming down my face. Turns out, I was two weeks when I officially found out I was pregnant. Now I'm almost six. The procedure didn't leave me in as much physical pain as I thought, possibly because the mental anguish overpowered that feeling.

Me coming to a conclusion on my decision and preparing for this procedure caused me mental and emotional pain. I'm at my most emotional state now that's really getting to me. My emotions are at an all-time high. There's a part of me that regrets doing going through with it, but another part that's glad it's over.

I finally got enough courage to leave the room. Even though the rest of the women here are getting an abortion or are here in support of someone getting an abortion, I still feel like this is the walk of shame. I spotted Tia and she stood up once she saw me. We walked out of the clinic silently and once we were outside, tears poured down my face. I couldn't stop them from flowing. She pulled me into a hug and we rocked side to side.

"I think I made a mistake." I cried out.

She didn't say anything, my best friend just continued to hug me. It was a tough decision, but it already happened. I can't backtrack. It's over. I'm glad that I have someone I can call a friend who refused to let me go through this alone. I was definitely going to go alone, but I'm glad she is here. I need more support than I thought. I figured it'd be a pretty easy task, but no. This is hard! When we finally made it to the car and I sat there with my head in my hands.

"Do you think I made the right decision?" I said turning to Tia.

She hesitated to speak, "I- I can't- I can't say whether or not you made the right decision, Court. At the end of the day, my opinion is irrelevant. YOU have to make that decision for yourself."

"I don't know..." I strapped myself in.

I'm not in the best financial situation. Shit, I still struggle to get by sometimes. I'm not open about it, but my little job doesn't do much. After paying bills, I don't have much left. I'm JUST getting by with not very much spending money. I don't have the means to care for a child nor do I know the first things about taking care of one. I feel like I went through college for nothing. Some people luck up with their careers. Others like me don't.

I know Tia said that she'd help me if I ever needed it, but as I said before, I don't like asking for huge favors like that. I'm sure Elijah probably would've too if he found out. I'd rather find my own way. Not to mention my child wouldn't have had a consistent father. Both men have careers that keep them away, especially Jermaine. I strongly believe that it was his child, but I'm not sure. Jermaine still acts like a child himself.

I asked Jermaine a few days ago if he would want kids, I didn't tell him I was pregnant or anything, but his exact answer was a hard and loud "FUCK NO, I ain't got time for no kids. Why would you ask me some shit like that?" Why should I keep a child when it's not wanted by both parents? I say both, but there's a small part of me that did want to keep my child.

It was a seventy-five percent chance that it was Jermaine's. I can't be 100% sure. You see, it can take up to six days after intercourse for an egg to fertilize. I slept with Jermaine without protection closer to the given date. The date was just a prediction though. When the conversation occurred with Choi, it was days AFTER the given date. Maybe a week. So I may have already been pregnant.

I never got around to talking to Choi about it and there's no need to talk to Kofi because I KNOW for a FACT that he wasn't a possibility. Being embarrassed is another thing. My family would be so disappointed and embarrassed by me. I know I sound selfish but I want my child to have a father. I wanted to be married to its father. I want so much for myself and my child and a bastard isn't one of them.

I also know that I have to be more responsible to avoid this happening again because I've been reckless lately. This CAN'T happen again. The drunken, rushed and unprotected sex has to stop. The next time I get pregnant, I'm going to have my shit in order. I never thought I'd get pregnant like this and most importantly get an abortion.

It won't happen again. In fact, I think I'm going to cut things off with Jermaine. He's not going to get serious no time soon. He definitely isn't going to get serious with me. I'm too available and being too available to any man sends them a signal that you'll always be there. I don't see a future with him like I did before and I'm sure the feeling is mutual in his half. I'm not just going to sit around until he does. Choi? Maybe. He seems like the type to maybe settle down.

"However, I will say that you need to be more careful to prevent this in the future. I know that shit happens, but a lot of this we- ourselves have control over things that are preventative, hun."

"I know and I don't know if I can do this again. Unless pregnancy is forced on me, I'm not going to be able to do this again." I shook my head slowly while looking up. I then looked back to Tia. "I don't wanna go home and I called off work today for this," I told Tia. "I just don't want to be by myself right now."

"Where do you want to go? I have to go to the office today and meet with a few people and a few other things. You want to go to my house? I still have to get ready." She suggested.

"I don't mind, but then what? Elijah ain't there and you will leave." I questioned.

"Right..." She sighed. "Maybe you could- maybe you could be my personal assistant for the day? Idunno, I just came up with that, but I don't have one yet so..." She chuckled.

"What do I have to do?"

"Not much, you're healing. Just sit there near me and nod or whatever."

We made it to her house and I wiped my face of all the tears that fell. Well, what I could anyways. Some tears dried up on my face. We went inside. While she got ready, I went into another bathroom and cleaned myself up. It took sis forever and a half to get ready, so I just chilled in the den. When she finally made it back down, she drove us straight to her office. I sat in a chair near her desk.

"Our first client should be here in the next fifteen minutes. They want to come up with a piece for an important event." Tia explained to me. "All you need to do is nod and agree."

"Alright." I nodded.

Tia nodded at me and then began typing away on her computer, then I heard the classical music begin to play from her speakers and I looked at her surprised. I guess she felt me looking because she turned to me.

"What? Girl, I told you, I do everything with music playing." She chuckled and then began typing away on her computer again.

That's not why I gave her that look. I don't wanna listen to this shit. I like my music with words, but this is her office and I'm the one who wanted to linger around.

"I didn't know that meant work too." I laughed. "You LITERALLY meant EVERY damn thing."

"Yes, indeed weedy." She replied still typing.

It wasn't long before her office phone began to ring. She paused the music, then picked up the telephone.

"Hello?" Tia answered. "Send them in. Thank you." She replied then hung up. There was a knock. "Come in."

The door opened revealing the clerk who held a smile. "Hello." She greeted us again as a group of people walked inside.

Tia stood up, so I did the same thing. Those people are Missy Elliot, Eve, and Nas.

"Hello. Welcome. I'm Tia~Nakia." Tia smiled and then shook every one of their hands.

I did the same. "Hello."

They greeted her back of course.

"Oh, this is my assistant, Courtney," Tia told them.

"I remember you. You were on the runway this summer, right?" Eve asked me.

"Yes." I politely nodded with a smile.

Nas nodded. "Yeah, I definitely remember you."

"Take a seat if you wish." Tia motioned before doing so herself. "How's it going?"

She got short answers in return, but all positive.

"I heard y'all was good at what y'all do and decided to check out some of y'all work and I dig it." Missy replied to Tia.

"Thanks for giving our brand a chance. We really appreciate anyone who does. I didn't even know you all were coming." Tia chuckled.

"Yeah, my manager was supposed to send an email. My apologies." Eve apologized.

"No, by all means, I'm grateful. Thank you." Tia reassured her. "What genre of clothing are you all looking for for the occasion?"

"We're doing a music video. We want a street theme but still, fly." Eve nodded.

"Street, but something different," Nas replied. "They wanna do some extra stuff and need two different outfits and shit." Nas chuckled.

Too much? If it's bringing in money to my sis, then it isn't too much. I know there's extra work to put into it as well, but still extra cash. I'm sure Elijah and Tia don't mind it.

"I want to wear a blazer, but I want something kinda sexy and fly underneath it," Eve explained.

"Something lace?" Tia asked her.

"Yeah! That sounds good." Eve nodded.

Missy spoke up. "Well everybody KNOW that I ain't wearin' no damn lace. Wouldn't even catch me in it. I want something leather, but blingy. Bling as in shiny like Michael Jackson wore."

"You like leather, right?" Tia asked Missy.

"I love it." Missy nodded.

"Great. Do you like sequins on leather? Maybe patches of it?" Tia asked her yet another question, then handed her the open magazine with the company name on it. "Some ideas. Maybe you'd see something you'd like, but after I consult with Mr... I'm sorry."

"Mr. I'm Sorry?" Nas chuckled. "Last name is Jones. Just call me Nas or Nasir."

"My apologies, I only know you by your stage name. I wasn't sure what you were comfortable with outside of that. I should have asked." Tia smiled.

Nas nodded. "Yo, it's cool. My last name is Jones, but you can call me Nas or Nasir."

Tia nodded. "Will do. After he and I finish consulting, we could go upstairs to actually see the material up class and personal. Would you all like that?"

"For sho'," Missy replied.

Eve spoke up, "I would love that."

"You said you want street style. What coast?"

"New York, baby! Crown Heights." Nas chuckled. "You been there before?"

"Can't say that I have, but I do know the dress code. Pretty much everyone is jacking the style." Tia said in a joking manner, but the joke was true.

Nas threw his head back, cackling. "Big facts!" He said lifting back up. "I just want something simple. I could be something already made or whatever. I could've gone to Dapper Dan or to another designer, but I see what you capable of and that been doin' yo thing, so I wanted to go with you. Been seeing and hearing about you for years now and wanted "

"Thank you. I really appreciate that." Tia nodded her head with a smile and red face, trying to hold back one of those big ass grins.

"I don't want nothing you got because I don't want nobody to wear what I got. I want some new shit, but like I said, STILL New York. I know you can do that, right?" Nas questioned.

"Definitely." Tia stood up. "If y'all don't mind, we could head up to the next floor?"

We all stood up and headed out. Tia locked the door behind us and we headed to the elevator. She pressed the button and then stood back.

"You listen to my music?" Nas asked her.

"I do. One of my favorite singles of yours is the one that just came out with Ginuwine, You Owe Me. The way the beat drops is dope." She chuckled. "Your rhymes with Ginuwine's vocals go hard." She nodded.

Nas nodded in approval. "That's what's up. That's probably gon' be on one of my next albums. In your opinion, what's my best album?" He asked her, then looked at me. "You too."

"Illmatic is the one!" I emphasized. "That's the debut album, right?" I asked him.

"Yup. I was expecting you to say It Was Written." He chuckled.

My girl, Tia doesn't listen to his music like that. There are a few songs of his she does bump to, but she listens to more Pac out of all-male rappers. We walked off the elevator and into the room where shit happens. Now that I think of it, I've never been in here. I mean, there was never a reason for me to be here. She showed them a bunch of different materials that she thought they'd be interested in. They were!

After that, they signed on the dotted lines and made a twenty percent down payment, they went on about their way. There were a few more others that we had to meet up with. Each was a good hour and one meeting was almost two. I went and sat on the floor in the section of the office where she usually goes to relax a bit, while she typed away at her computer and did sketches.

I am tired as hell! After Nas then left, Tia told me I could stay back in the room, but again, I didn't want to be alone. I'm not in a good mental space for that. Plus, I know that I'd probably go to sleep and some part of me thinks that my child will haunt me as funny as it may seem. That shit is scary. I already nodded off in the few minutes we had before customers arrived.

The phone rang once again. "Girl, I thought I was through meeting with people for the day." Tia sighed. "But the more the merrier!" She laughed.

"Right! Get that money!" I egged on.

"Point blank!" Tia responded before answering the phone in her regular voice. "Yes?" She listened on the other end. "Send him in." Tia then hung up.

She pulled out a mirror, fixing herself up or whatever she wants to call it. She popped a new piece of gum into her mouth.

"Girl, who here?" I asked her.

There was a knock at the door. "Come on in," Tia said aloud then turned to me. "My man."

"Oh," I said laying back again. "NOBODY!" I joked.

DeVanté walked in. I didn't look, but I heard the door open and then shut again. I heard the click of Tia's heels

"Hey, baby," DeVanté told her.

"Hi, babe," Tia replied before I heard them sucking each other's faces off.

When a minute had passed, I lifted up to remind Tia that I was here and to let DeVanté know that I'm here. I saw DeVanté's eyes shift towards me and they both pulled away.

"Courtney, what you doin' here?" DeVanté asked me now chewing the gum I'll assume she just put in her mouth.

"Oh, yeah... Courtney's here. It slipped my mind that quick." Tia spoke with her hand on her forehead. "My bad, girl." She apologized.

"You good, girl. I'm just here. Just visiting." I replied to Tia then DeVanté.

"Oh, everything okay? That's if you don't mind me askin'." DeVanté asked me yet another question. "We been sharin' her a lot more often lately." He said jokingly, but he the joke held truth.

"Everythi- everything's fine."

"You sure?" He asked me again.

"Mhm." I nodded.

He gave me an awkward expression, then shrugged his shoulder, but just left my response alone. I'm glad because it's not anyone's business. I know how concerned people can be, but this is something nobody needs to know.

"I bought you some lunch, love," DeVanté told her as I heard a bag rattle.

I looked that way because I am hungry again even though I ate a few hours ago. I got an abortion

"Thank you. You're so sweet." She hugged him and he wrapped his arms around her.

I looked that way because I am hungry again even though I ate a few hours ago. My pregnancy may have been terminated, but the symptoms of pregnancy take a while to dwindle. Just like how a woman has postpartum depression after giving birth, it could happen to women who have miscarriages and abortions.

DeVanté looked at me. "I ain't bring you nothin' because I ain't know you'd be here. My bad."

"That's fine." I nodded. "Thanks for ALMOST bringin' me food. It's the thought that counts." I laughed aloud.

"You welcome." He pulled himself a seat up to the side of Tia's desk.

"Want some of mine?" Tia offered.

"Aye, I would offer you some of mine, BUT I'm stingy with my food." De shrugged. I rolled my eyes at him.

"He sure can be, especially when it comes to pie." She gave him a knowing look and then they started laughing.

Yeah, inside joke... I shook my head at them with a smile. They're so cute together. When their laughter died down, Tia walked to the bathroom with DeVanté on her tail.

"Lemme go wash my hands," Tia told me.

When they came back in, I finally stood up. "I sure wouldn't mind having some of yours though," I told Tia.

"Baby, can she use the lid of your foam thingy as a plate?" Tia asked DeVanté.

"Nope, this office is full of plates." He smirked at her. "Look around at all the printing paper." He gestured. "Paper plates... Paper... See the correlation?" He said then started laughing with the both of us joining in.

"Play too much," Tia said playfully pushing his shoulder.

"I'm joking." He spoke through laughter.

"Good, because I did that before and this food is wet. Ain't gon' taste the same." I replied.

Tia tore the lid off his foam container. She proceeded to place some of her food on it.

"It's some drinks in the fridge." Tia pointed to the mini-fridge with her head. "I'll get it when I'm through doing this. Courtney, you sit down." She looked at me.

No, she isn't being bossy, Tia is just looking out for me. She told me earlier that she wanted me to stay seated, but I don't want to be left alone long enough for my thoughts to be running wild through my head. I'm supposed to be in bed right now. The doctors told her the same things they told me since she was my support system during everything.

"Okay." I chuckled sitting on the couch that I was previously sitting in front of.

She did exactly what she said. After making my plate, Tia gave me my plate, then went to the fridge. "You want anything else before I come back?" She asked DeVanté.

"A water to wash my pop down." He told her.

"Alright, Donald." She closed the fridge, then gave me my bottle.

Tia then took a seat. We all conversed over lunch, and they tried not to leave me out of it, but some things I just didn't get. There were a bunch of things that they seemed as funny, but I didn't. That's love right there!

December 17, 1998

~Yasir's P.O.V~

Closing the bedroom door to Asiri's bedroom, I went straight to the living room to straighten up a bit. I'm actually supposed to have the kids ready, but this single shit ain't for me, so I put them both to sleep. I need to clean up what I messed up and that's my family.

I need to put my family back together. I don't like for my kids to be growing up in two separate households. The doorbell rang and I knew it was the delivery guy. I ordered some food from some expensive restaurant and that shit IS expensive. I paid the delivery person a hefty tip for their services.

"Thank you, man," I said stepping back into the house.

"No, thank you for the tip. You have a nice day." He waved.

"You too. Thanks again!" I closed and locked the door.

When I made it to the kitchen, I took out two glass plates and plated the meals as best as I possibly could on an oven-safe plate, covered it in foil, and places them on low in the oven. I've ordered from this place a few times before tasting all the good shit on their menu. I poured a couple of glasses of some of the best wine that I could find at the store. I lit a few candles at the dining table. The phone rang to which I answered.

"I'm outside, you can bring them out," Ashari said about to hang up.

"Wait, you might need to come in this time. They a lil fussy." I told her.

"Ummm, okay..." She said then hung up the phone.

I quickly took the food out of the oven, uncovered it, and placed it on the dining room table before I heard the doorbell. I sped to the door and then opened it.

"I'm sorry for that. Come in." I moved aside.

"Okay..." She walked inside the house, looking around. "Ummm..." Ashari turned to me.

"What?" I said closing then locking the door.

"Where are my kids? It's dead silent in here and damn near dark. Where they at?" She sighed loudly as if she were tired.

"Oh, they sleep," I told her, pointing in the direction of their bedrooms with a small chuckle.

"Well, let me wake them up so we can go home." She walked deeper into the house and stopped in front of the dining room, then turned to me again awkwardly. "I don't even wanna know," Ashari said heading to Masir's room.

"Wait," I grabbed her arm. The way she turned to me was aggressive as fuck and I don't like it. "You act like I'm about to hit you or somethin'." I chuckled.

"Don't grab on me at all, but what you want? Did the kids do something?" She asked me.

"No, I wanna make this right. I made us some dinner, poured a lil wine, and lit some candles as you can see." I gestured to the dining room.

"So?" She shrugged at me.

"Ashari, baby... I wanna make it up to you. I don't like my kids having to grow up in different homes. I love you, but I can't promise you that I won't do what I did before again because I'm a alpha male and that's what we do. I can't. I'm tellin' you this in advance so you know what's to come." I paused, "When y'all females cheat, they get too emotionally invested and out of spite, and men- well, we don't. We know our boundaries. We can be with one woman for a few hours and bust a few nuts and be on our way. Y'all females can't. I know you are the submissive type and that's hard to let go because it's hard to find a you and vice versa."

Ashari gave me a look of disbelief then began cackling loud as fuck. She thought it was so funny that she started stomping her feet with her hand covering her mouth. This shit making me mad as fuck! Pissing me the fuck off! Then she held onto her knees, out of breath from laughing so much and so hard.

"Are- are you f-for real!?" She held back laughter. "You can't be. Lemme go get my damn kids and bounce." She said walking away to the bedroom.

"I talk and you listen in my motherfuckin' house!" I shouted, irritated at her actions when I spilled my whole heart out to this girl.

"Or what, Yasir?" She turned to me. "We through and I ain't comin' back. Especially after what the fuck you just said to me. You even further confirmed somethin' I stand string in and that's leaving yo crazy ass alone!" She laughed.

"How can you call me crazy when I just spilled all my damn feelings out to you? I made dinner for the both of us and this is how you repay me?" I said with my neck stuck out and my hand to my chest.

Ashari opened Masir's door. "Masir- baby, mommy's here. Wake up." She said shaking him awake. Masir, sluggishly turned to face her.

"Masir, go back to sleep," I spoke up from the doorway. "Yo mama ain't talkin' 'bout nothin'," I told him.

His eyes fluttered open. "MOMMY!" He jumped up and gave her a big ass hug.

"Hey, baby," Ashari said rubbing his back.

"Fuck he so happy. Boy, you just woke up." I said taken aback.

"Let's get your sister so we can get ready to go home, okay?" Ashari asked him.

"Go home?" Masir asked her.

"Yes, baby. We're going to go home." Ashari chuckled, standing up with him in her arms. "Let's go wake up sister."

"Damn, what you not finna do is take my kids out of this house." I stood in front of the door, blocking her exit.

"That was the plan. That's ALWAYS the plan. Yasir, you pissed off, but I made it clear and so did you that one night. That gave me all the confirmation I need you fuckin' psycho. Move out of my way." She pushed me with all her strength, sending me stumbling back.

"Don't get fucked up. That's fucked up how you gon' laugh in my fuckin' face after I do that. I don't deserve that shit, Ashari!" I hit my chest.

She kept walking and went into the bedroom with my son in her arms.

"Daddy, it's just home!" Masir told me.

"This is home, Masir." I replied. "See, you got my son confused and shit. He don't even think this is home."

"Nigga, this a whole ass Airbnb. One of the many you have been staying at over the past months. So, YES! That is his home. The same home since he was a baby." She said, picking up Asiri. "Go get your shoes, baby." She told Masir to which he happily obliged, running past me.

"You not leavin' this house with my kids, Ashari. I'm tellin' you that shit right now." I said putting my foot down.

"WATCH ME." She spoke slowly, enunciating her words.

"Alright." I nodded. "I got you. Imma hit you where it hurts. I'm filing for the custody of my fuckin' kids and we gon' see who gon' be laughing. We gon' see who gets the last words." I chuckled. "Gon' ahead. For FULL custody of course."

"Well, good luck with that!" She said walking past me and into the living room. "I should've known you was on bullshit when I heard silence."

Ashari got Asiri's coat and put it on her. Masir happily ran into the living room with his shoes on. They're on the wrong feet, but they're on his feet.

"You really ARE fucked up! You tryna take my kids away from their mother. Tsssss." She shook her head. "Get your coat." She told Masir.

Masir ran back out and I turned back to her. "You think I want my kids around some other nigga. They ain't finna be callin' no other nigga daddy or some shit." I spoke to her.

Ashari stood up and walked away and I followed. Masir jumped up several times until he was able to grab his coat.

"Good, job!" Ashari cheered on.

"Thanks, mama! I big boy!" He cheesed. He put his coat on and then tried to open the door.

"I know, baby." She smiled at him opening the front door. "Go to the car," Ashari told him and he seemed as if he was about to do as she said, so I intervened.

"No, Masir. Stay here with me. Don't you wanna have fun with daddy?" I squatted down near him.

"Bye, daddy!" Masir ran outside to the car and Ashari followed.

I stood up on her tail. "You might as well comply because you ain't gon' win this. I'm rich and you piss poor. The judges wouldn't allow that."

"Rich? Nigga, yo sister got the money. YOU are the one who broke as fuck with a broken mindset. Fuck out my face." She walked outside.

"I suggest you get you a good lawyer because I know my sister will." I chuckled.

"Nigga, she ain't even speakin' to yo ass. We talk way more than you do." She laughed strapping the kids into their car seats.

"At the moment, but I know she will soon." I walked outside to her and she turned around, trapped between me and her car. "You makin' a big ass mistake that you finna regret." I put my index and middle fingers to her head as I spoke so she can know how serious I am. "Once I get them, you won't ever see them again. That's a warning."

Ashari's breath grew shaky before she pushed me. I know she's scared and she should be. "Crazy ass."

"If I don't win- which I WILL, imma-"

She ran to the driver's side, jumping into her car. I locked the side of her car, surely making a dent. I was about to open the back door, but I heard the locks click before she quickly pulled off. I shook my head and then made my way back to the house. I pulled on the door, but it didn't open, so I pulled harder. It must be locked.

"Just my fuckin' luck." I sighed, plopping down on the porch.

I know I ain't lock it, so that bitch that's going to take my kids had to do it. And she calls herself a fucking mom. What mom would do this shit to the father of their kids? None that I know. I'm a black man that wants to be in my kids' life. She kicked up on a nigga like me. I know she's going to try to take my kids away from me because that's just how these females are.

These females ALWAYS want to take away a man's pride a joy. This feminism shit is for the birds. Got women thinking that they can treat a man any fucking way they please. Like we're disposable. I'm going to show her ass better than I could tell her. I wish I was an adult back in the days when women were submissive to us and had to do what we said no matter the circumstances. I walked to my neighbors' house so I could use their phones. They're an older married black couple and love me and the kids, so they're cool.

Word Count: 5,400
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