I couldn't sleep without thinking about it.

Every time my eyes closed, the moment replayed in my mind on a tortuous loop.

I can't believe I made a fool out of myself in front of Hunter.

All over a kiss.

All it took was that one moment outside by the water to make me forget why we were even there in the first place. Lying down on the grass with my hand in his pulled me right back to that moment all those years ago. The day we spent up at his family's vacation house - when he surprised me with the trip in the middle of my studies - all planned to pull me out of my creative funk. We had a deep, honest conversation about where my life was and what I was doing instead of putting my dreams first.

Today was just like that day all those years ago.

Except for this time, we weren't together.

It wasn't acceptable for me to look at him the same way, to want to touch and kiss him. I wasn't supposed to have that same fluttering feeling in my chest when our hands brushed, or he smiled. And I definitely shouldn't have blushed the entire walk home. But no matter how many times I scolded and reminded myself of why we were here in the first place, I did all those things.

I knew it was impossible to turn off my feelings for him like a tap. However, I desperately wished I could. Especially right now.

As we passed through the gate and walked towards the garage, I ignored the little voice in my head that screamed how wrong of an idea this was and reached for his hand.

"Hunter, wait!"

He did as I asked and immediately stopped walking, facing me with a slight look of concern. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just..." My words trailed off. I hadn't planned what I wanted to say, and now, I feared I was making a complete fool of myself. Before I could talk myself out of it, I stepped forward, wrapped my arms around his neck, and pulled him in for a hug.

At first, his body was tense when I hugged him, rightfully surprised by my sudden action. But he was quick to relax, allowing his hands to sprawl across my back and keep my body close to his. His head nuzzled in the crook of my neck; the feeling of his breath against my skin caused a shiver to run up my spine.

In his arms, I felt safe... calm... at peace.

There was a sense of relief. My thoughts suddenly stopped flying around in my head at a million miles per hour.

I missed this feeling.

But worst of all, I missed us - or at least, what was us.

Hunter pulled back slightly, allowing our noses to brush. I didn't move. And neither did he. A mere couple of inches only separated our lips. My eyes flickered down to the curve of his mouth. I wondered if he knew what I was thinking; craving. His eyes flickered down. He was thinking the same - I knew he was.

My heart was beating so fast and loud - the sound echoed through my body and made my ears burn. I feared he could hear what it was doing to me, how he made my body react to my desire for him.

"Angel..."

That should have been my sign. Hearing him utter that word should have pulled me out of this trance. But it didn't. It only made me want him more.

"Please," was all I could reply in the faintest whisper. I wondered if he had heard me at all.

Our lips barely touched. I noticed that the space remaining between us was close to nothing. There was no turning back now.

I was giving in.

I wanted to kiss him.

I needed to kiss him.

With one final lean forward, my lips-

Something wet landed on my forehead and ran down my skin. Hunter pulled his head back and looked up at the sky. I followed his gaze. The slight hint of sun we had on our walk was now hidden behind dark, gloomy clouds. Droplets of water fell from the sky, sparingly at first but quickly turned into a torrential downpour within seconds.

Hunter took my hand and led the way towards the garage. Neither of us spoke as we made it safely inside. Although, I blamed that on the fact that we were taking off our soaking wet jackets and shoes - and not on the fact that I had almost kissed him moments before it started to pour.

The silence only continued as we walked up the steps and down the hall to our rooms, as if we had a telepathic conversation about drying off and changing clothes.

"I think I should follow your second rule and give you some space."

My head turned. "What?"

"Your second rule," he repeated, "You know when you told me to go away and leave you alone when I could?"

"Oh, right."

I made that rule when I was pissed off at him. I still was. Except now, that pissed off feeling was buried by the memories of us and me enjoying spending time with him.

"I'm sure I have been invading your space far too much for the past couple of days. So I just thought-"

"No, I get it," I interjected, forcing a smile. "Space would be good."

Hunter hesitated before responding with a slow nod of agreement and headed towards his room, shutting the door behind him. In the safety of my closed bedroom, I leaned against the door, unsure of how to feel. I couldn't tell if I was relieved the kiss didn't happen, confused over why I wanted it to happen in the first place... or annoyed that, for once, Hunter had decided to follow something I asked of him.

I was pretty sure the last thing I wanted from him was space... because what I really wanted was him.

It quickly became evident that Hunter not only excelled at annoying me and getting under my skin, but he was also good at giving me space. No wonder he had successfully managed to stay away from me for eighteen months straight.

For the rest of the day, I didn't see him. And that left me wishing and longing for the moments he would enter the room, or I would find him somewhere in the house. To my great disappointment, he never showed or made an appearance.

What was happening to me? Since when was not having him around worse than having him around?

When dinner time arrived, Delilah was the one who asked where Hunter was. I didn't have an answer. But to both my sister and I's surprise, Ethan did.

"He's just out right now." Ethan noticed the worry painted across Delilah's expression. "Don't be such a mom," he teased, "He's a grown man. He will eat later. Don't worry."

That was the only bit of information uttered about him for the rest of the night. I wondered if Ethan actually knew where his brother was or if he was only trying to calm my sister out of her worried motherly state of mind.

I contemplated bringing a slice of pizza back to the garage. Little did Ethan know that his words helped my sister and me.

If he was hungry, he could come and get it himself. He was a grown man. I didn't need to bring food to his door.

I needed to force out the part of my brain that still made me want to care for him. Oh boy - how fun I knew that would be.

It was early in the night. Far too early than I usually ever considered going to bed. I wasn't even sure if Lily went to bed at this hour. But going to sleep was the only thing I could think of to get this day over with. Not knowing where Hunter went was driving me crazy. And the fact that I almost kissed him earlier was making me insane.

"Hey," Delilah spoke from the doorway, pulling my attention. "Ethan just put Lily to bed-"

Alright, so I really was contemplating going to bed at the same time as a five-year-old.

"Do you want to get out of here for a bit? Maybe go get a drink? Or we-"

"Yes."

My immediate and firm 'yes' was all it took to start a night of welcoming distractions. Delilah was quick to run back to the house and reappear in record timing with what she called necessary supplies for the night; a handful of outfit choices, her makeup bag, and a bottle of wine. In my opinion, it was all the necessities needed - especially when we had the bright idea to turn on the stereo and blast music through the speakers. It wasn't like there was anyone else around that we had to worry about disturbing.

"When we were younger, I always pictured having nights like these together once we were both in high school," Delilah said, dipping her brush into the pallet of eyeshadow. "Tilt your head a bit," she instructed while maneuvering me to the exact position she needed. "Did you even get to enjoy your high school years, Dyl? Or were you stuck inside with your textbooks while all your friends had fun?"

"I did go out, but not a lot. Honestly, even if I didn't have the pressure from Dad to do well in school, I don't think I would've gone out all that much more," I told her, trying to keep still as she dusted the brush on my eyelids. "I don't have the highest social tolerance... and I'm definitely not good at faking it. Abby's had to face the brunt of that countless times."

"Is my baby sister not a social butterfly?"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "I'm just either all in or all out. Sometimes I do want to go out. And sometimes, for weeks on end, I just want to stay home. And back then, when I stayed home, I'd either study... or draw... or bake cupcakes."

Delilah stopped her movement as I brought up our old Friday night tradition; cupcakes and a movie. "We should do that soon. I miss those nights."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

I tapped my fingers against the glass of my cup. "Do you think we will ever make up for lost time?"

"I don't know, honestly," she said, resting her hands in her lap. "It's weird when I think about how much time we spent apart. Because most of the time, I forget - being around you again just feels natural... like we were always together. And then I remember, shit, I missed out on some huge years of my baby sister's life. I feel like I should be sitting down with you for hours at a time just learning each year of your life that I wasn't around for."

My nose wrinkled hearing that. "I think that would make it worse." Noting her confused glance, I clarified, "Sitting down for hours and hours to go through each year. I spent most of it studying for a degree I didn't finish. There's not much to it." And the rest I can't tell you about... yet. 

"Thinking about it, that probably wouldn't work anyway. I bet we would get interrupted at least ten times over Lily's needs within the first few minutes." Delilah rummaged through her makeup bag. "Did you have any boyfriends in high school? Or did Dad force a strict dating ban?"

"They weren't that strict. Especially since I dated anyone they approved of so I could avoid the interrogation. Sometimes I think Mom hoped I would bring someone home I knew she would hate so she could tear them apart."

Delilah faced the mirror as she dusted her cheeks with blush. "God, I can't imagine what that must have been like."

"Honestly, I didn't really like most of them, so it wasn't that big of a deal to me."

"Dylan Sabrina Miller! Are you trying to tell me you were a player?"

"No," I scoffed. "Far from that. It took me a while to realize I didn't like them because they were exactly who Mom and Dad approved of."

"So you've never had that special someone?"

I have. "No, I haven't," I attempt to cover the sadness in my tone with a laugh. "Unless you think I missed out on Chad from junior year... the guy who left me in the middle of a dinner to go play video games with his friends."

"You're kidding!"

Raising the cup to my lips, I muttered, "I wish," before taking a long sip to drown out the memory.

"Boys are dumb."

After a few more stories of my terrible date fails and finishing the bottle of wine, the two of us somehow managed to finish getting ready and head out the door. We were heading to a casual bar for the night - a place one of Delilah's friends from her mommy and me class mentioned they were going to. I was glad it was a casual setting because jeans and comfortable footwear were the standard outfits. And my ideal night included drinking comfortably; it was the perfect plan.

"I can't remember the last time I had a night out," Delilah said as we entered the bar.

"Don't get out often?"

"Not as much as I should... or could. Ethan is always so great about wanting me to spend time with my friends, but honestly, I just want to stay in with him and Lily most nights." Her head turned, hearing someone call her name. "Oh! There they are. Come on!"

After a quick round of introductions, I met the various faces in Delilah's life. Jennifer - or Jenny as she told me to call her multiple times - the mother of one of Lily's best friends. Mary, an older blonde woman who teaches yoga at the local recreation centre. Stevie, a quiet individual with a pixie cut who only drank organic beer. And Emma, another mother and the one Delilah was obviously closest to. I liked Emma; she had a calming voice and made an effort to ensure I felt welcomed; whispering any background information to a story I needed so I could follow along.

The sounds of my sister and her friends conversing faded to the background as I let my eyes roam around the space. It was a nice venue, crowded but not too much where it felt overwhelming. The dark wood bar in the center of the room allowed people to gather and be served from all sides. The walls were lined with various pictures and movie posters. A dance floor further down, while multiple tables were laid out where we sat.

It was far more welcoming than any bar I had been in back home. Almost as if I knew everyone in here.

Aside from my sister, I assumed I didn't know anyone else here... until my eyes found their way to another from across the room.

Hunter.

And the companion snuggling into his side told me he wasn't without a friend for the night. 

tsk tsk hunter. when will you learn?

twitter: @ normiesandwich

I now have a carrd with links to my twitter and spotify (in my bio on my profile!!)!! 

if you want to listen to the playlist that inspires characters like dylan&hunter, go listen to my playlist "songs that remind me of them"