in losing grip. on sinking ships. you showed up just in time

this love is good. this love is bad. this love is alive back from the dead

"Hey, is everything okay?"

"The car broke down so I'm now waiting at the auto shop," Delilah said from the other end of the call.

"Oh, shit. Is there anything I can do?"

"No - it's fine. Just have to sit around and wait. Are you going to be okay? I feel bad leaving you alone and this might take a while."

Smiling to myself, I balanced the cell phone between my shoulder and ear as I used my free hands to gather my supplies. "Del, I know we haven't seen each other in a while, but I am an adult. I can take care of myself for a couple of hours."

"I know you are! I just feel bad leaving you alone! I planned on bothering you all day with some quality sister bonding time."

"Do you want me to come down and keep you company?"

She let out a sigh. "No, that's alright. I should probably run some errands while I'm here. Boring mommy stuff."

"Well, if you change your - shit!" I groaned, watching as some of the paintbrushes fell from the top of my pile and onto the floor.

"Everything okay with you, Pickle?"

My quick strategic planning on how to collect my items without putting anything down distracted me from Delilah's use of my childhood nickname.

"Need some help?"

Eyes widening in relief - something I never thought I would say due to Hunter's presence - I eagerly nodded. "Yes, please!"

"Wait - are you with Hunter?"

"Don't start," I whispered harshly into the phone as Hunter walked toward me and collected some of the items out of my arms.

"Downstairs with the other stuff?" he asked.

"Yeah. I'll just be a second." Waiting until Hunter had disappeared from my view and I could hear his footsteps heading down the stairs, I returned my attention to my sister, hearing her squeal with excitement. "Del, I said don't start!"

"Okay, but now I'm thankful my car broke down! You two have the whole house to yourselves... you can spend some alone time and get to know each other a bit better..."

"I'm helping him paint the gift he's working on for your daughter!" I snapped back, quickly losing the calm nature I was trying to keep myself within, "May I remind you for the hundredth time that he has a girlfriend?"

"That we have never met! Besides, I'm not trying to insinuate anything. I'm just saying it would be nice for you two to get to know each other better!"

I scoffed. "Yeah, I am sure you have no underlying intention here."

"You know, I think he's lying about her."

"About who?" I asked, making my way towards the bedroom door.

"His girlfriend. I don't think she exists."

My feet came to a sudden halt. "What makes you say that?"

"I have never even seen a picture of her! Plus, he is always so vague about anything to do with her. You think since they have been together for this long, we would get a little more than a couple of words about her."

"Maybe he's just private. Or maybe, he doesn't want to introduce her to this crazy family dynamic we've got going on."

"Hmm, I guess," she mumbled - not quietly enough to hide the disbelief in her tone, "I think I should pull out my PI skills and look into it."

Rolling my eyes, I let out a sigh. "I think you need a hobby, Del."

"Oh, how I missed my little sister and her snippy comments," she teased. "I'll let you go and work on that ah-mazing gift for my daughter. Are you okay if we order pizza tonight? I don't think I'm going to want to go out for dinner after what I'm expecting to be a very long day."

"Of course. Call me if you get bored, okay?"

After agreeing to call if boredom ever did strike, I could hear her begin a sentence about how she would hate to interrupt Hunter and I's time. And before she could finish - what only she thought was amusing - train of thought, I wished her a quick goodbye and hung up the phone.

Delilah knew nothing of our past - there was no way she could have found out about me and Hunter. If she had, I would never expect her to hide such a thing; she could barely contain her schoolgirl giggles over the thought of the two of us painting together.

But one thing stuck in my mind from our conversation.

I think he's lying about her... I don't think she exists.

"Everything alright?"

My eyes found the source of the voice as I made my way down the stairs. I nodded and forced a smile in response, watching as he resumed his task of setting up our workstation. There was something different about him. I couldn't exactly determine what it was... but ever since we started our honest conversation in the diner, I noticed it.

It was like a type of aura around him, something calm and peaceful. Those two words were ones I would have never thought to associate with Hunter. But I could feel it.

An old sheet was laid out on the ground with our supplies scattered around. Hunter had already poured some colours of paint into his tray; a mixture of gold, silver, pink and lilac. Today he was tasked with painting the various decorations they were going to put in Lily's new room. Her bed structure had already been carved and now Hunter wanted to work on perfecting what he stated were the most important pieces.

"Well, if she doesn't have her little gold crown... how will anyone know it's a princess room?"

"Hunter, you don't need all that!" Quickly reaching out my arm, I stopped the giant glob of paint from falling off the brush. "You start with light layers that you can build! Remember what I told you?"

"Oh, right. Sorry!" He sighed, nodding his head as if he were mentally scolding himself over forgetting my instructions. "It just takes so fucking long!"

"Patience," I softly reminded him. My head turned toward the speaker as I recognized the song faintly playing in the background. "Is that... 5KINGS?"

Hunter looked up from his work. "Oh, yeah. I downloaded some of their stuff after we got back. You like them, right?"

I nodded, feeling the corner of my lips curve upward. "I do like them."

"Do you think the rumours are true?" Noticing my confused glance, he clarified, "Do you think Carter Young is really going solo?"

Settling into my spot and pressing my back against the wall, I watched as he began to work with an intense look of focus. "I have no idea," I answered, reaching for my sketchbook, "I can't imagine he would. Where did you hear that?"

"Online. I was trying to figure out what all of their names were and a bunch of stories about the rumours of him leaving the band kept coming up."

"I guess it's a slow news day."

The conversation fell to the background; the only noise filling the space was the next song playing through the speakers - one even I hadn't heard of before - and Hunter humming along.

Although the moment seemed peaceful, I was only reminded of my lack of creativity while Hunter's flourished from the opposite side of the room. The blank page in front of me never looked so empty. A creative lull wasn't uncommon - it happened all the time. But whenever it did, I could still sketch something - even if it was a simple heart, doodle, or stick figure. Now, I was left with nothing.

Nothing.

Not even the various images of inspiration I had printed off and laid out in front of me helped.

Poor Lily was about to be given a blank wall by her newly discovered Aunt for her birthday.

What a great way to remember me.

The longing minutes turned into passing hours. And my struggle only continued. While I had finally pushed myself to press the pencil against the page, it wasn't long before it was erased or I was itching to rip out the page completely. The one thing that stopped me from doing so was the speech my art teacher would scold her students with any time they tried. 

Never, ever rip out your art, she would always say. You never know when it will spark something new. Or, maybe you'll hate it forever and always be reminded of it. Either way, it's not worth wrecking a lovely sketchbook over. Flip the page and start something new.

"Are you okay?"

My head peered up for the first time in - well, I wasn't sure. But when I looked down hours ago, Hunter was still working on painting his first item. And now the entire blanket was covered with numerous drying pieces.

Forcing a smile - something I had found becoming quite second nature as of late - I did my best to remain calm as I said, "Of course. Why?"

"You seem a little stressed," he said, wiping off his hands. "Do you want to take a break? Maybe get some air?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure, Hunter."

I wasn't sure. A walk sounded perfect right about now. However, I feared that giving in to a walk would lead to an entire can full to the brim with emotions, fears, and worries to burst out. And that was something I did not think I could recover from at this particular moment.

The side door swinging open was my saving grace.

Ethan stepped into the space, looking around the converted garage. "Is Delilah around?"

"No, she's still waiting for her car to be fixed up," I replied, ignoring the pressing urge to finally tear out a page of my sketchbook.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Hunter exchange a brief - but somewhat pleasant - greeting with his brother before his attention returned to the work in front of him. All of his work was done. However, that didn't stop him from pretending as if there was more to do so he didn't have to further engage.

"Are you sure?" Ethan's head turned, as his eyes feverishly scanned the space.

"I'm positive, Ethan. She would be in here if she had already come back, trust me," I said, "What's up?"

He let out a sigh of relief and made his way over. "I wanted to ask for your help with something. Hunter already knows but," crouching down, he ran his hand through his hair, "I've been wanting to ask your sister something for a really, really, really long time. But we always agreed that we wouldn't take that step until she had her family there. Mainly you."

I raised a brow, noticing the way his hands shook with nerves as he reached into his pocket. A small red velvet box appeared in his hand and I was almost blinded by the item inside.

"Holy shit," I whispered.

"I want to ask your sister to marry me," he said, "And I was hoping you could help me plan the proposal?"

"Of course!"

"Really?"

I nodded. "I would love to!"

"That's a relief. Hunter said you wouldn't want to."

The accused shot his head up. "I did not say that," he quickly retorted. "I said she might find it a bit overwhelming when you wanted to ask her the first night she showed up!"

Ethan didn't understand the impact of misremembering Hunter's words.

I did.

And I could see it written across Hunter's face. Worried that I might believe he would try and sabotage such a gesture.

"Well, Hunter may have been right," I said softly, letting out a light laugh, "I think I was a bit overwhelmed that night with the whole... finding out my sister wasn't in Europe and had a kid and a boyfriend that she lived with. But I would love to help."

My eyes fell back to the ring.

It was beautiful.

I knew my sister was going to love it.

I also knew that it didn't matter what the ring looked like. Because it was coming from Ethan. The love of her life.

Delilah found her person. Her first love. The father of her child. A perfect pairing they were. It was one for the romance history books for sure. And yet, I couldn't help but be selfish with my thoughts and picture what this meant for my future.

I had that person. He was in this room. But I couldn't be with him.

Not now.

Not ever.

That ring, that beautiful shimmering diamond was only a reminder of everything I would never be able to have with Hunter.

And as my eyes drifted back across the room, the look that washed across his expression told me one thing.

Hunter had the same realization cross his mind. 

I'm going to start posting ch graphics/aesthetics on twitter & some sneak peeks... so follow me @ normiesandwich 

OR if you just want to chat about taylor swift or see my meltdowns over blondie's next move come on over. it's a fun time, I promise. 

also this love (taylors version) came me the push to get this chapter done so thx taytay