Colton won't look at me. He won't talk to me. We're sitting next to eachother on the church benches and he's sitting stiffly, keeping his gaze straight ahead.

Everything is a disaster. Bryce and I keep fighting. He wants to marry me, but he can't even answer my phone calls. And I don't know how I feel about him or the prospect of marriage.

Colton won't talk to me. It's clear he doesn't want to be around me. I don't know why it stings. I don't fully know what I did. And he's so moody. He can be charming one minute and pushing me away the next.

"Colton," I say quietly. He doesn't respond. "Can you at least look at me?"

He still doesn't respond. I sigh. I guess this is it.

"Do you really hate me this much?" I mutter. Colton still doesn't say anything. I sigh and give up on trying to get him to talk.

I feel like I need to wake up. Like I need to shake myself back into reality. I feel like I'm dancing around, trying to figure things out about Bryce and Colton. But all I end up saying is I don't know.

I don't know how I feel. I don't know what to do. I don't know why I'm feeling the way I am. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

And I'm not getting anywhere. Everything is getting more and more fucked up. I feel like it's my fault because I should be able to see things clearly. I should be able to make a decision. I shouldn't be fucking around with everyone's feelings. Everything has gotten so muddled and I'm not sure of anything anymore. I'm not even sure what the question is.

There's Bryce. There's Colton. There's no in between.

Bryce wants to marry me, spend the rest of his life with me. But I've been so lonely in our relationship recently. Our communication has gone to shit. I know Bryce genuinely loves me. I know he doesn't mean to hurt me. I know his intentions are pure.

Colton's a different story. A much less straight-forward one. He's...almost a friend. He makes me happy. He makes me feel like me. But he's moody and we end up yelling more than we should. Our feelings are complicated. Nothing makes sense.

I'm not with Colton. We're not together, we're not dating. Nothing has fucking happened. And why would it? I'm with Bryce. Colton probably has some girls he's screwing on the side.

Colton starts to get up and I frown. "Where are you going?" I whisper.

He looks over at his mom. "The bathroom." I open my mouth to say something and he says, "Leave it."

"Fine," I mutter. He leaves quickly.

I sigh. I start looking around the church. I'm not super interested in the service. I stop when I see a blonde head that looks familiar. I realize it's Bryce. And then I look at where Colton was sitting and this wave of anger hits me.

"Fuck this," I mutter as I get up. Fuck Colton for being silent and moody and making me feel like shit. I'm so sick of sitting around and thinking. I'm sick of doing nothing. Something needs to fucking change. And if I don't do something, nothing is going to change. 

I know Colton's probably gonna be smoking weed in the bathroom. I sigh as I see the men's bathroom sign. I look around before walking in. I check all the stalls and Colton isn't in any of them. I roll my eyes as I check the women's bathroom. He's not in there.

I walk down the stairs. I think there's another set of bathrooms. If Colton's not in them, he's probably outside. Or maybe he ditched entirely. Either way, we're going to talk. I turn the corner and spot the men's bathroom. I stop with my hand hovering over the door. I sigh and knock.

"Hey, Colton," I say. I cross my arms over my chest. "I know you're in here. We need to talk."

There's no response and I frown. "Colton?" He doesn't say anything. I knock again. Something's wrong. "Colton?"

I open the door slowly. The first thing that hits me is the sour smell. And then I see Colton and my phone drops from my hands. I hear it shatter faintly, but all I can hear is the blood roaring in my ears.

Colton's not moving. He's on the ground next to the toilet. I drop to my knees and start shaking him. "Colton," I say. "Wake up." And I keep saying it over and over again as I shake him. But he's not waking up.

It feels like there are rocks in my stomach and I can't breathe. I start panicking. Colton's not responding. My hands are shaking and my chest is heaving under my quickened breathing.

"Colton," I say again. I press my fingers against his wrist and I can't find his pulse. My face pales and I feel even sicker. Check his neck for a pulse. You know it's the best place. You're a Med-student. Stay calm.

I swallow and take a deep breath in. I press my fingers gently to Colton's neck. I almost start crying when I can't find it. But then I feel a faint beating. I look over and there's vomit in the toilet.

And then I know something's really wrong.

I'm so dizzy that I almost fall over trying to get my phone. I manage to get it. But it won't turn on. The screen is completely shattered.

"Shit!" I look around. I drop my phone and go over to Colton again. I can't leave him to go and get help. But I can't stay here and do nothing. "Fuck!" I yell.

I hear the door open and I whip around. I see Bryce.

"What the..." he trails off. He looks concerned. "What happened?"

"I don't know. I don't know," I ramble. "I came in here and he was...he's not responding. I don't know."

"Is he dead?" Bryce asks. Something clicks.

"Give me your phone," I say. Bryce frowns. "Give me your fucking phone!"

"Okay." He hands it over.

"Go get my dad," I say. Bryce nods and leaves.

My hands are shaking as I type in the phone number. "9-1-1. What's your emergency?"

"He's not conscious. I think I found his pulse...but it was faint. There's vomit in the toilet. I don't know what's happening—"

"Take a deep breath, ma'am. What's your location?"

"It's a church. I forgot the name. Shit! I think it's on Bryant street," I say. "He's in the men's bathroom in the basement."

"Okay. Stay calm. An ambulance is on the way."

***********************

I feel numb. I watched the EMT's come into the bathroom and put Colton on a stretcher. I watched as they struggled to find his pulse. I watched, standing in the doorway, as they wheeled him away.

I have no idea what happened. No one seems too. And now, we're all in the waiting room, still trying to piece together what happened. Alex is beyond worried and confused. My dad is sitting next to her, offering silent support. And somehow, Bryce is sitting next to me.

They didn't take Colton to Redbrook hospital. I don't know any of the doctors here. I have no idea what's going on. So, I'm stuck waiting for the doctor to come out and say something. We've been waiting for twenty minutes.

"There's a cut on your hand," Bryce says. I look over at him and then look down at my hand.

"Oh."

"It's probably from your phone," he says. "You left it on the floor and I grabbed it."

"Oh. Thanks," I say. I frown as I remember something. "Did you still want to go to dinner?"

Bryce shrugs. "Maybe a different night would be better."

I sigh with relief and nod. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a nurse leave the room Colton was in. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom."

I don't want to wait anymore. I just want to know Colton's okay. I walk slowly by his room and look in through the small window on the door. I finally exhale when I see he's awake. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

I look closer and frown when I see him and the doctor talking. It looks like they're in a heated conversation. Colton seems to be shaking his head and disagreeing with the doctor. The doctor sighs and shakes her head. I see her turning to leave, so I jump away from the door and pretend to be walking.

The doctor passes me and I look around before walking into Colton's room.

"I already told you—" Colton stops talking when he sees me.

"Hi," I say. I stand by the edge of his bed, rubbing my fingers together nervously. I don't know what else to say.

"I'm sorry," Colton says. He looks really off. Like there's some deep emotion bothering him that I can't figure out.

"Why?" I ask.

He shrugs. "For scaring you."

I almost smile. "I'm gonna be a doctor, you know. Medical emergencies don't scare me."

But he did. He really scared me. I don't know what I thought, but...I don't know. I don't know what I would have done if he didn't wake up.

I sigh and sit down on the edge of the bed. "Colton," I sigh, searching his green eyes. "What the fuck happened?"

He shrugs. "Nothing really important."

"Obviously something happened," I tell him. "Colton, I found you unconscious and unresponsive with a faint heartbeat."

"It was just low blood pressure," Colton says.

"But that's not what the doctors are saying, is it?" I ask. "You can faint from low blood pressure. It doesn't make you unconscious."

"Don't worry about me, Andy," Colton says.

I shake my head. "They took you in a fucking ambulance."

"Okay," Colton says.

I shake my head. "Colton, that's serious. Like I'm going to smack you! You can't be nonchalant about this. You almost—" I stop talking when my voice starts to quiver from the tears building up.

I hug Colton before I can stop myself. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and press my face into his neck. "I'm just happy you're okay," I whisper. He hugs me back. We're holding eachother tightly and not saying anything.

There's nothing else to say. And I know I'm crying silently and that he can feel my tears. But we don't say anything. I secretly don't want to admit why I'm upset. But there's no point in hiding it from myself. I care about Colton. Even though I don't know want to. Even though we're only going to be a disaster.

But nothing really matters in this moment. All that's important is that Colton is okay. And it just feels so good to be held tightly.

I pull away and wipe my eyes. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm okay," he says. He smiles faintly. "I'm gonna get really high as soon as I get home."

I smile and shake my head. "I guess you are fine."

The door opens and I turn to see the doctor. She almost looks defeated as she hands Colton a sheet of paper.

I frown. "What's that?"

The doctor looks at me. "A discharge against medical advice form."

"I thought he had low blood pressure?"

The doctor looks at me and then looks at Colton. She sighs. "Just make sure to take care of him."

The doctor leaves and I stare at Colton. "You were lying."

"They want to keep me for observation," he says.

I stand up and start pacing. I almost tug at my hair. "Colton, stop fucking around. Just tell me what's going on," I say.

He sighs. "It's just an unlucky mix of low blood pressure and food poisoning." I stare at him. "That's why I threw up."

"Colton," I say slowly. "Stop lying. Just tell me what's going on."

"I told you the truth," he says.

I see the computer that the nurses and the doctors use. It's where the patient information is kept. I look at Colton and then walk quickly over to the computer. Luckily it's still open. Before I can start looking through the patient history, Colton's between me and the computer.

"Why can't you trust me?" Colton asks, his eyes searching mine. For the first time, I realize how defeated he looks. His eyes aren't bright. The only way to describe them is exhausted. And there are dark circles under them.

"Why can't you tell me the truth?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "Why do you even care?" he asks. He gestures around the room. "Why do you care about any of this? Or me?"

"I...To be honest, I'm not entirely sure." I sigh and move away from the computer.

"That's what I thought," Colton says. "You should leave."

It feels like someone slapped me. I'm sure my cheeks are red and I'm not sure what I expected. "Is that what you want?" I ask.

"Yes," Colton says without hesitation. "Thank you for what you did. But please leave, Andy."

I shake my head as I start walking to the door. I feel more tears coming. I hate that all I can do is cry.

"Goodbye, Andy."