"Hey, babe. I was just calling to see how your day's been. My weekend was good. I studied for some tests. We have them cause break is coming up and it's the end of the semester. Uh, still let me know what you want to do for Christmas. Yeah...hope you're doing good. Oh, let me know how it went with your boss. I know you were supposed to work until Christmas day, but we should spend the holiday together. Anyways, I love you, Bryce. Call me back whenever. Bye."

His phone always goes to voicemail. It's been a while since we've talked. My calls go to voicemail and his calls are always at night when I'm sleeping.

I love Bryce. I really do. We've been together for almost four and a half years. But lately, he's been so busy with work. And I'm happy for Bryce. He got a job offer straight out of college and he's been doing really well, moving up in the company.

But it's like he's leaving me behind. His trips keep getting longer and the time he's home is getting shorter. And now he might be gone for part of Christmas Eve.

It's fucked up, but I'm not going to worry about it. I sigh and shove my phone into my pocket. I look around the crowded hallway and shift my textbook in my hands. I walk into class and sit down.

"Hey, boo," Tasha says as she sits next to me.

"Hey," I say. "Did you bring Bobbe?"

"He's in the cafeteria," she says as she pulls out her textbook. "With Brooke."

Tasha and I are both in our first year of Med-school, or technically fifth year if you count Pre-med. Her son is six.

"That's good. How was your weekend?" I ask. She shrugs.

"Fine. I studied and watched Bobbe." Tasha doesn't have much help with her son. Her parents don't live in New York and she doesn't have any other family. Brooke and I try to help her out. "What about you?" Tasha asks.

I shrug. "It was fine. I talked to my Dad. He wants me to come home for Christmas," I say.

"Are you gonna?" Tasha asks.

I sigh. "I don't know. Probably not. Bryce is still away and he's supposed to be gone for a while. We haven't figured out what we're doing."

Tasha rolls her eyes. "Sounds like you don't have a plan. Why don't you go home?"

"It's not that simple," I tell her. "What about you?"

"Same as always. Watch Bobbe and study."

The professor walks in and everyone quiets down. "We're starting a new assignment," Professor Donnelly says.

"Ah, fuck. Come on, it's almost Christmas," some kid says.

Professor Donnelly rolls her eyes. "This assignment is just for you, Adam," she says. "Love. I want you to write five thousand words on love. But you have until the Monday we come back from Winter break."

Most people groan. Tasha grumbles, "The fuck am I even in the class for? I'm in Med school not fuckin' romance novel bullshit."

Professor Donnelly turns on a slide show. "What is love?" she says. "Love is defined as many things. But most commonly, an intense feeling of attraction or affection. What do you guys think of it?"

"It sucks," Gloria says.

"It's bullshit," Adam says. Other people chime in things similar to this.

"Why?" Professor Donnelly asks.

"It makes people do fucked up things," Adam explains. "It's an excuse."

Professor Donnelly crosses her arms over chest. "I'd like to agree with you, Adam. My ex-husband, for example, left me for someone ten years younger and said it was because he was in love with her." She flips to a new screen. "But we were happy at one point. So, why do people fall out of love?" she asks.

No one says anything but she continues, "Can you be in love with two people? How long does it take to fall in love? Is it love or lust? Can you tell the exact moment you've fallen?"

"No," I murmur absentmindedly as I Iook at my paper.

"What was that, Andy?" Professor Donnelly asks.

I blink and look at her. "No. You can't be in love with two people because you must have fallen out of love with the first person to love the second. And you can't tell the exact moment," I say, remembering a boy I haven't thought of in a while.

"Why would that be?" she asks.

I shrug. "Love happens to you. You can't just stop and think, 'hmm, maybe I love that person! Oh, wait! I do love them and it's two in the morning that I realized it!'" I explain. "You can't fall in love with someone at a certain time. Love isn't just a time."

"Are you talking from experience?" Professor Donnelly asks.

"All I'm gonna say is that if someone says they realized they loved you at two in the morning, they were probably drunk."

A few people snicker. "What about falling out of love? When do you realize that?" Professor Donnelly asks.

"When you stop talking. When effort stops being given. When they stop looking at you. When you look at the person you love and see a ghost," I tell her.

"It sounds like you've fallen in and out of love," she says.

I shake my head quickly. "Oh, no. I've only fallen in love once and we're still together—" I cut myself off. Maybe Bryce and I are having more problems than I realized.

The rest of class goes by in a blur. Bryce and I are having problems and I only realized it now. Oh, fuck.

"You okay, boo?" Tasha asks me as we walk out.

"I don't know," I tell her. "I don't know if I'm in love with Bryce anymore."

"Shit. Let's get you some cake," she says, putting her arm around my shoulders. "You can see Bobbe. He always makes you laugh."

"What the fuck am I supposed to do?" I ask her.

"Fuck if I know. Brooke might, though," she says.

I nod and we walk into the cafeteria. Brooke's studying and Bobbe's playing with some doll.

"Andy needs help," Tasha says as we sit down.

"What's up?" Brooke asks.

"I don't know if I love Bryce anymore," I tell her, frowning. "And he's not gonna be home for part of Christmas."

Brooke makes a face. "Yikes."

"What should I do?" I ask her.

Brooke shrugs. "Do something without worrying about Bryce. If you don't have plans for Christmas, and he's busy, just go home or something."

Bobbe starts laughing evilly and points the doll at his mom. Something sprays out of it and hits her.

"Bobbe!" she yells. "That better be fucking water."

"It's Chuckie's piss," he says.

I frown at him. "You named your doll Chuckie?"

"Damn straight," he says. He's really naughty for a six-year old.

"I'm gonna get you," Tasha hisses at him. He angles the doll so it pisses on her again.

"Try me," Bobbe says.

Tasha's eyes flare."I'll fucking kill you."

"Hey!" Brooke says. Bobbe and Tasha both look at her. She looks at me. "Go home, Andy. Figure things out. Use the time by yourself to think."

*******************

"Hey. I know it's late. I wanted to let you know that I'm going home for Christmas. Have fun wherever you are. We need to talk. Call me back when you get this. I lo—I'll talk to you later. Bye."

I hang up and stare at my phone. I just bought tickets for the flight home. It's Monday night right now and I leave on Saturday morning. The last day of the semester is Friday.

I don't know what I'm doing. I couldn't say I love you, even though I've said it thousands of times. Saying I love you loses meaning over time, but now I can't even bring myself to say it.

I don't know where Bryce and I are, and I'm probably overthinking it. But we're drifting apart and it's about him. I was going to go to Pre-med and Med school at Harvard. Bryce went to a college in Boston, but then he got his job and we moved to New York.

And now I'm going to NYU instead of Harvard. And for what? Bryce isn't even here most of the time.

We need to talk. Going home is going to be good for me. Maybe it'll pull me out of my head and make things clearer.

I sigh and walk out of my bedroom into the bathroom. I shower and get ready for bed. When I walk into my room, I have one missed call.

I play the voicemail. "Hope you're good, Andy. Love you. Goodnight."