Last night was another dream. Colton and I ate too much and then walked around and everything was lit with string lights that left an amber glow. And then there was this benched area with a tree that Colton kissed me under until we were both out of breath.

The last few days have been perfect. They've been all I ever wanted and it's been so easy to just be with Colton. I wish it could be like this forever. But I have to talk to him today about going into the hospital and doing some testing.

I sigh as I take a drink of my coffee. Colton's in the shower and Auntie left a while ago. It's barely eight in the morning so hopefully, Colton and I can talk for a while and then go into the hospital. I hear the shower turn off and I smile. I haven't seen Colton this morning yet. He was sleeping when I got up.

I smile when he walks into the kitchen. He grins and kisses me on the cheek before sitting down next to me. "Hey," he says.

"Hey." I push a coconut water towards him and he shakes his head with a smile before taking a drink.

"So, what do you want to do today?" Colton asks as he grabs my hand. I smile.

"I'm glad you asked," I tell him.

Colton rolls his eyes. "I feel like nothing good ever comes from that," he tells me. "But go on."

I sigh. "We need to go to the hospital today."

Colton's face falls. "I don't want to."

"Colton," I sigh. "Please. I have to know."

"You have to know what?" he asks.

"I have to know how bad it is currently," I tell him. Colton sighs as he pulls his hand out of mine. He stands up and walks over to the window. It's like he's pulling away from me and I have no idea why. "What?" I ask.

"I don't want to go, Andy," he tells me even though he's still looking out the window. "I'm not going back to a fucking hospital."

"Look, I'm not taking you there for surgery," I say. I know he's only going to pull away more if I go over to the window. "I just want to do a few scans. I want to see your most recent scans."

Colton turns around and hurt is over his whole face. I frown and before I can even ask what's wrong, Colton's storming over to the door and pulling sneakers on. He stops with his hand on the door and looks at me.

"You looked at my fucking scans," he says and his voice is shaking with anger. "You had no right to do that."

And then he's gone.

I'm staring at the door and my face is falling. I'm dumbfounded and my stomach is sinking further and further.

What just happened?

Colton just left. He left everything here and I don't know if he's coming back and I don't know what to do. Colton's gone and it's because of me. I stand up and my hands are shaking. I start walking around to try and feel less shaky.

Colton got irritated when I brought up the hospital and mad when I asked about his scans. I'm searching my head and trying to figure out why he got so mad. Did I invade his privacy by looking at his medical history?

"Fuck," I mutter as I pull on my shoes. I'm not going to let Colton leave. I have to go after him. I looked at his scans because I love him and I'm so terrified of losing him. I want to make sure that there's nothing else we can do.

I feel a tear roll down my cheek as I realize that the perfect bubble that the past few days have been is gone. It's gone and I don't know if it's my fault.

I push open the door and look around. Fuck, I have no idea where Colton went. There's no snow so I can't see his footprints. I sigh. There's a forest behind my aunt's house and I'm guessing he went that way.

I start walking into it and I'm a few minutes in when I smell weed. "Colton," I mutter as I keep walking. I don't mind that he uses weed for pain, but I feel like he's using it now to avoid me.

I almost start crying in relief when I find Colton laying on a rock.

"Colton," I say.

He sits up. "Shit," he mutters. "How did you find me?"

I roll my eyes as I stand in front of him and cross my arms over my chest. "I don't know how high you could have gotten in fifteen minutes, but you can still see the house from here," I tell him.

"Okay," he says. Colton lays back down on the rock.

"Colton, sit up. I'm trying to talk to you."

He sighs as he sits up. "I don't know what you want to talk about."

"You know," I tell him as I step closer to him. "Why did you leave?"

Colton sighs as he points his joint out. "You invaded my fucking privacy," he tells me. "You didn't have any right to do that. I don't want to talk to you right now."

I shake my head as I look around. "All I want is a happy fucking ending for us," I tell Colton. "I went through your medical file to make sure I know that nothing else can be done. I want to make sure there are no regrets. None. And you're such a hypocrite for—"

"Stop calling me that," Colton mutters. "You always fucking called me that. Even in that stupid fucking voicemail—"

"Oh, so you heard them?" I ask as anger washes over me. "You fucking listened to every voicemail and just let me suffer?"

"You had Bryce. I'm sure you were fine," Colton says.

"Fuck you." My hands are shaking from anger. "Fuck you. You heard every voicemail. You heard me begging for you to call me back and you did nothing."

"What was I supposed to do, Andy?" Colton asks. "Go to New York and show up on your doorstep and tell you that I'm dying? Tell you that cancer if fucking everywhere and that I only a few months left? Is that what you wanted?"

"All I ever wanted was you. Don't you understand that? I don't care how long we have or don't have. I just want to love until I can't," I tell Colton.

"Whatever," Colton mutters.

"It's not whatever," I say as I blink tears back. "God, I hate that I'm fucking crying. You can't throw me away like I'm nothing."

"I don't know what you want from me," Colton says. "I can't give you anything. You should just leave."

"Colton, I don't want to leave. I just want you. We've had this fight a thousand times," I say.

"But this time you went too far," Colton tells me. "You took the one thing away from me that I didn't give to you."

I sigh. "If you really can't see my intentions...I don't know. Maybe you don't know me," I tell him as I start walking away. I turn back to look at him. "And I've given every fucking thing to you even though you never asked for it, and you never had to. I'm yours, Colton. You have every fucking thing I could possibly give you."

"I want to be alone right now."

"Fine," I mutter. Tears fall down my cheeks rapidly as I start walking back to the house.

Fuck.

***************************

It's been a few hours since the fight I had with Colton. He hasn't come back to the house yet and I'm starting to think that he won't. My heart is beating painfully in my chest and I'm so confused and angry and sad. He heard every voicemail I left him and he just let me cry. God, everything hurts so much.

Did Colton and I break up?

My phone rings and I almost fall over. I frown when I see who's calling.

"Cooper? What's up?" I ask.

"Hey, so uh, something kind of weird happened," he tells me. My frown deepens.

"What?" I ask. "Spit out."

"Um...Colton's here," he says. I almost drop my phone as I run to the door and tug on a jacket.

"What?" I ask. "What the fuck? Is he okay? Oh, my god—"

"No, he's fine. He came in for testing. He's having a CT right now."