"Fuck," I mutter. I push the scans forward. Cooper, Malik, Colton and I are one of the unused conference rooms.

"So, what do we do now?" Colton asks.

"I don't know." Cooper sighs and Malik hasn't said anything.

His cancer got worse.

It spread everywhere. Fucking everywhere. The tumors got bigger. Everything got worse.

I keep looking at Colton and his face is like a stone. There's no emotion and he seems calm. My stomach is dropping further and further as everything gets too real. I don't know why I thought Colton would have been okay. Or how I could have thought that maybe the cancer had gotten better or stayed the same.

I keep wondering how this is happening. Colton is the best person I've ever met and I don't know how something so ugly has happened to him. He should be able to live the rest of his life and continue being kind to people but he can't. And he's dying and now we're thinking three months. But it could only be one. Or a few weeks. His cancer could continue to spread until it's corrupted everything.

It doesn't seem real because Colton's okay. He's normal. He's fucking normal and healthy and he does everything. Colton doesn't act like he's in pain. He's not weak or hunched over or sick. He's fine. But he's not fucking fine and I'm not either.

I feel Colton's hand on my leg and my eyes jump to his. I look away from him. "Do you know anyone in oncology? Any specialists?" I ask.

Malik and Cooper look at each other. "Yeah, actually. I do," Malik says. He stands up. "I'll talk to her and see if we can set up a meeting. Come on, Cooper.  Let's um, give them some time."

"Oh. Yeah. Okay," Cooper says.

"Thank you." They nod and leave. The door shuts and I look at Colton.

"Why is everyone acting like I died?" Colton asks.

I sigh. "That's not funny."

Colton takes my hand into his and starts running his fingers along my palm. "Everything is gonna be okay. You know that, right?" he says.

I look at him. "You're not. You're not going to be fucking okay," I say. I feel tears stinging my eyes. "Your cancer is too fucking advanced for anything. Surgery and chemo would be fucking useless. They wouldn't even slow the growth down. You're not going to be fucking okay, Colton."

He sighs. "You'll be okay. After a while."

"But what about you?" I ask him. I'm searching his eyes. He looks so distant.

"Is this what you wanted?" Colton asks. He gestures to the scans. "Did you want to know that there was absolutely no fucking hope? Did you want to know that it really is this bad?"

"I...fuck." I sigh as I try to swallow back the tears. I look at him. "Why did you even come here? Why did you get the scans done? You knew it was this bad, didn't you?"

Colton sighs as he lets go of my hand and stands up. He walks a few feet away from the table. "Of course I knew, Andy," he tells me. "It's my body. I feel the pain getting worse and my appetite decreasing." He pauses and his eyes meet mine. They look glazed over. Almost like he's blinking back tears. "I feel that it's getting harder to kiss you. My fucking breath is running out."

I don't say anything for a minute. Finally, I look up at him. "Why don't you ever tell me this?" I ask him quietly. "Or show me that you're in pain?"

"I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't want to leave you. I don't want you to hide what you're feeling. I don't want you to pretend like you're fine when you're not. I don't want you to suffer in silence," I tell him. "Why did you even come here?"

Colton sighs as he sits on the edge of the table a few feet away from me. "I came here for you," he tells me. "Even though I didn't want to because I knew it was going to hurt you."

I sigh as I stand up and walk over to him. I stand in between his legs and wrap my arms around his neck. I hear Colton sigh as his arms wrap around me. I start rubbing his back and I feel him relax a little bit.

"Thank you," I tell Colton quietly. "I'm in this for everything, even if it's only leading to heartbreak. I know it's going to hurt. I don't care."

"I don't want you to miss me when I'm still here," Colton tells me.

I rest my head against his shoulder. "I know."

I feel Colton smile as he tells me, "I have actually felt less tired since you made me eat healthier."

"That's good." I can't stop the smile that comes over my face. "I bet you looked really sexy in the hospital gown they made you wear."

"I did. It's too bad you missed it," Colton says. "Your friends are nice even though kept being quiet and serious around me. You should tell them to work on their likability."

I start laughing. "God, you're such a dick. And that's so funny to hear. They're almost never serious around me," I tell Colton. "You know what's wild?"

"What?" Colton asks.

"Malik is dating my aunt. Like they're sleeping together," I explain.

"Eww," Colton says and I start laughing.

"I know. But at least they're happy." I sigh as I pull away. I leave my arms laced around Colton's neck. "We need to talk about some stuff."

He sighs. "I know. But I don't want to right now. Can we talk about it later?" he says.

"Yeah. Of course," I say.

I try to think of a list in my head. We need to talk about what we're doing with the parents first. Colton's mom deserves to know. And then I need to talk to him about too many other things that I can't think of right now or don't want to.

The door opens and I step away from Colton. Cooper and Malik look at each other. "Sorry if we're interrupting something, but Doctor Warren has an open appointment right now."

*******************************

"Why are you so nervous?" Colton asks me. We're in Doctor Warren's office right now. The nurse said she's going to come in any minute.

"I don't know. I know she's supposed to be really good, but I've never met her before," I tell Colton.

He shrugs. "What's the worst that's going to happen? This is already the worst-case scenario."

"Colton," I say. He shrugs. "That's not funny."

"Okay, but you need to take a deep breath in. Everything is gonna be fine," he tells me. He squeezes my hand and I nod.

And then the door opens. Doctor Warren walks in wearing scrubs and sneakers. She smiles as she sits down.

"You're Andy, I'm guessing?" she asks as she shakes my hand. "I've heard a lot about you."

"Yeah. Nice to meet you," I say.

"And you're Colton?" Doctor Warren asks as she shakes Colton's hand.

He nods. "Yes."

"So, what brings you in? I've seen your scans," she says. Colton and I look at each other. I nod and he sighs.

"We're wondering if there's anything left to do. I don't want surgery or chemo if it's not going to cure me. But from what I understand, it's not going to help," Colton explains. "So, I guess we're here to see if anything can be done."

I swallow. "And we'd like to know how long he has left."

Doctor Warren nods as she looks at something on her computer. She pauses before looking at us. "So, I could recommend surgery and chemo to manage symptoms but you're right," she says. "It's not going to be entirely effective. You'd be lucky if it bought you a year."

I look at Colton. A year sounds like a lot more than two months. But the look in his eyes tells me that he doesn't want that. He doesn't want to be weak and sick from chemo. Colton wants to live as normally as he can.

"What are you saying?" I ask her.

"Colton, your cancer is not going to be effectively treated by a traditional treatment. Chemo and surgery won't do anything. We need to outsmart the cancer. We need to think outside the box," she tells us. I feel Colton's hand tighten on mine. "There are a lot of drug trials for aggressive liver cancer. You might be eligible for one."

Colton and I look at each other. "Okay. And?" I ask. I know what she's saying, but I don't want to believe it.

"I'm saying you have hope," Doctor Warren says. "Right now, you're looking at three months. Maybe four. If you get into a trial, you're looking at a year. And maybe even remission."

"That's...I..." I can't even say anything.

"I know. It's a lot to process," she says as she looks at her watch. "I have to get to a surgery, but I'll be in touch. I'll talk to the doctors who treated you in New York. I'll call you if anything comes up."

"Okay, thank you," Colton says.

"Wait," I say. Doctor Warren stops at the door. "Please don't tell my dad about this. Or my aunt."

"Of course. It was nice to meet you both."

The door closes and Colton and I are staring at each other with wide eyes. Maybe he's going to be okay.