"What?" I ask.

"I saw you again, Andy," Colton says, softer this time, more defeated. "

"I don't...what does that mean?" I ask, frowning.

Colton runs his hand over his face. "I don't know. But bad shit's been happening to me, okay?" Colton says. "And then I get stuck on a flight with you and everything makes sense. Everything except the fact that you can't be mine and you're the only thing that makes sense."

I swallow. "I...Colton, you—"

Colton smiles in a fake way. "It's fine. It's fucking perfect," he says. "But I just don't understand why—" His voice breaks.

"Why what?"

"Why I can't have you when you don't even want Bryce," Colton says. He doesn't look at me as he picks up his bike and starts walking. It takes me a minute to process what he's doing.

I pick up my bike and chase after him. "Why the fuck are you walking away?" I call after him.

He turns around. "What do you want from me, Andy?"

"I want the real you, Colton," I tell him. "And the real you wouldn't walk away."

"Well," Colton says, stepping towards me. "Maybe you don't me then."

He keeps walking and I sigh and walk after him. He's walking so damn fast and stupid pedal from my bike keeps hitting my calf.

"Fine. Then fucking get on your bike and ride away," I tell him. "Run away like a little boy."

Colton swears and stops waking. He turns around to face me. "Damn It, Andy. Can we just walk in silence?"

I shake my head. "No, because you can just say shit like that and expect me to let you walk away."

He frowns. "What...did I get something wrong?"

"Yes," I tell him. "You forgot about me. In your arrogant, fat head, you forgot about how I feel."

He rolls his eyes. "And how's that, Andy?"

"I don't know. But you don't know. I could be super fucking in love with you and you wouldn't even know."

"But you're not," Colton says. "And I never said I was in love you."

I shrug in a condescending way. "Yes, you did. You fucking did four and a half years ago."

He sighs. "Can we just go?"

"No," I tell him. "Is that what this is about? High school?"

"Let's just go," Colton says.

"Fuck you," I say. "We're not going. What bothers you so much about high school?"

He keeps walking. "I don't care about high school. It's in the past," he says.

"It's obviously not," I tell him. "Just tell me what bothers you."

He laughs. "You bother me so much."

"Great," I say. "Why?"

He looks at me over his shoulder. "You just...you fucking walk all over people."

I frown. I wasn't expecting that. "What do you mean?"

"You cheated too," he says slowly. "And I'm the villain. It's my fault. But you—" he cuts himself off.

I roll my eyes. "This is about cheating?" I ask. "Fine. I did what Colton?"

He drops his bike and turns around suddenly. "I cheated," he repeats. "And I'm blamed. It's my fault. It's my fucking fault. But what you did was so much worse."

"And what the fuck would that be, Colton?" I ask. I drop my bike.

"I cheated," he says. "With meaningless girls. But you," Colton says, "You fell in love and that is so much worse than you'll ever realize. Because you hurt me in so many different ways. And I'm blamed for it, but you fucking hurt me."

I don't say anything. My gaze is on the ground.

But Colton continues, "Did you ever lose sleep over me? Huh? Do you know what it feels like to have the girl you love walk over your heart and fall in love with your best friend? Huh, Andy?"

I meet his gaze. "No," I say. My voice doesn't quiver. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what happened. I'm sorry that I hurt you. But I'll never apologize for being with Bryce because I never said I was perfect."

Colton laughs dryly. "That's the best part," he says. "Because you were always perfect to me."

**********************

Colton and I haven't said anything to each other. I don't know what to say or even how to say it. It's just...I just can't. I want to scream or do something because I'm so incredibly frustrated.

And Colton. I don't even know where to start. He has all this shit from high school that he's been waiting years to bring up and I don't know what he wanted me to say.

It's just so dumb. Because now it's awkward as fuck and nothing got resolved.

A horn beeps from behind us and Colton and I both turn around. The car stops and the window rolls down. "What are you guys doing?" Dad asks.

"There's a nail in my bike."

"Why are you biking?" Dad asks.

"We didn't have a car to get to Alex's apartment," I answer. I just want to get the fuck away from Colton.

Dad frowns. "Well, put your bikes in the back and get in."

I put my bike in quickly and slide into the passenger seat. Colton sits behind me.

"You guys know Alex wasn't serious about all that cleaning, right?" Dad asks. I frown and look back and Colton who's frowning and looking at me. "It was just a ploy to get you two to spend time together."

"Oh, my god," I laugh sarcastically. "You're kidding right?"

Dad shakes his head. "No."

I press my eyes shut. Colton and I could have avoided all of this if we weren't so dumb. We could have still been friends and now I don't think we can even be in the same room.

"Great. That's so great," I say.

Dad frowns. "Did something happen?"

"No. Nothing happened."

"That's good," Dad says. "Because we're having a Christmas party tomorrow and you two have to bake cookies."

I don't think things could get any worse.

I stay silent for the rest of the drive. Dad drops Colton off with Alex and we drive home.

"Did you clean the house?" Dad asks.

"Yeah. I thought we had to."

"Did you go into your mother's old room?" he asks.

I nod. "Yeah. For a second."

Dad smiles thinly, almost in an apologetic way. "I'm sorry."

"You're good."

He pulls up in the driveway. Dad leaves the bikes in the car. "Do you want dinner? I can order something," Dad offers.

"I'm good. There's pizza in the fridge though," I tell him as we walk inside. "I think I'm just going to go to bed."

"Are you okay, kiddo?" Dad asks. "Nothing happened with Colton?"

I smile. "I'm good. Good night, Daddy."

"Goodnight."

I walk upstairs and go directly into my bathroom where I start a shower. It's only then that I process everything that happened.

I strip down and step into the shower. Hot water runs down but I'm too deep in thought about everything that happened today.

My dream about Colton was strange, but it was even stranger than he was actually tracing patterns on my hand. It was probably nothing though.

And then whatever our conversation was. I know Colton's hiding something from me, but I don't know what it is. And he said he was going through bad shit, so I have no idea what that is. I'm guessing it's more than just his girlfriend.

And then there's all the stuff he said. He said that I was the only thing that made sense to him, but it's ironic because he's the only thing that doesn't make sense to me.

He also said that he wants me and I don't want Bryce. And I wish I could say that it wasn't completely false. I have no idea how I feel about Bryce because I can't fucking talk to him.

Colton said that I walk over people. And it hurts to hear. I never thought I did, but I know I realize that I did walk over Colton. Yes, he cheated but I did too. I cheated after he cheated, and fell into love after we broke up. But I fell in love with his best friend. And he had to see us together.

Now, I feel really shitty. And I feel like a bitch because I hurt Colton and never even realized it. It never crossed my mind that he cared about me and Bryce. He cheated with so many girls I always assumed he was fine. I assumed that he had moved on.

But I guess he didn't.

Shit. It's such a mess and I still have to spend time with him. Like a lot of time with him. And I still have to talk to Bryce.

And fuck, why is it so complicated with Bryce now? We were so good together in high school. He just got me. Understood me. And I understood him. We just clicked. We can't even have a conversation now and I haven't seen him in three weeks.

But Colton's here. And I have no idea how I feel about him. I'm just so lost. I don't know I feel about Colton or Bryce or the things Colton said.

And then I remember he said I was always perfect to him. Colton thought I was perfect even when I cheated. And it's such a mess because I cheated and he cheated too. I fell in love, but he slept with so many other girls.

I turn off the shower and get dressed. I walk back into my room and change into pajamas. Colton's words continue to linger in my mind as I fall back into my bed. I stare at the ceiling.

I'm beyond confused, but maybe I can figure it out tomorrow.