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28
Rebecca's pov

      I shouldn't be feeling awful, I should be feeling great, achieved- I should be feeling joy at the fact that Emeliano was sad, christ, I should love the fact that I managed to give plan C a perfect headstart... But no, I was feeling horrible, guilty...I felt like I betrayed someone, I freaking lied to Emeliano that we had sex!

He begged me to say the truth, but I pressed on... I continued to lie and lie and lie till I was actually convincing myself that it happened... My acting skills were awesome, the fake tears and all... But now, I feel like crying for real.

I can't believe Emeliano lost a very good friend through râpê, I'm such a horrible person, I can't even believe I made him remember such an horrible incident!

   Fine, Emeliano deserved it, yes he did- I wanted to make him pay for putting all my efforts into waste, I wanted to make him pay for sending April away and bringing me back to square one- but I never wanted him to feel like those horrible bastards that abused his friend.

I have to come clean.

It's the only way to ease myself from this guilt. Right? I can think of something else later, but for now, I really need to apologise for lying to him.. I mean, he looked really broken, and I caused it...

I freaking made someone feel horrible!!! What have I turned into? I'm a bad person... Bad bad bad!

"Miss Becca, the ingredients for the coffee's ready... Should I make it or will you make it?" The maid asked me...

"I'll make it, thank you." I gave her a small smile, watching her leave.

    I wanted to make coffee for Emeliano, that gesture should make him understand that I was really sorry, right? He would forgive me when he tastes my special coffee...

Will he?

Will he even drink it? Will he tell me to get out of his study? What will he say to me? Will he let me go? I don't think so, why would he let me go...What am I even thinking...

I made the coffee quickly, and carried it with shaky hands to the direction of his study, I gulped before I entered his study, without knocking- if I knocked, he would never ever let me in... That's a fact.

His head was placed on his table, his laptop that was usually open was slapped shut, his study was dead quiet, no sound was heard except from the raged thumping of my heart and the shaky coffee cup set in my hands.

I gulped down...

Why isn't he raising his head, is he okay? Oh God... I hope he's okay? Why do I care if he's okay or not?

I guess it's because I might be the reason for his, whatever he's going through.

Just call his name, what's the worse that could happen?

What will I say to him?

'Hey, sorry for what happened, I lied to you... We didn't have sex... So, yeah'

'Oh hey! We didn't have sex, I love to joke every morning... Hahahaha.'

Or maybe I should just spill the-

"What do you want?"

I jumped when I heard his voice, it was lifeless and hard, it left no room for conversation.

He raised his head finally, and indeed, he looked really sick- like real sick... Is this just the Hangover or something else? He should be okay by now right? Or is he usually like this after having too much to drink?

"Rebecca?"

I jumped again. "Sorry- um- I b-brought you c-coffee, I thought you might need some for y-your hang over."

He had this unimpressed look in his eyes that made me want to sink so low into the ground.

Surprisingly, he stretched his hand gesturing me to give it to him.

I handed him the coffee, feeling his fingers brush on mine. That small contact made my own fingers tingle...

He drank the coffee, not even caring if it was really hot, he gulped it all down, his eyes were dead set on mine the entire time... Didn't the coffee burn his throat? Does he want to die?!

He dropped the mug on the table, his eyes still on mine. "Thanks." He said, "Anything else?"

"Actually, um- there is... Something else." I said, swallowing the lump that was beginning to form in my throat.

"Oh, okay- but first, there's a box in that drawer, the one beside the shelf, can you get it for me?" He asked, pointing to the direction he described.

"Sure." I said, getting the box quickly and handing it over to him..

"Thanks." He said, again! Two freaking thank yous in a role! Way to make me feel more guilty.

I watched him pour water into a glass cup as he opened the box that seemed to be filled with different kind of drugs, he picked up one that looked like Aspirin, and another yellow one... He looked up at me again, making me gulp down. He took two tablets each and swallowed, still looking at me... He dropped the cup down again.

"Are you okay?" I found myself asking.

"No." He simply said. "It'll wear off soon, it happens after severe hangovers and too much- thinking." He added.

"Oh... I didn't- I didn't know."

"I didn't tell you." He said, still looking at me, making me feel so very uncomfortable. "What did you want to say?"

This is it... Just say it...

"Um- I'm sorry, about- about this morning... I uh- I didn't know that you lost a friend, through r-r-rape... If I had known, I- I wouldn't have lied to you."

He scrunched his brows... "Lied to me? About what?"

"You see, last night we uh- we-"

"You don't have to remind me Rebecca- I already feel like shit, as you can see... I know what I did to you was wrong and I was thinking of letting-"

"We didn't have sex." There we go... Smooth... Just blurt it out!

Silence... A very deafening silence.

  He looked relived, yet confused... No sign of anger in sight... Progress...

"What?" He finally asked, breaking the silence.

"I lied Emeliano, and I feel so bad for lying to you... My conscience wouldn't let me be happy that you're like this... And I should be happy, hell- I should be in a corner laughing at you- but, even though we didn't meet in a- you know, civilized manner, even though you hate me to shreds for what my dad or sister did to you, I- I can't b-bring myself to hate you- or even do something to hurt your feelings.... I'm a good person, I swear... I just- I don't know what came over me earlier today... It was wrong... What I did was wrong. I'm sorry."

Another deafening silence...

Emeliano just sat there, staring at me as I nervously played with my fingers, waiting for him to say something- Anything...

I sighed... "It's okay if you don't forgive me for what I did- it's totally fine, absolutely okay, I deserve your hatred now... I seriously didn't know what I was thinking when I said those things... Now that I think of it, it just makes me feel so bad- so very bad..." Don't cry... Don't! "Maybe I was just too sad that your subconscious mind didn't want you to make a mistake by having sex with a troll looking fellow like me... I acted really childish, super duper immature."

He was still not saying anything.

I moved to his table quick, grabbed the coffee mug and moved back... "I'll just leave you alone now..." I said, walking to the door.

"Wait."

His voice made me halt in my movement... I turned to face him.

He stood up, coming to stand face to face Infront of me,  making my heart go crazy...

"What did you want to get out of all this? Out of lying to me?" He asked.

"What?"

"I'm not repeating myself... Just answer the damn question." He said, OK, now he looked really pissed.

"I- I just wanted to get back at you."

"For what?"

"For everything... Your harsh words towards me, your actions... I just thought using-"

"My drunken state to take advantage of the situation would make me feel the same way I made you feel? Do you even know why I got drunk in the first place?"

"How am I supposed to know?" I asked him.

"You- you caused all this, everything that is happening right now, it's because of you! Whatever I said to you last night, you caused everything."

"But how?" I asked him, I seriously don't know why my voice sounded like I was about to break down in tears, real ones.

He sighed harshly... "I don't know how? I just couldn't stop thinking about you! It was driving me so crazy, that I went to get myself drunk- I don't know what you did, but you have to stop doing whatever it is you do that makes me want to-"

"I'm not doing anything... I don't even know what you're talking about?"

Silence followed...

"You know what? This never happened... Let's just forget it, last night- today... Let it be forgotten..." He said, turning away from me, but I grabbed his very soft sweat shirt, turning him to face me.

"Last night? You remember the kiss?"

"Yeah I do... Why?" He asked.

God knows I don't really like whatever I was feeling right now... How the hell did he expect me to forget the kiss? I don't understand? I don't even want to forget it! There was something in that kiss that makes me not want to forget it... This is bad, I shouldn't be thinking this! Erase Rebecca! Erase!

"N-nothing." I stuttered.

He gave me a confused look... "You sure? You looked like you wanted to say something."

"It's nothing." I said, walking back to the door.

"Wait..." He called again...

A spark of Hope ignited in the pit of my stomach. And why? I don't know...

"What?" I asked him.

"I don't have a friend who was râpêd... It was a false story... Now, you can get out." He said, walking back to his table.

I just stood there gaping at him...

What the-

I cannot believe I got played in my own game...

I think it's time to make room for plan D.

__

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