Dedicated kay Kaye. Happy birthday! Dapat sa 13 ko pa 'to ipopost kaso dahil excited ako, nipost ko na. Thank you for being a great person and a lovable friend. I hope we stay friends forever. Mahal kita Kaye. :)

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For the past 3 Valentine's, he had been constantly coming to my shop to buy flowers for his girlfriend. I, as the owner, did my best to help him pick the best among the rest. I personally arrange all the beautiful flowers first thing in the morning because he will be picking it up by nine o' clock.

And for the past three years, I have been waiting for a sign.

You see, kahit konting minuto lang ang inilalagi nya sa shop ko at sa partikular lang na araw na yun, nagkagusto ako sa kanya. Unang-una, there's this attraction towards him. He's always smiling. Palaging maaliwalas ang mukha nya. Palagi syang mabango at malinis tingnan. I liked those things about him. Tuwing nagtatama ang mga mata namin, nakakaramdam ako ng mga bagay na alam kong isa lang ang paliwanag. Yung kilig, yung kilabot na gumagapang sa balat ko, yung malakas na pagkabog ng puso ko... Isa lang ang natatanging eksplinasyong naiisip ko.

 And so I waited for a sign. Any sign. Gusto kong malaman kung may patutunguhan ba ang feelings ko para sa kanya. Alam kong mahirap umasa lalo na sa taong nakatali na ang puso sa iba. Pero umasa ako.

It might be true that we as humans have this inevitable habit of falling for someone that we can't have. And I'd be one of the many living proof of that testimony.

Mag-aapat na taon na mula nung unang beses syang pumasok sa shop ko. I could still remember how I laughed at him when he tried to push the door that has a huge sign that says PULL.

He looked flustered with embarrassment as he said sorry for almost breaking my door.

Namumula ang tenga nya noon sa pagkapahiya. Mestiso kase sya. His face looked like ripe cherry tomatoes back then. Lalo na yung tenga nya na pinakamapula nung oras na yun.

I also remembered na binigyan ko sya ng isang extrang red rose noon. It's the custom I made a long time ago. Ang lahat ng mga bagong customer ay bibigyan ko ng isang bulaklak na libre sa unang beses na pagbisita nila sa shop ko.

That made most of them come back.  Others even became patrons of the shop.

I know his name. Of course, alam ko dahil nilalagay ko yun sa resibo. I know that he's 27 years old. May kaya, may trabaho at may girlfriend. He said that they've been together for almost a year now and he could clearly see her walking down the aisle as if he's staring into a picture and not merely imagining.

Noong pangalawang beses kaming magkita, he couldn't remember my name. So I reminded him that my name is Karen. He, in reply, called me Gina as a joke. Uso kase noon yung TV commercial ng Mcdo. And since then, hindi na nya ako tinawag sa pangalan ko. He called me Gina three times. 

First time, nung nag-joke sya about my name.

Second time is nung pangatlong balik nya sa shop. He greeted me as Gina. Biniro ko pa sya noon na mamahalan ko ang singil ko sa kanya kapag hindi nya ako tinawag sa pangalan ko.

Third time is noong nagpaalam na sya sa akin.

 Bye Gina.

That's the last thing I remembered na sinabi nya. At ngayon nga, nalalapit na naman ang Valentine's. But this time, I decided that I will make our encounter memorable. I don't want him to remember me as this girl at the flower shop who stared googly-eyed at him whenever he gets the flowers he ordered. Gusto kong maalala nya ako as someone na nagkalakas ng loob na sabihin sa kanya ang nararamdaman ko.

 He might not come back. I might not see him again. But I want to give it a try. It is better to know the answer no matter how much it would hurt you kesa naman habang buhay mong isipin kung ano'ng sagot sa tanong mo.

I prepared the clothes I'll wear on Valentine's. It's red—as usual... but I decided to dress up a bit. I'll wear this red sheath dress na hanggang tuhod. Tapos naka-black heels ako at kaunting makeup. Bahala na kung mareject. If I never see him after that, then I guess I'll just teach my heart to move on from him.

On the eve of Valentine's, I stayed up late at the shop. May ilan din akong staff na nag-over time para tulungan akong mag-arrange ng mga bulaklak na kukunin ng mga kung sino-sino bukas. Mindy and Glaiza helped me out tapos by 11pm, pinauwi ko na rin sila.

By eleven thirty, my eyes started to get droopy. Antok na antok na ako so I decided to close the shop tapos bukas ko na lang itutuloy yung ginagawa ko. Sumasakit na rin ang ulo ko. Palagi naman eh... kaso mas grabe nitong gabi kase napupuyat ako.

 Ipinapasok ko na yung mga naka-display na flowers when someone called me.

"Hi Gina."

Hindi ko pa man nalilingon kung sino ang tumawag, kilala ko na sya. Who else calls me Gina? Honestly, that Mcdo commercial stopped airing a few years ago pero yun pa rin ang tawag nya sa akin. I smiled before turning around.

"Hey! What are you doing here?"

I saw him smile saka nya iniabot yung Starbucks coffee na hawak nya, which I'm guessing is from the nearby Starbucks branch na palagi kong binibilhan ng coffee.

"Coffee?" he inquired.

Kinuha ko iyon. "Thanks," I said to him. Uminom ako ng kaunting kape, thinking how thoughtful he is for bringing me a cup.

"Baka may lason yan. Inom ka ng inom."

Muntik ko ng maibuga yung kape sa mukha nya ng marinig ko yun. Oo nga no? I didn't realize that he could do that. But I guess kapag gusto mo ang isang tao, you couldn't think ill of them. Kahit pa nga minsan, may mali silang ginagawa, pinapalampas mo na lang.

He laughed at my reaction. "I'm kidding, Karen."

I smiled at him. Finally, he was able to say my name.

"Ikaw ha." I pointed my finger at him in a reprimanding manner. "So anyway, what are you doing here? Hindi ko pa nagagawa yung order mo."

"Alam ko." Naupo sya sa bench na nakalagay sa harapan ng shop. "I'm here to change my order."

Naupo ako sa tabi nya, loving the way that we just converse so easily, like we've known each other for a long time. Or I just think that kase gusto ko sya? I don't know.

"Change it?"

He nodded. "I want a bigger bouquet. Yung mga ganito kalaki." He motioned with his hands and arms. Halos  kasinglaki ng maliit na planggana yung dini-describe nya. Kumunot ang noo ko. Bakit kung kelan last minute saka sya magdedemand ng ganun? Eh natural ubos na ang bulaklak. Lahat pre-ordered eh. Yung mga ready-to-buy naman eh hindi kagandahang mga bulaklak.

I'm sure naman na hindi nya gugustuhing ibigay yun sa girlfriend nya.

"Hindi ko kase sigurado kung may available pang flowers e," sabi ko sa kanya ng may pag-aalangan.

"Hindi mo ba magagawan ng paraan? Kailangang-kailangan ko lang kase eh."

"Eh bakit ba kase babaguhin mo pa? Maganda naman yung bouquet na pinapagawa mo dati ah?"

 He smiled to himself. "I'm going to propose to her tomorrow."

I drank the hot coffee. So this is where it ends? Ni hindi man lang ako nabigyan ng pagkakataon na sabihin sa kanya ang nararamdaman ko. I wouldn't dare say it now after that. Ayoko syang bigyan ng dahilan para maawa sa 'kin. Siguro okay na rin na nalaman ko na. Hindi talaga sya para sa 'kin.

Maybe I'll move on.. one day. This is the end. For sure, babalik na lang sya sa shop tuwing monthsary nila and then it will later be for their anniversary. Tapos tuwing birthdays.. Valentine's day... or every day that he feels like he wants to be sweet to his wife.

Nakakainggit. But no worries.. I'm sure I'll find someone else to love.

"I'll try," I said to him.

"Thanks! Maaasahan ka talaga." He hugged me. I prevented myself from sniffing. Sinalo ko na rin yung mga luha kong nagbabadyang pumatak sa balikat nya.

For 3 years, I've been thinking about this man. At sa tuwing Valentine's, pinagsasawa ko ang mga mata ko sa pagtingin sa kanya ng ilang minuto. At pagkatapos ng araw na yun, inaantay kong muli ang pagbabalik nya. Maybe after tomorrow, he'll never come back.

Ang hirap kase ng ganito. Nagkagusto ako sa taong taken na. I mean, how stupid can I get, di ba?

"Matatapos ka na ba? Tutulungan na kita," he offered.

"Wag na. Paglalamayan ko pa yung bouquet mo," nakangiti kong sagot sa kanya. Paglalamayan ko na rin yung feelings ko while I'm at it.

"Are you sure you'll be okay here?"

"Yeah," I said. "Sige uwi ka na. Ingat!"

The day.

After 4 hours of painstakingly putting up a beautiful bouquet, nakatulog na rin ako. I woke up with the sound of knocking from outside. Yung mga staff ko pala, kanina pa katok ng katok. I opened up the door and let them in. They helped me arrange the flowers saka i-ready yung mga orders na kukunin maya-maya. The huge bouquet is at my table, waiting for its owner to come by and pick it up.

At 9:00 sharp, dumating na sya. All dressed up pa ha. Naka-suit and tie. If I were his girlfriend, hinding-hindi ko na sya pakakawalan. I'd say yes on the spot. Pero asa naman ako.

"Good morning," he greeted.

"Morning. Gwapong-gwapo a?" I said to him. I was a bit embarrassed with my outfit. Hindi pa ako naliligo. Ni hindi pa ako nagsusuklay. Naghilamos lang ako at nagmumog. I'm not a pretty sight to look at right now but what can I do? Valentine's is not for me anyway.

"Is that it?" he asked, pointing at the bouquet.

I nodded and handed it to him. "Here."

"Magkano?" Kinuha nya ang wallet nya sa bulsa.

Umiling ako sa kanya. "It's free."

Nanlaki ang mata nya sa sinabi ko. "Are you sure? You must've worked for hours for this!"

"Yes I'm very sure. Good luck with your proposal. Sana sagutin ka nya."

He said thanks once again and walked out of the shop... and out of my life.

As I slumped back to my chair, I heard the welcome chimes at the door chime.

"O? May nakalimutan ka?" tanong ko sa kanya. He nodded saka sya lumapit sa counter. And then he handed me the flowers. "May problema ba sa bulaklak?" I inspected the bouquet.

"You still don't remember me, do you?" 

I looked up at him. He looked so serious. Remember him? Bakit? Nakalimutan ko ba sya? I don't get it. Why would I forget the only man I think of all these years?

"What do you mean?"

"Don't you remember?

"What am I supposed to remember?" kunot-noo kong tanong sa kanya.

He sighed. Then he leaned on the counter. Inilapit nya yung mukha nya sa 'kin. Napaurong naman ako ng konti.

"Hindi mo ba matandaan ang mukha ko? Hindi mo ba talaga maalala?"

"Customer kita, di ba?" I laughed. "Ano ba'ng dapat kong alalahanin?"

"Karen Jade Del Torre, don't you even have the slightest memory of me... your boyfriend for seven years?"

Napanganga ako sa tanong nyang yun. Boyfriend ko sya? For seven years? But that's impossible right? Tatlong taon pa lang kaming magkakilala. 

"I guess hindi ka pa rin nakakarecover." Malungkot nyang sabi. "Let me enlighten you..."

And then he went on in saying that we were together for a year and a half when that accident happened. On the night of February 13, he invited me to go with him to Baguio to meet his parents. On our way, nasagasaan kami ng rumaragasang truck.

We were both in a coma but he woke up after seven months. I was sleeping for a while longer. When I finally woke up, I couldn't remember him. As in sya lang talaga ang hindi ko maalala. There was this blurry image of a man in the memories that flash once in a while inside my head but I didn't pay attention to it thinking that it was just some distant memory.

And then I met him... and I ignored it completely.

He also explained to me that for the past three years, he had been looking out for me. And on every Valentine's day, he would come up to the shop to buy flowers for his girlfriend—who turned out to be his ex. Re-enactment lang kase yung ginagawa nya.

Sabi nya, nagkakilala daw kami sa mismong shop ko. He has a girlfriend back then and he bought her a flower for Valentine's. And on several occasions throughout the year, he visits my shop for flowers.

When their relationship got a bump along the way, he said that I was the one he talked to about it. He said that unti-unti, he saw me in a different light. He was gradually falling for me and losing his love for his girlfriend.

And like the natural course of nature, whatever's been nurtured grows and whatever's been neglected dies. Tatlong Valentine's ang lumipas mula nung una kaming magkita when he broke up with his girlfriend to be with me.

Anim na buwan nya akong niligawan. Isa't kalahating taong naging kami.

And on that fateful night of February 13, he took me to his parents at balak sana nyang mag-propose kinabukasan... Kaso naaksidente kami... and I lost all my memories of him.

When he was done explaining, I was still in shock that I couldn't even blink. This guy, whom I was liking from afar, turns out to be mine all along. Parang lalo ko syang nagustuhan knowing that he did not give up on me. Waiting for someone who might just die and leave you is hard. And he even has to live with knowing that the woman he loves doesn't even remember him.

I still don't remember him until now and it kind of frustrates me... especially now that he's crying in front of me.

"I'm willing to wait for you to recover. Even if it takes a lifetime before you remember me, I'll wait for you. I know you don't know me and I know that you might not feel the same but I believe that I am for you and you are for me alone. And if fate would be so kind, it would let you remember that love that you felt for me a long time ago.

I'm not asking you to love me back because I can't force you to do that but please... please let me continue on loving you until I can't feel it anymore. It hurts. I'm still hurting but I'm willing to stay by your side as your whatever. I'd be happy knowing that you let me stay with you... even as just a by-stander in your life."

Nagsimula na kaming mag-iyakan ng mga taong nandun sa shop. I may not remember him... but I can feel every word that he's saying. He must have loved me so much... And I'm glad to know that even though I don't remember him and us, fate made me remember my feelings for him.

I touched his cheek and wiped his tears away.

"I don't remember you... and I hate that I don't remember you. I want to stop the hurt you're feeling but I can't remember how to make you smile when you're sad. I can't remember the words to say or things to do to make you happy..."

Napahagulhol sya. I hugged him to give him comfort.

"I don't remember anything from the past. I don't remember us... but I'm willing to make new memories with you. Kase alam mo ba? Sa di malamang dahilan... minahal ulit kita."

---fin---