"We have to start at the beginning of the worst day of my life."

Hannah pov 

I heard my parents in the store disagreeing about money problems. I stood my the shelf as I started to sort and stack. I couldn't help but overhear when I decided to step in and help.After a little bit of debate between my parents they agreed to let me make a deposit.I left the store and walked over to my car that was parked along side the sidewalk. I heard my phone ding and I placed my bag of money, and my coco cola can on top of the car as I fumbled through my bag to find my phone. I read the contact and I smiled a little nervously. I thought I should call him instead, I just wanted to hear his voice.We haven't talked since the party and I feel bad for how we have left things.I dialed Clay's number as I felt my hand shaking as I brought the phone to me ear.After a second the phone stopped ringing and he answered."um..Hey Helmet.Yea I just got your text." I felt my nerves tense up as I fidgeted my hand against the car."um..I will just stop by on the way to the bank. I am running errans today anyways, it is no big deal." I said with a cracked smile.After we bidden goodbyes I opened the car door and placed my backpack in and grabbed my soda can and got in the car. As the car drove down the street the wind picked up as the bag flew off the car and into the street. I saw the Crestmont in sight and I sighed to myself as I saw Clay in the ticket booth.I knew I messed up things between us, my mind just couldn't let me be happy for once.I got out of the car and I placed my phone in my pocket. Clay slides the last check for me from the Crestmont under the glass."thanks." after a pause Clay says"I could've just mailed it." "I was going to the bank anyways, and I wanted to come see you." I said with a slight smile."why?" "just to say hey." I said back as I saw the disappointment in his face. He deserved a apology and he was probably hoping for one.I owe it to him after the way I treated him at the party."oh." He says as I shook my head slightly and said "well I mean..I haven't seen you in a while." "you've seen me in school."Clay says as he looked back up at me.There has been so many times in school I have seen him in the hall and have wanted to talk to him, but I pushed him away. It is all my fault, and I can't blame Clay for my mistakes.After a moment of scilence between us I looked inside trying to change the subject and said "it smells like someone burnt the popcorn last night." Clay turned back and said "yea, it must have been the new girl." "wow that was quick they already found my replacment." I said with a slight grin."well there is no replacment for Hannah Baker." Clay says as he looked into my eyes.The scilence thickened between the two teens as Hannah says "Clay..I am really sorry about Jeff.I heard his funeral was beautiful.Sounds like the whole school was going." Clay looked up at me and said "i thought I might see you there."  I paused as I knew why I wasn't there. How could I face being there knowing I was a cause of Jeff's death. I couldn't face seeing Jeff's parents or anyone after what happened."um.. my parents needed me to work." I looked over at Clay as I knew I wanted to tell him everything,but how could I tell him anything anymore after what happened at the party."I should go.I got toilets to plunge." "why don't you get the new girl to do it?" I pointed out."I lied. I am the new girl." I laughed a little bit under my breath at that after another moment of silence."well see you." "yea see you." Clay says back as I started to head back to my car.Clay stooped me and said "wait." I turned back as Clay says as he leaned in towards the glass."um I am supposed to tell you to turn in your uniform." My eyes widened a little and I said "seriously, they still want that back?" He shrugged a little and said "I know." After Clay went back to work I sighed to myself as I looked down at the check. I then looked up at the car and it hit me."oh,   " I got back over to car and started to look through all the corners and crevaes in the car.I then leaned against the car door as I closed my eyes and I knew I lost the money and that my parents were going to kill me.I decided to head home and I got in my car and drove off down the street anxiously preparing myself to tell my parents that I lost the money.

I started to tell my parents what happened and my mom raised her voice a little bit at me and said "you lost it?""are you sure you didn't drop it or something?" My dad asked with a more gentle tone."I looked everywhere, I retraced my steps.But someone must have taken it." My mom placed her hands on top of her head out of fustration and anger."well generally that is what people do Hannah!When they find a bag full of cash laying on the street!" my mom says in anger in a dissaponted tone.I felt tears staining my cheeks as I tried to explain to them that it was accident." I am so sorry.""I just convinced the land lord to work with us to pay the back rent.I don't know what to say to you right now. I thought you were more responsible then this! we trusted you!"She said while turning to my dad.Dad then says "Honey.it is just a couple hundred dollars.." "it is 743 dollars Andy." I wiped my tears with my sleeve as I stepped in and said "you can have my last check from the Crestmont,I have 200 dollars in the bank. I can start babysitting on the weekends." I said with tears welled in my eyes."Hannah..it's fine." My mom shook her head as she turned to face her back towards me in disappointment.

"It seemed like no matter what I did, I kept letting people down.I started thinking how everyone's lives would be better without me."

I layed on my bed as I thought how much I have let others down and have been nothing but a problem to others. I let Jessica down at the party when she needed me, I let Jeff down by not telling someone right away about the stop sign.I let Clay down, my freaking out at him at the party when he did nothing wrong.I didn't tell him what happened or give him a reasonable explanation why I acted that way.Now I let my parents down, but losing the money that they needed to help us and the store.I felt like all I am becoming is a huge problem.I looked up the ceiling for a moment when I sat up on the edge of my bed."what does that feel like.It feels like nothing.Like a deep, endless always blank nothing." I thought to myself as I thought I should get some air.Trying to help clear my head and find a good head space.I walked out the living room and I saw my parents falling asleep beside each other. My mom layed her head on my father as she saw I was standing beside her."Hannah, your still awake?" I walked over to the chair and I said with a slight sigh."Yea I couldn't sleep." My mom then said something in slur while she was starting to fall asleep.I looked towards the door and I said "I think I am going to take a walk." "alright.take your jacket, it is getting cold outside." My mom says as she started to drift off the sleep. I headed for the door and opened it as I felt the cold chill blow through as I walked down the street. I felt like I walked forever that night, I walked down the street by myself until I heard the call of party. I heard the murmur of voice and the thumping of music down where the rich people lived. I followed that sound and I saw that it was Bryce's house having a party.I should've known better not wanting to go near another party after what happened at the last one.But my heart was still in the always blank nothing.

I got to the party and saw people in the pool, people chatting among themselves.The thumping of the music echoed through the backyard and I looked over at the hot tub as Jessica said "Hannah, Hannah Baker." I turned and said "Hey Jess." "could you do me a huge favor and grab that pizza box." I looked over and I grabbed the box and carried it over to Jessica in the hot tub."Baker's pizza at your service." I said in a slight joking matter."thank you so much."Jessica says as she grabbed some pizza out along with Zach and Justin. Jessica then tried to get me to get in the hot tub with her and her friends. I was shocked to see myself at a another party, but I was also shocked to see Jessica at another party as well.She splashed some water at me and I said "okay..okay." I started to take my boots off and after I got ready to go in the tub I joined them in.The warm water bubbled against my skin as I played with the bubbles among the surface of the water. I looked up at the sky as I saw millions of stars sparkling among the sky.And I can't explain it, but sitting there under the stars. I felt a peace, for the first time in days.

Visions started to play back to when Clay showed me the moon at the top of the Crestmont. I wished it could be like that again, to where I feel like I can talk to Clay.But I messed everything up and ruined my one chance at happiness. I feel like I lost Clay Jensen for good.The one friend I had left,faded away just like everyone else in my life.They all started to leave the hot tub as I sat alone for a few moments. Bryce got in and shut off the bubbles. The water stayed flat with a luke warm temperature.I felt my nerves tense up as I wanted to stay on the other side clear from Bryce."I can't believe Hannah Baker finally came to one of my parties." "Well it looks like it is almost over." after a little conversation I wanted to leave and head home before Bryce could try to do anything.He got closer to me and ran his finger down my bra strap.I touched me in a uncomfortable way as I tried to get out of the tub.He kept pulling me back in with all the force he had.He pressed me against the side of the tub as I said "Bryce.." in desperation."shh..just relax." Bryce pressed his body against me as my face planted agianst the side of the tub.I clenched my fist wanting to fight and not let him win.I felt everything being taken from me in a moment as I felt the water against my fragile scarred skin.
"The way I see it,there is two different kinds of death.You either live a long life.. and one day your body stops working and it is over.." "or you die a little bit..over and over.Until you realize..it is too late." My hand relased from the clenched and I felt my will to live dissaper into thin air as Bryce pressed himself against me.He has broken my soul that I couldn't get back.

After it was over I felt I lost everything I had left.Thanks to Bryce I have now lived to my reputation.I walked down the street as I clenched onto my boots as my bare feet walked slowly down the empty street. I felt my clothes stick to me against my wet skin. My hair was stringy and wet as water dripped down from me. My makeup smeared down my face as I felt there was more I could've done and should've done."But in this moment I lost control, and in that moment I felt like I was already dead." My soul was broken into millions of peices by star of and the captain of the football team.Who would believe me? no one would believe me based on my repuation.I looked over and saw I was standing outside Clay's house. I knew I couldn't go home, how could I go home after this.My parents would call me a disappointment once again and would blame me for what happened.But Clay is different, he wouldn't judge me or blame me like everyone else would, would he? I felt my nerves tense up as beads of water dripped down my skin.I needed Clay and I just needed someone to hug me and tell me everything will be okay. I walked over to his door and I knocked on it gently.

Clay pov

I heard a soft knock downstairs from the door. I raised a eyebrow as I looked out the window and saw no cars in sight. I walked downstairs sluggishly as my checkered pants draped over my feet.I walked over to the door and opened it and saw Hannah standing in front of me.My eyes widened as I saw she was soaking wet and has tears streaming down her face."Hannah..hey.." "Hey Helmet..can I come in please?" I looked in the kitchen to make sure my parents weren't out and awake. I nodded and she walked in slowly with her arms folded and tensed up. I closed the door and I walked over to Hannah and I said "follow me." she nodded and we walked up my stairs quietly to my room.I tried to detect what happened and what was going on with her. I looked over at Hannah as I saw tears forming and knew that something happened."here I will get you some dry clothes." "thanks.." she said in a soft low tone as she stayed silent and in one place.I walked over to my drawer and grabbed some pants and a hoodie along with a towel.I walked over to Hannah and said "here you can change in the bathroom." she nodded and she grabbed the clothes and sluggishly brushed past me and into the bathroom.I raised a eyebrow as I tried to put it together what happened and why she was soaking wet.I sat on the edge of my bed as I patiently waited for Hannah to come back out.

Hannah pov

I pulled the sweater off and looked in the mirror at the bruises on my back.The marks left over from Bryce Walker.I saw tears welled into my eyes as I took the towel and dried myself off and my hair.I scrunched my hair as I looked at my face in the mirror. How could I tell Clay what happened? would he believe me? Well Clay is going to find out one way or another.I changed into Clay's hoodie as it hugged me gently and kept me warm.I walked back out and placed my wet clothes away.I walked back into Clay's room as Clay walked over to me and said "Are you okay Hannah.."  I looked into his eyes as he lightly touched my hand.I shook my head as I stepped closer to him and I feel into his arms.He wrapped his arms tightly around me and rubbed my back gently.My face sank into his chest as I cried.He pulled away and said "Hannah what happened?" I froze as I knew that question was about to come up."did someone do something to you? did someone hurt you.?" Clay asked with concern in his tone.I grew silent as I walked away and sat at the foot of his bed."it's okay if you can't tell me..I understand." I looked up at him and said "thanks Helmet." he nodded and he said "I am going to go sleep downstairs.your welcome to sleep down here."I knew I didn't want to be alone right now, and needed Clay.He started to head towards the door and I said "wait." he turned and he nodded and I said "please dont..can you please stay here with me?"He nodded and he walked over to me as I walked over to his bed and slipped underneath the covers. I tugged on the sheet as I felt a cold chill run down my spine.Clay got under too and stayed on the other side. I understood him, the last time we were together I freaked out at him and he thought he hurt me.when the truth was that he didn't do anything wrong and everything was perfect."you can come closer..it's okay." He looked over at me and said "are you sure." I nodded and he came closer to me and I cuddled closer to him."is there anything I can do for you Hannah?" I looked over at him and said "can you just hold me..?please..?"he nodded and he wrapped his arms around me as I layed my head on his chest.He turned off the light beside me as I started to drift off to sleep.

what do you think of this one shot?

would you like to see a part 2 of this one shot?let me know!

shoutouts to C_Rocker31

divergentfannfic

 procrastion14

and Naad888

:)