yup back, better than ever hoe don't doubt me. ok today i am here to talk about the one reason i'm still alive, because i wanna see this child born. so have you been pondering to yourself "what is so important about september fifteenth. " it's basically friday the thirteenth fir some people. well here you go everything that needs to be known shall be revealed.

— terror junior heartbreaks
— billie eilish bellyache

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02 | GENDER REVEAL / NAME
REVEAL / WATTPAD FAMILY TREE /
OTHER BABY SHIT REVEAL.

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remmi / benji / lillian  / mia / sage

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so this is something you all have been dying to know since i announced i was pregnant back in august. i've been pregnant for literally two months and am kinda / kind of not excited but i'll be excited eventually because i just found out the most amazing things ever. but first let's start with how, and why i'm pregnant?

ok i won't get into the dirty details, (pm if you actually want them) but long story short because there are people under the age of twelve here ; i was just fucking around in the hotel room that me and ben were sharing keep this pg you. i'm literally only fourteen. my question is why are you here? i'm literally about to dial mom's number. this again? i thought we dropped this in the last chapter and those skype calls. moving on from these people, let's dive into the good stuff because you people have been dying to see it. i was squealing with joy honestly.

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01 | GENDER REVEAL

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so on wednesday, i had an ultrasound for the baby and benjamin decided to fly in for it. so we were dipping in the waiting room ready for this shit honestly hoe? you were sleeping when this happened. thank you benjamin for exposing me, i question you honestly. and yet you still love him the same. you're just jealous you don't have love lillian. hoe when was the last time you had a boyfriend? moving on, so long story short i walk into the operation room or whatever it is when they're doing the biopsy. i have to lift up my shirt to expose my non existing baby bump so they can find out the gender.

oh also everyone in this was there which includes sage, mia, and lillian. the wait was lit because sage wouldn't stop making noises whale noises for life yo so i'm like hoe go trip over a knife please. so ben starts moaning loudly for fun and making slurping noises you were doing them too which generated looks from everyone in the room, and of course lillian and i joined in which was hella hilarious. my crazy mom was too busy laughing in the corner as we were embarrassing ourselves until this crazy hormonal person yells "WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE, EH?" in her crazy accent don't forget the accent. that was literally unforgettable. eventually we gave up coming back to the room ;

honestly that was a joke because we couldn't really determine it because according to doctor xitelli "YOU DO NOT KNOW GENDER UNTIL ABOUT EIGHTEEN WEEKS" but she also said, from her voodoo, juju magic are you on steroids? boy you people are always acting like y'all are on steroids. umm that it's most likely a girl. when i heard that, i dropped everything and said "what the actual fuck!" i actually kinda wanted a son because dealing with a little princess is not on my bucket list right now but it would be lit regardless of gender. so benji was sitting on a chair holding my hand and was texting away to his mom because i love her so i guess he's happy that it's a girl i guess, because he's always wanted a little daughter to spoil. in my mind i'm like who would want to spoil this brat. she already has let me see :

FIVE AUNTS AND THREE UNCLES FROM MY SIBLINGS, TWO GRANDPARENTS FROM MY PARENTS, FOUR GREAT GRANDPARENTS, SEVERAL GREAT AUNTS AND UNCLES, MY ENTIRE SQUAD. DON'T FORGET HAYDEN'S FIANCÉ AND DID I MENTION ONE ALREADY BORN COUSIN. FROM BEN'S SIDE THREE AUNTS, TWO UNCLES, THAT ENTIRE SQUAD OF FRIENDS. FOUR GRANDPARENTS, TWO ALIVE GREAT GRANDPARENTS, TWO LIVING COUSINS, SEVERAL GREAT AUNTS AND UNCLES.

plus it has the entire wattpad community fighting to be her godparents. so what spoiling does she need in case ya missed it, she's a little princess and our first (and hopefully only jk) child so she deserves anything and everything that she wants even if they are gucci bags or whatever. i actually agree with my brother for once on this. as long as i'm a godmother, steady racks are coming her way. i'm just saying. honestly, i am kind of excited to have a little girl because hopefully she'll be as savage as moi. plus mixed babies are hella cute so i fucking won the race. none of your children will beat mine. just kidding never mind.

as for a little girl, i'm actually looking forward to having it if it is a girl. it'll be my main hoe hey puta! what about me? EXCUSE ME HOE? aside from all my main hoes, you know who you are *wink wonk*. i have decided that i will throw away every baby boy thing i bought & start buying girly things. according to the doctor, i'm due in april but i have a chance of delivering anytime between december to february due to exposure of radiation & other stuff. honestly whatever.

oh also we got into a car wreck which was honestly hilarious as fuck but we ok, same with this child. so sage was like YAY A LITTLE NIECE lillian yelled AM I THE GODMOTHER? ben responds OH HELL NO, ANYONE BUT YOU LILY. then she responds PUTA WHEN YOU WERE FIFTEEN, YOU CLEARLY SAID ON CHRISTMAS EVE AND I QUOTE "WHENEVER I HAVE CHILDREN, LILI WILL BE THE GODMOTHER OF THE FIRST ONE" he responds since when? i remember saying summer would be the godmother.

lili responds I REMEMBER VIVIDLY, BECAUSE YOU GOT YOUR ASS BEAT WITH CHANCLAS BY MADRE WHO YELLED YOU'RE NEVER HAVING CHILDREN UNTIL YOU TURN THIRTY, BUT UR TWENTY RN SO GOD LUCK. he turns red and so i ask "hoe, if you weren't supposed to have children until you were thirty, why are we here?" and my mom responds "remmington, you weren't supposed to be dating until college, and let alone have children until you were twenty five yet here we are at eighteen."

so i'm kind of basically screwed so ben responds you know what lily, you can be the godmother of all of them. and mia asks why not me? and benjamin menninger, you're mom doesn't know that you have a child on the way? he responds actually no, so i'm kinda screwed. actually she does and she said after beating the living shit out of you with her chanclas when you come home on sunday, she'll be so happy for you. so sage responds enough with the bullshit, we haven't even surpassed two months and we're already fighting over god parents? so i actually agreed with my best friend right then and there so we dropped the shit.

so let's sneak the conversation had by benji & lillian

lillian ; so puta, since you're coming home on sunday, are you aware that the spanish side of the fam is planning my quincinera !!

benjamin ; bruh that isn't until like july?

lillian ; ya, and i'm thinking since your child is supposed to be born in april, that me being the godmother is your early present to me instead of buying me that mercedes and finishing gta for me.

benjamin ; *in spanish accent* OH NO NO NO!! AYE NO! oh dios mío, no estás tocando a mi hijo. palo con el mercedes benz y como para gta estás por tu cuenta. (oh my god no, stick with the mercedes benz and as for gta you're on your own )

lillian ; abuela esta puta dijo que no puedo ser la madrina de su hijo, que por cierto pertenece a su novia de dieciocho años debido a su juego de arranque débil y la negativa a usar un condón ( grandmother this puta said i can't be the godmother of his child, which by the way belongs to his eighteen year old girlfriend due to his weak pullout game and refusal to use a condom )

benjamin ; remind me not to come to beverly hills on sunday.

man i laugh at these twos conversations well duh we hilarious as fuck. get on our level remmi and mia. this reminds me of a conversation i had with mia one day, in the back of the uber when we were drunk as fuck.

mia ; mmm remmi, i'm really feeling pant. tell pant to fuck me.

remmi ; i call mant. tell her to hit me up. we gon make a child.

benji ; ooh let's have a foursome !! wait am i pregnant?

uber driver ; how much alcohol did all of you drink?

moving on to the next topic because this is not how parents are supposed to act ;

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02 | NAME REVEAL / IDEAS

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names, i've been a literal flop at that. i'm literally scraping for names because originally i thought it was a boy because i already splurged on baby clothes, decorations, other stuff and actually came up with a list of boy names but ended up ripping up the list, as for girl names here are some suggestions

GIRL NAMES FROM I ;

AURORA, EVELYN, ANDREW,
AMETHYST, WINTER, ASTER,
BILLIE ; ASHTYN ; SERA ;
APRIL ; BEATRICE ; KIANNE ;
REMINGTON ; EMILIA ; SAPPHIRE ;
SERAPHIM ; LEILANI ; JORDYN ;
KYLIE SAGE ; ADELINE ;
ODI ; HAYDEN ; EMMI ;
DANIELLA ; VALENTINE ; RHEA ;
STEPHANIE ; VERONICA ; NIKKI ;
NOVENA ; MERCEDES  ; COURTNEY ;
JANELLE ; IDK IM DONE ;

i have given up on suggestions, like i actually am trying to dig through a list of suggestions my mom gave me in the parenting binder she made for me a few weeks ago. honestly my go to name right now is ASTER MENNINGER but i'm not sure right now because we're also adopting two other children so this one won't be alone. one's name is grant the other's name is isabel so i'm just dipping for now. ben said he's thinking about mercedes or something crazier but doesn't have ideas yet. for now it's aster, unless i find something else.

i remember my name, everyone made fun of it for an unknown reason but who cares. honestly i showed up to school and then everyone started laughing when my name was said m to this day i still ponder why. but seriously, i'm dry as fuck on names and need suggestions pronto because time is running out soon. rem, you got like till april, chill. but aster is on her way yo, she could be out anytime tho. if she gives birth in class, i will literally laugh so hard. you know, if that happens remind me to be in AP calculus that day. you have literally no chill menninger's have no chill and we are menningers so. but according to my mom giving birth is the time when screaming at your husband / fiancé / boyfriend and cursing at them for making you suffer. oh also, broken hands too. i mean i deal with your screaming daily so i'm gucci. so literally i'm ready for this.

but wait, will it have good genetics? i mean benny is hot, then there's me lol. fucking gerbil looking like a gerbil. with them chubby ass cheeks and those little legs hoe i'm skinnier and taller than you in case you forgot. remember who made you breakfast this morning. moving on, i mean the family is pretty gucci looking because we amazing as fuck so i guess it will have fire genetics.

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03| WATTPAD FAMILY TREE REVEAL

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so as you guys know, i love each and everyone of you and i feel like you guys would be great godparents to me and benji's child. it took long and hard decisions but i think we great so far.

keep in mind, this is benji and i's child, treat her with the respect she deserves. protect her with your life. honestly if you hurt my child, i will personally hunt you down, knock you out, and hurt you. ok just joking, but i'm tryna do what's right for my child. according to her daddy, if anyone fucks with his princess, he'll personally fly to wherever you are and make you regret everything.

so please hoes, this is not finalized yet so please don't be butt hurt please.

* i tagged most people with either their names
or their nicknames so good luck. skrt !!

01 | CRAZY SIBLINGS ↴

— CRAZY SISTER → dawnioli

— CRAZY STEPSISTER  → hazel

— HOETIC SISTER  → blackbear

— CRAZY BROTHER  → johnathan

— PROTECTIVE OLDER BROTHER  → jackie

— RATCHET BROTHER → zander-james

— STANNING TWIN → inkie

02 | ADORABLE AUNTS

— RATCHET AUNT → ariana

— CRAZY AUNT → esther

— STEP AUNT → hanium

— HIGH AS FUCK AUNT  → goddessthanatos

— FRIENDLY AUNT  → lavish

— COOL AUNT → drewella

— GUCCI AUNT → DuckieThot

— MUSICAL AUNT → archi

— FANGIRLING AUNT → naana

— TEDDY BEAR → esha

— OVER PROTECTIVE AUNTS → astrologay 
catastrophicpromises

— THAT ONE AUNT → aestheticalbrooke

— SATANIC AUNT → roman

— CAT LADY — anastasia

— FAIRYTALE AUNT → AGRIDOCES

— EVIL AUNT → aesthetify

— LOVABLE AUNT → SKINNYPETE-

— CUTE AUNT → skizzzle

— PROLLY ON DRUGS → cherrylipsandcola

— 2ND PARENT → noelle

— PURPLE AUNT → N0RTHFACE

— LUNAR AUNT → lwintersnovels

— CHICKEN → horanered

— !! → calligraphysics

— ?? → naja

— 1.0 → fragmentals

— 2.0 → Greymare_

— 3.0 → burningbrightfire Lievergent

— CARING AUNT → awkwardxfreak

— BOOKWORM → pumpkinlips

03 | GODMOTHERS YO

basically everyone is a godmother,
but these are honestly just a start.

— RATCHET GODMOTHER → leilei

— SLAYING GODMOTHER → bella

— GODMOTHER → rhea

— THAT ONE GODMOTHER → pineapple

— CRAZY ASS GM → nika

— RATTY GODMOTHER  → rat

— SERIOUS GODMOTHER → xanny

— WHY EVEN  → kiseonik

— DEDICATED GODMOTHER → ameralds

— 90210 → -hoerrific

— REVIVED GODMOTHER → aneerac

— FAIRY GODMOTHER → rauhlinghoe

— TRAVELING GODMOTHER → trinity

— DETACHED GODMOTHER → Satinmoons

— CAREFREE GODMOTHER → devilsdoll-

— AMAZING GODMOTHER → lacey

— LOVING GODMOTHER → may

— SLAYING GODMOTHER 2.0 → lily

03 | RATTY UNCLE / GODFATHER

— CHILL GODFATHER → sammy

+ RATTY UNCLE → darren

04 | RATCHET COUSINS

— RECKLESS COUSIN → IslandApricot

— HUNGRY COUSIN → eatingismyjob

— LOWKEY COUSIN → Ungracious

— RANDOM COUSIN → AquarianUnicorn

— SPAGHETTI LOVER → plaintively

— PANICKY COUSIN → panickyatthedisco

— GERBIL → disgracetothisworld

— BOOKIE COUSINS → moonluxe -poeticallycorrect-

— EH EH NO → Alexacrey  / dreaminglyy / Catalline

— TALKATIVE COUSIN → seoxul  / frizzleshizzle FoodIsBoyfriend

THAT IS A WRAP OF ASTER MENNINGER'S FAMILY TREE YO!
WOW SO MANY PEOPLE I'M SHOOK. YOU BETTER TREAT
THIS CHILD WITH RESPECT OR YOU'RE SIX FEET UNDERGROUND.

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moving on, i guess that is a wrap you missed the most important part !! oh i almost forgot, the explanation behind the wedding !!

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04 | WEDDING REVEAL

long story short, i'm too fat to fit into my wedding dress. it was custom made before i was pregnant and my measurements were small yo. i was a size zero back then, now i'm a size four and this thing doesn't zip up anymore past my bra area. so we decided to move the wedding to next year, new years eve, greece. ya sorry, i was actually looking forward to dancing on the beach with that one but it's ok. plus on december eighteenth imma be dipping in the mediterranean sea with my fam as we explore the importance of love as hayden gets married instead to the love of her life ooh, this is good. so ya.

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this concludes the whole september the fifteenth madness. oh as for gucci gang party, stay tuned because we about to get turnt up !! so please, save your gifts and buy this child something else. please it don't need gifts when it's got however many aunts, uncles, great aunts, grandparents, cousins, great grandparents and what not. oh this was updated on september fourteenth because right now it's september fifteenth in other time zones so.

special thank you to mia, sage, lillian, and benjamin for helping me with this shit !! literally i didn't have to drag their asses here, they willingly volunteered. get urself a squad like that yo !! oh also please keep me and my friend dillon in your prayers. dillon has stage three or fourteen leukemia and is suffering tremendously from chemotherapy even though she had the option of radiation, and as for me, that this radiation therapy doesn't injure the child, as it did to aster's twin.

ooh giving birth is lit ya !! congratulations to bella for about to give birth !! hope it goes well yo.

which are you more excited for ; season two of stranger things, season two of riverdale, or season two of thirteen reasons why ?

SCREW RIVERDALE ON THIS ONE. I'M TALKING ABOUT STRANGER THINGS RIGHT NOW. I HAVE BEEN WAITING SINCE OCTOBER 2016. I HAVE BEEN REWATCHING AND REWATCHING SINCE THEN. OCTOBER 27 IS THE DAY IMMA GET SO TURNT AND HIGH HONESTLY. I HAVE BEEN WAITING.

answer away bitches !! swish swish bish.

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moving on, bye felicias. see ya whenever i get my shit together which is basically never so see you never. just joking, prolly in two weeks but not guaranteed 100% but still a possibility. bye have great lives and tell your haters to kill themselves with dildos !! bye