I wake up the next morning and she's not in the bed, maybe up making breakfast? I get up and head to the bathroom, which I don't know where it is. So, I end up wandering around the small apartment with a full bladder. I walk down a small, that's a right place for a bathroom.. right?

I walk right into the room and it's clearly not the bathroom, I'm about to leave when something catches my attention. My face, on her wall. I walk over to the wall to see everything better. My eyes are still a little sleepy. When I get closer, it's clear that this is some sort of colleague. I rub my eyes in disbelief, posters and posters of me all pinned to the wall. I don't want to look at it anymore, I don't want to believe it. I turn my head and see that there is a map of the city, different colored pins stuck out of it and strings connected them together. A red circle is around the location, I get closer and look at the center of the red circle.

I feel my heart pounding harder than ever and I'm unsure if I'm seeing all this correctly, in the middle of the red circle is a single red dot that is the exact location of my apartment. I begin to feel a little light headed and stand up straight. This isn't happening, I stare at all the things on the wall. Camera taken photos of me walking around near my apartment, leaving my apartment, getting coffee.

It reminded me of those murder investigators on television, with maps where they use red string and pins to locate the person they're trying to find. My heart is pounding in my chest. This girl has been tracking me down. And by the looks of it, she's a fan. That's more obvious than ever. My fingers grip my hair and I look around the room frantically. A lap top catches my attention, it's on. She was possibly in here not to long ago. I move the mouse, examining what is on the screen. It's a blog, shit, I remember what she had told me the day we met. She specifically told me that she wrote blogs.

The blogs title was;
A night to remember, sent to the stars

I shake my head, and somehow a cup from on top of the desk, falls. I didn't even touch it, but okay. King of destruction at its best. "Namjoon?" I hear her voice. I turn around and she's standing in the door way, she looks shocked. I'm not even shocked anymore, I just have a lot of questions that have obvious answers. "How are you going to explain this?" I ask her. I'm infuriated, to think that this girl was different, and she isn't. She's just like every other girl out there. Either a psychotic fan or a girl who just wants publicity.

And it seems to me she's both, and the worst part, I've slept with her.

I should have known that knowing her for a week wasn't a good idea to just go off and have sex with her. But my hormones were just at war with me. "I can, I promise." She says, running her fingers through her hair. She's still in the clothes she wore last night to bed, but I can't stand to look at her body, I don't want to remember what her body looks like.

She takes a step forward. "Don't." I say sternly. She pauses. "Let me just read your blog and maybe I'll get my answer.", "No." She almost starts crying. "This is invasion of my privacy, you're talking about me on the internet." I say. "Do you understand how that can ruin my career?" I ask her, but she doesn't answer. She knows very well.

I turn to the computer.

—
A night to remember, sent to the stars.
By: Mika Tran

Last night I made love to a star, more like, we made love to each other. It was with the pop star I've been talking about in my last blogs. I never knew that he was such a rough and kinky lover, he was so demanding, yet so giving and pleasurable. It's crazy how it went from loving him from my phone screen, to loving him in real life. Being able to touch his skin and make him feel like he's can go on forever.

I could never feel such a deeper love for anyone else, than I do for him right now. All of this is so breath taking and new to me, that I hope its lasts for a while longer. To me, it seems that his songs always spoke directly to me. And that ever since the incident happened with his company, I've wanted to do everything he did for me. For me to give him the feelings he gave me, but much more intense.

I honestly can't express how unbelievably sexy it was to hear him breathing hard in my ear or against my lips. He touched me in ways I shall never forget. He's felt me in ways I've always wanted him to. I can't believe that I had amazing sex with my bias, he's absolutely great in bed. And he loved that I'm a screamer, he loved saying dirty words and demanding that I call him daddy.

I hope this all plays out well, if he were to ever find out a lot this he'd never ever talk to me again, I won't tell you guys about his name. Because I care too much about him to let the media find out about this.

—

I turn and look at her, "Mika Tran? Were you playing me for a fool?" I start to raise my voice. "I'm sorry Namjoon." She whispers. "No you're not, because if you were, you wouldn't have slept with me. You wouldn't have written blogs about me." I say to her. "I never meant to hurt you, I'm just a girl whose in love." She says, setting her hand on her chest, the chest that I was so obsessed with last night.

"How the hell can you be in love with me, when you never knew me? You just saw me through your phone, before this week we had never met flesh to flesh. You can't say you love someone that you've never met, that just makes you an obsessive creep." I spit. "And it's clear to me that you're just some only stalker." I'm beyond pissed. "What do you mean I can't say I love you?" She asks. "You just can't, liking famous people doesn't work like that. It's not real love, get out of your fantasy world and out of your blog world and just grow up. Only immature people claim things that aren't realistically true."

I know I'm being harsh, but I have to be. "Namjoon." She whispers. "Just stop, expect a lawsuit from Big Hit Company." I say walking up to the door that she won't move from, I'm not going to use force. "Move." I tell her. "Remember last night, we were inseparable. For a second I felt that you loved me too." My eyebrows knit, for a second I had thought that she was different. And I had hoped that it was all true, that she was the girl I was looking for, but I was wrong. I'm always wrong.

"Get out of my way... who ever you are." I spit. I don't set a hand on her, I won't. I'm disgusted and I don't need her claiming I did things to her that I didn't. She finally steps back and I walk past her. I'm not even thinking about having to go to the bathroom anymore, I'm just thinking about getting the hell out of here. "Namjoon... there has to be something." She whimpers. "What!? What is there!? You're just some creep that searched me down." I yell at her.

"But last night, we had made love and we felt things together." She tells me as I pull on my shirt and pants. "Last night meant nothing to me, in all reality, I was just dropping you off at home after a harmless date. You were the one who threw yourself on me and invited me inside.", "And you could have easily said no." She adds.

She's right, I could have said no but I didn't. "So in all reality, since you know, that's where we're living in right now... you voluntarily had sex with me.", "But I have no idea who you are, you gave me a false name.. and who knows what else you lied about." I start to walk out of her bedroom, such disgusting memories. I feel ugly. "Literally, my name is all I lied about, everything else I told you the truth. It's the real me." She sounds like she's going to cry.

"I don't believe you, and I'm not going to believe anything you say because you disgust me." I pull on my socks. "Namjoon, I'm sorry, Okay. Anyone in my position can understand when you fall for an idol and you just want to be the one for them." I quickly pull on my shoes and I look at her, I honestly don't know what to feel. "Oppa.. I-", "Ugh, Don't call me that. Lose my number and don't come by my dorm." I tell her as I pull on my coat and scarf. I pull the face mask out from my coat pocket.

Without another word, I walk out of her apartment and out of the building. I keep my head down and try not to be seen by pedestrians who may recognize me. I pull out my phone, I have several miss calls from my manager. Fuck.

I call his number and he instantly picks up, "Namjoon, I've been worried sick! Where are you!? I know you're not at your dorm." He says. "I'm sorry sir, there's actually a problem." I tell him. "Yeah, I know. Haven't you been watching the news lately? Reading articles on line? You and some girl are all over the news, what would you have done if everything was a scam and you were kidnapped?" He asks.

I let out a low laugh, not really laughing. "Something like that." I whisper. "What?" He asks. "Nothing, that's kind of part of the problem. I need to meet you immediately." I say. "I'll come to you, don't leave your dorm, this time listen to me." He growls. "I won't." I keep my word. "Okay, hurry the hell up before someone sees you." He spits before hanging up the call and I stuff my phone into me coat.

I quickly walk to my dorm and enter the building, I get into my room and lock the door. This can't be happening. There no fucking way that this catfish shit is happening to me. I was careful, kind of. Okay, ever since the breakup I've been taking a lot of risks that I probably shouldn't have. For sure after this problem is solved I won't be taking too many risks. I can't let this happen to me, that's what I get for being reckless.

I got all stomped over and now I'm in this mess that my manager has to take care of now. There's a knock on my dorm door and I walk over to it slowly. I cross my fingers really hard that it isn't that girl, I don't know her name. "Namjoon, it's me, open up." I hear my managers voice, I've never been so happy to see my manager. "Tell me what's going on right now." He demands as he walking into my dorm and locks the door after him.

"The girl I'm seen on the news and in articles with, she's a catfish." I just get straight to the point, not wasting time here. "Namjoon, you better be fucking with me." He says. "I'm not." I answer quickly. "This is fucken ridiculous, you've been so rebellious after the disbandment. It's honestly really childish of you, the disbandment happened almost eight months ago." He says.

"I know, and from this point forward I promise to follow your rules and I won't get myself into trouble because now I see where it gets me." He nods with a grin on his face. We sit down at the couch and I have to tell him about what the girl and I did. "Sir, I also did something that involved me not being in my dorm last night." He rolls his eyes, "Yeah, I figured. Please don't tell me you slept with the girl." I look away from him. "NAMJOON! Tell me you didn't have sex with the girl!" He yells making me jump.

"If I told you that, it'd be a lie." I say. He pounds his fist in the table in front of him. "Gosh damn it!!! Why would you do that!?" He yells. "I told you I'm dumb.", "CLEARLY!" He yells in agreement. "Is there something we can do?" I ask. "We can possibly put a restraining order on her, that's the only thing I can think that will be quick and won't cause a lot of commotion with the media." He's finally calmed down. "Since this has already caused a lot of commotion, your fans hate that you're out with a women." He says.

"Ugh, exactly why the other members and I never dated during our career, besides the fact that we were busy." I shake my head. "The girl that you've seen me on the news with, she was a fan. She supposedly loves me, and she writes blogs." I say. "She write blogs? Does she mention your name?" He looks worried. "I only know about the one that she wrote about last night, she didn't mention my name, she told me she didn't. But she's a liar, and I don't believe her." My manager bites his lip, "Aye Namjoon, why weren't you smarter about all this?" He whispers.

"I said I'm sorry." I answer him. "You don't understand how nasty people can ruin your career.", "I clearly do, I'm actually pretty scared about all of this. It makes me worried that she'll release her blogs for everyone to see.. and she'll mention my name. And what if she even says that I've raped her?" Reality is slapping me so hard in the face right now. This can't possibly be happening. "Namjoon, just stay calm. It will all be okay.. you know the truth, everyone always listens to the idol."

"But people always goes on the woman's side, that's what I'm scared about. One little lie and everyone believes that I'm a rapist. That's not what I want, what ever fans are left out there.. will think I'm a disgusting human being." I feel my body start to tremble. I'm scared, I've never had to be in a situation like this. In all reality this was all a mistake of being with a fake person. Who knows what else she was lying about. I don't know what else there  is for me to do.

If I bribe her to stay quiet, she can use that too, and that will make me look worse. "Namjoon, there's no reason for you to get all crazy worried about something like this. We'll figure something out." He pats my shoulder. "I've got a meeting to talk about those photos, what do you prefer that I say about I?" He asks. "I'm sure you'll think of something." I say as I stare down at the coffee table in front of me. "Okay."He answers.

"Stay in your dorm, don't leave. That'll be the least of our worries." He says. I nod, "Pff, you don't have to tell me again. I might as well stay here all my life, cause I'm never going out again." I tell him. "It will all shine out, you just wait." I hear him walk over to the door and he leaves. I get up and lock the door, I can't make it easy for a girl like that, to try to come and find me. Cause she knows my building, just not my dorm number. That's a good thing I did that, it was for privacy purposes and I made the right choice.

I sit here, on my couch, thinking about how I've fucked up so hard. She was such a good actress, that I didn't catch on until the evidence was right in front of my face. She wasn't obvious at all, she must have planned this for months. And I wonder if she made it her plan to violate me. Last night was all a different feeling, now I just feel dirty and disgusted. Fuck, how did I get so low? Trying to find the right girl for me is no use. I'm just going to stop looking cause she's not out there. I slowly start to nod to a nonexistent beat, it's in my head though.

I smile when I've realized that I can write a song about it, I won't mention her. Maybe I can write two songs, about this girl and about the girl that I want but doesn't exist. I get up and run over to my office. I set up my computer and try out some beats that I've never done before. Of course my music producers will modify it and make it sound cleaner. I take out a note pad and start to write down any words that come to mind, my hand is flying across the page.

This would be it for my album, the two songs I wrote before, the song with Yoongi, and this song. And I have an album, I smile and realize that this is the quickest I've ever written an album, let alone several songs. Should I think about a album name? Wait, this first. I look down at what I have and add onto it. I play the beat and try out some words, yes, sick. I love it. I smile and a title comes to mind right away.

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Hope these updates were a bit more exciting, I've noticed that this book has been more on the depressing side, and I wanted there to be drama, cause y'all know I love drama. Haha.

Expect more of it ;)

-A