I decide to take Yoongi's advice, maybe finding the right girl would take all this stress away. I'm not even going to lie now, even the sexual stress. I'm not going to trim around the bush here, I'm going to hack right into that shit by saying porn doesn't work anymore. My hand? Nah, not my best friend anymore. And plus, I want a girl to call me daddy.

Okay, Yoongi is right, I have a problem. But hey, I have my own preferences. It's going to be really hard though, I can't just go out and tweet, "here's my address, I don't want feelings, just sex." It wouldn't work, would it? Who knows. And isn't that too many characters anyways? Nah, nah, I don't need crazy girls showing up at my dorm, do I? No, no. I can't, my manager would kill me. It would be a whole new story, something I don't need right now. I just don't want strings, I don't want to worry about... Wait.

That defeats the whole purpose of finding the right girl. Awe shit, I actually have to make an effort? And who knows how long I have to wait to get laid. Awe man. Then it be back to the hand. At this moment I look down at my computer, dating websites. Ugh, something I never thought I'd have to resort to. I take a photo with my face covered by my phone and a beanie on my head.

Yeah, totally not noticeable that I'm fucking Namjoon. Oh shit! What am I going to put as my name? All my stupid thoughts invade my mind. Okay, I need to relax. I get out of bed and walk out of my dorm. I walk into a nearby liquor store and purchased two bottles of wine, because I am an adult!

Then I head back to my dorm. I go back to my room and get comfortable. I pop open a bottle and take a huge gulp. I kick off my slippers and go back to my computer. I start to make my online dating profile.

-

Name: Kim Namjoon
Greeting: Hi baby, you can call me Joonie if you'd like. I prefer daddy. You want a guy who can treat you like a queen? That's me. A guy who can make you scream? Also me. I want a sexy female who can treat me well. Wanting to pursue a serious relationship. PS, not the famous super sexy Kim Namjoon.
-

I smile and nod, the screen becomes blurry to me. I haven't been keeping count of my drinks, or gulps. I post my profile and sit back waiting for all of the fine honey's to come flying into my direct messages.

I wait for all the honeys by chugging down the rest of my second bottle, awe man... it's all gone already. I stare at my computer with my blurry eyes. I head a ding, "Ding Dong." I laugh. Before I knew it there were thousands of messages in my inbox. "Oh shit." I whisper to myself.

I look at the notifications without opening the messages, they're all ARMY. "Namjoon Oppa! Please come back!", "We love you all the same", "When is your album coming out?", "You can date me! Oppa!", "we can finally be together!", "Oppa! Oppa! Notice me!" I smack my face and grip my hair, something so harmless has changed into something completely brain throbbing. Or maybe it's just the wine talking.

I go to my profile and delete it. Online dating is no use, especially with this face. I shut my laptop and frown as I lay back and look up at the ceiling. I slowly look at my phone. Hotline. "I know when to hotline bling." I laugh at myself and grab my phone. I turn it on and go to my call logs, instantly pressing the phone icon to call the phone number.

I press the phone to my ear, "Hello, midnight hotline.", "Hi baby, I just want a good time." I whisper, for some reason. "Transferring you." She says. I get comfortable and undo the front of my jeans. "Hi big boy, this is Candy." I shut my eyes and smile. "Hi baby, what are you doing right now?" I ask. "I'm making a cake." I find myself laughing, "How fucking random." I say.

"Naked." She adds. I slowly drop my hand inside my boxers. "Oh yeah?" I ask. She hums on the other side. "Don't burn yourself, baby." She laughs. "So what's your reason with calling tonight, feeling lonely?" She asks. Her voice is sweet, much like her name. "Is Candy really your name?" I ask, taking my hand out of my boxers, I'm not feeling it.

"Of course it is." Lying bitch. "Oh? Do you taste as sweet as your name?" I ask. She chuckles, "I've heard that before." I smile. "What can I say that will make you hot?" She adds, now we're talking. "Call me Daddy." I answer her instantly. "Oh, you're one of those kinky guys." She chuckles. "Yes, I am." I smile. "What kind of stuff do you like to do, Daddy?" She asks, I find myself playing with the waist line of my boxers.

"Do you want to know what I'd like to do to you? Or just in general?" I ask. "To me, Daddy." She pleads. I bite my lip, throwing my head back and trying to imagine a naked girl in my kitchen. "I'd bend you over the counter in your kitchen right now." I say slowly. "Hard at first or slow?" She asks. "Mmm hahaha, I'll move it in slow before going fast once my length is fully inside you." I begin to palm myself. I hear her heavy breath on the other side, am I turning her on? Shit, I hope so.

"Tell me more, Daddy." She pleads. "Are you getting turned on? My little sweet treat?" I ask. She doesn't answer. I find myself smiling, "It's okay to feel turned on, baby." I tell her. "Yes, I am." She whispers. "Do you like to play with toys?" I ask her, my fingers curling into the front hole of my boxers, trying to wake up my buddy down stairs. "I'm about to use one right now." She answers. I hear a deep vibration on the other side of the call, "What's wrong my little treat, you don't know how to touch yourself?" I ask.

"Never been taught, Daddy." She pouts. My member springs to life and it jumps out of my boxers. "It's okay baby, you'll learn. But tonight I want to hear you use your toy." I tell her, my voice unsteady and my left leg shaking. "Okay Daddy." She whispers.

This honestly goes on for another hour before I get bored and we end the call. Hotlines aren't as fun as I thought. Maybe I need to find a better girl on the hotline. Candy seemed too, I don't know, I can't really explain it. She just wasn't believable. I want to be able to know that the girl is turned on and is doing something naughty.

I would go on some sort of.. computer video chat but I'll probably mostly see dicks then tits. I don't know what else to do, I've beat my meat a hundred times, it's boring. I get out of bed and throw away the tissues that scatters the floor. I then jump back on my bed and end up falling asleep, hopefully I won't have the biggest hang over in the morning.

**
•Months later•
-collaboration with Min Yoongi-

I make sure I look decent, you know, I'm fashion Mon. I decide to go to the nearby liquor store and buy a couple packs of beer, this may not all be about a collaboration. I just haven't seen Min Yoongi in such a long time. I haven't seen anyone honestly. It's really lonely, I've stressed that enough I believe.

When I make it to my dorm, my escort car is pulling up. I quickly get in and the driver drives me to Min Yoongi's new condo. The driver doesn't ask why I had beers, because honestly it's none of his business. I'm a grown ass man and I can drink when ever I want. So is Min Yoongi so, that's nice. I walk up to the condo and when I'm at the right door, I knock on it. "Aye! Namjoon, how have you been?" He asks opening the door only a few minutes after.

"I could always be better." I chuckle. He slightly grins, "Aye, so.. I brought beer." I pick up the bag. "Oh alright! Just chilling today?" He asks with a new gummy smile. "Yeah, if you don't mind." I say. "Oh, yeah, of course I don't mind. I actually have no plans today surprisingly and it's a great way to relax." He smiles. He let's me in and I take my shoes off.

I admire his condo, it's amazing. Wooden floors, white walls, and I even see a piano in his room. Well shit, he lives here alone? Lucky bastard. "Dude, what the actually fuck. They gave you a huge condo like this. I'm in a tiny ass dorm." I whine like I'm five as I admire his house. "I mean.. yeah. You should just ask your manager and I'm sure they can do something for you." He says closing the door. "I'll have to look into that." I whisper to myself.

"Hey, so hows the album coming along?" He asks. "Still go those two songs, it's a little hard for me to write songs right now. It's like I need something to happen to me in order to write a song. You know?" I ask. "Yeah, I understand. I can see all of that affecting your music.", "Well, it's easy for you to write songs cause you're just a bad ass." I say. He laughs and starts to walk to the kitchen and I follow him. "Bullshit Namjoon. You know that you're a beast at writing songs." He says.

I shrug and set the bag in the counter. "You hungry?" He asks. I nod, I hadn't eaten breakfast, I just wanted to get out of my dorm and see someone who has flesh. It takes so much for a person to crave that. "Okay, well, I'm ordering take out. Everything?" He asks. "Hell Yeah." He nods. "All right." He answers pulling out his phone.

"Well shit, Yoongi is taking care of himself. I'm surprised that he doesn't have this place a mess. I'm surprised that he's doing okay. When he's done ordering he walks over to the other side of the counter. I take out a beer and hand it to him. "Aye, so hows you and that girl?" I ask, "Ah, don't even ask me about it. I've been so busy lately I haven't been able to see her. I'm sure she'd get a boyfriend soon cause she's so beautiful." He explains before cracking open his beer and taking a sip.

"Man, don't say that. Any girl lucky to even have you in their life wouldn't forget about your white face." He laughs and takes another gulp of his drink. "Maybe, But.. I'm just so crazy about her. It's so crazy how crazy I am." He smiles. "Wow Yoongi, I think I've said it before, but I've never seen you this way." He chuckles, "You might have said that.", "You smiling now a days?" I ask him. "More than usual." He sets his drink down.

"Shit, you know.. it's crazy just waking up when ever I want and not having the other members come into my room and hug the shit out of me." He says, I laugh. "Yeah, I was the one roomed with Taehyung. So don't tell me about annoying." I add. "Dude... I had Hoseok. Everyone knows how fucking extra he is." He shakes his head. "True." I nod. His face seems to twitch and he let's out a breath.

"I miss that sometimes." He says slowly, as if he didn't want to admit it. I set my drink down. "I know, I do too. And every once in a while I just want to call them and see if they're okay. To ask them how their life is going and see if they have time to hang out." I slight shake my head. "But I think that's too far. Even though the breakup was a couple months ago, feel that it's all still to fresh to talk about." He nods in agreement.

"No, you're right. I've actually tried to contact some of the guys, but it always went to voice mail. I could never find the strength to leave a message, I feel it makes me look all weak and shit.", "It's okay to be that sometimes Yoongi." I tell him. "I mean, yeah.. but none of that matters anymore. I'm finally my own person and I choose to me who I am.", "That's good, I'm happy for you."

"My manager, Yoon Guk, He said that I should make the fans wait longer for my album.", "What? Why?" I ask. "He says since the band had broken up, fans have been going crazy with buying everything on line. Everything's song out and if I send out my mixtape it will cause all sorts of hysteria." He shrugs. "I'd say it's a good thing, that just means everyone would buy all my merchandise." And I agree with him.

"I think he wants to wait so that the disbandment is out of the air and I could be the middle of the attention." He says. "That makes sense too, but I feel that the disbandment could be a good leverage for your mixtape." We both take a drink of our beers, "You know, I don't mind waiting. Back in the group we had to always be one right after the other, and it just feels great to be able to sit back and relax." He was also right about that. I feel that Yoongi is right about a lot of things.

He's always been so wise, that's why everyone called him the grandpa of the group. Besides the fact that he was always sleeping. "So what about you, enough about me. Do you have a girl yet?" He asks. I let out a laugh, "Pff, Hell no. I ain't even close. That shit ain't ever going to happen." I say. "Awe, don't think that way. I think you can find someone out there who will be okay with your kinky ass." I laugh. Before we can talk any further there's a knock at the door.

"That must be take out." He says. He walks over to the door and I wait for him to come back into the kitchen. When he walks in, it smells delicious. All I've been eating lately are my sad sandwiches, I'm too scared to burn down the dorm. Cause I know for a fact, that it will happen. He hands me one of the white boxes and a pair of chopsticks. "Thanks, I'll pay you back." I tell him.

He shakes his head and swats his hand in the air, "Dude, don't worry about. It's just food." He chuckles. "If you insist." I say before digging into my food. Gosh, it's so delicious. The room is filled with only the sound of slurping. "Gosh damn." I look up to the sound of Yoongi. "You were hungry." He says. I nod quickly. I'd rather not talk about the sad sandwich scenario.

"You know, you can always just text me and we can have like.. breakfast together." He says. I quickly chew my food so that I don't choke. "Which your busy schedule? I don't think so." I chuckle. "I can always make it work." He shrugs. "Don't worry about it Yoongi, you're you're free we can always do something, I don't need you to feel obligated to have a meal with me." He drinks the rest of his beer and I hand him another one, which he gladly takes.

"And plus, you should be having dinner with that girl of yours." I wiggle my eyebrows. I see him blush, "Oh man! Holy Shit Yoongi!? You're blushing." He laughs. "I always take her food." He says. "That's nice, it's a start. You should go out with her more often then." I nod. "We go out, just as friends though." I nod "That's okay, friends is a good start." I tell him as if I know a single thing about relationships.

"The thing is I've been her friend for such a long time I don't want to be just that anymore." I smile. "Dang Yoongi, just go for it." I start to eat my food again. "I feel like she never reads my signs." He plays with his noodles using his chopsticks. "In time I think she will if you make it obvious enough." I say. "Yeaaaah, I guess." He then takes a mouth full of noodles. "Like... do things out of the ordinary for her. Maybe then she'd see you as something more." Again, me trying to give advice when I know nothing myself.

"For not knowing shit, you're pretty good at giving advice." I laugh. "Yeah, I know I don't know shit. I'm just trying to help you out." He nods. In time we finish our food and he leads me to a den where there's a television and a nice looking couch. I take the beers and we watch some television, then we stop when the band disbandment comes up again.

"So what should our song be about? Let's start there." He says, he's looking a little tipsy. Shit, I think I'm tipsy too. "A-About." I stop and think about what I'm going to say first. "Let's write about how people just don't get our life, and how love isn't a given in this industry." He grins at the idea I've fetched him. He nods. "That's good." He chugs the rest of his beer. We've both had five, I'm pretty fucked up if you ask me. Or don't ask me, I wouldn't be able to explain it. I'm too drunk.

He then becomes serious and it's a little out of no where, "Sometimes I just wonder how this industry would be without me." I just stare at him, I wonder that too. But I don't say it.

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Finally doing updates, please enjoy!

-A