Prompt: No prompt! Free Write!

Listen up, everybody!

Let's have some real talk here. Actual, down-to-earth, no superfluous metaphors or whatever.

I was looking at Wattpad on my phone today and was looking at some of the most-shared stories. Actually, I was checking to see if anyone had viewed my story (haha as if!) and just happened to get distracted. Some of those people have two billion views.

Two freaking billion.

Okay, what? What what what?

My mind was kind of blown. I think my measly 47 views is pretty darn good myself – imagine having two billion! That's crazy! And would never ever happen to me in a zillion years.

And then I got to thinking. I think the easiest thing in the world to do – or one of the easiest things to do – is to compare yourself. Heck, I do it all the time. Even during volleyball tryouts I'd look at the other girls and think 'at least I'm not as bad as them.' In fact, I used it as a crutch, almost, because for a while I was the worst one there. I couldn't cope with that. Hey, I'm a straight-A student. I think I can write pretty well and I'm not a bad artist, either. Volleyball isn't too hard for me. That sounds like a bragging dump right there, but whatever. And playing with girls that have been playing club for ages – I was so used to being the best it shocked me. I want to be the best, but sometimes life gets in the way, right?

So anyways, when I saw this ridiculous read count, my first instinct was to be jealous. Who wouldn't? It would be a miracle if I ever got that many reads – and I mean a miracle. Uhm, all my 47 reads, raise your hallelujah! Oh, wait, I can't hear you over those 2 million reads. Have you ever seen a person at school, or an athlete, or someone who is just so freaking put-together, and you think 'I'd have it all if I could just be like them?' Or those people who have top ranks on their stores. If I was only as good as them I'd be satisfied.

But then reality set it. First you have to set your boundaries. I'm a high school kid, and some of these writers and published professionals, and this is their career. This is literally their job. They have fan-bases or at least the means to get noticed loads faster than I ever could. So there's that.

Also, they're older, more experienced, better-connected, and better writers than me. Let's not sugar-coat here, I'm nowhere near their caliber. To get that good at writing would be a personal goal of mine. A. They're older. Older means more practice, and more failures to learn from. B. More experienced. They know what to put and what not to put in writing. They know what the readers like, and how they think. C. Better-connected. If they put something new out people flock to them, because they hear about them. D. Better writers. Plain and simple.

Sorry for the monologue, but it's true. That's like comparing myself to an Olympic athlete. My cousin is an Olympic-level swimmer, and she trains daily for hours and hours and hours, goes to meets across the country, the whole shebang. She's faced trials and defeat and overcome them, and she knows her art incredibly well. But me? How can I compare to that?

Wow, smackdown. That's not what I intended at all. What I mean is that I can compare to that. It's a comparison, and a drastic one, but that's not what matters, right? What matters is that I tried.

Here we go with the YMCA 'yay you tried participation!' awards. No, that's not what I meant either.

Let's put it like this. I was playing in a volleyball game the other day against an incredibly good team. Now, my team ain't too shabby, but these are club girls who can hit a ball down your throat without even trying. We were going to get crushed. I could have moped and pouted and gotten mad at the girls when they made mistakes, or I could try. And we tried, and ended up losing the last game 23-25.

23-25 against that team??? We did amazing that night, and it was the best way to end the season. So if I had been comparing the best hitters on that team to the girl on my team who can't even pass a ball (I'm not kidding. She cannot pass a ball at all.) we surely wouldn't have done as well, or at least I would have had a crappy attitude for that whole game.

A similar thing happened to me a few years ago in a tournament. We lost the championship game and won second, and I was so angry I didn't want to take the trophy. Clarification – I was in fourth grade. But still. And now I can accept that defeat, and accept that we played really well, and we had a great season overall. What changed?

I remember looking at that read count and feeling my jaw drop. Then, and I quote myself on this, I said, "You know what? I don't care." It took a few years and a lot of disappointments, but I can say it now. I don't care.

Maybe I care a little bit, enough to still want to be that good. But it's not a consuming goal or burning jealousy that fills up all my free time.

Funny story! In 7th grade I was obsessed with the game QuizUp, and was determined to be the top in the globe in a certain topic that shall remain nameless. And I played that game for hours on end, trying so hard to get up to that rank – I got to level 140! I stopped playing once I had peaked, and now like four people have passed me up. I don't care, though. How could the change have happened so quickly?

Part of me realized how dumb that was. I spent hours hunched over my iTouch playing that stupid game, and why on earth would I not want a trophy I fought hard to win? Dumb stuff like that is dumb. True story.

But how do I bring this around to read counts?

Don't compare yourself when the odds are crazy against you. A wise man said there is always someone better than you – QuizUp proved that to me. Even if I think I'm the best volleyball player on my team I get to a new team and I'm terrible compared to them. Reaching for your goals is awesome, never stop, but there's always going to be someone higher. If I tried to beat my cousin in swim I'd be humiliated. Don't be like that.

I think the way I've been able to let go is recognizing that. I can see that beyond the screen there's a person, in no way like me, talented and older and brilliant that I shouldn't try to be better than. Note, though, I'm not saying you should give up because you'll never be any good. You can gripe about your writing and 'oh I'm so bad' but you are not! Please don't give up because of what someone else says or does! A lot of the girls at my school do that, when they want to be complimented. So did I. But why degrade yourself when you could show people your true value? That's like buying the Mona Lisa and putting it in a shed in your backyard.

Inspirational stuff right there.

And anyways, comparing yourself makes you feel worse about yourself. I know watching those girls play volleyball or looking at those read counts I kind of felt like dirt. Why should I contribute if I'm so pointless?

Because you're not pointless! Somewhere out there someone wants to read your fanfiction. Somewhere out there someone wants to see you play volleyball. Someone out there wants to see you bloom. And no, I'm not talking about your mom.

We have so many opportunities to influence people in our everyday lives, and we take them all for granted. Everyone needs to be reached, and to know they're valuable. You all have such outstanding talents, and to publish shows you have confidence. That's a huge step! I'm always worried before I post something new. You're braver than you know.

Now I have to wrap this up, bleh. Okay. My main point is to not compare yourself to other people. Don't worry about them! Look at you. You are beautiful and powerful and totally freaking amazing! You are good at so many things and great at so many other things. Look how blessed you are!

So next time you see a 578 million read count, look at your humble 47 reads and smile. Because that's all that matters to me. How about you?