Title: Radio Kon

Genre: Humor/Satire

Characters: Kon and young Masaki

Summary: Kon interviews Masaki and asks various questions.

Notes: I read some forum comments involving chapter 530 that I found to be rather interesting, not to mention some other things from earlier chapters.

Rating: T

Radio Kon

Kon tapped on his microphone. "Testing, testing. One, two three. Anyways, welcome to Radio Kon, your all exclusive radio show that tells you everything you want to know about all of your favorite characters. Today we will be interviewing Kurosaki Masaki, but not just any version. We are going to interview the younger version."

"Hello everybody." Masaki pipes up. "Since I'm pretty much dead in the series I'm going to break the forth wall a lot and comment on things I honestly possibly shouldn't know about. Actually, there is going to be a lot of breaking of the forth wall."

"Umm..." The lion stuffed animal stared at Masaki for a few seconds before fumbling with his cards. "This first question comes from Shiba Ganju. His question is, 'What relationship do you and I have? I am very confused about the matter. Sis keeps getting mad at me about this subject. Please answer.' That is a good question."

"Why?" Masaki piped up, a rather evil smile on her face. "I've married into the family, so I am obviously an in-law."

"Ichigo's mom is creepy."

"I'm not my Ichigo's mommy yet."

"O.K. Well, in the Manga Kukaku has referred to an uncle and how he will be sad that Ichigo is going to area that the soul king resides in. So, that means that you're Ganju's Aunt-in-law as Isshin would be his uncle, and that would make him their cousins."

"Are you sure that Kukaku-chan is referring to Isshin?" Masaki continued to smile a rather wide smile.

"Umm..."

"Yes, well... how do you know that it isn't referring to my Uncle, who happens to be still alive despite having been experimented by Mr. Creepy in the twelfth division? He said he was just finished, and he's got those regenerative powers."

"That's just a theory."

"A rather creepy theory I doubt is true." The female's tone turned into a rather sing song manner.

"Umm... why did you bring it up if you didn't believe it to be true."

"Because it was fun." The female held up a finger. "Another option though is that guy who told dear Ganju not to attack my baby."

"I thought you said that you weren't Ichigo's mommy yet."

"You didn't exist as Kon before Ichigo was born."

"So, what relationship could Isshin have with them?"

"He could be their cousin, or he could be their brother. He kind of looks a bit young to be their uncle, so cousin and brother makes a lot of sense."

"Ahh..."

"But here's the thing. He could still be their uncle and yet also still be their cousin or brother at the same time!" Masaki chimed in.

"What..." Kon blinked a couple of times. "How does that work?"

"He's the head of the Shiba clan, or my darling Isshin was." The female piped up. "Over here in Japan is is considered polite to call your elders uncle or aunt. So, even if Kukaku was my husbands niece or cousin, the girls and Ichigo would still likely call her auntie because of the age difference."

"Yeah... right."

"Have you ever seen a movie called Summer Wars?"

"That movie was made after you died!"

"I told you that I was rather omniscient despite being in the position I'm in And yet I'm not. Or maybe I'm just being vague for the sake of being vague to keep people guessing" The young woman continued to smile. "Anyways, the half-brother in the series calls his half-siblings aunt and uncle. So it is not beyond reason that someone would call their sibling uncle in Japan if there was big enough distance."

Kon let out a sigh. "Moving onto the next question. This one is from your daughter Yuzu. 'Hello mommy. Should we call Uryu-nii's grandmother granny or auntie?"

"Call her either. I call her auntie because she isn't my mother."

"So, you aren't Uryu's father's cousin."

"I actually never said that. I very well could be his cousin."

"Gross! First cousins marrying!" Kon blurted out.

"I guess you are unfamiliar with this issue just as much as many people of the Western culture is. Which is strange because you're supposed to be from around here. In Japan it is completely legal to marry anyone that is forth rung or higher. First cousins, your parents siblings children are in fact fair game. While this kind of relationship isn't as popular as it used to be, it isn't taboo over in Japan either."

"Umm..." There came another flipping of the cards. "Ichigo asks if Isshin is his real father, or is it that crazy guy who called him his son born of darkness, or if Uryu is his half-brother and Karin and Yuzu are his half-siblings, or if he is hollow bait born of... what the … the hollow that attacked his supposed father."

"Don't be silly Ichigo. Your father is your father. I wonder who put such a silly notion into your head. Juhabach may be distantly related to us, but he so is not your father. You read enough Shakespeare you should know not to take things so literaly. Also, Ryuu-chan is like a brother to me. And really... do you think I would sleep with a hollow."

"Yeah... and your mother is creepzilla."

"I'm going to pretend that was a joke in relation to the last thing I said."

"Hmm... oh, this one is from Orihime. 'I am worried about Ichigo actually being my twin. I don't want that, because it means I can't marry him. I'm trying to wrap my word around that."

"Well, you and I do look a lot alike and that's one of the reasons people who read the Manga like to pair you two together, so the resemblance thing is nothing new. To be honest I don't know if it is true or not."

Masaki then continued. "I may or may not have been trained to have special powers, which would explain your special ability, that and having a shinigami father. Which would also explain why your powers aren't that of a fullbringer."

"Ahh... that makes sense. Or it doesn't."

"And there is the fact your birthday is fifty days away from Ichigo's exactly. Your aunt pays for your stuff, you don't really remember your parents and the only thing you know is that they were a drunk and a prostitute. Since you don't remember well, you can't be sure if your memory is true. It's kind of like the situation my husbands former third seat is in with whether or not he died and came to soul society. The theory may not end up being true though. It's just an interesting theory."

"And I believe that is it."