Seonghwa's POV

Ateez rushed around the clubhouse frantically, collecting spare cables, amps, and of course, our instruments. I clutched my bass close to my chest as San flew past me at such a speed it threatened to knock me over.  

"Watch it." I growled moodily at the younger. The fox-like boy turned around, grinning widely and slapped me on the back. I almost dropped my bass guitar.

"Lighten up Hwa!" He laughed brightly. "You're such an old grouch all the time."

I frowned, displaying my annoyance as Yunho and Mingi strolled over. I waved and Yunho waved back. The encounter seemed strange from the get go. 

"Soooo...." Mingi trailed off, staring at his feet and playing with his sleeves. "Hwa, can I ask a question?"

Panic flooded through my system, in my heart, my brain, in my bloodstream. I couldn't think straight as memories of illness and phantoms of death clouded my vision. Biting my tongue, I nodded.

"Great!" Yunho gushed thankfully. "So my dumbass decided to uh...leave my drum set at home."

I blinked in confusion. "How the hell do you leave a drum set at home?"

Mingi shrugged,  Yunho bursting into a clearly unplanned explanation. "Well you see I was playing at home, practicing, and I know Hongjoong told me not to take it home because it's a lot to transport and I'm not responsible but I thought well, one time won't hurt, so I took it back to my apartment, probably annoyed the heck out of my neighbors, and had a great time but I guess I forgot to bring it-and I KNOW that's a dumbass move because 'how can you forget a whole freaking drum set, it's huge' but I still forgot it, okay!!! And I don't even live in San Francisco as you know! I live in Oakland and I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to get back across the bridge without getting stuck in traffic and I don't have my instrument and I've let everyone down Hwa! Please help me! Hongjoong's gonna kill me!" 

Again I blinked, keeping my lip glossed lips pursed together. I opened my mouth to speak but was interrupted again by Yunho. 

"Whatever!" He shrieked. "I'll just die instead! Thanks Hwa, you've been a lot of help!" With that he marched away, arms crossed, towards Hongjoong. Mingi turned to me and sighed apologetically.

"Sorry for his attitude." Mingi sighed, my eyes wide as saucers in confusion. "He gets like that when he's stressed, all tense and then he just," the brunette made an explosion motion with his hands. "Blows up at anyone near. Last time it was Yeosang, you're nicer than Yeosang. He told him to grow up, get a life, and bother someone else, haha."

I nodded slowly, still unsure of what the heck just went down. "Right, I've noticed that a few times. Thanks for....letting me know I suppose."

"Sure!" Mingi chirped. "Now we better get to the hospital before we miss our own performance."

Right. The hospital. I was reminded bitterly of the last place in the world I wanted to perform. Not only did I risk being recognized by another patient or my doctors but there was also a high probability of me bursting into tears because of the familiar brightly lit fluorescent lights.

But I showed no sign of worry. Like always, I wouldn't let my emotions shine through. 

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The hospital was painted a pretty, pale pink with charming white window shutters, giving it a cutesy, welcoming look. But I knew better. I knew that place was wretched, energy draining, mind numbing. I knew that all your happiness was sucked from your body the minute you stepped foot through those ghastly heart patterned door frames. I knew because it happened to me many a time. 

"Hey doll." 

I jumped, startled at the cool voice of Kim Hongjoong. I peered over my shoulder and made a small grin at the sight of my boyfriend. "Hi." I said plainly.

"You look like a whole damn meal today!" He licked his lips, squeezing my bicep teasingly. "Just look at yourself." 

I tipped my chin down slowly, not really caring about Hongjoong's compliments at the moment. Staring down at my cloudy colored shirt I shrugged.

"Eh?" I guessed, absentmindedly fiddling with my dangling earring. Hongjoong gaped at me and slapped my arm hard. I winced. Dammit. 

"What do you mean 'eh'?" He questioned, exaggerating the 'eh' as we walked in through the hospital doors with the rest of Ateez. Yunho carried his drumsticks in his pocket with a glum expression. He couldn't play today. 

I shrugged again, not ignoring the fact that I was inside my old torture chamber once more. I avoided eye contact with anyone, eyes fixed on my shiny black dress shoes. Much to my dismay, even the beige tiled floor made me want to vomit all over it. I couldn't stand being here, much less while I was attempting to conceal my identity from every patient, guest, and employee in the vicinity. 

"I don't know." I replied in a bored tone. "I'm just not feeling it today. Not feeling well I suppose."

Hongjoong halted as we had arrived in the mini food court area. Dammit Hongjoong, you could have picked anywhere else to perform but the busiest part of the entire clinic? It's almost as if he was trying to get me noticed. 

Luckily, the blonde turned to the rest of our team and announced. "Alright guys, unpack, prepare, and run through The Real once. No amps for run throughs, got it? Good." 

I breathed a sigh of relief, swinging my bass back from over my shoulder and strumming the strings. I was off the hook.

"Ah ah ah!" I groaned as Hongjoong grabbed my chin and looked me in the eye. "Not you. I need to talk to you doll."

I swatted my boyfriend's hand away, regard for anyone's feelings completely gone now that we had entered this disgusting establishment. To hell with feelings right now. All I needed was to get out of here before I was a) recognized, b) driven to insanity by Yunho's whining of his missing drums, or c) physically collapsed from nausea from the overwhelming, dizzying scents of antibiotics everywhere. 

"What?" I moaned, Hongjoong rolling his eyes at my rare display of immaturity. 

"You mentioned you weren't feeling well." He stated, rubbing a thumb across my hand lovingly. 

Fuck. Not this crap again. This is all anyone talks about it seems like. 

I jerked my hand away, not sticking around to see the painful sullen face of my lover. I stormed back to the center where the band was setting up. Angrily, I swung my bass over my shoulder (again) and began tuning it. I didn't notice San and Wooyoung watching me warily.

"Psst psst psst!" 

I peeked through my bangs, hand tightening on the tuning peg so hard it could have snapped clean off. San had his forehead against Wooyoung's, whispering something to him. I quickly looked back down once Wooyoung pointed at me. Shit.

"Hey, Seonghwa." Wooyoung's gentle voice sounded above me. I tilted my head upwards and stood up from where I crouched on the floor. 

"Hi Woo." I greeted him nonchalantly. "What's up?"

His gaze fell to his feet, he was drawing a circle with his foot on the bland, tasteless tiles. Wooyoung's nervous habit. "I uh, well..." he stuttered. "The show's starting soon. Let's get ready."

"What did you think I was doing?" 

The younger jerked his chin up, a frightened look on his face. Once he saw me chuckling, his lips stretched into a smile. "Oh well, of course! My bad! I'll go get started too!" 

I nodded politely and returned to tuning my instrument. "Why. Won't. You. Fucking. Tune?!" I growled in intervals, feeling fury bubble up inside of me like a geyser. Though fairly skilled at masking my true emotions with pleasantries, I felt the overwhelming need to scream and smash something. Smash as in break, I see you out there with your dirty minded thoughts. 

Turning the tuning peg so far to the right to get the correct sound, I mumbled a curse. Why the hell was my bass not tuning?! "Why won't you work you fucking-AH!" 

Startled by the string snapping back and hitting me in the nose, I quickly scrambled away from my bass. I groaned, rubbing my sore nose which had drawn blood. I sighed miserably, looking down at the broken string, a drop of blood sliding down the bridge of my nose and dotting the bass. I couldn't perform today. Dread filled my stomach. How could Ateez perform without a drummer or a bass player?

"Oh my god!" I heard someone gasp. Please don't be talking about me. I prayed but alas it seemed like I was always a hot news topic. 

"Are you okay?" The semi-familiar voice exclaimed, a tiny hand grabbing my shoulder.

I shrugged it off gloomily, realizing I didn't have an extra string. "Yeah I'm good." I replied, back still turned to the stranger. "I just don't have an extra string to replace this one so I can't perform today and-Changbin?" 

Standing in front of me was none other than my fellow patient and hospital friend Seo Changbin. It was like only yesterday I'd left, his doe-like dark eyes, midnight black bangs so much like my own, the feeling of my head tipping down to look at him. I won't say I wasn't happy to see him but I couldn't relive those horrid hospital memories.

"Oh Seonghwa!" Changbin blurted quite loudly, a bright smile spreading on his face. I couldn't help but look around to watch the Ateez members. They were watching me. Fuck. 

"How are you doing? Still surviving right?" Changbin chuckled, hand over his heart like he always had it. Changbin had an unknown heart disease that caused his life, much like mine, to be on the line each day. But while I had an estimated time, poor Changbin didn't know how long he had and was kept safe (punished) by being confined to the horrible hospital halls so he didn't have a heart attack in his own apartment. 

"Yeah I ummm...." I hummed nervously, the Ateez members eyes on me not going unnoticed. Hongjoong watched me with curious eyes that so much reminded me of the Cheshire Cat. God I love Hongjoong but this is not the time to eavesdrop stupid, gorgeous boy! "I'm better. I don't have to stay here obviously, I'm in this band, what about-what about you?"

"Ah that's good, that's good. I'm still here, obviously." He smirked playfully, hitting me in the arm. With the light punch, the memories I had tried so hard to block out came rushing back to me. All the memories of my hospital visits, my stays. The horrendous meals we were served, the suffocating feel of the fluorescent lights reflecting off the bland tile, the time I was rushed to the emergency room, the feeling of my heart stopping, the jolt of electricity from the defibrillator saving my life. I had puked after that. I had wished they had just let me die. I couldn't stand living there anymore. I craved to pass quickly. 

Defensively, I tugged my arm away from my old friend. His brows knitted together in sadness. He was taken aback by my uncharacteristic behavior. "Seonghwa?" 

"Look Changbin, I'm glad you're well but I don't want to talk about it. I'm dying. And I don't want to remember anything before the... the incident, okay?" I hinted at my cardiac arrest to my friend who nodded slowly. 

"Of course." He said grimly. "I forgot about that."

Of course you did. I wanted to say but didn't in order to spare my friend's feelings. "It's okay. Even I forget sometimes. I just wish it had killed me then." 

A dark silence fell over us yet the hospital around us continued. The sound of footsteps sounded loudly behind my back. Boots, they sounded like. It was Hongjoong.

"Hey Hwa!" He chirped, leaning up and giving me a light kiss on the cheek. Changbin failed to hide his teasing smirk. "I noticed you broke the string, I have an extra if you want....oh no! You're hurt." My boyfriend rubbed my nose gently, pulling on my already revealing shirt collar with his other hand. 

I chuckled nervously, Hongjoong's clingy behavior quite unnerving. He was never like this in public. Why now? I exchanged a glance with Changbin, who was busy teasing me about my boyfriend, and looked back at Hongjoong. He was rubbing my cheek with his hand now, still clinging to my chest. 

"I'm fine Joong, really." I hissed softly, giving him a kiss on his forehead. "I'll take that extra string." I waved to Changbin, signaling for him to leave but like he always did, he dragged out the conversation.

"So you must be Seonghwa's crush." Changbin stated matter-o-factly. I groaned internally, recalling all the times I gushed about Hongjoong to my only hospital friend. "He would never shut up about you."

Hongjoong cocked his head to the side confused. "Crush? Well, boyfriend actually." He said coldly, cat-like eyes looking Changbin up and down. "We've been together for a while lately. Do you have a lover?" I was stunned by the upfront question asked in such a frosty tone from my usually warm boyfriend. Then it hit me.

Hongjoong was jealous. 

(A/N: Sorry for the lazy updates. I was gone for a week, then came home, then gone for 11 more days! Eek! I'll update regularly from now on don't worry! 😅 Anyways, hope you enjoyed the chapter! Also: Would you be interested in a psycho Jongsang/Seongjoong/Seongsang AU on ao3 and WattPad? Let me know in the comments —> ) 

-ryan