Me: mum, you're parking on a double yellow line

Her: yeah but it's Sunday

Me: you aren't ever allowed to park on a double yel-

Her: but the traffic wardens don't work today ;)

-

Friend: *tries to hug me*

Me: ewno get away peasant

Him: lemme whisper in your ear

Me: wtf no

Him: trust me

Me: ..oka--

Him: *slaps a wispa easter egg into the side of my head*

-

"Is beastiality legal?"