Dear Mom,

Writing these letters have never really made me feel any better. But Alaric keeps on egging me to write them. He says they might help me deal with what's going on in my head. And believe me, there's a lot going on in there. I screwed up today. Majorly. To the point it could bring disastrous consequences. Apocalypse type shit. The type of shit I've been working hard on to keep from happening. And I'm so fucking tired. I promised everyone around me that I wouldn't turn into the villain of this story, but things have become blurry. I don't know where I stand. And I feel you'd be so disappointed in me if you were to see the man I'm becoming.

Death has always been a part of my whole existence. I mean, since the day I was born I was thoroughly introduced to it, even if I couldn't completely grasp it at the time. And I'm tired of losing people. I guess that's why getting close to someone has always scared me, which leaves me so fucking terrified now. Because I think I'm in love. Like honestly, over the moon, I would die for this person kind of love. And losing her has become one of the most horrifying things I can think of. I can't help but hate that feeling, but I feel like it's going to be worth it. She's worth it.

I don't know why I keep writing these meaningless words on pieces of paper to the woman that gave birth to me, but I never got the chance of meeting. What I do know is that though I never got the chance to see your pretty face in person, I miss it. I wish things could have been different. I wish you were here. I'm sorry you didn't get what you wanted out of life. And I'm sorry I'm the reason you're no longer here. Believe me, I'd give up anything just to have had things go differently. I pray sometimes, and in those prayers, I ask that we reunite one day. I also plead you're not too mad at me. I want you to be proud of the son you lost your life to give him one.

I promise I'm doing everything in my power to stop myself from bringing the damage everyone is expecting me to bring. It's just hard sometimes. But I swear I try my hardest. I'll make you proud. Wherever you are.

I love you.

Nathaniel