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𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄.
[0𝟓]. 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐄.
+ 𝙀𝙓𝙏𝙍𝘼 𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙋𝙏𝙀𝙍.
【 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄 】
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❛𝘋𝘖 𝘠𝘖𝘜 𝘉𝘌𝘓𝘐𝘌𝘝𝘌
𝘐𝘕 𝘏𝘌𝘈𝘝𝘌𝘕? ❜
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𝐄𝐌𝐌𝐀 𝐓𝐈𝐆, 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍 𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐄𝐋 would most likely label an inquisitive witch he didn't really enjoy spending time with. You could say therapy wasn't Nathaniel's favorite thing to attend, but, it beat having to be face to face with Alaric Saltzman to tell him all the impending troubles roaming around in the nephilim's head. It was easier to let things fall into Emma's ears and then have her pass on a report to Alaric. Nathaniel didn't have to witness the disappointment.

Not that Alaric was ever disappointed in Nathaniel, the disappointment was almost always directed at himself in his ability to parent the nephilim. And truthfully, Nathaniel thought Alaric did a great job considering the lack of knowledge on what he was. There wasn't exactly a handbook on How to Parent Nephilim's 101, and Nathaniel was just happy he was able to experience somewhat of a normal life until Landon Kirby decided to join the party.

"Nate," Emma interrupted Nathaniel as the nephilim was deep in thought. Nathaniel hummed in response and Emma sat back onto her armchair. "What's going through your mind? Hope Mikaelson said your heart stopped, how do you feel?"

Nathaniel sighed. "I already told everyone this. I feel fine. All limbs are intact, heart is beating, my never-ending hatred for the color blue is still there- I'm good."

Emma lightly chuckled. "I know that. What I mean is mentally. Where do you stand?"

That made Nathaniel think for a second.

If Nathaniel asked himself, the nephilim felt better in every aspect. The prior days, following the extraction of two quarters of his grace, Nathaniel felt something close to suicidal. And it was odd, because the nephilim loved himself too much to end his life. But it wasn't even about hating himself, it was about the heavy feeling in his chest every time he regenerated an ounce of grace and something in him making him itch to burn it off. It was addicting. The feeling of gaining and losing it. Nathaniel had wanted to know how far he could push before it just exploded.

That was a revelation to himself.

Nathaniel felt his skin itch.

"I'm anxious," Nathaniel admitted, huffing at the thought that one of the most powerful beings in existence could be feeling something like that. But on the other hand, it made him normal. So, the nephilim took it in stride. "Not as much as before. When I lost half my grace I started feeling weird but I just brushed it off."

Emma nodded. "Weird how?"

Nathaniel scratched his arm anxiously. "I don't know. A switch flipped in my head and I was so focused on my grace. Before this happened, I didn't really think about what cruised through me. And after, now that my grace is back, I still think about it. I'm not scared of losing it, I think it's more the anxiety of feeling the way I did the past days."

"Do you think there're anymore factors that played in that?"

Nathaniel wanted to say Hope.

The tribrid had done that to him. But Nathaniel didn't want to blame her. And that annoyed him. Weeks ago, the nephilim would've jumped at the chance to point the finger at her due to his annoyance and the asshole behavior he expressed towards her on a daily basis. But now, after the occurrences of the day prior, Nathaniel felt like things had changed.

Emma sighed before taking another route after she felt she wouldn't get an answer from him. "How about Hope?"

Nathaniel instantly looked at Emma.

It's like she had read his mind.

"What about her?" Nathaniel inquired.

"Well," Emma dragged out, repositioning herself on the chair as Nathaniel eyed her carefully. "I was made aware of the incident with Hope and the spell. I would've expected you two to not be on speaking terms, yet yesterday she stayed behind with you after you collapsed."

This was news to Nathaniel.

"What?"

Emma nodded, hiding her knowing smile. "Instead of Hope going with Lizzie and the others to fight the Arachne, she stayed behind with you for half an hour before Alaric got to you two."

Nathaniel was stunned. "I thought I was imagining it."

"You weren't," Emma confirmed, taking a closer look at the changes in expression on Nathaniel's face. "Hope staying behind with you; how does that make you feel?"

How did that make him feel?- Everything. For the past days, Nathaniel had been in his head more often than not- more often than he was used to, and all of that because the nephilim couldn't wrap his head around Hope Mikaelson wanting to end his life. They grew up together, had each other's backs if anything went wrong on extraction missions- hell, Nathaniel had even taken a wolfsbane bullet to the chest for Hope once.

Sure, Nathaniel was a dick to Hope. But the nephilim had always been that way. In the end, Nathaniel would always come through. No matter if the nephilim swore left and right that Hope Mikaelson was annoying or a grade-A buzzkill, he was always there for her regardless. And the thought of Hope getting tired of that dickish attitude to the point she wanted him dead just made Nathaniel withdrawal like a kicked puppy. All those days, Nathaniel hadn't known what to do with himself.

It was stupid now that the nephilim thought about it.

Nathaniel sighed, ready to be honest with himself. "It makes me feel like an ass."

Emma hummed. "And why's that?"

"Because I generally am one," Nathaniel admitted with a shrug. "I don't really care that I am. Not really. But when it comes to certain people I feel bad sometimes, but I can't bring myself to apologize."

"Why?"

Nathaniel huffed, irritated. "I don't know- Okay, I do. But it's stupid and I don't like vulnerability and all that stuff. And, I know you'll tell Ric, and then Ric and I will have to have a conversation, and honestly, I don't want that conversation."

Emma eyed him slightly. "What if I promise not to tell him? This is confidential if you want it to be, Nate. Therapy is to help you."

"I don't do empty promises."

"You have my word," Emma said with an edge.

It took Nathaniel a second before he sighed and thought about how to word his next sentence correctly. "We're all here to form ourselves, to be good monsters- the heroes, as Lizzie likes to put it. But I don't know if I want to be the hero. I have the literal weight of the world on my shoulders and I didn't even ask for it. One wrong move and it's Armageddon. Maybe I am the villain. It's just easier."

A moment passed as Emma thought. "Do you want to be the villain?"

"I don't know," Nathaniel instantly replied. "And I don't know if I want to be the hero either. I'm just saying one option is easier for me than the other. I'm already depicted as the bad guy. My father is the first fallen angel, I'm the antichrist. I'm an enigma that shouldn't even be alive."

Emma's eyebrows furrowed slightly. "So, you act according to the depiction the rest of the students here have of you?"

Nathaniel shook his head. "It's not just the students here. It's everywhere. Everyone already has a pre-notion of who they think I am. So, if they want a bad guy, I'll give them that bad guy. Which means I can't go apologizing every time I feel bad about something I say to hurt someone."

And maybe that didn't make sense. But to Nathaniel, it was gospel. If the nephilim didn't act the part of what everyone thought a nephilim to be, then everyone would walk over him. It was better to be feared and left alone than let everyone else toy with him. Nathaniel had bigger problems. Problems they would never understand the magnitude of. The end of the world was just a game to them, but the nephilim always had it very present.

"I want to be good," Nathaniel added after a moment and Emma perked up at his admission. "For Caroline. For Alaric, Josie. Don't ever tell her, but even Lizzie. And," the nephilim gulped nervously. "Maybe even Hope. But I don't think it'll end that way."

Emma tilted her head curiously. "What makes you say that?"

Nathaniel shuddered. "Do you believe in heaven?"

It took Emma a moment to respond. "You're here. I think it'd be incredibly ignorant of me to say there isn't a heaven."

Well if that was the case, then Nathaniel had to have been the most ignorant nephilim in all of existence before the occurrence of the day prior. In Nathaniel's eyes, hell was a very real thing. When the nephilim was only four, up until the age of nine, Nathaniel would dream of that place often. It was the calls Lucifer rang out to his son. Though Alaric quickly found a way to cut that connection once Nathaniel made it a known fact that Lucifer had tried to talk to him, and that was the end of that.

But heaven- that was a completely different story.

Angels existed, yeah. There wasn't a doubt in his mind since Lucifer, being a fallen angel, had basically donated his sperm- forcefully- to his mother Genesis and the nephilim was conceived. God was real, too. Lucifer came from somewhere, right? But heaven, the place people wished to go once they died- there was never a word spoken about it.

Hell, it wasn't until yesterday that Nathaniel met his first angel.

Nathaniel didn't know why he never considered heaven a real possibility. Maybe it was the fact that hell somehow always called out to Nathaniel and the alternative wasn't that important to him. And that brought Nathaniel back to the villain thing. Hell called out to him. How could he be the hero when he always felt safer in the dark than running towards the light? That had to mean something. The nephilim was his father's son after all.

"I died yesterday," Nathaniel stated.

Emma nodded slowly. "You did."

Nathaniel pause for a second. "I went to heaven, Emma."

Emma sat up straighter, waiting for Nathaniel to elaborate.

And Nathaniel did. "I met Gabriel. He's the one that recharged me. And I- Maybe it's stupid, and maybe I shouldn't believe him. But he said that God has me planned out to do something, and angels and demons are a part of it. I don't know why that scares me when I'm essentially stronger than Lucifer."

"It's okay to be scared, Nate," Emma explained. "And you're not on your own."

"I know I'm not," Nathaniel sighed, itching his arm. "But there's only so much Ric can do. I mean, it's the big G.O.D, the man upstairs snaps a finger and Ric drops dead. I don't know what they want with me and I'm irritated not knowing."

Emma sighed.

And Nathaniel continued his rant. "Gabriel broke the rules for me. Said God would punish him if the man upstairs found out I was in heaven and that Gabriel interfered in me dying for good yesterday, but why take that risk? There're so many things that don't make sense and I can't trust anyone. Even those closest to me-"

As Gabriel's words rang through his head, Nathaniel stilled.

Trust no one. Not even those closest to you.

Nathaniel went rigid as a blank expression fell on his face.

"I'm done," Nathaniel quantified.

Emma looked at her wristwatch. "We still have twenty minutes."

But Nathaniel didn't wait another second. The nephilim was on his feet and taking quick strides until he was out of the room, completely ignoring Emma's requests for him to come back. The pounding in Nathaniel's chest irritated him even more because things were changing too quickly. Nathaniel had been content. Living a somewhat normal life, and now everything was going downhill.

And then something came to Nathaniel as he walked down the halls. Demons, angels, and even God himself could screw themselves. Because Nathaniel wasn't going to continue playing their sick game. The nephilim wasn't about to endure being their little pawn, as they moved him across the board however they felt like. Nathaniel was going to stick it to them.

If it was the last thing he did.

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unedited.
so, this is an extra chapter.
doesn't really advance the plot much, but i
wanted you guys to understand nate's
mindspace the last few chapters and for
him to open up more.
character development and all that.
i hope you can understand him a little
more. nate deserves better. he didn't
ask to be lucifer's kid.
question, thoughts on nate being a little
more open to hope about these things?
i want to develop their relationship
a bit more, but you guys decided.