"And suddenly the monster in her falls silent when she rests her head on his lap."

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

My chest feels like burning from inside as i shake hands with Mr. Yang. The meeting was longer than i expected it to be. It took almost three hours, it's almost 8 PM by now.

I think maybe it's exhaustion that had made me feel this uneasy from past few minutes. I just want to leave from here as soon as possible.

Jae Sung also shakes his hand with Mr. Yang as he says, "It was nice doing business with you."

I am totally sure about my suspicion on Jae Sung and his brother's connection with mafia stuff today. The business that happened today was for illegal weaponry. Mr. Yang is going to be the one who'll supply us with it in future.

The main reason why Jae Sung brought me with him was because of my future in the gang. He wanted me to be present in such a crucial deals as in future, i'll be the one making them.

"Likewise, Mr. Park," the middle aged man says.

As we stand up, i resist the urge to stretch the arms because of the exhaustion. I can't wait to go meet my girl like i promised her in the morning. 

It's luckily not raining anymore. She was kind of frightened by the weather today. I personally like rain, it's soothing, but Hana doesn't- which is completely OK. I could've stayed with her the whole day it weren't for this meeting. I had to leave uni early for this too.

But it's over now. I'm finally free as I watch the two men giving their last remarks to each other as they walk out of the restaurant and I follow them behind.

I take the opportunity to finally fish by phone out of my ice blue jeans to look at the tons of notifications, but none of them being from the one I was expecting from.

Last time I texted her, she told she was leaving with her friends. I did text her before the meeting asking her if she feels better, but like usual got left on seen. Before the meeting started, i tracked her phone to see her at her friend's house which was a relief. 

 I look in my front at the two men parting ways after their last goodbye. Mr. Yang greets me too before he leaves. With a nonchalant expression, i finally sighed.

Fishing the keys of my G Wagon out from my new leather jacket, I flip them in my hand. Finally free.

I walk towards the parking lot with desperation to leave this place when Jae Sung stops me, making me almost roll my eyes.

"You did great today," he compliments me, which is a very rare thing.

I did the introduction part and also helped in negotiations which came naturally to me because i have seen my father do it in business.

"Great. And now i know the business you run underground too, Jae Sung," i smirk.

"Took you a while to confirm, but it's for better. It'll make your term easier, "he says and accompanies me to the parking lot.

I hum not having anymore patience to stay for longer as i say, "I'll leave now."

"Yeah sure," he smirks at me. The type of smirk that shows secrecy. I ignore it for the time as i march to my car as i see him walking to his car on the other side. His chauffeur must be in there waiting for him.

Once i reach, i'm about to open the door of my car when my phone rings in the pocket of my jeans. Jae Sung's car leaves the lot in front of me as i fetch my phone out to see who's calling.

The call's from Michael.

I frown as i pick up the call.

Before i could speak, i hear Michael's baffled voice, "Jungkook."

I can hear panic in his voice making me alert too. His voice has never sounded like this on any normal day.

"What happened, Michael?" i ask him as my heart starts thudding for unknown reason.

"Hana came to the party," he tells me and i already know something awful happened as he continued, "Some guys here were harassing her as she fell into the pool outside. I luckily went out at the same time because i wanted to smoke and saved her but..."

"But what, Michael?" i ask, teeth gritted, hands shaking as i try to not blast here with rage. My heart feels like it fell down to my feet with the crawling feeling inside my  veins. 

"She ran away from here, Jungkook. She stole my car's keys from my jacket that i made her wear to cover her up," he says, voice shaking by the end.

"Fucking hell, i'm going to kill them all," i hissed out, red covering my vision, ground shaking under my feet as i hold the handle of the door to open the car fastly.

"No, Jungkook. You don't understand. She wasn't looking ok. It felt like she zoned out, wasn't in her right mind. I- I'm not getting a good feeling about it," he tells me.

I curse out under my breathe as i try to regulate my breathe. No, i won't let the rage take over me right now. I need to stay calm before i do something that would become danger for me too. I need to know where Hana is.

"Did you track your car?" i ask as i immediately get inside my car.

Michael tells me that the car is on the highway that leads to Hana's house only. I am almost half an hour away from her place. At this moment, it's the rush hour leading to more traffic which is dangerous for both me and her.

As i cut the call, i felt my insides crumbling at the thought of something happening to her. There are so many questions going on in my head right now. Why was Hana there? I would never find her disloyal, she knows who she'll be doing that to and the outcome won't be very great.

Her friends might be the reason she was there but then again, how did she end up in a situation where those guys tried harassing her? My blood suddenly boiled at the thought of some motherfucking creeps doing something awful to my girl.

I want to get into that party, beat the shit out of them till they're nothing but a heap of bones and blood on the floor. I want to kill them to death. 

But right now, that's not what i should do. Hana needs me more. 

I drive the car fastly out of the lot and straight to the highway which connects to the one she's on. Even if i try to drive this car at the highest speed, it's almost impossible for me to catch her on the road. 

My insides again feel like they're shaking, Stomach grumbling with nausea crippling up to my throat making me gulp the feeling down.

I've never been this scared. Fuck, when i go  out on missions where i can lose my own life, i'm usually calm but here, i am trying so hard to not lose it. I swear on my life, if something happened to her, i'll burn the whole world down.

I growl out under my throat as i pass through fast blurring cars around me. My heart is palpitating against my ribs like it's about to leap out, my jaw is clenched so hard i feel like i'll draw blood out of my mouth.

I can't calm down, fuck, nothing feels right. The unease in me is increasing with every passing second.

I'm not a religious person, never believed in something like that, but this fast heartbeat of mine with crumbling anxiety has me praying to whatever power exists in this universe to keep her safe, at least until i reach her, until i find her and have her in my arms.

The lights of the car swoosh around me as i fasten the car even more, being careful to not turn this into a disaster for me. Even with the ac on in the car, i'm sweating. My hold on the steering wheel is so tight that i might end up crushing it into pieces.

The next thirty minutes, I constantly ring up Michael to tell me the activity of the car. He has been telling me to calm down, take a deep breathe time to time and I'm trying. For fuck's sake, I'm trying so hard but I myself feel like my heart will stop beating any second if Michael tells me something that I don't want to hear.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

As soon as i step out of my car, i hear loud crashes from inside Hana's house. There are people from neighborhood gathering around her place, a few in her front yard, to see what's happening in there.

I curse under my breathe as i slam the door behind me, panicking because of all the loud crashes from inside. It's kind of relief that Hana is there, but I don't know what's happening inside these walls. I do know that it's something terrible, really terrible.

As i sprint towards the porch steps of her house, i look at Michael's rover parked by the outer door in a messy tilted way. She barely reached here.

My gaze falls on a young guy recording everything from outside and rage fills me. He's standing right in front of her place, past the boundary which he shouldn't be in. And heaven knows what he would do with this recording. I won't let anything happen though.

I snatch the phone from his hold, almost crushing the device in my tight hold as i say, "Delete whatever you recorded right fucking now. If i see any footage of this anywhere, i'm coming for your life. Consider this my warning."

My red rage filled eyes warn him, and he shakes at his place with goosebumps covering his face. He nods, afraid of me as i throw the phone on his chest. I don't care if he catches it or not, I just turn towards the other people to glare at them all, giving the hint that they should leave. The people around starts dissipating to their houses after my warning to this one boy.

 I run towards the door and my hands start shaking as i turn the knob, only to find out that the door is locked. I gulp, murmuring silent prayers that she's ok inside. 

I can hear her muffled screams now, my heart pains at the sound of them. With raged breathing, i take out the keys to her house from the pocket of my jeans to unlock her house.

I don't waste any moment when the door unlocks and i open it to barge inside.

My blood practically freezes at the sight in front of me. For a second, i stop and look at the scene. This is so not normal.

The vases in Hana's place, which were once beautiful with pretty flowers, are broken down on the floor. The flowers are crushed, looking completely lifeless and the water flows everywhere around here.

The china wear utensils are broken near walls around. The crashing voice was becuase of these. The big mirror near the stairs to her room is broken into pieces and right in between of all this mess, stands Hana.

I don't recognise her for a moment. There's blood on her face, it's not from any cut on her face. It's because of her touching her face with her hand which is holding a sharp scrap of mirror. Blood drips down her hand on the floor, mixing with the water coursing around in red streaks.

"Hana...," i call for her and she turns around.

My insides crumble when i see her crying this hard. She's mumbling inaudible things to herself. Her eyes plead for help, her hair a whole mess because of the pulling she must be doing.

Her white t shirt clings to her body, her black bra visible. She's shivering, very badly. Her feet, luckily still in shoes crumble the glass scraps under her.

"What are you doing here?" she asks, her lips wobble.

I don't answer her. I can't. I'm stuck at my place for the moment.

"You did this to me, Jungkook," she cries out.

I don't know why she said this but i don't prompt. Anyone would leave this place then and there. It's dangerous, she has a glass scarp in her hand. She could've used it on herself, but she isn't doing that. She can lunge on me with it and prove to be harmful for me, but the truth is that i don't care.

I meant it when i told her that i'm never leaving her, including situations like these.

I need to reach her before she hurts herself more with that glass scrap in his alreday badly bleeding hand. I just stare at her face, my eyes not believing that i'm seeing her like this.

I can tell that she is in her suicidal episode right now. I have never handled someone in situation like this, and right now too i'm not very sure what to exactly do. I just know theorotical stuff i read on internet just in case, but being on ground is so much different and i'm absolutely terrified to do something that might end up being dangerous for her.

I gulp, and take a small step towards her. Just a small step and it is so calculated, as i don't want to trigger anything in Hana.

"Stop," hana says almost inaudibly but i heard it, so i stop and look up at her. Her big eyes soften as big tears fall down her eyes. She's conflicted.

"Just leave. You shouln't see me like this...," she sniffles, shaking her head.

I sigh, taking another step forward. She is no more than six strides away from me, yet this distance feels so huge. Like there is a whole big wall i have to climb and then an ocean to cross to reach her. It seems difficult, so terrifying on the one end but the other end is more than just it.

I can't stop. I need to reach her, stop this all and have her in my arms. Safe.

Seeing me take another step towards her as the glass pieces of vase and china wear crushes under my shoes clad feet, Hana starts stepping back. Her forehead creases, eyes turning angry again.

"No no! You shouldn't be here. You should be with her!" she yells, not looking at me, just looking around.

Taking the advantage of her lack of attention towards me, i steps a few steps towards her as she sobs even harder. Her tears are flowing down her cheeks to her neck and finally to get soaked into her now see through material of white t shirt.

"You betrayed me... You told me you won't do it," she hiccups, crying out.

" You ruined me, fucked her. You fucking lied to me!" she screams out loud, i've never heard her voice get this shrilly.

Just as she screams, she moans out in pain and clutches her head with her one hand which was already holding the sharp scrape of the glass. The pointy part of the glass suddenly comes very close to her head. Dangerously close.

And the thought of it cutting her head, or worse cutting through it was enough to shoot a big thunder of panic through my body. I gasp loudly as i don't care anymore, running towards her.

She sees me running towards her making her back away from me. The red blood streaks run down her arm and some smudges against her face because of gravity. As she takes a step back, she stumbles on some cutlery and falls back down, landing on her butt shrieking out loud.

"Hana!" i shout her name, my hand reaching out for her.

"Stop stop stop please!" she whisper shouts, not to me but to herself.

"I don't... i can't..."

She screams in pain, clutching her head with both of her hands. I crouch down in front of her as soon as i reach her. My heart races fastly, panic eating me alive. Adernaline rushes inside my veins, my whole body startssweating.

The tiny glass particles scratch against the material of my jeans, pricking me. They must be pricking her too. My insides pain at the thought again.

If she thinks i did something, i don't even know what i did, but i'll beg on my knees to apologize to her over and over again so that she can stop this. 

I just can't fucking lose her!

"Hana...," i can only call for her. My throat feels so heavy, making it so difficult to speak. I'm gulping time to time. I've never felt this afraid before. 

I just want that glass scrap out of her bleeding hand, but if i ask her for it, i don't know if she'll give it to me. What if she ends up clenching it really hard if i try to snatch it away from her? I'll end up hurting her more.

Her eyes open for a slightest of second to show her glassy red eyes, filled with tears.

"I can't do this, Jungkook, but it won't stop...," she whispers. 

"Just stay away...," her eyes close again, her whole frame shivers because of her cold and wet body. 

I get closer to her, seeing her letting go. I grab her wrist tightly. I won't let her harm herself like she did with herself when she was fourteen. If i squeeze her wrist tightly, it'll make her hand numb and she won't be able to clench her hand and eventually will let go of it.

"Fuck no," she protests, her body shivering but i don't let go of her hand, pulling the hand away from her head.

"Please. I need to end this. Please... I can't do this. But i can't stop," she murmurs inaudible things, her eyes still closed, though forehead is still creased like she's in pain.

She's fighting against it. I want to pull her close to me, rock her back and forth softly and tell her that it'll be ok. I'll listen to her say anything to me, but she can't harm herself. I won't let it happen.

I shakily inhale as i lower her hand, as she starts letting go of the glass yet not fully.

"Hana, listen to me, baby," i say, the surroundings suddenly feeling less chaotic now that i see her letting go.

She shakes her head, not looking at me yet, her head hanging low. I don't know if she's trying to shut me up or her mind.

"I can't do this to me...," she murmurs something after that but i don't catch it.

"I'm here, my peach, i'm here for you. Let go, please," i request her.

"Jungkook," she looks up at me with pleading eyes," Help me, please."

"Yes baby, i will," i say, looking into her terrified eyes.

I put pressure on her wrist, taking help of her drowsing state, in hope that she'll let go of it altogether. But what she does, surprises me.

She herself offers the glass scarp to me. Her hand unclenches properly to show the blood filled glass scarp. Her hand is severely injured and shaking constantly. She holds the glass scarp in between us, like she's herself giving it to me.

I look at her defeated eyes as she looks into mine, dry tears make her face look dull but then a new set of tears wetten the dry cheeks again.

Her other hand shakes as she takes it up the side of her neck and touches herself near a sensitive nerve there. She sobs again as she slids her finger down there.

"Right here," she indicates me, showing her neck to me.

"Just kill me, Jungkook. Stop this all, please," she pleads.

All the blood in my body felt like it drained out. I can tell that my face has gone pale. And my insides… I feel like my heart has been shattered, plucked apart from the very root of its core as she looks at me with pleading eyes, like she is waiting for me to do it. To kill her.

My racing heartbeat and composed body plunges towards her. My hand snatches the glass scrap from her torn skin of hand as I throw it behind me.

She looks at me, all confused but I pull her close to me to engulf her cold body into my embrace. Her bloody hand is between our bodies as it stains my own T shirt, but I don't give a damn about it.

I hold her shivering body as close as I can to me. Her rigid shivering body eases, I can feel her muscles giving out a breath of relief as I hug her closer, leaving no room for even a hair strand in between us.

“Kill it, end it” she says against my shoulder.

Her light head feels so heavy on my shoulder like she has put the entire weight of hers on there. She's completely relying on me.

“Please stop, Hana. You'll be ok, baby,” I plead, trying to consol her by putting my one hand on the back of her head, caressing her hair. Her voice needs to stay silent. I won't let it take her away from me. Ever.

“Kill it…,” she murmurs, and pulls her face away from my neck to breath. Her soft breathe fan the skin near my ear. She's taking small shallow breathes, as if she's about to sleep. She's tired. She has fought a lot.

I keep on caressing her head, feeling Hana say some inaudible gibberish to me, or to herself. I don't know if she has fallen asleep or not, she's just calm for her. I hope her head is too.

Relief washes over me as I pull her tighter in my arms, almost crushing her bones in process. She's safe, and in my arms. Safe.

Just then she slightly jerks in my arms before gagging slightly.

I try to face her by my shoulder as I ask, “You feel like puking?”

Hana nods by my shoulder and I don't take another moment to think as I collect her body in my arms to pick her up in the way she's clinging to my body like a koala. She hugs my necks closer, keeping her bloody hand flat on my back. I can feel hot wetness on my skin through the material of my T shirt. I need to call some doctor to see if the wound is deep or not. I need to clean her too.

“Hold in for a minute, yeah?” I softly ask her and feel her nodding against my shoulder again, her hair brushing by my neck.

As soon as I stand up with her light body, I walk towards the stairs to her room. When I reach her room, I open the door which was luckily unlocked. Once inside, I take her to the bathroom straight.

After she pukes, I'll have to clean her wound, then change her wet clothes so that she doesn't catch a cold and put her on the bed. I'll call my family doctor who lives around half an hour away from here if I'm not wrong. He's the only one I can call at this hour. Along with that I'll have to call her friends here too, because I'll have to leave for some time. Some people need to learn the lesson for fucking up with my woman.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

I

'm finally done after I tied a piece of cotton cloth around Hana's bleeding palm after cleaning her nicely. It will help to stop the unnecessary flow of blood. She has lost so much of it already, I hope the amount she lost isn't very dangerous. The wound is kind of deep, it might need some stitches. Luckily enough, it's her left hand.

I called the doctor right after I helped Hana puke into the toilet bowl, holding her mess of a hair and patting her back, whispering words of consolation to her. She was a whiny mess, but I'm glad she puked. It made her feel lighter, and fell asleep right after rinsing her mouth with the mouthwash. She was barely awake, but I'm glad she's OK.

I sigh in relief yet again. I called her friends right after I called doctor. They must be almost here too. It had been twenty minutes since. I called Jae from my phone. I could've called her other psycho friend, Da Eun, but I was already too stressed to talk to another stress-maker.

Jae is calm, compared to her. She was confused, obviously when I called her at such time.

"Come at Hana's place, ASAP," I straight say, not wanting to talk to anyone right now. I'm waiting for the bathtub to fill with warm water.

"Jungkook? What happened?" her baffled voice asks.

"Just come, Hana needs you guys," I answer.

"What? Oh my God. Is she OK? Hell, we're on our way. At her place right?" she asks, her voice as baffled as mine.

"Yup. Be fast."

I look at the time, it's almost nine. I'm just waiting for her friends to arrive so I can leave and do what my crawling blood is so raged for.

I can't even think about the worst case scenario if I didn't come in time. I'm still so confused about so many things. Everything doesn't make sense.

It's clear if Hana slipped into that episode again after being perfectly clean for months, then it had been triggered by something external. She had been kind of off the whole day. Fuck, I should've seen signs.

But why was she saying that I did it. Like I made her slip into her episode. Had me saying no to her for a night stay tonight made her slip into it? But I did promise her to be at her place as soon as I'll be done.

Fuck. I need answers, and only she can give me those. I can ask her friends but I don't want to. I need her to tell me, as I've built my trust on her.

As I'm thinking, I hear the door opening downstairs, making me look up from Hana's peaceful sleeping face.

I quickly stride out of her room to stare down the stairs, right in the front at the main door.

The whole living area is still a mess. There's water, broken glasses and vase, dead flowers and blood streaks in the white tiles.

"What the hell?" I hear Da Eun gasp as I step down the stairs.

They both look up at me. Jae looks scared as she looks at me, but Da Eun sees me with angry eyes, like I did all this.

"What did you do to her?!" she yells at me.

I shake my head, trying to keep my calm ignoring the painful throbbing on the side of my head. Now that they're here, I need to go to do what my hands has been itching to do.

I quickly skip down the stairs to reach them.

" It wasn't me. She slipped into her episode," I tell them honestly but they both looks at me in confusion.

"What episode? Don't you dare lie to us, Jungkook," Jae warns me now, also believing that I did this.

But that isn't my concern at all. The main thing is that they don't know about Hana's voice and suicidal episodes at all. That probably means that Hana has never told them about it.

" I don't give a fuck if you believe me or not. The doctor is on the way, must be arriving anytime. Hana is upstairs, stay by her side. I need to do something urgent," I tell them, getting impatient with the need to kill right now.

"Doctor? Oh my God," Da Eun clutches her mouth as she quickly run past my body to climb up the stairs to her best friend.

"Where are you going?" Jae asks me as I walk past her, towards the door.

"Some people need to learn a few lessons," I answer and don't wait any more second before stepping out.

Chilly air spikes my skin and the thin T shirt with dried blood marks on it does so less to keep the cold air away from my skin. But even this coolness doesn't help cooling down the burning rage inside me.

Never in my life, I thought I'd actually have the urge to kill someone but right now it's like blood has washed over my skull.

I pull my phone out of my Jean and dial Michael's number. In a few rings, he picks it up. The loud music of the party blasts behind him. Of course the party is still going on. It goes till midnight and it's not even twilight.

"Jungkook, is she OK?" he asks, his tone worries.

"Give me the names, Michael."

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I hope you guys didn't think it's the end yet lmao. We've a long way ahead.

~Aster🌸