"À la folie"

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Note: the half part of this chapter, you might've already read it before but I republished it with adding the next half so please read the whole chapter<3

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With shaking heart and pounding head, I walk towards the car in the parking lot.

I'm fast on my feet, my eyes too focused, eyebrows furrowed to the extent I feel like there's too much pressure on them.

My head, this fucking head of mine, can't think straight.

One can blame it on the injury but I blame it on the events that happened.

How dare they? How dare he?

They really think that they can keep her away from me? From the one who has conquered her in every way possible? The one her destiny is with?

I'm glad, I'm so damn glad that she's safe. That's what I wanted. That's what my goal was and I did everything I could to bring her out here safe.

Hell, they don't know how I'll climb the tallest mountain, swim the largest ocean, walk into the fire to save her. I did walk into the den of death just to have her safe in my arms, to see that she's there, waiting for me, counting her breathes to see me find her and save her from that hell.

I know she did. I know she was looking at the door every second, hoping I'll be there. And I was. I was right where she wanted me.

I would do anything for her and these shit heads don't know it.

"Jungkook wait, son!" my dad yells at me from behind, matching my angry strides towards the car.

I'm wearing this comfortable black hoodie and sweatpants that they gave me right after i woke up after being in a coma like state for three days.

Yes, three fucking days, I was out of my mind too much that I couldn't do anything.

In these three days, they changed every thing.

The girl I wanted wasn't there with me and it's all because of her father who thinks that he knows best.

I don't listen to my Dad as I don't slow down. I just need to get out of here, I can't waste any second.

I have no idea what Jiho must be thinking but I know he's thinking big. He'll do anything to keep Hana away from me.

And I'm going to take her away from right under his nose.

I don't care if I have to use uncomfortable methods.

She's mine and it's about time that everyone knows it fully well. Including her father.

"I can't let you do this, Jungkook. You are not well yet, this is not the right time," my Dad walks up behind me as i reach near the car.

I know my head can black out any time because of the injury, i know i can lose my balance anytime and i also know that driving in this state is more than dangerous.

But i also know that i can't lose Hana now. I've been through hell and back to have her safe, not being with me right now is a shame. i just need her, right now, with me.

I reach the car and as i'm about to open the door of the car, i hear a voice.

"Stop right there," the voice was not my Dad's but it was someone's that made me stop, with my hand on the car door handle.

I look towards the source of the voice and see Jae Sung standing there right next to where my car is parked.

He has a cig in his hand which is about to run out. He's leaning against the hood next to a car, which i suppose is his car. He's there, looking all posh with his ironed suit and set hair.

As much as i am grateul of him for helping me find Hana, i am still mad at him for letting all that happen even when he knew it all.

Jae Sung knew what Michael and his dad was upto, this man has his spies all around. He knew how they were making plans of doing some harm to my family or Hana in order to have me under their feet.

The night of the party when that all happened and Jae sung called me to be in his headquarter, he knew exactly what to do. The next two days, we prepared a team, got the best weapons and were there, at the location that Jae Sung and his control room found out.

I might've not had Hana if it weren't for him. The thought scares me, almost makes me weak on my knees.

However, that doesn't erase the fact that he let that all happen even when he knew.

They might not know but i can tell how traumatic it had been for Hana, considering her mental health issues. Not only that, when i saved her, i could see marks of torture on her.

Bruised cheek, busted lip, scratches here and there on her body. 

And that's enough of  reason for me to hate this man's guts.

It's like he wanted to teach me a lesson, wanted to push his agenda on me. Wanted to scare Hana enough to leave this shit and then, Jae Sung would be successful. That's what he want- me away from her, devoted to this gang only.

And again, he seems to have succeed in this.

Hana is gone, i don't know willingly or not, but she isn't here. And the only reason is the gang.

But i'm not giving up on her, not now, not ever. I'm going to have her with me and show him, prove him wrong, including Hana's father.

I look at Jae Sung as he throws the used cig on the ground to crush it under his feet. His eyes are twinkling like his mastermind worked. He must be so grateful of what Michael did, though he's dead now.

"I've heard enough of you," i snarl at him.

"All this attitude towards someone who saved your girl?" he asks me, like he's surprised. He must be smart but i'm not that dumb to not know his motives.

"You actually let that happen to her. Don't act like a saint that you're not, Jae Sung," I snarl at him, my hand tightening on the door handle of my car as I resist the urge to punch his face.

He scoffs, "Sinners can't be saints, Jungkook, and I'm not trying to be that. I got what I wanted."

I know he is the one who called her parents here. Who else would? He has always wanted this, hadn’t he? 

In his mind, he thinks that what he knows is the best and Jiho is no better than Jae Sung either.

Jae Sung thinks that having women involved with us in this gang is a weakness because of what happened with him in the past. He has an example of his own girlfriend leaving him after she saw the dirty side of this gang, that’s what he thought would happen with Hana, and in some way he’s right.

I loathe it.

“you should’ve stayed out of this after you helped me with getting Hana back, you didn’t have the damn permission to barge into this agin and get her parents involved,” i snarl at him, stepping closer.

He squints his eyes at me, “ And i should’ve kept them in dark? I don’t do that, Jungkook. I couldn’t risk it if something happened to her there.”

I snicker, “ Stop with this fake worry of yours when you damn well knew that you could have stopped any of this from happening becaue you knew it all along.”

Leaving the door's handle, I come face to face with him now, my blood roaring with fury now. He straightens in his place to show his dominance but i don’t care right now, i don’t care that he’s my boss, that he’s the one I'll be taking the throne from. All i know is that this man is showing audacity more than he should.

“You have been getting this very wrong idea, Jae Sung, that you have the fucking right to interfere in my business on your accord and fuck up whatever i have planned for me.  And you are so fucking wrong, I've been giving you warnings, but you don’t listen because you have taken me for granted and i don’t like that,” i look into his eyes, his look into mine with same intensity.

“You think that your girlfriend left you because she was too weak to see and live in this dirty world of gangs, but here’s the truth, Jae Sung, she left because you’re a fucking asshole who only thinks of himself and she knew that you would never jump into the den of death for her even when she’ll need help,” i say and something snap in his eyes. He's getting angry and i like it. He should feel it.

“But that isn’t the case with Hana, i know she knows that i would go to fucking lengths of hell for her if i must keep her safe. I won’t leave her to crows because this fucking gang is more important. She is just as important for me and it’s about time you get that fucking thing in your mind,”  i say and his eyes darken, i think he can see how serious i am, he can sense it in my bloodshot eyes. And for the first time, he’s speechless.

Finally.

I don’t waste my time on him any further, i need to find Hana. 

I turn around and see my Dad  behind me. He must be standing here, probably listening to me warning Jae Sung for the last time.

Dad doesn’t say anything and i don’t wait for him to again start stopping me, so i turn towards my car and unlock it with the key.

I am about to slide into the driver’s seat when Dad stops me.

“I can’t let you drive in this condition, son, it’s better if i do that and you take the passenger seat,” he says.

I don’t protest, i can feel that my body doesn’t have much energy to put so much work into driving.

I can feel Jae Sung’s stare on my back as i move towards the passenger side and my Dad replaces me.

I don't look at him as I climb into the passenger's seat and Dad stars the engine of the car. Soon, we're out of the parking lot.

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I haven't felt my heartbeat go down ever since we've hit the road. Endless questions revolve my mind.

Main of all- Where is she?

For all I can pray for is that she's here,in this country. It's not really possible that her father would have her fly out of the country in three dates considering she must not have healed much yet.

So, my top guess is that she's at her parents' place. And that's where we are headed.

In half an hour of excruciating ride and dusk approaching, the air is getting thinner.

The winters are here, it hasn't snowed yet, though I'm sure it will soon. It's cold as hell. But it doesn't matter anymore. What matters the most is that I need to see Hana, have her with me.

The moment we reach the premises of her home, I get to work. I remember few weeks back when we were here and Hana was holding my hand walking into this place.

Right now, as I climb out of my car I feel her absence more than ever. I feel the void of her hand in mine, I feel her shaking warm body missing next to mine and it drives me crazy.

Still, I run.

My dad calls out my name behind me but I don't hear anything, it's like my ears are numb. So are my hands from having them in fist for too long, so is my face because of the sudden exposure to skin biting winter air and even though my legs feel numb too, still I don't think twice before running straight into the yard of this beautiful home.

The cold air wooshes against my skin, my cut short hair. My mind and heart running thousand miles a minute.

Once I reach the front door, I don't wait as I ring the bell. I wait for a second which felt like an hour.

Desperate, that's what I am right now.

I ring the bell again and it's as silent as a church, the only noise is of the air wooshing around me and if I hear it clearly I can hear it passing through the trees like a whistle.

When the door doesn't open  again, I take my hand up to thump on the wooden door. However, I hear the door click and then open.

A face very similar to that of Hana's comes into my view. Her mother.

"Jungkook," she says my name in a sad whisper, her eyes droopy, eyebrows furrowed like she knew it'd be me and isn't surprised to see me here.

She has only opened the door enough so that her face can peak out of it.

"Where is she?" I ask her immediately.

She shakes her head, "You shouldn't be here."

"I don't care, Mrs. Kim. I just need her can't you all understand this?" I say as calmly as I can.

It takes every tiny bit of my sanity to not push this door open and barge inside. I'm trying my best.

"This won't make any difference, Jungkook. You need to leave right now," she tells me, her voice a little more stern.

She goes to shut the door but I don't let her by holding the knob tightly, applying force so she can't slam it on my face.

I'm here for her and I ain't leaving until I have her.

" Please, Mrs. Kim, "I beg.

Even in my life threatening situations, I have never begged. I've only done it once before when I saw Hana with that glass shred in her hand, cutting herself open. This is the second time, again because of Hana and I don't give a fuck about it.

So be it.

If begging is what it'd take for me to see her, have her again, I'd get on my knees.

I just need her.

"Can't you fucking hear at once?"

I hear a manly voice from behind her. It's Jiho. I can tell he was already standing there, hearing to me beg her wife like that.

Mrs. Kim sighs in front of me, her eyes begging me to leave. But I don't. I stand my place sternly.

" I'm not leaving until I see her and it won't take much effort for me to barge in here and you know it all too well, Jiho," I talk back.

"You wouldn't dare," I hear him yell before the door of the house opens completely as Jiho barges out.

"You wouldn't dare to warn me while standing in my property and in the business that concerns my daughter," her warns me.

I take the opportunity to look behind him into the house to catch any glimpse of Hana if she was here listening to all this happening.

"My wife told you to leave and if you don't, I'd have to throw you out of here, kid and I am not joking with you," he sternly says.

"Neither am I, Jiho. I'm here for Hana and I ain't leaving without her."

"Who the fuck do you think I am?" Jiho steps out of the house as his wife tries to stop him.

My dad comes up behind me as I bore into bloodshot eyes of Jiho.

"Hana is not your property, Jungkook. Until the day I'm alive, I'm not letting her get with you, you get that? I should've kicked you out the moment you stepped into my house with her. I regret every second of my days for not doing that, for putting her life into danger after protecting her whole my life just because she chose an incompetent man like you who couldn't protect her, "he snarls at me.

My blood boils and I fist my hands. My dad grabs my bicep because he knows what I want to do right now.

" I know it. I know I've been not cautious, I know I should've never let that happen to her but I didn't cowar away either. I was the one who walked into that den to save her and I wouldn't have thought twice about my own life and that's why you can't get me away from what's mine, Jiho, " I talk back.

" Besides, all the protection you've been talking about is all bullshit since you couldn't even see your own daughter struggling with her own damn brain. You couldn't see, you don't understand her, you don't know what she wants and that's what makes you more competent as a fucking father, " I spit out venom.

" What did you say? "

I don't get to repeat when a heavy fist lands on my jaw. So hard, I saw stars. Half because I'm physically way weaker and half by cause of the unexpected nature of it.

"Jungkook!" my dad shouts my name.

"Jiho, are you out of your mind?!" his wife yells out loud.

I look at her holding her husband back, looking at him with anger in her eyes while he is looking at me like he doesn't care that I am weak or that he might end up killing me if he does that again.

" Jiho, stay in your fucking limit!" my dad yells at him while holding my shoulder, constantly pulling me away from this house.

"Tell your son to stay out of my property and I might," Jiho warns again.

I straighten up and look at him. I feel blood running out of the corner of my lips.

I look behind them to see Da Eun and Jae standing. If they're here, Hana is here too, she has to be.

I don't think rationally as I move forward involuntarily. My need of Hana overpowering me.

I run to climb up the steps to push Jiho out of my way but he stops me with his body. For a man nearing fifty he has a lot of strength against my weak body at the moment.

Still I try to push but his one push was enough to have me fall back to land on my back on the porch stairs.

"Stay out of my house, you asshole," Jiho climbs down to get on my body to beat the shit out of me but both my dad and Mrs. Kim pushes him away from me.

There's so much chaos on the entrance suddenly. Hana's mother is constantly telling Jiho to calm down in her angry voice and my father is on the brink of losing his cool too.

I still look behind them to catch a glimpse of Hana. She should walk down to see all the commotion happening but I don't see her. Instead I see Da Eun and Jae running towards the scene happening.

I get up, groaning as my muscles sore up due to sudden collision.

"Get out of my property, I said!" Jiho still shouts at me.

I look at Da Eun, her eyes wide as saucers, her hand slightly covering her mouth to see this all.

"Where is she?!" I ask her, looking at her face.

She just shakes her head, her eyes forming tears.

I get up to fully stand on my height, my heart beating loud, head feeling dizzy and body suddenly so sore, I find it difficult to stand.

"Where the fuck is she?!" I yell at all of them.

"Jungkook, we need to go," my dad says as he sees Jiho getting angrier with each passing moment.

"I'm not leaving without her, Dad, I need her!" I protest as he pulls me with him.

I don't budge as I keep looking at their faces. I look at Mrs. Kim who's sad, her cheeks streaking tears as she tries to calm her husband. Da Eun just looks at me, not believing this happening and so is Jae, though none of them say anything, their mouths shut.

"Do I call the police to throw you out of here?" Jiho speaks again and I fight the urge to blow his brain open.

"I don't fuckin-"

"No, we're leaving," my dad announces as he pulls me.

"Jungkook, please, this is not the right time," he whispers to me.

I wish I had the rational brain of my father but I don't. I can't leave without her. I didn't even see her here. Is she even here? Why hasn't she come out?

I look around the house to peek into the windows of the house but I don't catch a glimpse of her.

Is she even OK?

Where have they kept her?

Where the fuck is she?

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"Who the hell do they think they are?" my mom yells as she rushes to me with a ice pack in her hand.

Juri sits in my lap with her tiny hands trying her best to dust my short hair. She looks serious, too serious for her such small age.

My mom keeps the pack on my cheek where Jiho hit me and I hiss in pain.

My whole body is aching. My legs, back, head, everything. It's because of sudden activity straight after I woke up and the little fight with Jiho.

"It's ok, Mina, fathers are overprotective of their daughters," my dad says, being rational as ever.

I swear to God, he'll go against me if it means that the judgment is fair like some prophet.

"So? It doesn't mean he can harm somebody else's child like this. Especially when he knew that Jungkook has also been hurt," mom clearly only thinks of her blood.

I just sit there with running mind. I can't just give up. I need to talk with Hana. I can't let her dad tell me what I need to do with our relationship.

She's my girlfriend and I get to decide about it.

She's mine, her soul is mine. One way or another, she has to stay mine. They can't just throw me out like this, especially when I haven't even talked with her yet.

Fuck, I haven't seen her in three days.

The last time I saw her was when I told her to escape from that shabby place. She had those heavy tears in her eyes, that adoration, that care in the hug. No way in hell for once she had regretted being with me, even when she was under those traitors captivation. I know it.

I know it's that shithead father of hers who manipulated her into this. She can't do this to me. We've been there with each other.

I am holding the pack to my face when i hear the chime of my phone, indicating that there's been a text.

I immediately take my phone out to see that it's a text from Seokjin. After leaving that place, I immediately texted him to try track her phone location down to which he immediately followed. It's probably something about that only.

I furrow my eyebrows. Does she have no phone access anymore? If her phone isn't traced at her parents' place at all, does that mean she isn't there at all? If she's not, how is she communicating with them?

I might have to try hack into someone else's phone but that would take time. At least enough time to make me go insane. But still I type in Da Eun's number into the text and send him. There's no way they're not talking. If we can track the new number I'd know where she is.

Seokjin gets to work immediately but even before they actually gets done, I need to try and talk it out of her myself. I don't like that woman much, I know she doesn't like me either but the look in her eyes before told me that she hates to see this all happening. She might end up helping me.

I get up after setting Juri away from my lap after kissing her forehead. Suddenly she followed my form but I bite my lip not  letting out any sound of discomfort.

"Where are you going? Dinner's ready, love," my mom suddenly gets worried, thinking I'm leaving again.

"My room, I'll eat there only," I lowly whisper.

"But-"

"It's ok, I'll bring it to you," my dad cuts my mom off.

I walk towards my room leaving them staring at me limping. It fucking hurts every where. I need rest, I know but I'd be at unrest until and unless I find my girlfriend.

Once inside my room, I shut the door and go to bathroom to take a shower. I haven't taken one in days because of my unconscious state.

The next few minutes go by with me taking hot shower, easing my muscles and examining my wounds on the body. They're quite a lot. Not big, just tiny but scattered all around. It's fucking pathetic.

With a towel wrapped around my hips, I look at my bruised face in the mirror. I have grown some stubble but I don't care shaving it off. I can put some ointment on my face to reduce the swelling, but I don't. My hair are chopped unevenly by the doctors there to wrap up my wound on head. I need a haircut but I don't care about anything at all.

I don't feel like it. I don't feel like me.

I sigh in front of the mirror.

Since when has a woman become this special for me? Since when have I gone to war for a woman who isn't my family, especially when it's not an order of the gang? Since when have I started feeling this ache in my chest? I am not me anymore.

And I don't feel bad about it. I just feel bad about the fact that a part of my existence is missing and it's not right.

Jiho might be right too. Deep  down I know he is. I know I was incompetent. I would've killed any guy if he had put Hana's life in danger too, this time it's me, myself. I've failed her.

But I'm not doing that anymore.

I know my future in the gang is important but is it as important as her? If I really have to choose between the two, would it actually be difficult for me? Fuck, the answer alone is making my stomach twist because I know what I'd choose, without even thinking twice.

What's happened to me?

"Son," I hear knock on the bathroom door accompanied by my father's voice.

"I'm fine," I assure him.

"I know," he sighs, his voice heavy, "Can we talk?"

As much as I'd want to avoid this, I don't. I know I need this.

So I put on my clothes and walk out of the bathroom.

Dad sits on the edge of my bed. The tray of dinner laid there waiting for me along with sick load of pills that doctors have prescribed to me.

I walk towards him to sit next to him.

"Jungkook, is this worth it?" he asks me.

"What's worth it?" I ask confused.

"Fighting for a woman," he says.

"Fuck yes, dad. It's all worth it for her, I can't lose her I'm serious about it," I tell him, no doubts at all.

"You know it wouldn't decrease the danger for her considering your position in gang," he says exactly what I've been thinking of.

I sigh, not knowing what to say.

"You know I'd have done the same if it had been Juri," he tells me and I look at him.

I understand him, fuck, I'd have done the same too.

"It's going to be a choice to make, isn't it?" I ask him.

"Depends. It's not easy."

"You never left the gang and got mom too. How did you even do it, dad? How  has mom never gotten into this extreme danger?" I ask, totally confused.

"I wasn't the future leader, Jungkook. It's not for weaklings and you're not one, my son. And Hana isn't your weakness. She's your strength. Danger is always there, part of a gang or not. It depends on you and you're her protector. You've done it and I'm proud of you but is it enough?" he looks into my eyes.

" I just can't let her go, dad. First time in my life I've felt like something is right and now that she's not here everything feels wrong, out of place and distasteful. I know my whole life is going to be this without her. She's...,"i breathe before looking down at my hands.

" She's important for my existence dad, otherwise I wouldn't have gone into lion's den for her. She's like Juri and mom to me. She's just like... "

" Family? " dad completes.

" Yes," my eyes look at him with understanding.

"Do you love her?" he asks me and something flutters in my stomach.

What the fuck?

Do I?

Can I?

I look at him dumbfounded. At my speechlessness, he smiles at me slightly.

"You need to get the girl and you would know how to figure it out, trust me," he squeezes my shoulder gently.

After a few minutes of talking, he leaves my room and I sit there, thinking yet again. The conversation, the question and the answers.

Fuck. The emotional turmoil just suddenly increased.

I look down at my phone and pick it up. I need to know where she is. I need to get to her. At least try.

I immediately dialed Da Eun's number. After a ring or two, she picks up. Her voice a low whisper like she doesn't want people to hear that she's talking with me.

"I need your help, Da Eun," I say.

There's a pause before she speaks, "I can't, Jungkook."

"You wouldn't have picked up the call if you can't," I say and she sighs.

"Tell me. Where is she? Is  she here, at her parents' place?"

There's a long pause like she's contemplating and it's enough to know that she isn't all that bad like I thought she'd be.

"No. I can't help you more than that," she says in hurry.

"Where is she then?"

"I don't know, Jungkook, I can't help you more than that." she repeats.

"How  can you not know? Don't lie to me," I prompt.

"I really don't know. I'm sure you'd have known her better than me."

"What does that even mean?"

"Just give up, Jungkook. This is out of hand and I mean it. She's leaving the country in three days, you'll never see her again. Leave her alone-"

"She can't leave just like that!" I lose my cool.

"I know it's hard but it's right. She doesn't deserve to go through this, Jungkook. I can't see her go through hell again, please" I hear her voice crack.

"I need to talk to her. I need to tell her-"

"You can't, Jungkook. Just forget i-"

"You don't understand! None of you do. Do you think it's better for her?"

"Might not be, but being with you is worse for her. Goodbye, Jungkook, I can't help you," she says and tries to end the call.

"Please, just please," I say, tired of this. Tired of trying to make people understand this. All the while these people know that we both need each other.

"Jungkook," Da Eun sighs, her voice soft, "All I can say is you're looking for her at the wrong place."

She doesn't wait before she ends it and the line goes silent.

Defeated, I pull the phone away from my ear and look down at the screen going black. I sigh. Why is everyone against me? Us?

I click the button so that the phone screen illuminates as I look at the wallpaper. It's a picture of me and Hana. Looking at it makes my belief stern. I don't care if the whole world is against us, she'll still be mine. I don't care if they fly her to any country out there, smallest to smallest, I don't give a damn. Because I know it's worth it.

I stare at the lockscreen wallpaper. It's from her birthday. She's wearing that dress I gifted her. She's sitting at the restaurant table, grinning up at the camera. Her eyes are almost close because of how wide her smile is. Her cheeks soft pink, skin glowing. She's looking ethereal.

I remember the night so well. She talked all night, asking me questions, telling me her memories. Her childhood days. The hot beach summers, night camp autumn and Christmas by her grandparents mansion.

Wait.

I suddenly recall her telling me about her Christmas memory in detail. The grandparents mansion, her comfort place.

Fuck.

Yes, of course.

She hasn't flown out of the country yet, she's at the mansion in the country side.  where else would she be?

I unlock my phone and text Seokjin again. All I need is a fucking location now.

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