"Did you get enough love, my little dove, why do you cry?"

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Next update after: 100 votes, 60 comments (now that Hana isn't, lemme be a little selfish)

They say when you know it's right, you just know it.

It's stupid, really, how your definitions for wrongs and rights are always different from one another.

Ethically, it is wrong for me to just stay here, still stay here after all that has happened, after she left in the noon with her douche of a father— no I don't really respect him no more. He is the one who made Hana bring the worse out of her. If it was her decision, she would've never left that hospital without me. I just know it.

It is also wrong for me to be just sitting here, waiting and cursing her father. It's also wrong how I ended up almost confessing my feelings to her when she was most vulnerable. But fuck, I was scared. I didn't want to lose her. I thought that maybe, my confession would make her realise that she loves me too.

She does love me but she didn't want to hear that at that time.

She has her demons. All her life, she has been hearing about how her mother ended up ruining her father's career, once upon a time. And she doesn't want to be that.

I was a fool. I shouldn't have just blurted it out.

Is that gang important for me? Yes. Is it more important than her? Absolutely not.

I've never thought of leaving the gang until the moment I just said it out, all desperate so that she'd look at me with those soft eyes like she had always done before. I hated to be the reason she had those feelingless eyes. I hated the way I had to control my body and not hug her, touch her or kiss her the moment I saw her.

It took me back to that one day when I saw her covered in blood and drenched with water with a sharp glass scrap in her hand, asking me to kill her because she was helpless. That's the deja vu I had when she had that knife in her hand and I knew it was better if she points it at me than at her.

It did take me by surprise when she threw that on me but I know she never would've hurt me. Even though her brain might ask her to do fucked up things, I knew she wouldn't do that. She's stronger than before.

The knife she threw at me was way afar from me. It wasn't enough to kill me, but it was enough to make me stay still, my mouth shut with words of love on the tip of my tongue.

Before I could tell her that it was ok, I'm not hurt, she blacked out.

I was right with the plan B. I should've just kidnapped her. No clue, no crime when she'll understand and just be mine.

But it's also foolish considering she literally went through a traumatizing kidnapping done by Owen and his shit head son.

It's almost 7 in the evening. If we go by the schedule, there are chances that Hana must've left the country.

As much as my chest insists to expand on being so proud of her for choosing herself, there's still an ache. All these weeks, I've seen her battle with herself, it was nice to see her battle for herself.

I am proud, I must be.

But does it fucking hurt? Yes, it does. I wanted to be the one fighting with her, for her, not against her.

Someone has to keep the weapons down, and it was me. I can't let her hate me. So it was better to stay out.

Last two nights, I just stayed in the car. Barely slept, barely ate— only to take my meds, and barely felt sane.

I've been watching her. She did come to her window to see me but today she didn't.

I almost thought that she really had made her mind, but there's some tiny part in me which can't really believe it yet. It's telling me to stay, to wait.

It's very very stupid.

What's the hassle? Turn the engine on, hit the race, leave the place and be home. That's the only sane thing to do.

My parents have been texting me, calling me again and again, practically begging me to come back home. But contrary to all the comfort in there, it feels the most homely in my car where I sit and wait for her.

I'm almost sure, she'd realise how bad she is at pretending. How bad she is at running. She will realise it and then will come running back to me.

I could've gone behind her, caused a scene at airport most probably but I didn't. If Hana had literally made her mind, she'd board that plane no matter what and I won't stop her.

She deserves it all. She deserves her dreams, she deserves her safe life and most of all, she deserves loving herself for being a brave little lioness.

And if she doesn't board the plane, I'm sure she'll come here, at her mansion— which is the only reason why I'm here.

I'm out of my car. Patricia came to me after they left the house, she gave me the chicken soup she made and then gave me the news like I didn't see it unfolding in front of me. I appreciate her goodness though. She's not all that bad like I thought when I first saw her.

She said that I can stay at the mansion until she leaves to her own house at the evening but I refused. I didn't want to be where Hana was once. I don't feel like I'll feel very sane. I might end up feeling this already intense ache inside my chest getting worse.

The snow has decorated the lawn of the mansion like Hana had told me in her stories. The lake has frozen. The trees have nothing but white soft snow clothes on their weak branches.

It's so damn cold as the night is approaching. I can visibly see my breath in front of me. It's getting a little foggy. There's no way I can drive back home tonight.

My hair sway with the slight wind everytime it wooshes past my body. It's really peaceful here. I had always dreamt of staying at such place with Hana. Where there's no one else but just me and her. I would've cooked for her— considering how she doesn't really enjoy it. She would've just watched me while wearing my hoodie.

I've had dreams and even through they seem blurring at the horizon, something inside me keeps them ignited.

The snow under my feet is still soft and it feels like cotton when I step into it. It's high enough to eat my feet up when I walk. It's so perfect. Perfectly how I imagine Hana as.

Soft, alluring and yet, cold too.

I sigh when I hear a car's tire screeching softly at distance.

There's no one who lives around here, at least in this much of radius. The only property is of this mansion with cover of white forest behind it for now.

I see a black SUV coming to stop abruptly and then in a second, someone steps out of it in hurry and it doesn't need rocket science to know who that is.

I stand frozen on the ground, hands in the pocket, legs feeling hotter than before as I see her rush out of the car and then run towards where my car is standing.

The property of the mansion isn't fortified really. The back of it is, but the other three sides only have the protection of fence. So it is really easy to see her full body running as fast as she can.

At this distance, I can see her nose red, cheeks pink. She's been crying.

When she reaches my car, she tries to open the driver's side door but she couldn't. I've locked the car. She tries for a few times before knocking on the window, they are tinted she can't see anything in there.

A low chuckle rumbles in my chest.

Fuck, I knew it.

I knew she'll come back.

Although it feels like a dream, I can't stop watching it. I don't want to wake up at all, I want to see her in rush. Her hands shaking every time she does something. She is in rush, she's just as desperate as I was and still am. She wants to see me, touch me.

She must be praying to her holy mother up there that I'm fine, have not left yet. As much as I want to call for her, run to her myself, I stand there looking at her as she tries her best.

It's fun to watch. She has made me do shit tons of things while she was locked up in her castle because of her cruel father like the fairytales Juri would read. It's about time the knight in shining Armour gets to see the princess run towards him.

After trying for a few seconds, she finally looks around. As soon as she turns around, her eyes fall on me and she stops in her track.

She's away from me, a good distance but I know she can tell that it's me, even though her eyesight isn't the strongest.

My doubt is confirmed as she runs back the road she ran from before, towards the metal gates at the entrance of the mansion. She pushes them open, the eerie sound of them echoes around the place before she enters the property and stops again.

She's less than ten feet away from me and it's taking every ounce of energy in me to not run to her, scoop her up in my arms and kiss the shit out of her.

Fuck I knew it she'll be standing in front of me like this when she left in the noon.

I hear her sniffle before looking down at her hands. I can see her shoulders shake indicating she's crying. Probably in relief to see me here.

Fuck, I can't take this torture.

So I take a step towards her but just then she bends down and with both hands, scoop up generous amount of soft snow. Her bare hands work as she takes a second or two to give the snow a shape of disformed ball.

I look at her as she looks up at me. Then she throws the snowball my way.

Even though she's far enough from me, the ball reaches me and it hits straight to my chest. The unforeseen nature of the soft attack had my weak body stumble backwards a little.

See, I knew it. If she really wanted to kill me, the knife would've pierced through.

Hana sniffles before shouting so that I can hear her well.

"Why didn't you come for me?" she asks, her voice hoarse, her eyes glistening with new tears. Her cheeks pink, in anger, frustration and pain.

I wanted to, my baby, I really did. I just wanted you to realise what you really feel.

She takes another step forward as she again scoops up the snow, makes a ball and throws it my way again. It hits me again but I don't stumble.

"Did you give up on me? Do you not feel it anymore?"

Another step, another scoop of snow, a ball straight to my chest before it crumbles and hit the ground at my feet.

She cries out, "I thought-"

She hiccups.

"You didn't try yesterday, I thought you hated me!"

Another snow ball hits me and I gasp. She's a few steps away from me. It's just three leaps and I'll have her in my arms.

"I didn-" I speak but she cuts me off.

Another ball hits my shoulder before she speaks anything.

"What if I was waiting for you? Did you feel I wasn't worth it anymore?"

"Hana," I call for her.

She's right in front of me, less than a feet away. From here, I can clearly see her. Her unruly hair, her wild eyes — red and filled with big tears, her cheeks paler than before look pink and her small nose red, lips swollen from all the crying.

She stands there in layers of clothes, looking so ready to leave but she didn't. She didn't leave, she ran to me.

My hands move as I attempt to touch her but before that, the snow ball in her hand shoots towards me. From this small distance, it doesn't hit me really hard but it led for her to lose her balance.

"Careful, peach," I gasp as I hold her waist, pulling her to stand still.

She tries to push me away as she sobs.

"Why didn't you follow me?" she asks.

I hold her hands in mine tightly and step forward, closing the distance between us. I can smell her vanilla peach scent. I can't seem to believe she's close to me.

For a moment, I really thought I lost her.

She cries, hiccups a little still looking into my eyes. She was scared. She also thought that she had lost me forever.

Only if she knows that I'll never stop wanting her. She could've flown to other country, I would still be around her until she changes her mind. I'd always stick.

Always with her.

My one hand grabs her waist tightly, keeping her in my hold. My other hand goes up to touch her wet cold cheek. She shudders as my skin touches hers.

I keep looking into her eyes as I wipe her tears from one cheek.

"I somehow knew you'll come back to me," I tell her.

It's a matter of second before I gasp out loud as she lunges forward and hugs my neck real tight, leading me to lose my balance on the soft snow as I fall backwards on the white cold cushion.

She hugs me really tight. I can't even breathe and I can't complain either. She hides her face into the crook of my neck and keeps sobbing.

I hold waist tightly and caress her hair.

"It's ok, Hana, I'm here," I tell her as her hold around me tightens.

The snow is soft enough that I haven't really touched the wet cold ground yet.

Hana shakes her head, her hair tingling the side of my face, her breathe fast like she's still crying.

" I'm so sorry," she manages to squeak out between her sobs.

"Look at me, Hana," I tell her but she doesn't, still with her face next to my neck, she keeps crying.

"Look at me, baby, please," I say and then touch her face with my one hand, making her look up at me.

I smile when I see her, looking like a crying mess.

"I'm proud of you for choosing yourself," I tell her, caressing her wet cheek.

"But I'm not," a tear falls down her cheek, wetting my hand in process.

"I hated it, I hated being selfish, for only thinking of myself when you risked your own life for me. I didn't even tell you how grateful I was that day and then I had hurt you the next day. I was cruel fo-"

I cut her rambling, "No, you're not selfish, peach. I understand you fully well, and you don't need to thank me, ever. No matter what, I'm there t-"

She cuts me, "But I did hurt you. You were there that day with your eyes full of hope. I know you wanted to come hug me, touch me to see that I'm fine. Fuck, I wanted it too, I really did. I wanted to run my fingers on your face, ask you if you're ok but my mind was too fucked up. I did things I shouldn't have.. "

" Hana, lis-"

" No, you wanted to talk with me, clear things out but I pushed you away. I said such hurtful things, I can't imagine. How could I? I'm so sorry for hurting for like that. I should've acted smarter, should've told you to sit and talk out, instead I threatened you.. "

" It doesn't matter any-"

" It does matter, Jungkook! I threatened to kill you. I threw the knife at you while you were trying to express your feelings to me. I'm so terrible, I almost killed you.  Please, Jungkook, don't hate me. I don't know what happened suddenly.."

"You didn't mean i-"

"But I still threw that knife at you. It did mean that I wanted to k-"

"Oh will you ever shut up," I whisper before I force her face towards mine and her lips meet mine.

As she's on top of my body, I let her take the lead as her lips sucks on my lower one.

I feel her relaxing in my hold as my hands try to keep her hair away from her face. Her own hands come up to my face as she touches me, finally.

It's really sweet right now and it's probably not very right to have a boner the second she touched my face.

Fuck, I've missed her touch, I've missed her scent, I've missed her ramblings. I've missed all of her, inside out.

I feel her body the best I can, savoring it. Her lips are soft, they move against mine so perfectly like pieces fit together. Custom made for each other.

I move my lips against hers as I hear her moan in the back of her throat as her hands caress my ragged face. There are healing scars, bruise, and a wound on my forehead. There's slightest of stubble on my chin and above my upper lip because I really haven't shaved in weeks, probably.

She caresses me like she's memorizing me, like she can't believe that I'm here, with her right now.

After a few seconds, when she pulls away to take a breath, she's finally silent. I can listen to her talk all the time but if it's about hating herself for any damn reason, that mouth better stays shut.

"I'm so sorry," she apologises again.

I sigh and then get up with her in my hold. White snowflakes sticks to my clothes, hers too. There are a few in her hair and mine too.

As I stand up with her body in my hold, I keep looking at her face. She's mesmerizing. She's beautiful, truly. I've seen so many women before her, after her, but there's no one that compares to her. She's no extraordinary, she's just what she is. Raw, fearless and oh so captivating.

I can never fathom the fact that she's mine. She'll always be mine. She has been since I laid my eyes on her.

I don't really believe in destiny— that something is written for you and it happens when it's supposed to happen, but it feels truly crazy how she was put in my way. She took my breath away, made me feel things that I've never felt before and if she's not there, I know I can ever feel that for anyone else.

"Don't be," I tell her.

I can feel my heart beating loud. I see her hand again going up to touch my cheek. I snuggle into her hand and see her lips twitch into a smile.

Her fingers traces every scar on mine, it's like she's kissing them with her eyes and I suddenly feel like these scars were nothing. If she had left, that scar would be the biggest, the hardest to heal.

I'm afraid I might've took it to my grave too.

Hana's hand reaches up to my forehead, she slightly checks around the wound there. Her eyes fill up with tears again, her lips wobble.

"When I saw you in that warehouse, I couldn't believe it. I somehow doubted that you'd leave me be— Why would you choose to risk your life for me, I thought. Michael told me you might move on and I believed it. But when I saw you, I knew you're never leaving me. I don't know why I didn't really fight for you," she says.

" You were told it's not right, Hana. What happened isn't what matters because you're here. I'm here and with you. We're here. The devil himself can try taking you away from me and I will fight him the hardest for you. You're my Hana, and that's necessary for whole fucking world to know—  including your douche father, to not mess with what's mine, " I tell her.

She chuckles," Don't call my father that. "

Her fingers trace my nose, reaching the stubble on my face.

" He did brainwash you, believe it or not, "I tell her.

She scoffs," He wants the best for me too."

"Yeah sure," I almost roll my eyes.

She smiles, "You're cold. Let's get inside."

She holds my hand and tries to drag me with her. I can go in now, she's  here with me. I can have the best time of my life in a 70 years old mansion with fireplace keeping it warm. I can cuddle up with her and let her feel how warm my body actually is feeling.

But I don't follow her. There's something we need to do before that.

When I don't move, she looks back at me. Her eyes glassy still, eyebrows pinched as she looks at me.

"What?" she asks.

"Do you wanna build a snowman?"

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Incase you guys didn't already notice, I love snow so much. And I have never seen it yet😭

Andddd only one chapter left till it's over, guys. Wtf.

~Aster 🌸