I had never felt so awkward as I sidled into the Pumpkin pasty, trying to act natural but feeling the biggest creep to walk the planet. I hadn't come up with the plan but I felt like by not stopping it, I was almost as bad.

"Hey, Lily, Remus." I said, as I strode up to the counter in a vague attempt to be confident.

"Hey Dorcas, no James and Sirius today?" Lily asked me, trying to be nonchalant but there was a hint of confusion - maybe she was hoping James would pay her his almost daily visit.

"Nope, just me." I said which was a total lie. I mean, technically they weren't in the café with me but they were currently both ducked behind a bunch of old crates somebody had dumped outside, watching my every move in a 'non-stalker' way (according to Sirius anyway). I was supposed to record the conversation on my phone too but that was too far.

"Well, that's a relief," I heard Remus mutter from the coffee machine.

"Yeah, about yesterday, I'm sorry for Sirius." I said, succeeding in getting Remus to turn around and look at me when I talked, "I apologise for James too, Lily, but I feel like you're used to it by now."

"I don't mind it too much, not really," Lily said, "I just wish he would actually order more if he sits in here for two hours. Despite what he says, his presence is not payment enough. But whatever, he's fun to sort of spar with."

"Can one of you just ask each other out already?" I said, rolling my eyes before forgetting I was talking to Lily not one of my best friends and softened my tone, "I mean... if you want to..."

I could feel myself getting flustered, I was sure that somehow they would know what I was doing. I prayed for a brief excuse to collect my thoughts and luckily it came in the form of my phone buzzing in my pocket.

"Sorry, my phone just went, I'll sit down..." I muttered much to Lily's confusion and awkwardly walked away.

What's happening so far? Have you found out what he likes??? 

I could feel Sirius's eagerness flooding out from the text. I looked outside to see them both peering over the crates. They were so subtle.

No, not yet, I've got this

I texted back under the table to eliminate the possibility of anybody seeing that I was texting a group chat called "Bone the Lone Wolf".

Remus began to walk over to my table when I felt my phone buzz again.

Move closer to the window, we can't see you

Abruptly, I stood up, jamming my phone in my pocket as I got up just as Remus got to me.

"Sorry..." I said, making random gestures with my hands hoping he'd understand, "I like natural light so I'm going to sit at the window..."

"Okay..." He said as his brow furrowed. I could see both of them looking over the crates as I walked to the window and frantically gestured for them to get down. They both ducked down in unison and I had to supress giggles.

"Okay, are you where you want to sit now?" Remus said and I could see he was trying not to smile.

"Yep, lots of nice light and big windows...what more could I want?" Other than personal details about him for my best friend, of course.

"Okay, so are you ready to order?" He said in a slow voice.

"Yep, I'll have the cheesecake and a chai latte."

"Alright, I'll go grab it for you." He began to walk off and I could see Sirius and James desperately gesturing to me out of the window to get him back. I sighed inwardly, this was WAY harder than I thought,

"Do you like cheesecake?" I called after him suddenly, instantly hating myself for saying that. What sort of question was that, he was going to think I was hitting on him or something! He spun around and slowly walked back as if he was approaching a mad man.

"....Yes." He said, not even trying to hide his unease, "Why?"

I could see Lily looking over from the counter suspiciously and I was suddenly paranoid that she knew everything. Apparently she was taking a masters in Biochemistry or something so the girl was smart.

"No reason, I just feel like..." I shrugged awkwardly, buying myself time to think of an excuse, "As a waiter, people probably never ask what you like and that must suck."

"Part of the job, I guess, people are here to order food not chat about my life." He said, relaxing slightly. I was glad to see Lily look away and carry on at the till.

"I guess the only people who want to chat are people like Sirius who just want to get your number and stuff."

"Tell me about it, you just have to ignore stuff like that. No offence to your friend or anything but I just think it's a little weird. The worst ones are the ones who try and exchange their tip for your number or something." He said and I was very glad that Sirius hadn't got his way with the conversation recorder. I felt my phone buzz again but deliberately ignored it.

"He's a nice guy, Sirius, but very forward, it's not for everyone I guess."

"He's not annoyed that I rejected him? I'm always wary as some customers don't take it well."

"No, he's not annoyed..." I said which was true although I reckoned him being annoyed would be a lot easier to handle than whatever the hell was going on with Sirius right now, "So what else is there to you other than your rejection of creepy café guys?"

James always said that if you did things with confidence, people would be less likely to question you.

"Eh, not much." He said sheepishly, "I mean I like astronomy, animals and yoga."

"Yoga?" He struck me as a serious academic and I'll always associated yoga with liberal, art people.

"Yeah, lots of people do it nowadays," He said reading between the lines of my surprised expression, "I know it sounds weird but I get very affected by the moons, it's relaxing."

"Oh... Really? The Moon Cycle?..." I said trying to sound impartial when in reality I was judging him quite harshly. Who gets affected by the moon cycle?

"I'll get you your cheesecake." He said, looking a little embarrassed. I instantly felt bad, I hadn't meant to shame him, I just wasn't very good at concealing my opinions sometimes.

I surreptitiously looked over my shoulder to see Sirius and James not even attempting to hide. They both began to frantically to move their arms at me, trying to get me to beckon Sirius back although judging from James's face, he was only mimicking Sirius to irritate him. Sirius grabbed his phone suddenly, his face desperate and I braced myself for a harsh telling off.

How could you let him go? Did you at least find out anything useful?!

I checked both sides to make sure Remus wasn't watching me over my shoulder, but he was at the counter, busy making my chai latte.

I have actually, stalker, he likes the astronomy and the moon. Maybe you should take him there

I gave Sirius a sarcastic smile as I sent him my reply. I watched Sirius's eyes scan over my text, glaring slightly when he read the last part. James laughed as I gave him a wan smile.

Sirius is a star and so is Regulus so that's actually very helpful

He smiled triumphantly at me, clearly irrationally pleased with himself for his ability to find the best in my snarky response. In unison, they both ducked down quickly and I turned around to see Remus approaching with my order.

"Here's your cheesecake and latte, enjoy!" He said although I could tell him from his slightly cold manner that he was annoyed with me.

"Thanks..." I paused trying to figure out how to pretend that the moon cycles and astrology weren't utter nonsense in my mind, "Listen, when I spoke about the moon cycle earlier, I was kind of thoughtless. I'm just a little... old fashioned in that respect. I'm sure it's very interesting."

"Nah, it's okay, you don't need to apologise." He said quickly, possibly because he didn't want his tip to slip away, "We all have our opinions, I just find that I get very grouchy around the full man sometimes and then very happy around new moon. Not always but I have noticed a trend."

"Well..." I had no idea how to respond to keep him talking for Sirius but also not completely disobey my personal beliefs, "It must be a new moon because you seem to be in a great mood!"

I said, giving him a cheesy thumbs up which made it seem sarcastic. He raised an eyebrow at me as I struggled with what to say next before letting me off the hook with a small smile.

"That's very nice of you but it's actually in a Waxing Gibus, nearly full moon." I laughed weakly, pretending that I knew what he meant when really all I could think about was how Gibus sounded like Gibbon, "I'll have to do quite a bit of yoga to calm me down."

"I wasn't interested before but you've talked me into it now..." If I played my cards right, I could get myself and 'Regulus' invited to a yoga class and then I could be done with this scam forever, "Where do you do it? I want to try it now."

"It's just a local yoga teacher called Sybil, she's very good. I usually go to her Monday class if you want to join me." He said and I nodded my head eagerly. Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see Sirius peeping over the boxes, clearly desperate to know what had just happened.

"That sounds great!" I said smiling, "I'll see you there then, Sybil right?"

"Yep, she's the first result if you search her up and there's only one class on Monday so it should be easy to get to." He said and I nodded eagerly. After he went away, I gave Sirius a big thumbs.

We're going to yoga with him, am I the best wingwoman in the world or what? 

His face lit up when he read my text. I wondered what would happen when he found that I may have lied by omission as technically he wasn't actually invited...