I feel my mother shudder next to me, and I stare really hard at my father. All the memories of my father never loving me and hating me stays in my head, and I'll never forget about how bloody and terrified he left my mother. I'm not a clueless child anymore and I know what abuse is, and I know that my father never wanted me. I was a mistake that was never supposed to be born, that's the only thing that my father and brother taught me. "Jungkook.. you.. you look like a young man." My father says.

Wow, in the nine years that I had my father around.. that's the first time I ever heard him say my name, I was always 'boy' to him. "Because I am." More of a man than you'll ever be. He chuckles nervously, "Of course, you should be.. eighteen now. And your brother informed me that.. you graduated today." I feel a chill run down my spine. It's so odd to me that he isn't talking to me in a mad tone and is trying to be nice to me. It's really hard for me to comprehend, since all that was put into my head was hate. My eyebrows knit, "Why are you here?" I ask him, "J-Jungkook.. let's just go inside." My mother tells me, I turn to her and I see that her eyes look scared.

She's even on the verge of tears, and it makes me hate him even more. Even after all these years, he still terrifies my mother. He starts to walk up to the house, and I lift up my hand quickly. I look him dead in the eye, "I didn't invite you into my house, don't take another step. I am the man of the house and you speak to me." I tell him, I feel my mother grip my arm. "Jungkook, don't test him." She whimpers. He lifts up his hands, "I'm sorry, we're invading your space." I clench my jaw, trying to hide the fact that I'm angry and scared at the same time. "You didn't answer my question." I drop my arm.

"We.. brought you a gift.." my brother speaks up, I shouldn't even call him that. "I want nothing from you, the day you left was a gift to me." I say, and my eyes fill with tears. They just stare at me with straight faces, as if barely remembering that they left or something. "You hurt me, but most importantly my mother. You had taught me that I'm worthless and I should've never been born, that a child like me never deserved his father's and brother's love." Tears run down my cheeks, and in the moonlight I see their eyes water. "I want nothing from you, nothing. Like the nothing you gave me when I was nine, or seven, or five." I feel my mother hug my arm and her face is in my back, I hear her crying.

"I'm not that little scared boy that had high hopes that I could impress you and be worthy of your love. I'm a man, and I'm a damn good one. And I sure as hell didn't learn how to be a good person from you, I learned that from my mother." My father nods and he drops his head, and to my surprise.. he falls to his knees. "I KNOW!" He cries, as if in pain. My heart stops and I stare at him in shock. "I'm sorry Jungkook, my son. I'm sorry, I know sorry doesn't fix anything and I'm still a horrible excuse for a father. But I've changed, I promise you that I've changed." My tears continue to fall down my face.

"Misun!" The man on his knees screams, I feel my mother shaking like crazy as she holds me tighter to the sound of the man's voice crying her name. She cries even harder against my coat. "I'm sorry." He cries, "I'm so sorry." He weeps. I look away from him, "Eomma, let's go." I tell her, she stands there still frozen and holding me. "Eomma, it's okay." I whisper to her. "Forgive me!" He yells as my mother lets go of me to unlock the house. When the house is unlocked, she instantly goes in and I give my father and brother one last glance before I walk into the house and lock the door.

My mother had fallen to the stairs and is rocking back and forth. "Eomma." I whimper as I walk up to her and sit next to her. "Jungkookie, come here." She pulls me into her arms. "Don't go." She cries as she holds me, "Don't go please." I switch the embrace, since I'm now bigger than her, I hug her and hold her. "I'm right here Eomma, do you feel me?" I ask her. "Don't leave me.." She whispers. I bury my face into her hair and comfort her the best that I can, I can only imagine that she's having a lot of flashbacks that are way worse than the ones I had. I know that my father would get physical with my mother, and that one time that he beat her was the last time.

"Let's go to bed Eomma." I tell her, "Don't leave me." She says again. "I won't." I tell her. "Don't leave me.." She says again. "Eooomma... I'm right here, look at me. I'm not leaving you." I grab her face, her eyes look everywhere in horror. It was like I wasn't even here, something's wrong. She's in shock. "Jungkook, Don't leave me." I find myself getting choked up and I try not to start crying again, I need to be strong for my mother right now. "Come on Eomma." I help her stand. "Don-le-me." She mumbles. "I'm right here." I tell her. I help her take off her shoes at the front mat, then we walk over to her room.

"We'll change into pajamas Eomma." I tell her. "D-ve-me.", "I won't Eomma." I tell her. I leave my arm around her and I go into her dresser and get her some pajamas. "Here Eomma, change." I tell her. "Mmm.." she mumbles when she has her pajamas in her hands. I let go of her and let her change as I try to think about what I'm going to wear to bed now, since I shouldn't leave the room right now. I decide I'm just going to sleep in my undershirt and boxers, so I strip off my clothes and I have my back turned to my mother until I can predict that she has her pajamas on. "JUNGKOOK!!" I jump to the sound of my mother screaming. I turn and she's in a ball on the floor, crouching down. I run up to her, she's in her pajamas.

"Eomma, I'm here. I'm here." I tell her, she starts to cry again. "Jungkook." She whimpers, as she stands up. She wraps her arms around me and buries her face in my chest. "Let's go to sleep Eomma." I tell her. She nods and I help her into bed before I follow her, my heart starts to pound. I haven't slept in this bed since my father left. She latches onto me and I just pet her hair. "Eomma.." I whisper, my eyes getting watery. "I know you're in shock right now... but I want you to know that you're the strongest person I've ever known." I start to cry.

"Without you Eomma.. I might not even be alive today." I shut my eyes and let my tears flow from my eyes. "I love you so much Eomma, I owe you my life." I then look up at the ceiling and I listen to my mother mumbling the same thing over and over again. I let in a shaky breath, "I was going to hurt him tonight Eomma, if he would have hurt you. Both of them." I tell her. I wrap my arm around her tightly, "It's okay that you're not strong tonight Eomma, I'm strong for the both of us." I tell her. "Jungkook." I hear her whisper and I wait and listen for what she'll say next, but that's all she says before she goes silent and I know she's asleep.

My eyebrows knit together and I find myself unable to stop crying, I'm not strong. I just pretend that I am. I'm crying because the way I saw my mother tonight, scared me a lot. I never want to see my mother like this again, I'm also crying out of frustration. I don't understand why my father would pick a good day like today to come around and ruin everything. I set a little kiss on my mother's head and fall asleep.

**
• The Next Morning •

I wake up to my mother on the other side of the bed in a ball, I rub my eyes and sit up. I look around before I leave my mothers room with my clothes over my arm and head up to my room. I neatly hang up my coat in my closet and change out of my undershirt, I also put on some jeans. Then I walk into the bathroom and freshen up, I head downstairs when I'm all cleaned up. While I'm walking down the stairs, I see a letter on the doormat. I stare at it for a long time as I stop on one step, hoping that it's just going to be the mail.

I slowly continue to walk down the stairs, staring at the single letter. When I make my way up to it, I stare at it and pick it up. I let out a breath of relief when I see that it's the water and gas bill, I look out of the prep hole and my mouth goes dry. I stare for a few seconds before I open the door to a pretty big box on the front step of my house. It's decorated with glittery stars and two graduation balloons are attached to it, floating. I force myself to pick it up and bring it inside, it's rather heavy. I gently close the door with my foot and walk into the dining area, setting the box on the table.

My heart is pounding so hard in my chest I don't know what to do, I just sort of stare for a long time at it. I know it's from my father and brother. I really don't know what could possibly be inside. "Jungkook, what is that?" I hear my mother's voice, she's okay. I look at her and she looks like she's going to cry. "That's from your father, isn't it?" I look down at the box and stare at it more, "Yes Eomma, it is.", "H-Have you opened it?" She asks, I shake my head. "No, I'm a little too scared." She then walks up to my side and sets her hand on my back, "You don't have to." She says.

"Eomma, you're better now, right? I was worried sick about you." I tell her, she looks me in the eyes. "Yes... I'm fine." She answers, then we both look at the box together. I gently pull off the tape that held down the balloons, before I take a deep breath and pick up the lid of the box. I stare inside and it's very organized. My mother is very silent, but that's okay. I then see writing on the inside of the lid, I don't believe what my eyes are seeing.

-
For Jungkook:
-Jihun: 3,285
-Junhyung: 3,285
Total: 6,570 letters

For Minsun:
-Jihun: 3,285
-Junhyung: 3,285
Total: 6,570 letters

Grand total: 13,140 letters
-

I know that my mother sees it, I shake my head. "They wrote us letters for nine years?" I ask, breaking the silence that was between us. "You're not going to read them, are you?" She asks me, I look at her. "I don't know." I tell her, her face just flexed and she looks angry. "If you think this stupid cardboard box is going to make you think different of your father, I want nothing to do with it. I don't want to read the letters he wrote me, it makes me feel nice that your father wasted nine years of writing letters for me when I moved on." But her eyes look hurt, and I think she really really did want to read all those letters my father wrote her.

I think that she doesn't mean what she's saying.

Even if she acts like she doesn't care, she really does. I become a very curious boy and stick my hand into the box. I pick up several stacks of letters that are held together by a huge rubber band, on the front they say "To Jungkook." I'm surprised when they're shoved out of my hand and back into the box, by my mother. She grabs the lid, only to put it back on top of the box, picks it up and walks away from me, I stare at her. Maybe I'll never know what my father wanted to say to me. I let out a breath and back up to my room.

I see that I had gotten a text from Lalisa, "Jungkook, I think we need to talk." Her text says. I use my tongue to give my lips moisture before I text back.

-

Lalisa💘-
Jungkook, I think we need to talk.

Me-
Okay, when?

Lalisa💘-
Right now if that's okay.

Me-
Where?

Lalisa💘-
If you want you can come over, my parents are at work but they don't mind when you come over.

Me-
Okay, I'll be right over then.

-

I then grab my phone and shove it in my pocket, I walk back downstairs and I see my mother. "I'm going to see Lalisa.", "Okay, but please be careful because I'm not sure if your father is still around here. I don't want him to do anything to you." She tells me. I nod, "Okay Eomma." I walk up to her and kiss her head before I walk over to the door and slip on my shoes. I don't know what Lalisa possibly has to say to me, I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing.

I hope it's a good thing, I always want good things to happen for her. I want good things to happen for us. I quickly make my way over to her house and when I get there she's standing on her porch waiting for me. She's wearing a tank top with some jeans and her hair is in a braid. I wave at her when I come into her view, she waves back. I walk up to her house and she just watches me before I'm up to her, "Hey." I try to say in a cool tone. She smiles, "Hi Jungkook." I don't know what comes over me, but I gently pull her against me and press my lips against hers. She gasps against my lips but doesn't pull away at all. I gently caress her face and tilt my head into her more.

"Jungkook.." She whispers against my lips, "Yes?" I slowly open my eyes, "We need to talk." And I nod, she leads me inside her house and I just find myself sucking on my lip. "What is it that we need to talk about?" I ask her when she sits on the couch in her living room. "It's just about something that I've been wondering about for the past few days, it's nothing bad." I let out a breath of relief and I sit down with her on the couch. I face her and her face looks pink, maybe from my kiss? "Jungkook, I'm really excited and scared at the same time about America." She tells me.

"It's the same with me." I nod, "But since we've got our acceptance letters I've been wondering a lot about..." I wait for her to say it. "Where we're going to live, if we're going to live together or separated." I smile, her face gets super red. "What?" She asks, "You want to live with me?" I ask her. She bites her lip, "I mean.. I wasn't sure if that was the plan but I was hoping that I could be closer to you or I don't know." She says quickly. I feel a small stream of chills run through my body, which is making me get excited. "We can work something out." I tell her. She blinks a couple of times. "So.. we'll..", "I want to live with you." I tell her, causing her to smile wide.

"Really?" She asks in an excited voice. "Of course." I smile. "Why wouldn't I want to?" I ask. "I don't know, I thought you wanted to be on your own." I shake my head, "When we go to California, I'm sticking to you like gum on the bottom of your shoe." She laughs and the way she looks at me, it's so different. "That makes me really happy to hear." She says. She bites her lips and unexpectedly jumps on me, she hugs me tight and I hug her back. "I'm so happy that I have you Jungkook." She whispers in my ear, I grin and bury my face in her hair. "I'm happy that I have you, Lalisa." I tell her.

I set a kiss on her exposed shoulder, the skin is soft and set my nose on her. Her skin smells like powder, I slowly pull away from her and she lifts her head. My eyes widen when I realize that she's on top of me, oh gosh. My mouth goes dry, and her eyes look into mine. For some reason they look like a light brown, really pretty. I loosen my grip on her and run one of my hands down her back. I grin and she smiles, she then starts to get pink and I chuckle. "Why do you look at me like that?" She whines, "Like what?" I chuckle. "With those eyes." She says. I smiles, "Because." I say.

"That isn't a proper answer.", "Then I can't give you one, I look at you this way because it's just the way I feel when I'm around you." She chuckles and gets off of me, only to sit right next to me. "So uumm..." I start, she looks at me serious now. "So my father and brother came by last night." I say. "They did?" She asks sounding worried. I nod, "my father actually called me by my name.." my eyes water. "And I yelled at him." My eyebrows knit, "But in my heart I still have hate for him, though I know I'm lying and I actually want to love him." My tears fall and I'm pulled into her arms. I turn my body into her and hug her tight. "It's okay." She uses her hand to rub my back.

"Lalisa, my mother went into shock. I had never seen her that way." I whimper. "And he left a huge box of letters that him and my brother wrote for nine years." Oh gosh, I'm crying all over her shoulder. "I think my mother doesn't want me to read them, though I think I want to." Now I'm just crying about everything. I don't want her to leave me, I pull her closer to me. "Don't leave me." I start to sound like my mother, from last night. "I won't, ever." She says to me. I then feel like I'm suffocating her so I let her go and sit up straight.

She gently grabs my face and she wipes my tears with her thumbs. She grins sweetly at me and I grin back, she kisses my forehead and stands up. "Jungkook, I think that you should be with your mother right now." She says. I nod, "I'll see you-", "Well think of something." She says. I smile and stand up, she walks me to the door and I turn to her before she opens the front door. "I never finished my kiss." I whisper to her, she blushes. She steps back so she touches the wall on purpose, I smile and step forward.

She relaxes against the wall as she waits for me to make my move. I caress her face before I lean in and kiss her, we only kiss for a few seconds until I realize that I should go back to my mother. We say goodbye and I head back home with a smile on my face. Of course it doesn't take long to get home and when I do I walk into the house, I find myself standing in the front of the stairs, I then hear whimpering and I walk over to my mother's room. Before my eyes I see that my mother has torn open several letters and has read the ones for her, she's balling her eyes out.

"Eomma.." I say softly as I walk up to her. "Your father.." She says through hiccups. "He's changed Jungkook, he really has..." She weeps, which makes me choke up. "Here, this is the last letter he wrote to me. I went out of order from the first letters to the last.. I wanted to see if he really changed and.. he did." She covers her mouth and cries harder. I look at the letter in her hand and I take it with a shaky hand. I look down at the perfectly folded letter and the neat writing.

-

Letter 3,285

Minsun,

As promised, I finished all the letters I said I would. This last letter to you is the last day I'm going to hide behind the closed doors of my house. Today, our son graduates, and it's all thanks to you. You raised our son the correct way, you didn't let him turn into me. You have made him a man.

Today is the day I see the both of you, I promised myself many times after therapy that I would go and see you two, but I was terrified. I was terrified that the past I left for my son and the love of my life, has stayed in the mind and memories. I'm in high hopes that I can reason with you and our son, if you've read all my letters in order... I hope you can see that I really changed. I changed so much, you probably won't recognize me when you see me. I'm a better man, both Junhyung and I have.

For many years I was confused on what I was supposed to give to my son and wife. I wasn't sure if I was able to love you, and love him. But seeing how much I've grown, I'm ready! I really am! When I realized and cleansed myself of all the bad I've done, I realized that I was a monster! I was a horrible person and I didn't deserve you, the sweet and outgoing woman that I know you are. I don't deserve any of that, just like I didn't deserve to watch my son grow up. And now that I understand this, I know I'm ready.

Minsun, if you'd allow me, I want to start over. I want to love you and Jungkook. I want to be able to express all that I couldn't. I want to be able to do things the right way this time, though I know that it will take a lot of trust. But I understand that this is a big step and that I don't deserve to just come back and demand to be forgiven, I don't expect that right away. All I want is to be able to love you and Jungkook, as the changed man that I am.. I want to show you all the good I'm capable of now.

I know we've been away from each other for such a long time, but I'm able to say confidently now that I love you. Even if we changed a whole lot, I think about that young woman I met at the arcade, then again at that bakery, and at the festival. I want to be that again, in time of course. And I want to be the male figure Jungkook never had, I promise never to hurt neither of you again. Ever.

And if you'd consider us.. this is the number you can reach me at.

(XxX) xxx-xxxx

With love,
Jeon Jihun

-

I feel my mothers hand wipe my eyes and I turn to her, I look at her and she smiles. "You believe him, right?" I ask her. She nods, "Oh Jungkook, I read so many of his letters out of order but I can tell in his writing. If he didn't change then he wouldn't have kept writing for nine years, he would have just given up and forgotten about us." She lets out a shaking breath. "And if I'm completely honest.." she covers her eyes, "Despite the horrible things your father did to us.." her body shakes and I wrap my arm around her and set my head on hers.

"I've missed him so much." She cries. I slowly nod, agreeing with her. Though for a long time I know that I've had anger issues about him, that he's been that dark figure in my dreams that choked me and hurt me until I screamed bloody murder. But in the good heart that my mother has taught me to have, I know that he can be the light again. Though I've never seen it with my own eyes, I'd like to.

We sit for a while and I help her put her letters back into the box in order, then she looks down at the last letter. Down at the number and I know that she wants to call it, I grin to myself and pull out my phone. She looks up at me and I smile at her, "Wouldn't hurt, right?" I ask her. She grins and gently takes the phone from my hand. Then she stares down at it then dials the number, I wait for her to press the call icon, but she doesn't. I'm surprised when she hands it to me, I look at her in confusion. "Why don't you invite him to your going away party next week?" She smiles wider.

I nod and grab the phone, I take a deep breath before I press the call button and press phone against my ear. It rings twice and when I hear it connect, my heart pounds so fast. "Hello?" I hear his voice, the voice that made me scream and cry all my life, the voice that gave me nightmares. For the first time, this voice soothes me a bit. "Appa?" Slips out and I hear my mother start to cry, and I hear my father get choked up. "J-... Jungkook." His voice shakes so much. "Hi Appa." I say, fat tears filling my eyes as I smile and look at my mother.

"Hi Jungkook." He laughs and I hear him crying, my tears fall and my bottom lip quivers. "Ah.. how.. how would you and Junhyung would like to attend my going away party? I'm going away to college in America." I tell him. "Oh wow." He whimpers. "Oh wooow." He says again and I listen to his voice as he cried. "Yes... yes yes yes, we'd love to come. Do you want us to bring anything?" I let out a breath of relief, not that I thought that he'd say no.. I'm just relieved about the future now. I find myself laughing and crying as my mother wipes my face.

"Anything you want, you bring." I tell him. "Okay." He chuckles. "Okay." He says again trying to calm himself. "I'll see you two then." I say. "I'll see you then." He says. "Bye." I say. "Bye." He replies and we end the call. I drop my hand and look at my mother, she just has a smile on her face and so do I.

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[ R E V I S E D ]