My father looks at me with such excitement. My brother can't look away from me, but I don't feel excitement, and I wish I could look away from them. Only horrible memories of the past can play in my head.

**
• 13 years ago •

"GET OUT OF HERE! THIS IS NO PLACE FOR YOU!" My father yells at me. "Appa! I love you!" I exclaim as loud as I can so that he believes me. So that he may love me at least a little bit if he could hear how serious I am. He walks up to me and grips the collar of my shirt. My lips quivering. At one point I start to choke as he's holding the shirt too tight around my neck. But I'm sure he doesn't mean it at all, he wouldn't hurt me like this.

"You don't love me." He spits. His bushy eyebrows, knit together. "Yes! APPA! I love you!" I cry. The corners of his mouth then curl down as he looked disgusted by me. Like he hates the sight of my face. "You were never supposed to be born." He whispers loud enough for me to hear. My eyes fill with tears. Because he's hurt my feelings and also.. I kind of can't breathe very well. "You ugly BOY!" He yells at me. Pushing me with all his strength, onto the floor. I take a second to catch my breath.

I quickly get up and run to him, wanting my father's love and affection. Wanting him to hold me and tell me that I'm a good boy and that he loves me with all his heart. That he's been only kidding and loves me the most. I don't understand why he doesn't love me. "Appa! Please! Love me!" I sob loudly. I don't get close enough to him, not even to touch his leg. "I WILL NEVER LOVE YOU." His big heavy hand holding onto my shoulder and he pushes me again. I glide along the wood floor on my back, nearly hitting my head on the wall.

"APPA!" I scream, pulling my knees to my chest. "DON'T GET UP!" He tells. I cry and shake, "Okay Appa." I whisper to myself. I look up at him. "DON'T LOOK AT ME!" He yells, drops of spit falling from his chapped lips. "Okay Appa!" I obey him as I look down at my knees. "You mistake." He spits and I hear his footsteps walk out of the room. I shield my eyes as I sob. My Appa doesn't love me, aren't all appa's supposed to love their sons?

**
• 12 years ago •

"Junghyun! I'm so happy you're home from holiday with your friends." I run up to him and tell him. He doesn't even look at me. "Junghyun." I call him. He closes the front door and walks past me like I was nothing. Maybe I am nothing. I blink a couple of times. Maybe he didn't hear me. I run after him and he heads into his room. I run up and jump on his bed. "Hyung! I missed you lots and lots!" I exclaim. "Get off my bed!" He yells, shoving me off the mattress.

I hit the ground really hard, I gasp for air. Looking up at the ceiling in shock trying to regain my breathing. I then hear him simply walk out of the room. When I get my breath back, my face flexes as I try to fight back tears. But one runs down the side of my face.

**
• 11 years ago •

"Here you go Jungk-", "No." I hear my father interrupts my mother. I look at everyone's plate that has food on them. Then I look down at mine, and it has nothing. "Jungkook doesn't deserve to eat dinner tonight." My father says as he starts to eat his food, as if mocking me. I look up at my mother. My eyes hoping that she will at least give me a small bit of food, even a little crumb. I'm desperate.

My stomach growling really hard. I wasn't allowed to eat breakfast or lunch today. "But, he hasn't eaten all day.." She tells him. "Are you really talking back to me?" He questions my mother. "No." She then looks sad as she meets my eyes as she sits back and doesn't serve me food. "Now you sit there, and watch." He points his finger at me. My eyes water. "But Appa. I'm so hungry." I cry. I notice my father smirk before he laughs. "Well whose fault is that?" He asks me. What kind of question is that? Does he expect me to answer this?

I don't say anything but sit there and watch everyone eat their delicious dinner that my mother has prepared. The smell of the meat make my stomach want to collapse. The scent of steamed vegetables makes me want to crawl onto the table and just eat every piece of it. My tears build up and I start to cry. "Don't cry! This is what you deserve!" My father yells. "Okay Appa!" I reply, wiping my tears away.

I watch my family eat their delicious dinner, and also watch them eat dessert. Oh, how badly I wanted to eat that dessert. My father then looks at me. "You may lick my plate if you're that desperate." He smirks, I stare at him in bewilderment. I really don't see anything on his plate. He had eaten everything and didn't make a bit amount of mess, I shake my head. "Hmp." He breathes out.

"Get out of my face and go to bed." He tells me. "Yes appa." I answer as I run up the stairs with the very little energy that I have. "Junghyun and I are going to go out for ice cream, I feel like having ice cream. You stay here and clean up." My father tells my mother. I sit at the top of the stairs and look down at the door. "Okay." She replies to him. Then they leave, my father holding my brother over the shoulders. I wish that my father would hold me that way.

I wish my father loved me that way he loves my brother. It's so unfair, I don't understand. Maybe this is the reason my father hates me. I think everything has to be fair in life. I'm only six and I have thoughts like this, maybe my father never loved me. I hold onto the wood of the rails for the stairs. "Jungkookie, baby. Come here." I hear my mother say ever so sweetly, I run with the rest of my energy downstairs. She looks saddened, I've lost quite a lot of weight due to how many days my father has forced me to stop eating.

"Don't tell your father." She whispers to me, and out from one of the cupboards she pulls out a large plate of food. My eyes light up. "I saved you left overs from both dinner and lunch. Though your father thinks we eat it all." I feel like my eyes will pop out of my head for staring so hard at it hoping that it's real. "Sit at the table baby, I'll warm up the food for you." I instantly walk over to the table and wait impatiently for the food to be brought to me. My body shakes with excitement and I can't wait anymore for the food.

When she pulls the food out of the microwave, I instantly smell the delicious food. My mouth waters so much that I might start drooling. She sits next to me and places the food in front of me, I don't even use chopsticks or a spoon. I use my fingers, even my whole hand to eat the food. I might make myself sick from eating so fast, but I don't care. At one point, I start to cry. I never knew that food could be so good and I wonder why I ever hated vegetables. I finish the plate in less than a minute, even licking the plate and my fingers clean.

I then hear sobbing. I turn my head and see my mother looking at me with tears flowing from her eyes. "I'm sorry baby." She cries. Why is she sorry? She's helping me. Has she changed her mind about giving me food. My body trembles and my eyes widen. "I'm sorry for eating the food Eomma." I whimper as I push the empty plate away, she shakes her head and yanks me into her arms. And I'm on her lap as she pulls my head against her chest, I can hear her heartbeat. Is there such thing as a sad heartbeat?

"Jungkook, please never say you're sorry to me when I do something for you." She whispers, I shut my eyes tight and cry as I hug my mother. I only want to love her, all the love a child could possibly give to his mother. "I love you so much Eomma." I sob. "Not as much as I love you Jungkook." She whispers to me. My mother is the only one who loves me, she is the only one who cares about me. I am her fruit... so. I'd understand why she loves me so much.

She plants kisses all over my face and I cry, holding her neck never wanting her to leave me. "You're only mine Jungkook, no one else could love you as much as I do." I nod and she stands up and holds me, my grip is tight on her. "You've made a mess of yourself eating.. I'll set the bath for you and I'll bring you some cookies." She tells me as she walks us upstairs. "Okay." I say though hiccups as my sobs come to an end.

When we're in the bathroom, she turns on the water and helps me undress. When the water is high enough, she picks me up and sets me in the warm water. I love the water so much, she frowns at the sight of my bruises when Appa accidentally hits me. "You stay here okay?" She says. I nod quickly, setting my hands on my knees and waiting like a good boy. I can't wait to get cleaned and eat my cookies, I absolutely can't wait. I hear my mother rambling downstairs. Making sure that there isn't a sign of me eating, then I hear her footsteps coming upstairs.

I brace myself, I'm so excited I can't sit still, she smiles as she walks over with a plate of cookies. She hands me one and sets the rest on the sink, then kneels down at the tub. "Turn." She whispers. I turn and begin to eat my cookie. She wets my hair and I enjoy the sweet treat, her fingers gentle as she scrubs my hair. I could really fall asleep at this moment, she then hands me a small sponge with soap on it and I clean my body.

"May I have another cookie, Eomma?" I ask her. "Of course." She then hands me another one and she rinses me with water as I eat the cookie. I then hear the front door open downstairs and I want to run away and hide. "Minsun? Is that you up in the bathroom?" My father's voice is heard. My eyes widen and I look at my mother, she looks terrified.

Then the footsteps come upstairs, my mother and I freeze our of fear. We should move, but can't. My eyes then move to the doorway, and there he is. Staring at me with anger in his eyes. "YOU FED HIM!!!?" He exclaims. "You can't treat our son like this! He is only seven!" My mother yells back at him. "DON'T YELL AT ME!" He runs into the bathroom and grabs my mother by her hair and throws her to the floor, away from me. My body shaking, it causes the water around me to turn into waves. "You want to disobey me!?" He yells. "NO APPA!!" I scream. He then grabs the back of my head and the cookie in my hand and stuffs it in my mouth with great force.

I nearly throw up. "NO! STOP IT!" My mother pulls at him. "Now you'll eat by my hand!" He yells. I scream with the cookie in my mouth, my jaw in pain from all of the vicious pushing. My mother then pushes my father and he nearly falls into the tub. My mother somehow grabs me and runs out of the house, and next door. She knocks on the door and Jennie's mother opens the door, she sees my mother crying and the state I'm in and lets us into her house.

Jennie, with her two braids and a little nightgown on as she walks over to the door. "Kookie, why are you naked?" She asks. "Jennie, please go get one of your tee shirts and pajama shorts." Jennie nods and runs to her room. "What happened?" My mother holds me tight as she we walk into the living room. "He's been so cruel to Jungkook again." My mother tells her, Jennie's mother frowns and looks at me. I turn my head into my mothers chest and hold her.

They go off to have a conversation about how my mother and I should just leave, but my mother says no. Because she knows she can't get away, and it's true. If my mother and I were to leave, my father would find us the next day. "Here Eomma, clothes for Kookie." I look up and my mother is handed the clothes, she then pulls them on me and when they're on, she pulls me close again. "I understand.", "I'm sorry, I know it's horrible of me to stay. But I know that if I leave, he'll really do something bad to my baby. And I don't want him to." I then feel a little tap on my back

"Kookie, come play with me before bedtime." I look up at my mother and she nods, giving me the okay to leave. I run off with Jennie to her room and we play with her many toys, I don't even have a single toy. I stare at her and wonder, before I ask out loud. "Jennie, does your Appa love you?" She looks up with doe eyes and smiles wide, nodding. "Yes." She says excitedly. I then think how lucky she is to have a father that loves her. I blink and nod, and we continue to play until we fall asleep together on the fluffy white rug in her room.

**
• 9 years ago •
- Roughly a few weeks before father and brother leave -

"Boy." My father calls me. "Yes Appa?" I ask. "There's a really fun park down in another city. Want to come with me?" He asks, I gasp. "You want to go with me?" I ask him, he keeps a straight face. "Boy, I've asked you now answer me." I instantly nod. "Yes! I'll go with you Appa." He shows no expression. "Good." Is all he says.

Even after all the years that my father hurts me, I love him. And I know that he sort of loves me, maybe a little more than he ever did. I'm his son after all and he could really care for me and want me, I'm sure. I smile in excitement when my father points to the door and we head out of the house together.

How exciting! Oh how exciting!! I'm so so happy, happier than ever. Today! I can show him that I'm worthy of his love, and that he can love me as much as he wants and I'll never stop loving him. I stay quiet for our walk to the station and our ride to another city. I don't want to ruin what I have here with my father, I want him to like me!

"Appa, is the park the funnest park ever?" I ask him. "Yes boy." Is all he says. "What will we do when we get there?" I ask, a woman on a nearby seat with her daughter is looking at me and smiling. "Whatever you want." He says. Oh boy! Whatever I want!? I start to think. "Mmmm... you'll push me on the swing?" I ask him. "Sure." He says. "A-A-And get ice cream?"

"Yes boy, yes. Whatever you want." He says. I smile wide and sit back, I just want to hug my father so tight! I love him! "That's so sweet that you're taking your son to the new park. It's been quite the talk lately, many people are saying that it's the best child's park ever made."  The woman tells my father, it makes me even more excited.

Wow! What could be there? A triple loopy slide? A seesaw? I've only heard of those in my dreams! And in movies. Maybe one of those cool roundabouts? And Appa can push me really hard and I'll get sick and he'll have to comfort me with hugs and love, I smile to the idea. I turn to the lady. "Do you know what they have there?" I ask. "I know that there are all sorts of jungle gyms that are in all different shapes and sizes. Even some that look like domes and others that look like walls." She explains to me. I smile wide. "I love jungle gyms, but I rarely play on them because the park on my street only has a little jungle gym." She smiles wide at me. "What's your name?" She asks. "Jungkook." I tell her, she looks down at her daughter who is reading a book.

"This is my daughter Yerim." She tells me. "Right?" The woman pets her daughters hair and the little girl looks up. "Yes! I'm Yerim, but I like to be called Yeri. Nice to meet you Jungkook." She says looking at me with a smile. Oh! She's cute. My face heats up really quick. Yeri laughs. "Do you read books Jungkook?" I become nervous. "Not really." She asks. "You should! They're good for you!" She exclaims.

Her short hair flying everywhere as she shook her head in exaggeration. She looks a few years younger than me, and she's already very smart and reading books that look too hard for her to read. "How old are you?" I ask. "Seven." She says. I raise my eyebrows. "You?" She asks. "Nine." She nods. "You should read more." I smile. "I will." She nods, "Good." Her mother smiles and leans back in her seat.

I then start to think about stories I could possibly read about. "Will you be my friend Jungkook?" She asks. "You will play with me at the park?" I ask, she nods quickly. "Okay." I tell her. The whole time, my father is very quiet. She smiles wide and looks down at her books and puts a bookmark on the page she was on. "Do you have any siblings Jungkook?" She asks.

"I have an older brother, you?" She smiles. "I'm the oldest and I have a little sister but she's home with Appa. Eomma wanted to bring me out to play so that I'm not at home so much." I smile. "Do you kiss girls?" She asks out of nowhere, my eyes widen. "Yerim, don't ask that. That's so inappropriate." Her mother scolds her.

"Eomma, it's because Jungkook is cute. I just wanted to know if he has a girlfriend." She says out loud making my face heat up quickly, her mother then chuckles. "You're funny Yeri." She whispers as she sits back and closes her eyes. "So, do you or not?" She asks me. "No." I say. She grins. "Why?" I pretend that I didn't hear what she said though I obviously did and I was obvious about it. "Cause you're cute." She smiles wide.

My heart in my chest pounds and I smile wide. "Don't you think I'm cute?" She asks. I quickly nod. "Yes, very." I say. She chuckles and sets a hand on her cheek. "Then you're my boyfriend today." Just for today? "Yerim." Her mother says, scolding her a bit. "Okay." I agree. Wow, I've never had a girlfriend before. One second we were just friends, and now she's my girlfriend, how exciting!

We sit quietly waiting for the train to come to a stop and I look at my father. "We get off now?" I ask. He nods. "Okay!" I get up and when I turn, Yeri is in front of me with a smile. "Let's go boyfriend." She grabs my hand and we follow her mother out of the train. I turn and my father is right behind, he just stares down at me. Yeri grabs into her mother's hand and I grab onto my fathers. I wouldn't want him to get lost! That would be really bad!

But he doesn't hold my hand back, I just hold his fingers. When we get to the park, my eyes widen in surprise. "Wow!" I exclaim. "It's absolutely astonishing!" Yeri says, using a completely different vocabulary than me. "Eomma, we can go play now?" Yeri asks. "Yes." Her mother replies.

"Let's go!" She yanks my hand and we run towards the playground. "Yeri!" Many other kids call. Then almost ten kids run up to us. Four boys and five girls. "Jungkookie, this is Tzuyu, Soohyun, Naeum, Yeoreum, and Mina!" She introduces all the girls first. They all look at me with sparkling eyes. "Then there's Mark, Kangmin, Dino, and Rocky." Yeri explains. I wave to everyone.

"This is my boyfriend, Jungkook." Yeri says and all the girls frown. "Another boy?" Tzuyu asks. "Huh! I want him too!" Mina exclaims. "No no, he's mine. End of story, I met him before you!" Yeri exclaims. All the girls cross their arms and run to the playground and the boys follow them. We follow after and the argument ends pretty fast.

Hours pass and while we're all playing, I begin to wonder where my father is. I run up to the highest slide and search for him. My heart begins to pound and I become very worried. I run up to Yeri. "Do you see my Appa?" I ask her, worried. She looks out to her mother. "I thought he was with my Eomma." She says. She grabs my hand and we run over to her mother.

"E-Eomma, do you know where Jungkook's Appa is at?" She asks. Her mother looks around. "Oh? He was here not too long ago, I could have sworn.." she looks around. I begin to panic. "He went to the bathroom?" I ask. "I'm not sure." She answers me. "Jungkook, I'm sure your Appa will come back." I nod, trying to fight back tears. "So go back and play and then he'll be back in no time." She tells me.

I nod, "Okay." And I walk off with Yeri to the park. We play for another hour or two but the whole time I watched out for my Appa, but he never showed up. I sit on a nearby bench and begin to cry. "What's wrong?" Yeri asks as she walks up to me. "I think my Appa left me here." My eyes fill with tears. "No, he wouldn't." She says. "No, he would, because he doesn't love me." I tell her. She frowns. "Let me go get my Eomma." Then she runs off and gets her mother.

I bite my lip and worry more. "Appa.." I whisper as I look around. Her mother then walks up to me and I look at her with tears in my eyes. "I'm sorry Jungkook, I thought he would come back. Do you know where you live?" She asks. "In Busan." I tell her. "Do you know your Eomma's number?" She asks. I push my hand into my pocket and look for the little paper that Eomma gave me this morning. She told me not to tell Appa she gave it to me.

I begin to sob. "I lost it!" I cry. "It's okay, I'll help you find it!" Yeri says, I nod and we run over to the park and we can't find it anywhere. I'm sobbing the whole time. Oh, Appa will be so mad that I'm still here. What if he wanted me to leave with him and I didn't listen, so he left because he's mad? What if I angered him!? No! "I'll take you home Jungkook, do you know where you live?" I slowly nod and ball my hands into fists. "Yes." I whimper as I think about all horrible things I did to make my father forget me. He didn't even get me ice cream.

I then feel something on my cheek and I turn and it's Yeri. Her LIPS on my CHEEK. My eyes widen and I stare at her for a long time. "I just want you to feel better Jungkookie." She smiles and grabs my hand, I only blink a couple of times before I'm led by her. I follow Yeri and her mother, still dumbstruck. Like that time Jennie did the same thing. The ride home, I recite my address in my head. Never daring to forget it or say the wrong one. Yeri holds my hand the whole time and I try not to think too much about it, I'm concentrating.

She falls asleep on my shoulder, and I stare forward at the seat in front of me. Wanting to never get distracted. I'm exhausted, and my eyes are heavy, but I force myself to stay awake. "Jungkook, honey. If you're tired you can sleep. I'll wake you up when we're in Busan." I shake my head instantly to Yeri's mother. "I need to stay awake." I tell her, my voice slow and raspy.

She frowns, "Why don't you tell me your address and you can sleep." She tells me. My tired mind gives in, telling her what my address is and she types it into her phone. Then I fall asleep instantly knowing that she knows where I live and I don't have to worry about forgetting. When I wake up, I see the floor and the back of someone's feet. Then I fall back to sleep. "Jungkook." I hear my mother's voice. "Eomma." I whimper, I open my eyes and see my mother leaning over me. Then I see Yeri's mother and Yeri is asleep in her arms. "I'm so happy you're home Jungkook." She smiles. "Thank you." My mother tells her and I fall back to sleep.

When I awake the next morning, my mother doesn't wake me up like she usually does. I rub my tired eyes and sit up in bed, I feel the air go thin. Something is wrong. I quietly get out of bed and I walk out into the hallway, I wonder if Appa is home. I peak down the stairs, I use my good vision to see if his car is in the driveway and it's not. "Hyung." I call out loud. I wait for a response, but then I forget that he never responds to me so I'll have to go and investigate for myself. I quietly and quickly run down the stairs on my tippy toes. I quietly walk over to his room, the door is already opened and I can see that he's not home.

"Eomma." I call her as I slowly turn to look down the hall where her room is. I bite my lip, "E-Eomma." I call her again. I then hear crying and I run over to her room, she's not in her bed. "Eomma." I search, when I get to the side of the bed where there's a wall and a nightstand, my heart stops and I start to cry. "EOMMA!" I scream. Her body shakes and she turns to the wall so I can't see her bloody face. "N-No Jungkook, g-go over there." She tells me, I run up to her anyways. I fall to my knees in front of her and I look at her face. She's crying, one of her cheeks is torn and her nose, mouth and cheek is bleeding.

Her eyes are bloodshot and her eye above the cut looks bruised. I set my hands on her lap and I cry harder than I've ever cried before, my chest feels like it's going to cave in and my throat hurts from crying so much. She shields her face as she cries, although I've seen her face, she still doesn't want to look at it. Like she's ashamed or something. I drop my head and set it on her legs as I wrap my arms around her. "Baby, don't look at me.." She whimpers. I bury my face in her pants and hug her. I know, though I'm young, that my father did this to my mother.

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