• After a few hours •
- Taehyung's house -

"To love me would be completely useless." Her eyebrows knit and her eyes water. "I can't! I can't do this anymore! I confuse you with all my words and actions, making you question everything that has to do with us." Her tears fall. "Gosh damn it, I even question myself if I'm even the person who can ever love you the way others think you should be loved." She let's out a shaky breath. My heart clinches.

"Being with you any longer would only suffocate us in a wave of anxiety and stress that is too dense for either of us to breathe. And I'm only wondering what tomorrow is going to be like for us. I don't know what I want from you and at this point I don't know exactly what I'm supposed to give back to you when I have nothing more to give." She runs her fingers through her hair and bites her trembling lip. My eyebrows knit, I feel her emotion.

She lets out a breath and more tears fall. "I think it's just best... if... we say goodbye." She whispers. "Maybe for now. Maybe forever. But at least we know that after we're apart, we can breathe again." She slowly looks at me, the tears in her eyes building up and her eyes look like they're about to explode with tears. "And even if we love each other enough to stay."

Marble sized tears fall down her cheeks, "We can't keep walking around looking for a reason to stay together." She shakes her head, "We can't just make up our own oxygen and hope it works." Her eyes water again and she slowly looks away from me. "I'm sorry..." Her hands hold her chest and her hair shields her face.

I'm taken away, then I quickly clap. She smiles and wipes her eyes dry, "That was so amazing! I was blown away! The female lead is the position for you in the play." I tell her. She shrugs, "Yeah, but.. I want to let other girls have the lead since I had the lead for the last huge play. It will be selfish of me to do it again."

I roll my eyes and shake my head, "That position was made for you." I let out a breath. "You can't possibly let some other amateur aspiring actress take your role because you feel bad. You need to take that role as yours, because I know it has your name on it." I shake my head. "To let that be taken away from you would be a disaster. I know that no other girl would be able to perform the way your did right now. There's absolutely no way."

I tell her what I feel. "Thanks Tae, I guess I'll have to think about it, if I should try out for the positon or not." I let out a breath, "Jennie, I bet Mr. Seokjin wants you to be the lead again, you're one of the most gifted females in our drama class." She then smiles and twirls hair in between her fingers, "I know." She chuckles. "So, you should try out for the lead." She shrugs, though I know she wants to. "Jennie, if you won't try out, I won't."

She looks at me with that unknown expression in her eyes. I stare at her for a second and she places the script on the table. "Why do you love me anyways?" She asks out of nowhere. "Why wouldn't I love you?" I answer her question with a question. "I'm a mess.", "You weren't a mess before." She then throws her bottom lip out and slouches.

"So you agree that I'm a mess." I let out a breath. "Only because I've noticed lately that you've been indecisive about your feelings." She stares at me again for a very long time. Not to forget all the times she would just stay quiet when we were at the arcade. Maybe she was rethinking the decision of us being there and was thinking it was a bad idea for us to go but didn't want to tell me.

I wish I would be inside her mind and understand her a lot better so I can make things work out. I want to be able to relate to her. I don't want to lose her. She then clicks her tongue and looks away from me, getting my attention back on her and out of my head. "Don't think so little of me Taehyung, at this time in my life, I'm very confused about a lot of things." I bite my lip and look down at my bitten nails.

"I don't think little of you, it's just what I've seen for the past few days. And if you're confused about anything, you know you can talk to me." My eyebrows knit, "No, actually, since the upperclassmen trip." I come to realize. She pulls her hair behind her ear, "Well, actually. Yes, but not about the things you'd think I'm confused about." Oh, I can guess.

"Let's make dinner together." I tell her, changing the subject. She smiles wide and nods, we quickly put our studying supplies away and head into the kitchen. I had actually prepared for a day like this that Jennie would come over to my house and we'd make dinner together. I've been wanting to cooking with her lately.

I even told my maids not to make any food, just told them to get the ingredients I needed for tonight's meal. I pull out meats, rice, and other ingredients to make our dish. "What will we be making today, Chef Taehyung?" She asks me. I smile, "Steak and lettuce wraps, some noodles and rice." I tell her. She lightly claps her hands. "You know how to cook right?" I ask her.

"Yes, my mother thinks it's best for me to have cooking skills so that I can cook for my husband one day." She explains to me. I quickly wash my hands and unwrap the meat before I walk over to the seasoning cabinet. "She's right, why don't you come and cook with me now then." I suggest. "Oh, I get it. Cooking with my husband?" She asks.

I set everything on the counter and look at her, "Exactly." I nod. She smiles wide and walks over to the sink and washes her hands before she comes up to me, we both start to season the mean together and started the rice. She's great help and I know the food will come out delicious.

**

I'm confused.. the more and more I think about my feelings for Taehyung, the more I don't believe them. I honestly don't know what's wrong with me. Why can't I be the same girl that I was before the trip? I was madly in love with Taehyung, and now I really don't know what I want. And who knew that a play that is in the process of being produced, is so accurate about my life.

He stares at me from the other side of the table, with those eyes. This look in his eyes that I wish I could return to him without hesitation. "It's good?" He asks, I nod quickly and look down at my food. "I was thinking we could watch a movie before you leave." He tells me. "Okay, that sounds nice." I smile, causing him to smile back. There's still this sudden change in heartbeat at this moment as I talk to Taehyung.

But I still don't know what that means at this point. It makes me wonder what effect he has on me now. Taehyung still has a special place in my heart, I know that for sure. Just, that part of my heart isn't as big as it used to be. I hate myself for not being about to know myself and figure out what I want as quick as I used to. But I guess times change and that's the point in changing as people.

I feel his eyes a lot while I'm eating, I just keep my eyes on the table. Taehyung doesn't deserve to be treated this way. He deserves a girl who will love him and not be confused or even question it. But this needy part of me wants to keep him around because I don't want to be alone. I don't want him to stop loving me and wanting me.

My mind wants Taehyung and some of my heart also, but my heart needs someone else. I know, how selfish of me... but sometimes people deserve to be that way. I'd like to think that I'm deserving. That I deserve to have the emotion of wanting to be important and wanted by the opposite gender. I want him to think of me and I want him to only want me.

"Jennie?" He calls, I look up at him. "Yes?" I ask. "Are you okay?" I quickly nod. "I'm perfectly fine." I lie. He smiles and grabs ahold of my hand. He's fallen for my lies of being stable and fine. I feel all my worries melt away due to his soft, warm skin. I'm even able to smile back at him. I feel my body fill with this certainty of some sort of emotion. Love?

His eyes then fall to my lips then back up to my eyes, I slowly bite my bottom lip and he smirks. Those damn lips, gosh. What is wrong with me? Why am I all of a sudden attracted to Taehyung in this way? A fluttering feeling in my body, all over. "Do you want to watch that movie now?" He asks. I nod quickly and I stand up with my plate. "You can leave that there, the maids will pick it up."

I blink a couple of times before I place the plate back on the table, he takes the liberty in leading the way to the theater like room he has in his house. There isn't much of a variety of movies. I examine the room as he pulls out movies that he thinks I'll want to watch. The room is gigantic, it's basically a small movie theater with three rows of couches that look like recliners.

There are round lights in the ceiling, a couple of racks have snacks on them but I don't feel snacky. He turns to me and let's me choose the movie I want to watch. I pick a love story, of course. I'm a cheesy girl who likes romantic movies. He puts it on and we sit in these really big theater like chairs. A screen falls from the ceiling.

I don't look away from him and he uses his remote to start the movie. He then finally looks at me as the lights in the room slowly dim automatically. His eyes are only seen because of the lights from the previews on the movie. "Why do I have to sit so far away from you?" I ask him. He smiles, I can always see it in the dark, always. "Come." He says, making room for me on his seat, which isn't a lot.

I sit down and lean against him, my legs draped over his thighs and I press my head on his chest. The movie begins to play and I'm already bored. I don't want to watch a movie. I want to do something else. His left arm then wraps around me, his hand setting on my thigh. My heart starts to pound really fast. And I begin to wonder, can something save this relationship?

The only thing is, I don't know how to do... this thing. Maybe I'll give him little signs. I set my hand on his chest and slowly run my fingers up and down his chest. He doesn't move, at all. I then get a even better idea. I lift myself up on his body a bit and turn my head. I set my hand on his right shoulder and set a kiss on his neck. I feel his body stiffen.

"Jennie? What are you doing?" He asks, his voice a bit worried. I even hear a bit of curiosity. I ignore him and continue to kiss his neck. My body begins to feel really weird. I shut my eyes and kiss his soft skin really slow. I slowly pull my lips away from his neck, I open my eyes and he turns to look at me. I can hear how he's breathing through his nose.

I raise my hand and pull his face to kiss me, this kiss is different than any kiss we've shared. I hold his face as he slowly takes control. I'm a bit discouraged when he pulls away. "What's going on?" He whispers, his breath a bit heavy. "I want you.. Taehyung." I whisper to him. I meet his eyes. "Jennie, this is a big step in our relationship... are you sure that you want this?"

He asks. I run my hands into his hair and nod quickly. "I'm ready, I this." I whisper as I kiss his lips again. His arms wrap around my body. "Not here." He whispers right against my lips, his voice deeper. We get off of the couch and he grabs my hand, leading me upstairs to his room. This can save us, this can save my feelings for Taehyung.

**

I hold onto her warm soft body, I could stay here all night if I was able to. She slips away from me and I watch her dress, "Does this mean you love me?" I ask her. She doesn't answer me, "Jennie.. was I bad? I mean.. was I-", "Let's not talk about this." I stare at her, confused.

"Jennie, you've had me confused for such a long time now, what's going on inside your head? I want to know." I get up out of bed and pull on some basketball shorts from my dresser. "Taehyung, I don't have anything to say. Stop trying to push words out of me!" I walk up to her and grab her wrist. "Taehyung stop." She says coldly. "Jennie, baby... I'm so in love with you and I feel that this really pulled us closer together."

I become scared that I'm losing her. "Well... I don't." She doesn't even look at me. I feel my heart slowly breaking like my chest is slowly caving in and I'd be losing breath any minute now. I shake my head in complete denial. No, what we experienced was special. I gently turn her face to look at me, I press my lips against hers, my other hand holding her wrist tighter

I want her to feel something, I need her to love me. Her other arm wrapping around my torso. She's just confused, she doesn't know what she wants. She wants me but doesn't want me. "I love you Taehyung, I'm just confused." I knew it, "You don't have to be confused because I'm here, I'm yours and I'm not anyone else's. Just yours.", "But I also want someone else." She then tells me, making my legs weak.

"What?" I ask her. "I want someone else." She repeats herself. "You've got to be kidding me." I let go of her. "No." She says simply. It clicks, obviously, it clicks. I remember today at school. "He's taken, Jennie," I tell her. "You don't even know who I'm talking about." I stare at her with a straight face, "Jungkook, who else would you be talking about?" Those lips that I love, part slightly like she's surprised.

Did she honestly think that I wouldn't get it so quickly? It's so obvious for crying out loud. "Jennie, word already went around school today that they're together. You know that right? I know you heard because you always find out things before me." I say. She then looks angry, begins to put up her hair and leaves my room. I quickly grab a shirt and pull on my slippers.

I follow her as she's walking down the hall towards the stairs. "What? So now you're just going to leave me?" I ask her. "I have a curfew Taehyung." He says. "No, it's not the curfew. You're breaking up with me or what?" I ask her. She walks faster down the staircase. "Jennie answer me, I think I at least deserve that from you." I feel my body shaking. We make it to the bottom of the stairs.

"I don't know!" She then and looks at me with tears in her eyes. "I don't know Taehyung, I love you but not enough to stay with you. I don't even know if we can last." My eyebrows knit. "So what was the whole point of earlier? Are you trying to use me? To... what?" She runs her fingers through her hair and her tears run down her cheeks.

"I thought it would help me make up my mind." I stare at her in disbelief. I can't believe her reasoning, this can't be true. "Taehyung, I'm a mess of a person. You even said so earlier. I can't be with someone who makes me question everything.", "It's the other way around. I don't understand how you can throw yourself on me, expecting to fix your feelings."

Her eyebrows knit. "Did you even..", "Yes, I'm telling you Taehyung. I wanted to and I love you. But I'm too confused." I shake my head, "Just stay with me, I want to love you enough that you're not confused and you can love me back just as much as I love you." I become scared. The way she's talking to me, she's ending it between us.

"Taehyung, I don't know anymore.", "No, please. I have a feeling that means that we can both know together. That we can work things out. I can help you understand that you should be with me and I will love you everyday." I feel my throat swelling up and I'm about to start tearing up. "I don't think that's enough." She whispers. "Not enough? Then what else do I have to do to make you stay with me? So that I can be enough."

"I don't know." She shakes her head. "J-Jennie please." My voice cracks. "I have to go." She says walking into the kitchen where her school bag is at. I follow her. "You can't do this to me, I love you. I've loved you, I've never stopped." I whimper, my tears building up. "Taehyung, no." She says through sobs. "Please, I can't... I don't know what I'll do without you. This isn't.. I..." my mind scrambles as she can't even look at me. "Jennie."

"I have to go." She cries. "No." I hold her shoulders. "I can't let you go." I shake my head as tears fall down my cheeks. "You have to." I shake my head. "You're mine, Jungkook can't have you." I then become angry. "Taehyung, let me go. I don't know what else to do with this." She doesn't even look up at me, instead she looks down at the floor.

"This can be fixed, don't leave me Jennie." I might have a break down. "I'm sorry." She sets a hand on my chest and she gets her way out of the kitchen and to the front door. "Jennie." I whimper as I run over to the front door and set my hand on it before she can leave. "Taehyung, my mother is here." She tries to open the door. "I can't let you walk out of my life Jennie, I.. I can't. I love you. I never knew I could love someone so much."

I stare at her face. "Move." She says coldly. "No." I clinch my jaw. "Taehyung I said move!" She yells at me. "I can't let you leave." I shake me head. "That's too bad, because the more you hold me back. The more I want to be away from you." Her face straight. "You don't mean that." I say in disbelief. She grabs my hand that's on the door and moves it, I let her.

"Don't meet me at school tomorrow. We're done." She tells me before she walks out of my house. I stare at the spot she was once in. How can she just leave me like that? I need her, I love her and she can just walk away for me like this. My eyebrows knit and my tears slowly build up in my eyes. I hate myself.

I hate that I couldn't keep her, that I couldn't stop her from loving another boy like Jungkook. I wasn't good enough and I can never be. Just like everyone else who looks down on me, Jennie is another one of those people. I should have known that a perfect girl like Jennie could never be with a broken and lonely boy like me.

I set my hand on the door and lock it, "I can't lose you Jennie.." I whisper. My hand now flexing into a fist, "I can't."

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